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Alcohol support

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The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

968 replies

REP22 · 20/11/2024 13:38

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

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Thread gallery
51
mermadeincornwall · 20/01/2025 17:19

I have very little time for Donald Trump
But one thing he has done right is tell his children from the day they were born is
"Don't do drugs,don't drink"

sugarytea2024 · 20/01/2025 19:14

Startingover, I started in October and had a planned break a few weeks in but got straight back on it and I am so glad I did now, you still have the benefits of the days you built up alcohol free!

Sid is reminding me I need to get on the healthy eating again, I have let myself indulge in sugar for a bit too long 😅.

Well I had an absolutely awful day in work and I must admit my mind went straight to having a drink, but I sat with it and decided not to. In a way I am glad I had a crap day as it seemed like a little test, maybe that's crazy!

EastCoastDamsel · 20/01/2025 21:13

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife . You might be right. But I also think it is just a bit of midlife malaise. (And winter)

I think I have reached that time in life where the DC are a little older (teens) so don't need me physically as much anymore but work is still very full on (in fact rebuilding a career after years of childcare and a bit of time as a SAHM/part-time), facing mortality and now being sober so no longer hiding from it all.

I've also started marathon training and although just in the base building phase am need quite a lot of sleep so there isn't much time for anything other than work/DC/🐕/🏠/💤

Anyway, hot bath had. Ready for bed.

Womanshour · 21/01/2025 06:11

Wow @WendyWagon very impressive! And @EastCoastDamsel good for you. I loved my marathon... half was the distance i ran most often. I'd love to run another full marathon at some time. If I was running up to half distance by the end of the year I'd be really pleased.

Day 16. Long day yesterday... shops called on the way home but didn't go in. X

mermadeincornwall · 21/01/2025 07:36

Morning beautiful shipmates
I will not drink today
Love and kind thoughts to all

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 21/01/2025 08:00

Visited family this weekend, as fell out with husband. Managed to not fall off the wagon by taking AF drinks.

Was pleased with myself as was feeling very low and usually a drink would be the pick me up I felt I needed. Sister was hammered by the end of the night, I went to bed when I'd heard the same story 3 times!

Woke up feeling fresh, not worried about driving and glad that I didn't succumb.

To be honest, the wine witch was pretty quiet and I was surprised how easy it was to not drink.

Glad to say that things are sorted with husband, which obviously was easier to deal with without added drink drama.

Best of luck to all those getting back on track and for those facing tough times. We absolutely can do this!

WendyWagon · 21/01/2025 08:01

Morning and ahoy to Sid.
Another good sleep and I'm not on the poppy juice so yeay.
The dog is still sticking to my side.
My lovely ex nurse friend came yesterday with loads of foodie gifts. She's a prestige girl so all posh cheese etc which I can no longer eat. I'll serve it today to another friend who's popping in. Saves me sending the DC out.
She gave me loads of good advice without dismissing the facts. I can't stand fussing.
I had fresh lemonade with my dinner. Delicious. I can get quite tight fisted over soft drinks but we shouldn't. I spent thousands on booze and what good did it do me? Half a dozen very funny stories but that's it.
Onwards and upwards ladies. We are the Sober Sisters.

mermadeincornwall · 21/01/2025 08:21

Reminding myself when I'm struggling, that alcohol -
•Wrecks my mental health
•Steals my time
•Sabotages my weight loss and looks

Middlemarch123 · 21/01/2025 18:36

Evening Sobies, hope you’re all ok. Hello Sid too.
Walked a new dog today, a Cockerpoo, daft as a brush, doesn’t walk to heal, chases everything but very pretty. Thinks her owners want me to train her, well I’ll do my best but I’m not a miracle worker. Was exhausted when I got home! Have got lots of posh tomato juice in, so going to have a spicy Virgin Mary in a bit and watch TV, then yet another early night. Bathroom is progressing well, the light is at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully all done by early next week. Thank goodness, washing my hair over the sink is a nightmare, but at least I’m not doing it with a hangover. Small mercies.
Stay well and sober X

