The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Morning all.
It's not so dark here today.
The BFF is popping by but I don't need to make lunch. Mr Tiggle is not so bouncy today but he loves my friend so hopefully he'll perk up.
The RA consultant was very helpful yesterday. I can have the big guns biologic again after the ops. Hopefully I'll be walking not tottering. I don't think I'll ever be in heels again but I'm tall anyway so who cares. Ebay for my beauties.
I've given up on the AF drinks at the moment. I don't fancy anything. The cow juice is giving me jip. Thanks to lovely Rep for the care package and Yorkshire gold.
I'm saving the puzzle book for my in patient stay.
Not well enough for a London trip tomorrow. I haven't seen my friend for months but I'm just too fragile.

Off to eat yoghurt and posh fruit.

Good morning shipmates. Sid and I have been a little under the weather but better now to wave to you from the tiller.

That sounds like things are moving in an encouraging direction @WendyWagon - we are all really rooting for you.

Strength and love. It will be alright. xx

Joining please @REP22 . I’ve been lurking for a few days. Day 1 for me and it’s Chinese New Year so I feel it’s an auspicious day to start. I’ve been drinking too much (wine) for about 16 years. I am now a daily drinker. Worried about my health is my reason for quitting. I don’t think I will get away with this level of drinking for much longer. I know I feel much better when I give up but usually cave after 10 days. I really want to do this now.

Hello @Arrietty58 , @APineCone and @SmellyMe (and anyone I have missed). A very warm welcome to you. I am glad you have found us. This is a place full of friendly, supportive people who have been where you are and understand what it's like. It's a very brave thing to start seeking out help and support. Much kudos to you for having the courage to do this.

Feel free to ask and post whatever would be helpful. You can do this. It will be worth it - even if it's hard to see a way through at the minute. It will be OK. x

Hi @hereshegoesagain36 , I replied to your recent post on our almost full older thread. I am tagging you here, in case you would like to come along and join us on this one. I'm just going to paste what I said there, in case it's helpful here...

I am so sorry you are struggling so terribly. It really is wretched. I wish I had words to take it all away and make things better. ❤️
I haven't tried hypnotherapy myself, though I know others have found it helpful. The ones that @ShyMaryEllen had suggested, in particular. At my lowest ebb I sought help from Inclusion, an NHS Service - Homepage - Inclusion. There, I did SMART recovery, which I found particularly helpful - Self-Help Addiction Recovery | UK Smart Recovery. I also did CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) in the past, but that was not related to drinking, though I found the techniques l learned there useful.

Have you thought about maybe not drinking, just for tonight - see how you do? Once you've got through the first hours, night, few nights, etc., you will be surprised at how much better and stronger you can be. I was in a place where I quite literally could not imagine a night without a drink, how I would ever sleep without it, and how a future not involving drink seemed utterly unfathomable to me.

The drink is a false friend. It makes you depressed and catches you when you least expect it. But you can break free of it. You're a worthwhile person and you don't have to do this to yourself. You can control the drink. It does not control you.

Sorry if this sounds trite and patronising. Sometimes when you're right down there it can be so hard to get up and keep on climbing. But you can do it. You're stronger than you think. Please keep posting if you want to. Take care of yourself.

I keep going for my dog, Sid. Here he is, playing poker with one of my friends. He thinks I don't know that there's more than one kind of knave lurking beneath that collar of his... 🙄

I'm sure that you are loved. If it's a struggle to do it for yourself - do it for them.

Strength and love. xx

Sorry you have been a bit poorly @REP22 but glad you are feeling much better now 🥰. And @WendyWagon, best of luck with all things health related. Hope you had a nice visit today with your BFF!

Hello and welcome to everyone new. I've only been on this thread for a short while but it has made such a difference knowing I'm not alone in this. Lovely words from REP22. At the beginning it is so very hard. I've lost count of the hundreds of mornings I swore I wouldn't have a drink that day then come 5ish I had poured my first glass of wine. And of course then came the feelings of self-loathing the next morning, knowing I had failed again.

It honestly DOES get easier. I promise. Now 116 days in and I NEVER thought I could do this. Today I've been out for a lovely posh lunch with sparkling water instead of wine and didn't give booze a thought even though everyone else in the restaurant was drinking alcohol. I found I appreciated the food more which surprised me. In the past I always told myself that wine complimented the food and a meal wouldn't be as nice without it. Nonsense! Just shows how good a job the booze marketing companies do, eh?

Stay strong everyone. We've got this 💪 ❤️

Look at Sid's poker face😍. Lovely boy.

Sending strength to all those who need it. Health really is one of those things that you don't notice until it's AWOL.

