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Alcohol support

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I'm Frightened it's too late

390 replies

Dove222 · 03/02/2025 21:20

Posting here for advice and accountability.

My drinking has increased a lot lately due to various reasons. I've been drinking around 2 bottles of wine most nights.

Attempted dry Jan and managed for 2 weeks then went back to it.

This weekend I had it in my head to start again today. I drank a lot, justifying that I was going to stop so may as well go for it 🥺

Last night I woke up with this awful burning sensation in my chest. I was violently sick and felt awful. It started to terrify me that I have caused permanent damage to my body.

I have put on 3 stone and have no longer been looking after myself. My grown children hate me drinking and don't want to be around me when I've been drinking.

Im terrified I will lose them. I'm terrified I've damaged myself. Im terrified I will look like this fat old hag forever.

Im 55, have I left this too late? Can I turn this around?

Day 1 today but I need to carry this on

OP posts:
carelesswhiskerss · 04/02/2025 00:47

And I didn't want PTSD on my medical records. But hey there we go.

Good luck op.

jimbort · 04/02/2025 01:55

I'm in aa, sober 9 years. I've seen loads of people get sober older than you with worse health and regain their health. My experience is you can't do it alone and stay stopped. There is a very good uk zoom meeting at 10am every day. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. I stopped after my first meeting but there are plenty that don't stop straight away. The link for the meeting is zoom.us/j/5637707000 and the password is 409942. You can just listen with your camera off but I'd recommend trying it as it's the best thing I've ever done and I don't even think about drinking, the desire to drink left me years ago. It's only an hour of your day and you've got nothing to lose.

Dove222 · 04/02/2025 11:11

Thank you @jimbort, will try that.

Feeling really determined today, the danger zone is the next few days when I feel better and forget how bad I was feeling.
But, I have to keep remembering how scared I was.
My children deserve so much better

OP posts:
MurdoMunro · 04/02/2025 11:34

@Dove222 I really think you should join one of the groups suggested in this thread. Doing this all on your own is a tough prospect. People join groups for all sorts of things that work better with the support of people who’ve been there, know what you’re going through and won’t judge.

There are groups for people trying to lose weight, overcome anxiety, deal with chronic illness, ALL SORTS of things, and they work! People achieve all sorts of things that they had found impossible to overcome by themselves. Go on - give it a go, why make it harder for yourself by trying to go it alone?

Fundays12 · 04/02/2025 12:50

Well done @Dove222

Please keep going your doing so well. My father drunk himself to the point I had to turn his life machines off. Had he stopped drinking 18 months before he probably would have been alive to walk me down the aisle, to meet his numerous grandchildren, to take them to the park and for me to still hug and speak to him. It left me with some real trauma to unpick. I am not sharing this story to scare you but to show you that you can do it differently.

dumpydumpydumpdump · 04/02/2025 13:11

You can do this but you do need medical help. If you were drinking that much you may be at risk of withdrawal which can be very dangerous if you just go cold turkey. Ask for a gp appointment today. If you feel unwell you need to ask a friend for help, go to their home and drink a small amount then leave. That will ward off symptoms but also mean you don't have booze in the house.

LemonBossy · 04/02/2025 13:32

Hey OP you got through 24 hours and that was amazing!

AA can feel like a lot at first but there are a couple of really helpful ideas that will help you a lot at the beginning.

One is to 'keep it in the day'. Just think about not having a drink today - get your head on your pillow tonight without having had a drink.

Taking it 24 hours at a time is much easier than trying to sort out your whole life at once.

Just do today.

carelesswhiskerss · 04/02/2025 18:58

Keep going op.

Dove222 · 04/02/2025 23:50

Got through another day.

Was tested a bit, I had to meet someone in town. Would normally involve a pub visit for lunch and drinks.

We went to Pret. I was happy to get home sober.

OP posts:
Fundays12 · 05/02/2025 07:24

Dove222 · 04/02/2025 23:50

Got through another day.

Was tested a bit, I had to meet someone in town. Would normally involve a pub visit for lunch and drinks.

We went to Pret. I was happy to get home sober.

Well done @Dove222

It's really tricky when you are meeting someone you normally drink with. I have cut down my drinking massively in the last few months and now make plans with people like coffee dates, cinema etc. Most have been really liked the idea.

H0NEYPOT · 05/02/2025 07:43

Dove222 · 04/02/2025 23:50

Got through another day.

Was tested a bit, I had to meet someone in town. Would normally involve a pub visit for lunch and drinks.

We went to Pret. I was happy to get home sober.

WELL DONE!!

This is the hardest bit, you have absolutely got this.

Today is another sober day. Each hour as it comes is an achievement

LemonBossy · 05/02/2025 10:22

@Dove222 Fantastic!!! 🎉🥳🎉

Now it's just about today. Get to bed tonight without having a drink.

Keep it simple. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

You are doing brilliantly!

carelesswhiskerss · 05/02/2025 15:00

Well done op, keep going. And you deserve better not just your kids. Keep going through, one step two step.

Dove222 · 05/02/2025 20:51

Apologies, I'm not going to update every day 😂just wanted to keep a record for myself.

Had real trouble sleeping last night. But I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and happy!

Was very productive and deep cleaned the bathroom. I have let the housework slip a lot lately.

I will definitely look into AA as I know once I'm starting to feel better that is the danger time.

Usually when I stop drinking I reward myself with crap food and treats. But I've managed to eat really healthy the last few days and feeling so much better.

All the comments and support from this thread have really kept me going, thank you all so much!!