WendyWagon · 21/01/2025 18:44

One for evening snuggles

The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024
mumzof4x · 21/01/2025 23:06

ies I've been off air for a while but you may remember I was going through some major stuff at home.
I haven't caught up on all posts Il sorry as just out of hospital (an on the side weeny (major) heart issue ) ..... seriously though my life is drama free almost always so this last three months can just do one 🤣
Anyway thank you so much to @EastCoastDamsel
@WendyWagon
@ShyMaryEllen
@REP22
@Middlemarch123
@BlueLightBetty
for all your lovely words of support recently. Sorry if I missed anyone x
I didn't reply at the time sorry I'm sorry as it's just been the worst time ever ever ever BUT (drum roll happening in my head) I'm 50 days AF !!!
I haven't had a drop throughout x
Have stuck with good old Earl Grey, Yorkshire brew and Chia.
@REP22 I loved your

CarrotSeeds · 22/01/2025 06:33

Huge congratulations on your 50 days @mumzof4x That's a massive achievement 🥰. And it's great that your big op is out of the way now so hopefully you can focus on recovery and getting stronger. (Earl Grey is my favourite tea tipple) X

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 22/01/2025 06:39

Well done @mumzof4x , hopefully now the op is out of the way, life may return to less dramatic!

Hope your recovery is plain sailing, I'm an English Breakfast tea kind of girl myself, none of that flowery nonsense 😁.

mermadeincornwall · 22/01/2025 07:33

Mumzof4 sending extra love and get well soon wishes,my dh had a heart bypass, it was a difficult time, but he's fine (ish) now, an awful lot of tablets to take now to keep him well.
I will not drink today

EastCoastDamsel · 22/01/2025 07:48

Amazing milestone of 50days @mumzof4x ! Glad to hear you are out of hospital as nd I hope your recovery is uneventful.

mermadeincornwall · 22/01/2025 09:01

I've finally caught up with this thread 🎆
You are all truly amazing

A massive thank you for each and every post,
Love and kind thoughts to all of you

mermadeincornwall · 22/01/2025 09:04

Ps
I won't drink today

WendyWagon · 22/01/2025 09:48

Morning all.
I'm up but late due a poor night's sleep.
Congrats to @mumzof4x and good luck with your recovery.
Nothing to report other than too many visitors.

REP22 · 22/01/2025 10:38

Good morning shipmates, fantastic to read all your posts and progress. 💖 Sid sends wags to Mr. T. @WendyWagon - hope you are feeling ok today. xx

That's a really lovely post @mumzof4x - thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you are out of hospital and powering up in your sobriety, fantastic to hear.

I think you're all amazing. Such an inspiration, each and every one of you. You keep me going, more than I can say.

Work is still an increasing trial at my end, but I am not tempted to seek poison-based solace, and the clear head helps no end. An excellent recent development - back in 2017 I was so ill that I had to voluntarily surrender my driving licence. I was not drink driving or being stopped by the Police - but I was in and out of hospital and very frail, so on the GP's advice I handed it in. That was the bleakest of bleak times. I'd discussed it with my parents and my retired DF had said that he would be pleased and happy to drive me anywhere I needed to go whilst I was getting better. The DVLA wrote back to me, thanking me for temporarily surrendering my licence and inviting me to apply to get it back at any time. The day I got that letter, the VERY day, my DF died very suddenly and tragically. Bad enough - but my M was not as kindly disposed. So a long period of getting to work via two buses, a train, a taxi and a long walk EACH WAY ensued. Sometimes my M would drive past me at the first bus stop in the morning and wave. 🙄

When my health had improved I contacted the DVLA (with the support of my GP) to get my licence back - but because the hospital had picked up that I had been a heavy drinker (not the main factor in my illness, but it certainly impacted) and referred me to the addiction recovery scheme (Inclusion - they were great), the DVLA refused my application, said that I had to prove 12 months' sobriety before they would consider me and lumped me in with the "High Risk Offender" category. 😢 I'd never even been stopped for a dodgy headlight or got a parking ticket. When I was able to prove this, I applied again, but heard nothing for months (this was 2021/2022 so Covid backlogs were accruing, so understandable but when it went beyond six months it got ridiculous). I got my MP involved, which helped a bit. I was summoned to an intrusive medical (with a doctor/location of their choosing) with blood tests, had to fill out two questionnaires (and the GP had to do a third one) and finally got a one-year licence 🥳. However, since then, I have had to submit myself to the same process each year to get my licence renewed. It's a humiliating and complicated trial, and woe betide you if you get a date or fact wrong on any of the forms - a mere typo could result in you being deemed "deliberately deceitful" and bang! "No licence for you again!".

