The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

@Itsrainingten im so glad you had a good birthday.
My BFF has booked a birthday lunch this year for me. Last year it was a takeaway as I couldn't walk. I'm looking forward to it.

The sunlight is streaming in here. I did go out yesterday. Madness in the supermarkets already. We have many close by which for twenty one years we didn't. I like small shops but the DH is a city boy and he finds the biggest trolley and gets happy. I didn't look at the Christmas grog, I went back to the car.

I have found a cottage but it and it's opposite neighbour are up for sale. It's a bit odd. Both were bought my Londoners during covid. One's empty. However there is a story of a ghost and I'm a believer so I need to think about that. I can't live well if I'm thinking I see or hear things. The husband use to blame it on the drink in one of our old houses. Tricky as I want my chickens.

Good morning shipmates. We've made it to another Monday. 🙂

Welcome to the thread @Carpetburn - I am so glad you've found your way to us. You are very welcome here.

@Itsrainingten I am so sorry you had that experience; it's very upsetting. I've had that experience in the past too (first on the scene behind an ultimately fatal traffic incident). And Sunday was the anniversary of my father's sudden and unexpected death. Whether a stranger or family, the sights and sounds stay long in the memory. Do look after yourself. It's OK to feel wretched and cry, even though you didn't know the gentleman involved. I'm sure his family will take some comfort in knowing that the professionals tried their best to save him, even though it was sadly without success.

Love and strength to you all. xx

Hi All

I was on this thread before under a different name. I slipped up but I am currently 27 days alcohol free.

That is the longest I have been sober in 9 years, I am quite positive this time and really feel the benefits already, with my moods and sleep.

I am bad for checking in so I apologise in advance, but I do read all the time. Well done everyone, this thread has kept me motivated more than you know the oast few weeks xx

Just to add I had over 3 weeks alcohol free in October too, but decided to drink up on a prearranged trip. I didn't enjoy it and it actually helped me decide to go completely alcohol free, I have more trips coming up and I know I will not drink on them.

I am kind of annoyed I broke my streak, but I know that is not important in the grand scheme of things.

Welcome back @sugarytea2024

I've just managed to stagger around the village with the dog. Hopefully as I haven't taken anymore WLD I'm easing up.
I did manage to lose 7 1/2 pounds in the three weeks. A result not seen since the spring. I'm using nutracheck again which gives credit even for a twenty minute stagger.
I haven't fancied anything fizzy bar lucozade. By jingle that's perked me up. We used to fight over that as kids.
I bought some lemon Belvoir cordial yesterday. I'm going to make myself a AF cocktail. We'll see how I get on.

Welcome back @sugarytea2024 - I'm glad you're here with us. A lot of us have had wobbles. I most certainly have. You're still standing and fighting back. You're doing so well. Keep at it. ❤️

My posting may be a little sporadic for the very near future. Hopefully not. A work situation has exploded somewhat. I knew it would; I knew where the weak link would be and I knew how it would play out and am prepared. But much headspace is being taken up. Today WeakLink screamed at me, purple in the face with rage, for fully ten minutes. Because they have reneged on a day they promised to be available for and I asked if there were any more days that they may not be around that I should allow for. Smile and nod. Smile and nod. All shall be well.

So I do apologise if Sid and I aren't seen up on the fo'c'stle deck much over the next few days. We are aboard, just down in the bilges and scuttling about. We are with you every day.

I caught Sid on the hop last night in his bed. Apparently Peter (Rabbit) was "just helping me with something for a minute". Hmmm...

Strength and love my friends. You are great people to sail with. xx

Hello 👋

Can I join please?

Day one for me! I watched the panorama today about binge drinking and liver disease and was a bit horrified tbh 😬.

I'm not a one drink kind of person, no matter how much I say I'm only having one. So think abstinence is the only way forward.

@TryingDry welcome.

Spent the morning inexplicably weeping but have told myself it’s just my brain saying “oh this is what FEELINGS are!” Got out for a good walk with the dog. Cooked dinner-previously didn’t bother some nights as after a drink or two I wasn’t hungry. Went to work and had a pretty good day-work is a MAJOR trigger for me. Have just made a cammonile tea -pjs on. Yippee! I made it.

Yayyyy!! I'm glad you made it too @Carpetburn. I'm sorry for your shed tears, but really chuffed that you have made it to the PJs-on stage. A top victory. I used to not bother with food properly if I'd been drinking. A slippery slope that leads to nowhere good. You've done really well today. 🏋️‍♀️🎉

A hearty welcome to you @TryingDry - I'm glad you have found us. I'm certainly not a one drink person either. I absolutely cannot have any in the house. I tell myself I can moderate or have "just the one" - but that's not true.

There is much wisdom, strength and solidarity here. I've been here since 2023; it's been invaluable.

The journey is not easy, some steps are steep and may require handrails. There are trip-hazards in parts and it's a bit rocky in places. But the longer you stay on the path, the wider and smoother it gets. And I can absolutely guarantee you that it is worth it.

Strength and love. x

@REP22 Thanks for that post about alcohol and grief, makes perfect sense. I know I’m much happier when I’m not drinking so just need to focus on that feeling instead of sadness.
@CarrotSeeds my family are the same, having a casual drink of an evening and not ruining their lives whilst I drink an AF Guiness, which I have discovered is very nice, tastes a lot like the real thing. Well done to you for not caving!
Hi @TryingDry I’m quite new here too but am finding the support/stories from all the ladies invaluable. I’m on Day 22 and feeling great for it! X

Hello
I wrote a post this morning, but must have got distracted and didn't post it.

Hello, @TryingDry, and welcome!

@Carpetburn, work was a huge trigger for me, too. I was lucky enough to be able to give it up, and I think it saved my life. I do bits of consultancy now, but am mostly retired - sadly on a very reduced pension, (and no state one for a while), but it's worth it 😀

Today was the funeral. We arrived late, because of traffic (there had been an accident) and missed the service. We went to the reception, which was in a pub, a few miles from the church. The day wasn't as bad as it might have been, as the immediate family of the deceased were circulating and this meant that conversations couldn't get too intrusive, which usually happens at family get togethers. It was still something of a trial, though.

PS - Sid's indignant face!!

Welcome @TryingDry Well done on your day #1. This thread has helped me so much. You've got this. 💪 🌷

Morning

Welcome back @sugarytea2024 and welcome @TryingDry

This thread has been such an incredible support. Steadfast, supportive, non-judgemental and kind.

(Not to mention Sid who is always around to brighten our days)

Sorry to hear things are stormy at work @REP22 . Luckily you are on a ship with plenty of experience in weathering the 🌊 🌊 🌊.

Glad you are managing to get up and about @WendyWagon .

I must have missed news about your bereavement @ShyMaryEllen . I am sorry for your loss. Funerals (and weddings and christenings) are such strange gatherings as they can get far too intrusive. When my brother died earlier this year we had a few farewell parties where we saw family who had come today goodbye from afar.

The behaviour of some of them was astounding. In particular one of my cousin's partners who took great offence at DB (who was literally dying and bedridden!) not paying her enough attention. The mid absolutely boggles. Glad I do not have to see very much of her.

How are you doing @Carpetburn ?

Well done on surviving the stressful work trigger @CarrotSeeds . I found my emotions were all over the place in the first few months.

I am sure SoberPowered has a podcast about it...

It might be this one...

Started reading Jason Vale last night (was looking for a new book and it happened t be free on my Kobo Plus subscription).

Ahoy shipmates and Sid.
A bit milder here on the downs.
The DS has already gone out for his run.

I'm definitely feeling more inclined to the cottage than the farmhouse. The smaller means sitting on my bum and unless I get a disability positive employer (highly unlikely in my industry, too looks oriented) I think I'd rather do like @ShyMaryEllen and semi retire.
I can still have chickens.

I didn't make my cocktail, I went upstairs to watch Panarama. Sobering stuff as the journalist was only 31! Worth a watch my friends.

Morning everyone. @EastCoastDamsel I think it was @Carpetburn who said that work was a huge trigger for her. 😊. I am in the very fortunate position of not having to work now. I do get quite stressed with caring responsibilities though, although my dad (who was in hospital recently and was very poorly indeed) is doing SO much better now after his pace maker was fitted, it's like a miracle. So I think that he is on his way to becoming more independent again. He's talking about taking up old hobbies, recognising that he needs company and interests outside the home. I'm so happy for him.

How are you feeling this morning @Carpetburn? And @TryingDry? Hopefully proud of yourselves. Today is just another day of not drinking and we are all not drinking alongside you. You can do this. We all believe in you. 🥰

Hope you manage to navigate the stormy seas @REP22 and that things get calmer soon. It sounds like you are slowly recovering from the WL jab side effects @WendyWagon which is great to hear. I have to say the issue with the cottage AND the one opposite for sale sounds a little bit 🤔. Are you going to do some more digging or look further afield?

Well done @Becky37. I often think of you. You were so honest and open on this thread. 🌷

I got some routine blood test results back yesterday and one of the things they tested was liver function. I was amazed that after decades of abusing my body, all results came back normal. This feels like a second chance and the encouragement I need to avoid alcohol permanently.

Hope everyone has a good day. 😊

Sorry about the message mixup @CarrotSeeds . Glad to hear your dad is on the mend. Caring responsibilities can weigh really heavily on one.

I am increasingly concerned about my parents who live abroad and now that my brother has passed, I am really worried about who will look after them when they become (inevitably) less independent.