There are hypnosis tracks available on Audible, including Craig Beck and Glenn Harrold. You can get them on the free trial and then cancel if audiobooks aren't your thing (and keep the tracks). Glenn's ones are also available on the Relax and Sleep Well app, if that works better for you, and it's always worth trying any subscriptions you might have to see if they appear on there. It's worth shopping around to see which styles suit you best. When you've got that sorted (eg do you prefer male or female voices, UK or US accents, guided meditation or relaxation and affirmations) I find it works best to listen to the same one every night for a week or more then switch to a different one to ring the changes. Get to know them, though, as the familiarity becomes relaxing in itself, and you can even hypnotise yourself when you can remember all the words.

Hello - just working out how to use this thread... hopefully I'm getting this right. Not a seasoned mumsnetter! I've found all your posts on this thread very inspiring so far, thank you. I'm on day 8 following an 18 day sober streak that was broken, I've read most of the sober lit mentioned but just finished Millie mackintosh's Bad drunk which felt fresh. Enjoyed it. Well done to everyone who is further along the sober journey. X

Day 153, or 5 months today 😀I’m not quite sure I want to mark anniversaries as such - I’ve been here before (and longer) and relapsed, so it all seems a bit precarious. I didn’t mention it at my online AA meeting this morning. But it is something I’m quietly proud of. So I’m sharing here - it’s good to have sober company!
I know AA isn’t for everyone, and I’m not its most rabid advocate. For me, the act of “turning up” (ok, logging onto zoom) is what is important for my recovery journey - keeping that commitment to myself. But we all find our own path, whatever that may be.
Still can’t get over the injustice that I won’t allow myself to have Baileys ice cream (0.2% alcohol) but I will happily have a banana (0.2% alcohol)!
PS Sid is clearly a very clever little dog - he has a good poker face!

Urgh, just had a nightmare.. i’m not liking the return of vivid dreams. they’re freaking me out.

Also, anyone lost all patience with DH since stopping? He’s so bloody obnoxious ive
been blotting him out with wine for decades as telling him to STFU doesn’t work. Will this pass, too? Can I tolerate him
sober, I wonder? We don’t communicate in a mature way. He likes to live like we’re bickering siblings (like his own parents). Having 3 offspring in house bickering is enough for me, I don’t need to spar constantly. I’ve been too old for that sh*t since forever. Imagine this situation and trying to have a rational discussion about buying a new house when you have divergent views on location, budget and features? 🤯

Morning beautiful crew of HMS sober
I will not drink today
Love and kind thoughts to all

Bit of a tough day today for me, so I shall catch-up reading this thread to stop me falling over board

Morning all.
It’s a tough one @SmellyMe - I’ve realised there were all sorts of situations I was escaping through alcohol. My boundaries are a lot clearer now, and I am better able to work out what are my things to deal with and what are his. This probably makes me harder to deal with and less easy going, but sod it.

Hang on in there @mermadeincornwall - you’re doing brilliantly

Morning all

@SmellyMe that is tough and I certainly remember being MORE irritable in the first month or so.

I think Sober Powered has a good podcast on this topic (how your brain heals). I try to find it.

Morning even 😁

Day 1 for me. Been kidding myself for a long time that I haven’t got a problem. I’m reading “The Alcohol Experiment” as recommended by another lovely mumsnetter and have an Allen Carr lined up for when that’s done!

Morning all.
@SmellyMe i like my husband better now I'm sober than I did as a drunk. I was on the verge of leaving him because he interfered in my boozing, how shameful is that?
I had two friends, both single egging me on. Both have disappeared from my life.

I'm having to consider moving again due to my illness and we don't agree on the house I have choosen. The parking is an issue and the location can be cliquey. I see the potential but my husband sees old and cold. This is the first modern house we've owned. The bills are dirt cheap. I long for a real fire again and my copper pots.
He sees a money pit! 😄

I was lucky, my DH is a good guy but I know I pushed him to the limit before January 2022. Even his sisters intervened. I was trying to kill myself through the drink.
If I can recover there is hope but it's one day at a time.
Good luck today and always.

Morning all.
Sometimes I am truly humbled by this thread. All of you who post, thank you.
@REP22 and @WendyWagon , you have and are overcoming so much, and been through so much, yet you both selflessly post helpful suggestions and kindness, no matter what. Your strength shines through.

I’ve done many weeks AF now and some days have been better than others. But I’m sticking to it, because the alternative is too scary to contemplate.

Have a good day everyone, lovely and sunny and dry today. Taking gorgeous lab to the park for a runaround.