This year's test-fest was particularly grim. I got the letter summoning me to my third annual medical and questionnaire trial at the end of July 2024, booked the earliest test date that I could (you have to do it within six weeks of the date of the letter or your licence is automatically revoked) at the beginning of August - and waited. The waiting is horrible. I could still drive on a Section 88 though the licence expired at the end of October, thankfully, but it's like having the Sword of f~~~ing Damocles hanging over you. Anyway - today I have finally received my licence - and it's a 10 year one! No more medicals for me. 🥳😀 Happy days - and an end to a desperately wretched saga. Here's Sid, dancing the hellacious hula to express his jubilation. He's utterly beside himself.

I apologise for the lengthy saga my lovelies. But I share it to ask you to use me and my experience as a cautionary tale. You do NOT want drinking to affect your life to this extent, believe me. It is absolutely right that these measures are in place to punish and deal with drink drivers. Had I been guilty of that I would have accepted my fate and the resultant trials and fully understood that it was what I had brought upon myself and the least of what I fully deserved.

But - if you are ever getting to a point when the choice is between one more drink and risking your driving licence - don't. Just don't. I'm sure you wouldn't - this is, after all, our alcohol-free place. But for anyone reading this who is facing the choice, or tempted to nip to the shops after already having a couple, honestly don't. It's not worth the grief and hassle of falling foul of the good folks of Swansea.

Sorry, I don't mean this as a lecture or homily at all. I am just very VERY VERY chuffed at having a 10 year licence back and want to explain to people who will understand - and you are the very best of those people. ❤️

Strength and love to you. Keep going - it's going to be alright. Really. xx

The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024
OP posts:
Middlemarch123 · 22/01/2025 14:14

Bless you @mumzof4x , so lovely to hear from you, you are such an inspiration, to stay dry at such a difficult time, look after yourself.

Gorgeous doggie @WendyWagon
Sid you are extremely handsome. Very photogenic indeed.
@REP22 Am so pleased for you that you don’t have to go through that annual ordeal, what an absolute nightmare. So sorry your mum drove past you, that’s so mean and spiteful. I know the old saying is what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but enough is enough. There’s enough random things that happen, when family deliberately stick the knife in, it hurts so much.

Love to all.
Mind how you go. X

mermadeincornwall · 22/01/2025 15:10

So sorry to hear about your mother Rep22,
I often tell mine off, and she always takes it well, I think it's the shock .
Happy driving, must be a huge weight off your mind,

CarrotSeeds · 22/01/2025 16:46

AMAZING NEWS @REP22 So happy for you! 🌷 🌷🌷. And what a gorgeous Sid photo too.

ThatWasShh · 22/01/2025 16:56

Just checking in to say it’s now 21 days for me.

I can’t believe it’s only three weeks, it feels like ages.

I haven’t found it testing so far, but I am worrying about future temptations. I am finding mermade’s “I will not drink today” helpful, as I tell myself that when I’m faced with testing times, I can just focus on getting through that one occasion or that one day as a way of dealing with it.

REP22 · 22/01/2025 17:46

Thank you for the kind words and solidarity @Middlemarch123 , @mermadeincornwall and @CarrotSeeds - you're lovely; I really appreciate it. ❤️

Congratulations on your 21 days @ThatWasShh - that's magnificent! Your milestone - and those of @Womanshour , @mumzof4x and the strength, courage and resolve shown by all here is really good cheer for the soul. You're all absolutely fantastic. I'm finding @mermadeincornwall's "I will not drink today" helpful too. Another regular used to often say "IWNDWYT" or similar, which I think stood for "I Will Not Drink With You Today". One Day at a Time sounds like a cliche, but it really is, genuinely, so useful. Aim small, celebrate those and win big is one from me. 🙂 For some of us at the beginning, even One Hour at a Time is a massive win. Small steps. It gets easier, I promise.

Hope you're feeling OK today @WendyWagon and not too worn out by visitors. Maybe you should think of setting up a gift shop by the exit door - they can buy a Wendy Wagon pencil, rubber and leather bookmark on their way out before they have to get back on the coach. ££😉

Strength and love. x We can do it. xx

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