Unfortunately them moving here is not an option and although I would love to move "back home" that is unlikely too as DH is a Yorkshireman through and through.

I might be able to negotiate 6 months here and 6 months there once the key ds have left school though...

@EastCoastDamsel my mum's family were from Yorkshire. We have lots of sayings that are not southern.

Well done @CarrotSeeds on the liver readings. When I first gave up drinking I turned my results around in six weeks. I was shocked.

Hello shipmates; thank you for your kind words and support. ❤️💐

Glad you got through the funeral @ShyMaryEllen - sorry it was a bit of a trial.

@EastCoastDamsel and anyone with older relatives who may need increasing levels of care in the not too distant future (Sid and I are included in this) - there's a very helpful long-running thread on MN in the "Elderly Parents" section called the Cockroach Cafe. It's a bastion of strength, support and wisdom if anyone needs it.

Off into a meeting now. In other work news, apparently WeakLink realises that he went too far yesterday and "feels awful". Jolly good.

Sorry for not namechecking everyone - sending love to you all. Feel free to mutiny on me - Sid will cheerfully switch sides at the mere glimpse of a Baker's Sizzler.

Strength and courage mes amies. x

Off into a meeting now. In other work news, apparently WeakLink realises that he went too far yesterday and "feels awful". Jolly good.

Excellent. On your behalf, I stuck pins in a voodoo doll in the 'area of the conscience' (on male dolls this is a multi-purpose anatomical region, which is convenient), and it appears to have worked 😉.

Did anyone see Panorama last night? It's on iPlayer, if not, and is about binge drinking. The reporter had a fibroscan result of 10, and was told that this was perilously close to cirrhosis, which kicks in around 12. The units are levels of stiffness. From what I was told, this is not the case when the cause of the scarring is alcohol. The 'cirrhosis score' is 19.5 where alcohol is concerned, and kicks in at different levels for different causes.

I am in no way encouraging anyone with a score of 10 to continue drinking, but in case it helps anyone reading, this is a chart showing the various causes of scarring and the point at which different diagnoses are made for each. F4=cirrhosis, which is the point at which things become progressive and irreversible. A score of 12 would count as cirrhosis if the cause is Non Alcoholic Liver Disease (expressed as NALD on the chart). I was told this by a liver nurse in the presence of the fibroscan operator, but if anyone with a medical background disagrees or knows the matter to be more complicated/controversial, please post to say so, as it is important that people get the right information about things like this, or on what basis to question health professionals. The chart is from a reliable source, but I can't remember which (possibly the British Liver Trust). I keep it with my health records for my own reference, and it is a screenshot, so I don't have the citation.

You need to open the image to see the key on the RHS

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen - it must have worked; I've had a grovelling phone call from WeakLink in the last half an hour. 🙄

Thank you also for the information about the documentary. I think I might be too afraid to watch it. 🙁But it's information that needs to be out there and will hopefully save lives.

Careful with those pins. 😉x

The documentary is fine. No gorries.

Thanks @WendyWagon - I don't mind the grim stuff. But I do fear examining the consequences of my actions on myself. Bit of a gutless turd in that respect.
Hope you're having a good day today. x

@ShyMaryEllen any chance of sticking a couple of pins on my behalf? I have a very challenging boss who takes my ideas as his own whilst berating me for perceived failures I can do nothing about. And was absolutely the trigger for me drinking again. Although I recognise it was me who chose to drink and I could have done something else!
However I’ve found crying doesn’t suit me so have decided a life well lived is the best revenge.
Been quite chipper today and got a lot of work done. I almost feel like my brain has switched back on after a few weeks of hopeless gloom. I quite like it as had thought my perimenopausal fog was here to stay. Turns out it might have been the booze.
Hope everyone has a great evening!

The pins are in, @Carpetburn. I hope they are successful, and your colleague is walking with a strange gait.

@REP22, the documentary isn't scary - it is about a young woman (in her 30s) who is told she has a fibrosis score of 12 after going to the GP with tiredness and having blood tests and a fibroscan. It examines the way the alcohol industry targets young women and looks at the trends in liver disease over the years (they are rising exponentially). By cutting out booze the reporter gets back to normal within months - it's encouraging from that POV, but I challenge the figures they gave, which (I hope) are inaccurate.

My advice to anyone concerned about any liver damage is to push for a fibroscan, rather than an ultrasound, as they are far more accurate. Ultrasounds are often used for diagnosis, but depend on guesswork, which (as I know) is not always accurate. The British Liver Trust has a mobile unit which tours around offering fibroscans free of charge. I don't think GPs can refer for one directly - they have to go through a gastroenterologist or hepatologist - and I think that fibroscans are more expensive than ultrasounds, so are not routine. They cost about £500 to get done privately.