I'm Frightened it's too late

[Dove222]

Posting here for advice and accountability.

My drinking has increased a lot lately due to various reasons. I've been drinking around 2 bottles of wine most nights.

Attempted dry Jan and managed for 2 weeks then went back to it.

This weekend I had it in my head to start again today. I drank a lot, justifying that I was going to stop so may as well go for it 🥺

Last night I woke up with this awful burning sensation in my chest. I was violently sick and felt awful. It started to terrify me that I have caused permanent damage to my body.

I have put on 3 stone and have no longer been looking after myself. My grown children hate me drinking and don't want to be around me when I've been drinking.

Im terrified I will lose them. I'm terrified I've damaged myself. Im terrified I will look like this fat old hag forever.

Im 55, have I left this too late? Can I turn this around?

Day 1 today but I need to carry this on

@MurdoMunro that sounds really hard. I’m so sorry.

@MurdoMunro that sounds so hard no hope I don't disappointed my children any more with my drinking.

@Staggeredatthisadmission please take care of yourself. Have you support?

@Dove222 how are you doing?

I'm plodding. On antibiotics for a couple of infected wounds so not drinking. My relationship with alcohol is changing for sure. I just need to have some tactics for if this recurs!

@Nugg my tactics were- play it forward. How will you feel the next day? Also, there’s always a reason to drink if you look for one - celebrate, commiserate, boredom…In the early days I found nice cold soft drinks really helped. Like I was still having a nice drink, just not alcohol.

Hard To explain my situation. Struggling mentally because so many things keep going wrong and I’m on my own with two young adult DC’s. DH only home every few months so the responsibility of absolutely everything falls on me. Kids don’t help with much, well practically nothing really. All of housework, cooking, garden, animals, sorting bills, house repairs, just the whole of life and I’m sick of it all. Job super stressful and feeling overwhelmed tbh.

That sounds really tough. I’ve got young adult boys/men(!) and I know where you’re coming from. Are they working? My oldest two are away and whilst I love them a lot, it’s so much more peaceful! Are you menopause age? I am finding the overwhelm much more of a thing now I am that age. Can you assign tasks to the kids? Explain how you feel? Wishing you some peace. x

Morning everyone

Woke up earliest I have for a while and going to see my mum.
Not sure if a switch has happened in my head but I've been feeling a lot more positive the last few days.

Trying to push negative thoughts from my head and I've been binge watching Broadchurch.
Definitely, taking it one day at a time has helped.

@Staggeredatthisadmission that sounds really hard. I agree with sitting your children down and telling them and asking them to help you out.
Can you afford a cleaner or gardener to take some of the load?

That's a good idea and I did go buy some nice soft drinks today funnily enough! Thank you ☺️

@Staggeredatthisadmission that sounds so hard.

My ex partner was only home every few months from work but as I had no children at home I make a life for myself.

The pay off for him coming home so infrequently was I made him outsource cleaning gardening etc! No point in a tax free salary if not making the most of it while I held the fort!

Sadly I don’t have that luxury so I am doing everything and it’s literally killing me. Mentally I am done!

@Staggeredatthisadmission please don't try and battle through.

How old are your children? You need to sit them down with your DH and explain that you can't do it all. You will burn out and the. Won't be good for anything.

Can you get some time off work?

22 and 19. Won’t do anything! DD only working 2 days a week until she starts new full time job but won’t even pick up her dirty cups of the floor. It’s all just waiting for me when I get in. I’ve had enough.

Anyway! This is your thread not mine. I’m ok and going to look at my money and see if I can afford some time away on my own.

How are you all?

@Dove222 & @Nugg

@Staggeredatthisadmission oh my God, have I been there with the disgusting children! Three of them.
The reason they do nothing is because you do it for them I now realise. I didn’t want to rock the boat by having a go but these days I do and I just figure if you get pissed off with me I don’t give a shit you’re still gonna clear up your own mess and you will need me before I need you.
I’m doing okay, thank you gorgeous there’s things going on in the extremities of my life that could possibly have made me drink on them but I’m not and I’m super proud of that even though I’m definitely not a non-drinker, I’m limiting it massively which for me is a proud moment
Thank you for asking, sweetheart, and I hope you get some good advice on battling through!!