Tucked up in bed and will hopefully sleep better tonight.

OP posts:
Fancytrike · 05/02/2025 20:55

Well done OP. You need to keep busy over the next few days - start doing all those jobs you’ve been missing and fall into bed tired! But also look after yourself, be good to yourself. Good luck.

carelesswhiskerss · 05/02/2025 21:36

You don't owe us an update don't worry.

I'm cheering you on out here op.

OverthinkingOlive · 05/02/2025 21:47

You're doing great OP x

Dove222 · 05/02/2025 21:53

carelesswhiskerss · 05/02/2025 21:36

You don't owe us an update don't worry.

I'm cheering you on out here op.

Oh I didn't mean it like that, just didn't want you to think I was going to update everyday and bore you all 😂

OP posts:
H0NEYPOT · 05/02/2025 22:01

I was hoping for your update! Very happy for you to update every day! It might help you too. We are all cheering you on x

Fundays12 · 05/02/2025 22:58

Well done OP. I am happy to hear any updates especially if it helps you. I gave a dry days app. I don't know if that might help you? I like seeing how much money I saved by not drinking and how many units I would have drunk had I carried on drinking the same amount as I used to. It feels like ab achievement ticking of my dry day.

Staggeredatthisadmission · 06/02/2025 01:07

I just came along to wish you well and say don’t give up on giving up.

You can do this! Think of the agony you’ll cause your lovely family if you continue this path.

one day at a time x

Wunnerful · 06/02/2025 02:22

Some things that have massively helped me, 500+ days dry.

  • A clear minds online hypnotherapy website/app that has alcohol options. Not expensive at all, less than the booze you'd otherwise buy. Also has a FB support group.

  • A women's wellbeing collective group on FB, talks a lot about grey drinking (Google Sarah Rusbatch) and other things, very inspiring and supportive.

  • When you've had a drink and you're hating yourself, write Sober You a letter, talk about how shit you feel and how unhappy you are right now. So that when you're sitting there thinking, I'm going to have a drink or two (or 6 or ten or twenty), read that letter to yourself and think oh my, I don't want to feel like that. Then go for a walk, make a cup of tea, go to bed, listen to loud music, dance, ANYTHING to distract you.

And then wake up feeling amazing the next day.

Best of luck.

mbosnz · 06/02/2025 09:29

@Dove222 it is not too late.

I gave up alcohol in full and in final (thus far anyway!) last year, aged 52.

I was drinking between 1.5-3'ish bottles of wine a night.

Like you, my kids had heard me say far too often that I was giving up.

These were the things that made this time different:

For some reason I had journalled the night before how much I was going to drink, and only that much - and boy howdy did I go on a bender. Seeing what I'd written, in contrast to what I'd done, was undeniable.

My kids and DH had got increasingly and overtly fucked off with my drinking. I hated the way it made me feel, and them feel, and was finding it difficult to pretend to myself that they were being unreasonable, and I was justified to continue drinking.

While I was in the throes of the drink induced shame and anxiety the next day, I went and told DH the full unvarnished truth of how I was drinking, how much I was drinking, how I'd started to hide the evidence of my drinking.

We have a family member who gave up four years ago. I rang him, told him, which meant I had outside eyes on me, and also, for my kids, did make it different from all the other times, meaning I got more support from my family, and more buy in from them. This in turn, meant it would go so much harder for them, and for me, if I reneged. I was told I would have lapses. This triggered my bloody mindedness, and I haven't had relapses. He also told me the first 100 days were a fucking bitch, and after that it got easier. It gave me hope that if I could. just. hold. on. . . (He wasn't wrong).

I tried to get help, going to my GP. Absolutely fucking goddamned useless. In a phone appointment, the best she could offer was a website I could go to if I thought it was necessary. She was patently disinterested, and couldn't give a flying fuck. (Just my experience with that one GP. You might find differently. I broke down sobbing with shame and loneliness after that call, it had been so hard to make myself reach out and acknowledge my addiction, and try to get some help).

So I white knuckled it. I haven't done AA or anything, just me, myself and I with my amazing DH, my amazing kids, and our amazing family member in the background, who I know I can always call if I'm finding it difficult.

Sober lit was really useful, and helpful, and made me feel less alone, and helped with understanding the physical and mental issues and dynamics at play. Also, this forum, and some sober forums on line. Mrs D is going without, was a huge one for me, not least because we're both Kiwis.

I have found a replacement drink, a O% wine, which is great because I don't like bubbles, and it feels nice in my wine glass. (Many would not support this, and that's okay, but it works for me.)

When you decide that you've had enough, that it's costing you too much, you will be able to do it. You might have relapses, you might not. It's a bit like a death, in that each milestone in a year, you have to find a new way of marking, to celebrate, to commiserate, to mourn, to socialise without your absolute number 1 go to and constant companion. But when you want to enough, and are committed enough, you will be able to do it.

Everyone's 'why' is different. Everyone's needs in terms of support, are unique to them, and how they cope, is different. You need to find yours, and if and when you do, you'll be able to do it, I am sure.

mbosnz · 06/02/2025 09:30

(And I'm sorry for boring on so long!)

Dove222 · 06/02/2025 12:41

@mbosnz thank you that is really really helpful.

I had another awful night, tried reading before bed but just couldn't switch off.

I set my alarm for 8 but switched it off and didn't wake up until 11 😬

Going to try and move as much as possible today so I can hopefully sleep tonight. I am feeling better though.

Thank you all so much x

OP posts: