The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

@WendyWagon and @TequilaAndPickles I also changed user name for this thread. I have posted on a couple of threads as CarrotSeeds which are not related to alcohol but nothing that would link me to my previous username or any personal details. Much more sensible as there is so much judgement around alcohol, especially as on this thread we are pretty honest about our past alcohol misuse. I think it is a difficult and courageous thing to admit that we have alcohol issues/dependency and I like the anonymity that a change of name allows.

Anyway, another week everyone, onwards and upwards. We've had a busy weekend with family visiting and lots of visits to other local family members. Lots of wine drunk, (none by me obviously) and it's only strengthened my resolve not to drink again. I'm relearning how to have a great time and how to socialise sober. In fact maybe I never really learned it as an adult at all as booze was always present to cover up nervousness, insecurity and anxiety.

Now as a nearly 60 year old, I feel much more confident and secure and happy in my own skin. I'm not really that fussed about what other people think of me so long as they see me as kind and honest. It makes it much easier to ditch the alcohol.

I'm about to go into the garden and do some digging while the sun is out. It's cold and the garden is clarty (a northern word for very muddy 🤣) but we have things that desperately need planting. I hope everyone has a good week without too many challenges 🥰

Hello and may I join?

I gave up alcohol in December 2022 for a whole year then started drinking again after winning a bottle of gin in a Christmas raffle the following December!

I'm starting to feel like crap now. Tired and crabby all the time, so time to knock it on the head again. I was so happy when I was sober. I felt so bloody proud of myself (and I also didn't constantly worry myself sick about what I was doing to my health)

Like others, I can't moderate. I'm also not keen on quit lit etc. I've looked back at my notes from that sober year and I know what I need to do. I do rather like Nosecco, so I might get some of that in. As a PP said one glass of the AF stuff suffices. It's the alcoholic stuff that makes me want more. Also, I've noticed that I sometimes 'want it all out of the way' in the same way that you might approach a cupboard full of biscuits before starting a diet.

Anyway, here I go. Day 1 starting again.

Thanks for that recommendation Wendy, I hadn’t heard of Smashed. Turns out they are zero percent whereas the ones I had last year (Stowells and another one which I can’t remember) are 0.5.

Welcome @APineCone

Post away, ask any questions.

I am trying to eat a proper lunch as recommended by the doctors. The husband bought the mccain jackets, rather nice I thought.

I think 0.5% just means things are produced or bottled in an environment where there might be booze, or that natural fermentation may occur. Orange juice can contain 0.5% alcohol. The 0% badge is more useful to those with religious prohibitions from touching the stuff (although I don't know how they avoid the more natural alcohol in things like OJ.

I, too, have wondered about a name change, as I am fairly 'full and frank' on here, but I would make a mess of it, I'm sure.

I only use Wendy on here.
I have my regular name that I use for everthing else bar FWR which I no longer contribute to. A vipers nest.

I analysed the response from five posters a few weeks ago (I know time on my hands!). I'd put a post up re a very upsetting family matter, name changed which I'll never use again. I had some great support but then a group of people piled on me. They hadn't read the full thread and one even called me a fraudster. Luckily a lot of their bile got taken down or policed by others.
I decided to have a peak at their history, nutters. One women is an absolute bully. She has never given a kind word to anyone. However she is a big poster and my heart sinks when I see her pop up.
Interestingly a lot of the aggression was post 8pm on a Friday! I wonder what they were doing. 🙄

@WendyWagon what is FWR? I could do with some entertainment!

i’ve only ever read mumsnet past posts for working out issues with my children (eldest over 10). I don’t think I’ve posted before this thread. With everything in modern life, I have an app. I constantly want to absorb information about what I am going through/experiencing. For example, throughout my pregnancies, I had at least two apps charting development and tracking. that was followed up by breast feeding etc. I’m not an obsessive, but I like things that help me procrastinate and learn at the same time.

i have 3 no drinking apps - trying to work out which one I like best - and I’ve started reading the threads on here obviously. I suppose I just need to know that it will get better (sleep up and down at the mo, low energy, trying to push through the annoying-ness of DH and DCs). I can’t decide if I like quit lit either. I’ve never read self help books before, but I did read that Sober Mama one published recently. With her, I think the extreme things she did were beyond me. It got a bit too personal at points which I don’t find as helpful. The book made alcohol a focus even though she had all sorts of addiction issues rolled together.

anyway, @sugarytea2024 it’s always good to hear about those further down the line. Being blindsided by cravings is something I will need to keep in mind. I stopped smoking over 20 years ago but still dream about it. Last week, I had a dream that I was drinking and driving even though that’s something I’ve never done!!

im on day 23. I started on 5th because I wanted to empty the house of booze to remove temptation. I can’t have it around. I will never be able to moderate. It really took a lot of willpower to get to the stage to end it. Like others, my initial goal is 100 days but really, I would like it out of my life completely. I was at the point it was controlling me and therefore had to be stopped.

FWR, feminist women's rights

@SmellyMe we have nearly the same start date! I am a day behind you.

I'd love a recommendation for a not drinking ap. The one I had last time was called something related to alcohol and I was always worried someone would see it. Anyone have a recommendation for something ambiguous that counts alcohol free days?

Morning beautiful sober sisters
I will not drink today
Love and kind thoughts to all

Morning shipmates and Sid.
One tea down.

Hospital checks for me. The DH is taking me.
Still raining here.

I have been reading your post Startingoverin24 ,
I'm having a similar time with having a few struggels quite far into being AFfree, I'm not counting days this time(just one day at a time) as I felt that I should of been finding it easier at so many weeks/months in.
I think we all go through different stages and aspects differently, if that makes sense.For example I never have a problem being with other people drinking but many OP here do.
I'm determined to push on through, and remind myself that this is better than drinking.

Hope you're hospital appointment goes well Wendywagon,

Morning lovely people! Big thank you to @REP22 for continuing to host - I might not post often but read this thread every day, and it is extraordinary - so supportive and helpful. And I've said it before, but your posts always make me smile, & often laugh - they're so witty. So I'm very grateful that you are willing to host & to all the posters on here, for forming this community. Today is my 28th day of sobriety - if I don't drink today, which I know I won't, 4 weeks feels like a bit of a milestone - next milestone will be end of Jan - a whole actual month - then it will probably be the 3 month mark. I seriously feel I will make it, something did switch for me this time, though I am on my guard. It's DS' 18th birthday this Saturday & my sister is coming to stay - DS is not much of a drinker at all, but sis is. She's pretty moderate - no more than a couple of glasses of wine at a time, but she is likely to not like me not drinking. One time when I was trying not to drink, I was at hers & it was like she didn't hear me & she poured me a prosecco, & I caved there & then! I felt so weak-willed, but it really did feel like I was being 'awkward', 'abnormal' & drinking just felt mentally easier. This time around, I sent her a long text explaining I had stopped drinking & how I was helping myself to do it with podcasts etc, & she totally ignored it - replied to another part of the message only. It's very odd - how people just don't like the change. I also told a friend who doesn't drink much herself, thinking she would be very supportive, and her response was "but don't worry if you fancy the odd beer, it's not that easy to get liver disease" ! (My thoughts were "you know nothing about how much I was drinking, and also what about the cancer, the dementia, the heart disease, and the fact that I've just told you I'm much happier now I've cut it out!") I think people a) don't want to be reminded that they're doing something unhealthy & b) don't believe it's possible to stop drinking - a funny, conflicting, disconcerting combo of those things, so it's of value to shut me down/be dissuasive. So, I'm going to get a bottle if wine in for sis, but won't drink myself - for me & DS I'll get in some nice things to add to sparkling water eg ginger & lemon 😋. I'm not an AF wine person - I was always after the buzz with alcohol, like my coffee - can't see the point in de-caff, it feels pointless 😏 So good to see everyone's achievements on here - lighting the way for beginners like me xx

People don't like to have to think about their own bad habits. I lose the will to live when some friends say just have the one, a few won't hurt etc. It's just making them feel better. It was the same when I was seriously overweight. I got extra portions given to me. 'Wendy will have some'.
Wendy doesn't actually eat much sweet stuff. @bloominoreilly id open a bottle of Nozeco for your sister. Tell her you are proud of your sobriety and need to do it for you. Good luck.