@Staggeredatthisadmission Years ago when married with 2 children and no one would 'help' with housework or bring down used plates and cups I reduced the number of plates and cups to 4 so 1 each- that meant that unless everything was downstairs not everyone could eat their dinner as there was nothing to put it on.
It worked brilliantly.

I'm now divorced and have my son here, my daughter is away at Uni.
I still have limited plates and cups and everyone brings their used plates down otherwise there isn't enough.
My son does all his own cooking so he is more than aware when there are no plates!!

You need to stop cooking for your kids and reduce the number of plates and cups, hide yours in your car or bedroom and just get out when needed.
Stop their washing and anything else you do for them - they are adults.
Make one room your sanctuary - maybe your bedroom....and ignore all the mess created by them. I know that's easier said than done but tough love works.

@Staggeredatthisadmission please feel free to vent. This is our thread not mine. We are all here to help each other.

Adult children can be very selfish, it's only when they have to do things for themselves that they realise all the work mum does.
Try and get away for a bit, with you not there they may realise what you do.

Sit them down and tell them that you are struggling, that you need them to help out, it will help them in the long run too.

Im doing ok, not been to any meetings yet, but I will. Been keeping myself busy in the evenings watching tv in my room. But taking it one day at a time.

@Nugg keep it up x

Some good things to try there, like it 👍🏻

How’s it going with the drinking? I expect sunny weekends can bring opportunities and challenges. On the one hand I find brighter warmer weather motivating. But on the other hand I imagine there are traps to watch out for.

How was everyone’s weekend? I drank a lot of kombucha! Had some good long walks/gym. Started a task I’ve been procrastinating on and and ate a lot of chocolate 😁

Morning

Had a little win yesterday, went to see my friends horses yesterday, had a lovely day. There is a lovely country pub near her with a beautiful garden.

We stopped for a drink, for a moment I was going to have a glass of wine, it was such a warm sunny day.
But then I knew I would t stop at one and would get wine on the way home. I imagined myself feeling ill today and depressed. So we both had a lime and soda and a really nice end to a great day.

Made me feel good going to bed with a clear head 🙂

Well done, keep going. Big virtual hug.

Blimey @Dove222 that’s quite the change to your mindset - thinking, attitude? I can’t put my finger on the right word, having a day of getting my mucking words fuddled all round today 😆

That’s exactly what I was thinking about when I said there might be challenges in a sunny weekend. I think that’s a bit more than a small win - maybe a triple points situation?!

The company of animals gives me huge comfort, sometimes I think they know that we need an exchange of positive mental energy. It makes sense to me that pack animals would do this for each other and the domesticated ones would include us in that. Maybe visiting the horses set something in motion for the day.

@MurdoMunro yes sunny days are challenging, I haven't smoked for years but always fancy one when I'm on holiday.

The horses definitely helped my mindset, I love being around them.

I honestly just pictured myself guzzling wine in the evening and feeling rough the next day and thought to myself "nah, not worth it". 😂

Hi @Dove222
I have just read all your posts and just wanted to say keep going, don't give in
You can do this! 💪

@Dove222 this is great progress - well done! The play it forward/one day at a time approach served me very well.

Just checking in to see how everyone is?

Im doing ok, not been drinking and enjoying waking up feeling fine!

I have had a lot on lately but I'm still looking at going to a meeting. Been listening to some sober podcasts which has really helped.

How are you feeling @Staggeredatthisadmission?

Good to hear from you @Dove222. Mumsnet is kind of pissing me off at the moment so I’m only checking in now and then to see if there are any updates on a couple of threads I’m on. Glad to hear that things are chugging along without too much drama, this is a good thing I think, contentment should be our aim.

I’m thing about @Nugg and @Sparklingspiderwebs too. If you are following quietly then have a little wave 👋 and know that there are people thinking of you and wishing you well.

Morning all. Anyone got any small wins to report? I’ve been gorging on sugar, I have adhd and a mixed relationship with the meds. I’ve come off them for a while and it always happens that I go wild for sugar. Going to see if I can do a ‘clean eating’ day, wish me luck!

My small win is that in the early hours I finished one of my pieces for an exhibition coming up very soon (nothing fancy, I am neither a famous or rich artist!). That’s given me the oomph to get a bit of admin for that done today as well.