I'm Frightened it's too late

[Dove222]

Posting here for advice and accountability.

My drinking has increased a lot lately due to various reasons. I've been drinking around 2 bottles of wine most nights.

Attempted dry Jan and managed for 2 weeks then went back to it.

This weekend I had it in my head to start again today. I drank a lot, justifying that I was going to stop so may as well go for it 🥺

Last night I woke up with this awful burning sensation in my chest. I was violently sick and felt awful. It started to terrify me that I have caused permanent damage to my body.

I have put on 3 stone and have no longer been looking after myself. My grown children hate me drinking and don't want to be around me when I've been drinking.

Im terrified I will lose them. I'm terrified I've damaged myself. Im terrified I will look like this fat old hag forever.

Im 55, have I left this too late? Can I turn this around?

Day 1 today but I need to carry this on

It is never too late. You can do this. Google local meetings. Look at smart. Listen to podcasts.

I am in AA and have been sober for 9 years. I was ready to die. I wanted death over what my life had become. You can turn this around. But you need other alcoholics who have done it to support you.

Thank you @FlappyFish

I did go to a meeting but felt very out of place. A lady there asked for my number and send me a few messages.

I know it was with good intentions but I felt very overwhelmed.

Have you seen your GP?

OP, taking Mounjaro (weight loss injection) made me lose that weight and more and I haven't even thought of having a drink, when I was used to have half a bottle or so every single night. It's been miraculous for weight loss, but even better for stopping drinking.

Hey @Dove222 I wish my mum had made some changes at 55, she was a young woman then, so much life in front of her. Have another go at a meeting - now that you know a little bit about what to expect you might feel less overwhelmed. Little steps, just one at a time.

Please see your GP and ask for help.

I know this is harsh, but your DC will avoid you until you take steps to address your problem. I speak from experience.

The only person who can instigate change is you, but you don't have to do this alone.

@OnlyFrench no I haven't seen my GP. To be honest he is pretty useless and I also don't want it on my records.

@MounjaroOnMyMind i did try it about 6 months ago. Although it stopped my appetite I was still drinking. Didn't lose any weight as I just drunk my calories 😣

It's never too late. Please see your Dr regarding your chest pain and seek help from him/her to go dry. I'd interpret the chest pain as a warning from your body that you're pushing it too far. My vice is smoking and my Dr has told me to quit as it's taken its toll on my lungs. I've cut down and I'm going to Smoking Cessation this week but quitting any addiction is hard and I empathise with your situation. Would your kids support you if you told them you're determined to kick your habit and would really appreciate them in your corner?

@AcquadiP

My children would support me 100% but I think they have heard me say I'm quitting too many times now.

They are worried about me, but sometimes I get angry and think it's ok for them to lecture me but when their off doing their stuff I'm not thought about.
Just another excuse for me to pick up really

@Dove222

Not wanting to scare you but a lady living locally recently passed away after years of alcohol abuse.

I'd say about ten years. She was only early fifties and had three young dc.

Really really sad and gutted for her family but it really brings home how fickle life can be.

Go back to a different meeting,ring aa and your gp and load yourself up with as much support and help that you can.

You deserve to live a happy life with your dc right there with you.

OP you have taken a big step by posting on here. Well done. I actually suggest you read Catherine Gray's the unexpected joy of being sober. She talks about her drinking problem and explains how addictive alcohol is. I read it recently and found it informative but not judgemental.

Secondly have you looked at reducing your alcohol intake slowly. Either by cutting back to every second night drinking and even alternating one night non alcohol then one alcohol but slowly reduce the amount of alcohol nights you have.

What's your life like day to day? Do you have hobbies, a job, friends etc? If so plan things at your trigger times. Being busy helps a lot.

It’s not too late. You could live another 40 years!!

There is a solution for you, it might be AA it might be something else, you can do it.

Do you have an Employee Assistance program at work ? They can help you too.

You are roughly my age. My father is trying to get sober again. This man has abused me and my mother (now deceased) I am still giving him a chance.

our relationship is so much better since he stopped drinking. I still haven’t seen him in person. He lives very far away and I’m not exactly rushing to make the trip. We are talking now though. We can have actually conversations. It’s so nice to get to talk to the interesting person that was hiding under so much baggage. He hasn’t had a personality transplant. He is still difficult, but he is rational in his difficult ways. It’s a distinct difference.

I don’t know if it will last forever. He has tried and failed before. I really am hoping he sticks to it. It’s nice having a father I can talk to for a change.

Thank you all for your replies. @Fundays12
I have tried cutting down but can't seem to make it work.
I say to myself "tomorrow I will stop" so really go for it. Especially if my children aren't around.
I just can't have a few glasses. It's all or nothing.

It has take. A toll on my looks and I'm frightened of what it has done to my body

Honestly? You're drinking at levels that can and will cause liver damage. You do need to see your GP to get a full check up and to get proper medical support for stopping drinking. If your GP is useless, go to another GP in the practice or change practice. If you are an alcoholic or struggling with alcohol dependency, it will be very difficult (nigh on impossible) to stop without help and support. It's not too late - you need to take the first step and be determined to get better. Good luck 💐

Drink by it’s very nature makes you want more of it, it’s easier to give it up 100 % than try to cut down.

Thank you all.

Ive got through today and im determined to do it this time. I just hope I haven't left it too late

You have not left it too late, you are still here.
you are still in the pitch!! You can do it.

You don’t need to do it alone. Can you get some support?

Try listening to this audio book or reading the actual book - This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I tried sooo many times over the years to quit but couldn't stick with it. This book made it so easy for me, it's been about 5 months now.

It’s great that you are posting this here now. Admitting your worries. All that anxiety and fear and pain.

The great thing about giving up alcohol, is that you never have that panic. That’s the reward which is so much more enjoyable than a drink.

It’s not too late. If you stick it out you will start to notice yourself feeling better after a few days. The only way is up. You’ll find yourself drawn to healthier food.

The first step is admitting how the alcohol is making you feel and knowing in your heart you want change.

OK. But if quitting is too hard, why not start with a more achievable target ie one bottle a night. Your consumption will have gone down 50%. That's a big leap in the right direction. Let that become the new normal and progress from there.

It’s too difficult to cut down like that @AcquadiP , because your reasoning faculties will be shot after the first bottle. So ‘I’ll just have one glass, then I’ll cork it” will lead to another bottle.

Never give up giving up.
Set a bedtime, have a calming non alcoholic drink half an hour before,get in bed and stay there.
You can do this, it won’t be easy but you can.
Good luck

Yes, I can see what you mean.

My Dad died from drinking about that amount for numerous years. He died at at 44, not knowing I was, in dangerous withdrawal. He died in front of me fitting and hallucinating. It fucked me up for life. Get help. Choose life.