I'm just joining!

I do Dry Jan most years - this year I had some birthdays to celebrate in the middle, so I slipped. Not badly, but I felt rotten and depressed - and decided that I am done.

I've been a much better parent and have been getting more and better sleep. And lost weight!

It's a long haul, though, and realise I'm just at the start.

DP is in denial about how much he drinks (a bottle two or three times a week, half a bottle twice a week, a day or two off). It's a challenge for me, and worries me for him.

But looking after myself first, and hope it might rub off on him too.

@Womanshour I have “I am sober’ and ‘try dry’ as well as NHS ‘drink free days’ apps. The NHS one is more about pledging and is good for moderators. I am probably going to ditch it. I am sober is a good counter and is probably most accurate in telling you how much cash you are saving. It has daily motivational messages of support etc. it likes you to both pledge and review everyday. It has a calendar and a note function and offers other things for a fee. I think I am liking ‘try dry’ most. It’s counter for expenditure seems to be too high but I like that you record your well-being - mood, energy, sleep and cravings - and I can see the correlation between feeling crap and wanting a drink! No surprises obviously but it’s helpful to see it none the less. It also has a note/journal function.

i am ready Claire Pooley’s original blog, too, because I seem to want to consume any and all experiences of not drinking and what’s it’s like.

I was drinking 5 nights a a week for years.
lots of wine, beer and spirits. Alcohol has been a prominent feature of my life since being a child. Celebrations, commiserations, stress, joy, exhaustion - it has always been a feature. I want to learn to live without it and accept that will take time.

I needed to know that it will take my brain 3 months to make my own dopamine again. I needed to know that I might feel crushingly exhausted for weeks as my body repairs itself. I need to know that cravings can and will hit me from anywhere when I least expect it. I suppose I need quit lit hahaha!

its great to have a thread like this to hear about others’ highs and lows on the journey!

Afternoon everyone.
I've bought myself some new clothes today, just some jeans that fit properly, and a few casual tops/jumpers.
I've been Iiving in whatever I throw on first for far too long, and I'm off to London next month.
My skin is better than it's been in years after just six weeks so I'm going to get some nice skincare for it, to keep it that way, it's a great incentive not to drink.
@Womanshour I just use a simple days counter, I decide for now I don't want to know how much I spent, I feel guilty enough without that.
I'll face it eventually.

I keep track by adding a BF (booze free) appointment to my phone's calendar with a coloured banner. Shows as first appointment of that day and usually easily visible.

Back from the hospital with a cock up on my ops but some cautious good news.
The big OP may not be so devastating. I'm grateful for that hope.
No date yet but soon.

Thank you to all you lovely ladies and those looking after me upstairs. X

That’s good to hear @WendyWagon🥳. I hope you get a date very quickly.

🤞🤞🤞@WendyWagon

So pleased for you @WendyWagon , hope you get a date soon.

My bathroom is finished, three and a half weeks it took, but I love it. Finally feel like I can relax and my house is my home again.
Walked reluctant doggies in the heavy rain this afternoon, got home and had the best hot shower ever. Bliss.
Might celebrate with a glass or two of chilled Nosseco.

Love to all of you, you strong and supportive Sobies. X

And big cuddles for Sid, who hopefully is behaving himself!

Morning beautiful sober shipmates
I will not drink today
Love and kind thoughts to all

I've just come across this book - it's old, but has great reviews & thought it might help anyone struggling with willpower

www.amazon.co.uk/Kick-Drink-Easily-Jason-Vale/dp/1845903900