I'm Frightened it's too late

[Dove222]

Posting here for advice and accountability.

My drinking has increased a lot lately due to various reasons. I've been drinking around 2 bottles of wine most nights.

Attempted dry Jan and managed for 2 weeks then went back to it.

This weekend I had it in my head to start again today. I drank a lot, justifying that I was going to stop so may as well go for it 🥺

Last night I woke up with this awful burning sensation in my chest. I was violently sick and felt awful. It started to terrify me that I have caused permanent damage to my body.

I have put on 3 stone and have no longer been looking after myself. My grown children hate me drinking and don't want to be around me when I've been drinking.

Im terrified I will lose them. I'm terrified I've damaged myself. Im terrified I will look like this fat old hag forever.

Im 55, have I left this too late? Can I turn this around?

Day 1 today but I need to carry this on

Hi @Dove222 I've sent you a PM. Nothing dodgy lol! Have a look, I'll catch up later if you're about, but I've got to shoot right now (not up!!) X

Ps, it's never too late. Well I hope not 🤣 x

The sleep is a cow. It does get better, I promise! And when it does, it tastes nothing like alcohol induced sleep, it is in a whole different league. Be very, very gentle on yourself, and just remember that in going through the process of shedding your addiction, you are doing a huge, very hard, job of bloody hard work, in and of itself. Give yourself so much credit for that - when you're beating up on yourself (if you're anything like me) for not getting enough done in a day, remember that you are doing this. And THIS MATTERS. This is hard work, it takes a lot of resources, physical, mental and emotional. It counts.

(And another thing with the sleep, as soon as I hear someone say 'I can't sleep without having a couple of glasses of wine, etc, I think they're quite possibly further down a slippery slope than they realised).

Other things I have rediscovered the joy of - my sweet tooth (whoops), long hot bubbly baths, a cup of coffee with ice cream, cinnamon and nutmeg in it, oh, and watching movies and listening to music again. And the great thing is I can remember it all the next day!

THAT was what I meant to say in that last lot of waffle! I tell myself that I cannot drink, not even a drink because I have an allergy to alcohol, like my daughter cannot have gluten because she has coeliacs. Yes, it's shit, no, it's not fair, but it is the way it is, so suck it up buttercup. It helps me, anyway!

It's a good way to look at it. Reinforcement, I'm allergic, it's going to harm me. Well I guess it does everyone to an extent. I think I might use your allergic thinking if you don't mind?!

Look at The Sinclair Method and their prescribing of Naltrexone. Game changer. The aim is to reach pharmacological extinction. You reset your brain that has been damaged by the addiction so psychologically it will be as if you've never drunk.
You take a pill knowing you're going to drink but it's an opiod suppressor and works by removing the glow You get from that first drink. You'll find yourself naturally drinking less.
Please look up Sinclair method ...many GPs are unaware despite it being in the press a lot recently. The naltrexone is take 1 to 1.5 hrs before drinking but some regular GPS say one a day ie in am..that isnt the effective method.

@mbosnz thank you for laying all that out here, I’m finding your perspective very interesting (enlightening even?). As the daughter of an alcoholic I only understand addiction from my side of the road. It’s great that I hear the stories from the other side.

I suppose what I learn from these conversations is that there is this thing with one name ‘alcoholic’ but everyone’s experiences of it. And casting it off, can be so very different.

Anyway - warning, platitudes incoming because I really have no idea - bloody well done, keep up with the bloody mindedness, it’s your super power.

My mum got sober at 76 and has been an alcoholic my whole adult life. She's 18 months sober now. Never too late xx

Go for it, that's why I shared it!

OP, I just want to say you're doing really well.

Keep going.

Please do contact AA too.

Never too late. You’ll probably feel like crap for a couple of weeks before you start to gradually feel better. It will be nothing though compared to how good-awful you’ll feel if you continue drinking at that rate.

Hang on in there. Do you have support? (Sorry NRFT)

It’s absolutely not too late. I’m younger than you (42 when I stopped), but was drinking 3 bottles of wine every single night for quite a long time. I stopped and haven’t looked back. AA isn’t for everyone and there are other options out there, SMART recovery, Bee Sober, lots of local sober meet ups. But you have to be ready and you have to be willing to take the leap into the unknown. I wasn’t sure being sober would make life better, but I figured it couldn’t possibly get worse. It’s definitely better. But you just have to do it and get to the other side.

Keep going OP. I had the same with my sleep, it will get better. It took two whole weeks for me to stop feeling awful after I had to quit. Then it got easier. I've seen people say the first 12 weeks is physically the worst bit. But then it's so much easier!

Unfortunately I was told by my GP today that naltrexone can only be prescribed by a psychiatrist as its a 'red band drug' or something. I said can I have Ozempic then? He said no because you're not diabetic... I said yet.

Rubbish. Look at the Sinclair Method online. You have a discussion with a doctor and have to do blood tests but prescription comes from them. It's a private prescription though so you have to pay.

How are you doing OP?

You have full blown addiction so it's likely impossible to be able to give up on your own. Please don't be angry at yourself for that but don't keep going down the road of just tying to go cold turkey alone as it's not working. People who have never been addicted to something don't get how utterly brutal and all consuming it is.

There's some good advice on this thread about AA, GPs, etc. Try it all, reach out for the help wherever you can get it. Even if it feels awkward at first.

OP how are you feeling tonight? Your doing so well. Please get proud of yourself.

Good for you, hope you're doing well. I've stopped too about 2 years now. Sleep gets much better. I was a 2 bottles of wine a night too. The feeling of getting up in the morning minus the headache is worth it alone. I rarely think of alcohol now. I certainly don't miss it.

Live and breathe your sobriety like a crazy hobby. Read quit lit, listen to podcasts, watch programs, go to bed early, drink Becks Blue! You CAN do it!
Have a look at Bee Sober.

Hi everyone and thank you for checking in!

I have a lot of stuff going on at the moment and was feeling quite stressed today.
But I didn't even fancy a drink! The healthy eating has certainly helped because it's made me feel like I don't want to poison my body. If that makes sense?

Day 4 done and I'm feeling ok, tomorrow will certainly be a challenge but I'm going to try and stay busy.

This thread is really really helping, thank you all so much ❤️

I am definitely going to look into some AA or other groups and I've been listening to some sober podcasts.

Thank you again x

I looked at the site. Very little info other than the cost of 100s of £s. I don't think my GP is talking rubbish. He himself doesn't write private prescriptions. Many do, fair enough, but I'm not £750 for what is summed up on a 2 page website with little or no info. What is the method other than paying for naltrexone?

Well done on today @Dove222 !@Dove222 ! Day 4 is great. I hope you get a good sleep tonight and wake up energised tomorrow!

Huh? So good I named you twice 🤣

Well done OP keep posting here every single day if it helps! You’re doing well