The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Shipmates, I have had a shitty shitty day.

Had a hospital appointment to see a specialist regarding a skin lesion I have not been happy about for MONTHS. I had to really, really push for the GP to refer me tbh. If I hadn't been so insistent and basically diagnosed myself (and listened) to the GP I would not have had this referral

Anyway, it was not good news (not terrible but not great)

But even worse this was followed by my car breaking down and needing to be recovered. Unfortunately it has taken the RAC 4.5hrs to realise that they will only be able to have the car recovered TOMORROW MORNING. In the meantime I have been hanging around in a town I don't know an hour away from home with my car on a residential street not particularly well "parked"

Cried twice on the phone and feeling very fragile.

Missed my DDs parents evening to boot..

Need a hot bath and an early bed tonight. Things will seem better in the morning

Oh @EastCoastDamsel I'm sorry that does sound like an absolute shocker of a day.
Can the skin problem be sorted? Thank goodness you punched to be seen.

It's a (probably) a BCC (a low-grade skin cancer).

It needs cutting out they usually are just local and don't spread to other parts of the body.

I expect this to be the case but have been pretty disappointed at approach of the 2! GPs I have seen about it tbh. Particularly they lack of intellectual curiosity and assumptions made about risk factors without taking a decent history.

Thank you all for the welcomes and yes @CarrotSeeds, sort of feeling proud but also not especially...a bit down if I'm honest which I've noticed happens to me lately if I stop drinking for any length of time 😬.

@eastcoastdamsel, I'm so sorry about your day from hell. That sounds awful. I really hope everything is OK with the skin problem and that you get a nice bath and a decent sleep tonight.

@shymaryellen I saw the panorama documentary yesterday (watched it early on iplayer) and was a bit horrified tbh. I am a lot like the journalist who made it, as in I boozed a lot in my 20s. I was also on drinking a bit too much a lot of the time all through my thirties as well, so I was worried to see her struggling when she's ten years my junior! But it was interesting and worth watching I think although it did frighten me a bit

@EastCoastDamsel I am so so sorry for your horrible, rotten day. I would have cried too. I hope tomorrow is a better one. 💐

Thanks for the reassurance @ShyMaryEllen .

Love and strength. x

@EastCoastDamsel i am so sorry you've had a crap day and bad news.

Any itchy, ragged and sore lesions need checking. The only good thing I was told by my co working dermatologists is if such things sprouted hair they were usually begnin. I do stop people sometimes which freaks people out. But I'll risk a feck off if it means they go to the doc.
Rac /AA usually come earlier if anyone is vulnerable or SEN.

I've been on the booze denying thread. People are daft around the poison. Once you're ill it's usually too late. I got the gorgeous new GP today re my gallbladder. More prodding Thursday.

I've just tried the lemon and lime Belvoir, it's a bit sharp.

@EastCoastDamsel that sounds like a horrid day. Hot bath and early night is a good plan. Tomorrow will be better. And sorry you had to fight to be taken seriously.

Afternoon all.
I'm back from fainting at my screening appointment. The DS took me and is now questioning diabetes. I'll get that checked next.
Hoping to progress the cottage thoughts today. BFF visiting for a sandwich. We'll debate the options.

@WendyWagon sorry you fainted - hope you are OK.

Love and strength. xxx

Just checking in. My DH is working nights which historically leads to poor decision making from me. But tonight I’ve practiced some music and cooked a healthy dinner. And now in pjs with a cup of tea. Feeling quite pleased with my week so far. I can’t believe how much my anxiety has reduced already. I feel like my brain is starting to switch back on after a period of foggy misery.
Hope others are having chill evenings and hope you’re ok @WendyWagon

Sorry to hear you fainted today @WendyWagon

Great progress @Carpetburn . 🎉

Car only just picked up from where I had to leave it yesterday. Omnishambles doesn't even begin to describe it.

Hope you're alright after fainting @wendywagon

@eastcoastdamsel, hope the car is OK too and that you had a nicer day today

@carpetburn, that's encouraging to read how your MH has improved quickly

It is Day 3 for me today. I'm sleeping really well, but sleep is not usually an issue for me thankfully. Had a massive sugar craving today and ate some stale marshmallows 🤢. Can't decide whether I should buy in some treats till I'm used to not drinking for a good amount of time or to avoid like the plague!

@TryingDry I wouldn't worry about the sugar and get some treats in! I found it very useful to be able to treat myself (daily) in the early weeks. It's a crutch but very helpful in my experience.

Even now, on days like yesterday (and ones like today) I do allow myself treat, with her by having a special AF drink when I get home (crodito for me tonight) or a cake/sweets.
But having lots of posh fruit that you like can also be great. (I love cherries and have just bought 2 punnets - closed my eyes and tried to forget about the air freighting from South Africa)

Well done @Carpetburn , you're doing amazingly well. And @TryingDry - brave and brilliant. I would say yes to buying in some treats. A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips and all that, but DEFINITELY the lesser of two evils. I mainlined chocolate milkshake like nobody's business when I was in the early stages of quitting. Whatever gets you through the cravings and helps to bat away the Wine Witch/Vodka Voldemort whispers of "you've done so well... you can handle it... you DESERVE a treat..." because they WILL come, in one form or another, and if you feel less bereft or deprived because you've feasted on hot chocolate, banana milkshake or manky marshmallows, then there's less of an impact. It won't last forever, this stage.

