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Original poster

I'm Frightened it's too late

390 replies

Dove222 · 03/02/2025 21:20

Posting here for advice and accountability.

My drinking has increased a lot lately due to various reasons. I've been drinking around 2 bottles of wine most nights.

Attempted dry Jan and managed for 2 weeks then went back to it.

This weekend I had it in my head to start again today. I drank a lot, justifying that I was going to stop so may as well go for it 🥺

Last night I woke up with this awful burning sensation in my chest. I was violently sick and felt awful. It started to terrify me that I have caused permanent damage to my body.

I have put on 3 stone and have no longer been looking after myself. My grown children hate me drinking and don't want to be around me when I've been drinking.

Im terrified I will lose them. I'm terrified I've damaged myself. Im terrified I will look like this fat old hag forever.

Im 55, have I left this too late? Can I turn this around?

Day 1 today but I need to carry this on

OP posts:
H0NEYPOT · 12/02/2025 07:36

How was yesterday OP?

MurdoMunro · 12/02/2025 08:37

H0NEYPOT · 12/02/2025 07:36

How was yesterday OP?

And @Nugg!

morning @H0NEYPOT, it’s a working day for me today. I shouldn’t be here but my list of tasks are SO BORING, I need to be a grown up, stop faffing around and get stuck in. Bleugh.

Original poster
Dove222 · 12/02/2025 09:10

Morning and thanks for checking in @H0NEYPOT

Yesterday was good, felt very positive and managed another walk. Also had my nails done so that was nice.
However, I didn't sleep very well last night and feeling a bit low this morning.
Going to force myself out again today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dove222 · 12/02/2025 09:34

I'm also a little worried. Like I said I had a breakdown a few years ago. Prior to that I hadn't drunk for around 5 months.

There were a few different reasons for my breakdown. One of the things that I kept going over is the amount of drinking I had done and the amount of time I had wasted because of alcohol.
I would go over and over different things, I also found it really hard coping with real life without the crutch.
Dont get me wrong I was very ill but I'm worried these dark thoughts will return.

I do have a therapist and am on ads, but I have to be careful I don't let the guilt take over my thoughts ❤️

OP posts:
MurdoMunro · 12/02/2025 10:01

Yeah. I’m back. Tell me to bugger off and get some work done 😆. I read this somewhere, it might help with your worries a bit, let’s call it our thought for the day.

‘sobriety delivers what alcohol promises’

Original poster
Dove222 · 13/02/2025 17:39

Finding it hard today :(

First time I really fancy a drink, I won't but it's been tough

OP posts:
Nifler · 13/02/2025 18:17

Dove222 · 13/02/2025 17:39

Finding it hard today :(

First time I really fancy a drink, I won't but it's been tough

Hello, sorry you’re finding it hard today. I was only on the beginning of your thread so I’m not properly caught up so sorry if I miss anything key.

Do you have a plan for what you could do when things feel hard and you are tempted? Sorry for obvious but - call a friend, go on a walk (know not really the weather for it!), watch something funny on TV, listen to music that makes you happy, make a list of everything you’re grateful for in life, make a list of all the positives since giving up, make a list of what you’re looking forward to in future, some other form of exercise or hobby, write in diary about feelings?

Or have a chat on here just to get your feelings out? Flowers Things are bound to be hard sometimes and it’s tough but you have the skills to cope

H0NEYPOT · 13/02/2025 18:24

Have a bath
Eat some nice food
Get in bed super early

You are so strong!

Nifler · 13/02/2025 19:41

How are you doing now?

Original poster
Dove222 · 13/02/2025 21:58

Hi and thanks for the advice and for checking in.

I didn't have a drink, I'm tucked up in bed and going to try and get an early night. Oh, I did have a handful of mini eggs instead 😂

But not the bottle of wine I was trying to convince myself to buy ❤️

OP posts:
Nugg · 13/02/2025 22:07

Well done @Dove222 !! Hope you sleep well

MurdoMunro · 13/02/2025 22:36

Good for you @Dove222, that’s today well and truly conquered

LameBorzoi · 13/02/2025 23:15

Well done, you've got through a big hiccup. Think how proud your kids will be.