Hi @SmellyMe I feel exactly the same about my other half. In a way I am feeling stronger and maybe being more assertive with him now but in general I am a lot happier in myself, so I should really be 'sharing the love'. Still, onwards and upwards (day 30 today). Keep going!

Welcome to @Needtostop2025 - I'm new too!

I've had a long process of trying moderation after having children, calming down, doing Dry Januaries etc. I've been much more in control than say in my 20s and early 30s.

But I'm perimenopausal and going through a lot, and have had too much of waking up at 3am, parched and miserable. Too many mornings with a bad head, snapping at the children, feeling exhausted. Too many blow-outs when I was stressed.

So I want to stop for good, and hoping an online sober community will help. I feel good right now and glad to have stopped - but it does feels strange, and there is so much social pressure to drink.

Day 2 and I am ridiculously pleased, like I’ve won the grand national pleased. I already feel calmer and getting up was easier than usual. My eyes are a bit bloodshot though. My eyes are concerning me generally, the last 6 months the whites are blurry grey, just not right. Sight is fine. I have taken a photo and hoping a month in they will start to recover. Considering I’ve been overdoing it for 16 years that might be unrealistic.

Congratulations on 5 months @FaithHopeCarnage . @Needtostop2025 hello fellow newbie and good luck today.

Enjoying the nautical air to this thread, I was mad for the Hornblower books as a teenager. Tempted to dig out the first book and revisit. @mermadeincornwall stay on board lovely.

Good morning shipmates. Thank you to you all for your lovely words and encouragement. You're fantastic.

Welcome @Needtostop2025 , @AshMum and @taylorean - so glad you have found us. @Blinkinintothesun you can use this thread in whatever way helps you best. There are folk who are long-time readers but who have never posted a single word, others who post daily and plenty who only post now and again. There's no hard and fast rule. You absolutely don't have to name-check and reference previous posts. You can even involuntarily shudder at the mere mention of Sid, let alone his gurning face when it occasionally appears.

You are always welcome. You will always be heard and understand - and valued - here.

In other news, work is still increasing in its bonkersness. Weaklink from before Christmas is continuing to cause chaos from afar. I have some difficult calls to make this morning. Never mind. I shall emulate his royal Sidness and hitch up my poker face. Could never have coped with this when I was still drinking. Now, it's just another thing I can manage.

Strength and love to you. It may not be easy, especially at the moment, but I do guarantee you that it will be worth it. xx

@REP22 that sounds tough, it's amazing the affect work can have on us when it it not going well xx

@wendy thinking of you, you are having a rough time of it xx

Just catching up, feeling a lot better and calm and confident in my non drinking the past few days.

I am wondering is there a pattern when it is the weekend and I am off work, I think of alcohol more. I will take more notice the next few days, it really is a rollercoaster!

Well done to all the newcomers, this is a brilliant thread, full of support x

One thing I’ve found that really helps if I’m stressed/it’s the weekend etc and wanting a drink is to use a CBT tool - ABCs. Apologies for my rather amateur explanation for those who are aware of it - I wasn’t until late last year. ABCs stand for: Activator (trigger); Beliefs (self talk); Consequences (feelings/behaviour); Dispute (the beliefs); Effective way forward (so should be ABCDEs in my book, but it isn’t!).

An example: activator - I’m stressed because of work and want a drink. Beliefs - a drink will relax me, I’ve not had anything for x days, deserve a drink and I’ll just have one. Possibly two. Consequences - I have a drink and break my run of alcohol-free days, and feel disappointed in myself. Dispute - a drink may relax me right now, but I will feel more anxious and stressed the next day if I have one; the issues at work will not change by me having a drink and I will be less able to deal with them, it will not be “just one or two glasses” - it never is. It will be one or two bottles. I am proud of myself for not drinking for x days and will feel I’m letting myself down. Effective way forward - try other relaxation techniques like breathing exercises, guided meditation; go for a walk; have something nice and non-alcoholic to drink or have some nice food. If I can’t put the situation out of my head, do some journaling about exactly what is stressing me out and possible solutions. I can add another day to my alcohol free journey and increase my self-esteem.

I’m sorry, the above is rather garbled - I did try to find a useful example on google, but they all confused me as were slightly different to how I was taught them. I used to do them on paper but can now generally do them in my head. And not just in relation to drinking - I was seriously considering buying an Alessi kitchen roll holder that cost £150 (I am not wealthy but I am a bit of a magpie and it was shiny!) and did a quick ABC. Very briefly I worked out that for that money I could have a year’s worth (43 to be exact) of chocolate trifles from Tesco. As I’m going through a sugar phase, the trifles will bring me more joy longer term and I remain without a kitchen roll holder. The thing stands up perfectly well on its own 😂

I'm finding sour Skittles help a lot...