Sorry the car saga is still clanking on @EastCoastDamsel. Omnishambles is a good word. I've used it twice at work in recent days. "Clusterf~ck" is another one.

Believe it or not, I am actually still at work. But just signing off now. My previous manager used to enjoy being cc'd in on some of my emails - they could always tell when I was very seriously p~ssed-off; they said that the angrier I was, the more politely my emails were worded. I have just had to send a VERY polite email indeed to someone who is so inept that I am wondering how he managed to survive into adulthood, let alone evolve into a senior professional role, without getting squashed, eating something poisonous or wandering into oncoming traffic.

Sid has retreated to watch the snooker with my M. He is grovelling. This morning "we" broke one of her favourite vases. It had been loaned to me and it was in a bag for returning when Parsnip the cat (Sid's bête noire) appeared. The SidLead went suddenly taut and the inevitable happened.

This is Sid's "I'm sorry mamma, I didn't mean to" face. Be not convinced. He knows what he did and has no remorse. He blames Parsnip entirely.

Strength and love shipmates. Keep going - it will be alright. xx

Omg those ears! He is a lovely dog 🥰

Thank you @REP22 and @eastcoastdamsel, I will make room for a few treats. Tbh, the number of calories I can put away on a night out really could not be replicated sober, so on balance some cake while I'm adjusting isn't the end of the world.

Well done @TryingDry - you’re doing brilliantly (and have given me an excuse to post my favourite photo, so thank you)

Sorry to hear you’ve had such a hard couple of days @EastCoastDamsel

it’s a revelation isn’t it @Carpetburn - all those years we thought it was relieving our stress, and it was just throwing petrol on the fire

I love that meme @Onewildandpreciouslife .

@Onewildandpreciouslife that is a brilliant pic, made me laugh so much 😂

Sorry to hear you of your fainting spell @WendyWagon

Well done on hanging in there everyone. I had an epiphany yesterday when I realized that life doesn't magically become perfect when sober. A bit like when you think 'if only I was thinner/ younger/richer etc life would be perfect'
I used to think if only I was sober, everything would magically be perfect.
Turns out it isn't but...it is soo much better. Not perfect but it is so much easier to deal with everything life throws at you.
So, carry on my sober shipmates & Sid and have an amazing Thursday!

Morning all.
I am feeling better today.
Im off to the doc later. Hopefully they'll organise the scan for my gallbladder.

Lots of old friends on the Panarama thread. Lots of 'do not take my sweets away'. It's a personal choice and not illegal to drink but it amazes me how many people think it's a perfectly safe substance.

I agree with sweets or posh fruit. I was on the cherries too.

@Onewildandpreciouslife 😂 I love that. Very true.

OK, I'm taking your advice and will buy some sweet treats and fancy fruit this afternoon

Glad you're feeling better @WendyWagon

I'm pleased to hear you're on the mend, @WendyWagon.

Is your gallbladder still playing up? I hope you get a scan and a much more general and rigorous checkup to see what's causing your health troubles. x

evening. been crazy busy at work but popping in to say hello and give everyone a massive round of applause. i'm 7 months sober on saturday and cannot tell you how much better my mental health is. life keeps coming at me via the teens, the workplace and 2 lots of elderly parents but boy is it easier to deal with sober. throwing petrol on the fire is a perfect analogy for drinking to relieve stress ....

my treats are dark chocolate, hot chocolate , soft cheese made from raw milk with crispy deli style crackers and sparkling kombucha. will be stocking up for christmas!

Petrol on the fire is such a good analogy. I feel slightly foolish about how much better I feel already. I honestly thought I couldn’t cope with work, life etc but I’m beginning to realise that drinking was exacerbating all of this.Issues don’t seem quite so insurmountable this week. I was crying pretty much every day for the last 3 months. And I’m sure I’ll cry again but I just feel more “steady”!

Well done @Carpetburn. You are doing so well. I too love the 'petrol on the fire' analogy.

@WendyWagon Hope you are continuing to feel better.

@ponzusoup I'm going to steal some of your treat ideas!! My husband went through a phase of making kombucha. Some of the earlier ones were foul but he did get better at it! I think he might have a batch under the stairs. I'll have to taste it and see if it's treat worthy 🤣

I'm coming up to two months sober and I'm feeling pretty calm despite elderly parent worries. My blood pressure is lower now (I check it most days as it was borderline medication levels not so long ago) and not having to deal with hangovers/guilt/stupid arguments over nothing because I was pissed, is truly a gift.

I'm also finding myself in a position of having to drive in the evenings a fair bit at the moment which I just couldn't have done before. Off to pick up my daughter from the train in a few minutes then home to my little skincare ritual, bed with a mug of Earl Grey and my hot water bottle. Simple wins 💤 🥰💤