Do you have a written list of easy things you can do to help when you have moments like that? It might be hard to think of them in the moment.

Nifler · 14/02/2025 00:57

Well done! Hope you’re sleeping well

owlpower · 14/02/2025 05:00

Well done @Dove222. I've just found this thread. You're doing so well. It's the habit that's difficult to break too. Ie glass of wine after work. I need to stop smoking and the ritual of that first cigarette of the day will be the hardest to stop

Original poster
Dove222 · 14/02/2025 10:59

Thank you all!

Yes, my sleeping pattern is getting back to normal. I do have trouble getting off to sleep but have been waking at a normal hour now.

I have treated myself to some adult colouring books and I think once the weather is better then going for a walk will be a massive distraction.

Yesterday was my first real wobble, I was ready to press the fuck it switch, so glad I didn't x

OP posts:
H0NEYPOT · 14/02/2025 11:35

Dove222 · 14/02/2025 10:59

Thank you all!

Yes, my sleeping pattern is getting back to normal. I do have trouble getting off to sleep but have been waking at a normal hour now.

I have treated myself to some adult colouring books and I think once the weather is better then going for a walk will be a massive distraction.

Yesterday was my first real wobble, I was ready to press the fuck it switch, so glad I didn't x

Read that post when you're thinking about it next time, how you're so glad you didn't.

Keep going!

Oxborn · 14/02/2025 18:59

Your doing amazing

Staggeredatthisadmission · 14/02/2025 22:14

@Dove222
@Nugg

Hope you are both ok!
Been a bit quiet as literally dying from tiredness.

Sorry to hear you had a tough day @Dove222 but you got through it. @Nugg How are you getting on?

Keep going guys! You’ve got this xx

howsoonis · 15/02/2025 02:03

Dove222 · 12/02/2025 09:34

I'm also a little worried. Like I said I had a breakdown a few years ago. Prior to that I hadn't drunk for around 5 months.

There were a few different reasons for my breakdown. One of the things that I kept going over is the amount of drinking I had done and the amount of time I had wasted because of alcohol.
I would go over and over different things, I also found it really hard coping with real life without the crutch.
Dont get me wrong I was very ill but I'm worried these dark thoughts will return.

I do have a therapist and am on ads, but I have to be careful I don't let the guilt take over my thoughts ❤️

Well done @Dove222 - keep going! I'm a similar age and deeply regret the time I have lost to drinking and also the experiences I've missed out on (seeing my favourite band, being drunk so spending half the concert queuing for the bar or the loo! Lead singer has since died so I won't get that chance again

What helps me is to play it forward - it's never just one drink

LameBorzoi · 15/02/2025 02:05

I think the sleep might get easier as your brain recovers. Remember to get lots of exercise in the morning. And no phones in the evening!

Nugg · 15/02/2025 08:37

@Dove222 super proud of you! Keep going!

@Staggeredatthisadmission thank you for checking in. I'm doing rubbish tbh! Totally failed since Thursday's disaster of a date but back on it today. Off the dating scene as well because clearly that's not gonna help my mission.

I've got a busy weekend ahead things I've planned like decorating and DIY and driving a distance to see a sick friend (ironically in hospital for alcohol related serious illness.. that stopped me for awhile but I soon drifted back!!!) but the things that have planned mean I cannot drink and this is the sort of thing that helps me. I'm also going to get lots of swimming in and see if I can find any gym classes and walking my dog NOT around the village where we end up in the pub!!!

Original poster
Dove222 · 15/02/2025 11:57

@Nugg dont be hard on yourself, every day that you don't have a drink is a win.

@LameBorzoi I definitely need to get more exercise and stay away from my phone in the evenings. Been feeling very low the last few days. But I know this will pass, coming up for two weeks which I also managed to do in January before I caved.

OP posts:
dothehokeycokey · 15/02/2025 19:05

@Dove222
I check in on your thread every day.

Massive well done from me.
I know how truly hard it is to give up something you become to reply on so badly but your absolutely aceing it

Keep going you really are doing yourself and your family the best by being so strong.

Xx

LameBorzoi · 15/02/2025 19:32

Well done. I agree, it will pass. I hope you have a nice hot bath tonight and a good long walk tomorrow.