The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Fire up the hot chocolate and make yourself at home.

Morning from the good ship NHS.
Ive just had the porridge and it was excellent. The tea is grim. It's surprising how much I look forward to the Yorkshire brew.

I had a surprising conversation with a alcoholic in A and E and he thanked me for my advice. It was heart warming.
Perhaps we're more sensible than we think.

You are eminently sensible @WendyWagon - I am so sorry that you find yourself in hospital though. I hope you will be alright. Can we organise an Aid Package for you - a box of Yorkshire Gold teabags delivered to your ensuite; then you can just ask the trolley-person for some hot water with milk and brew your own. When I was in and out of hospital a few years ago my friends used to smuggle me in butter, salt and pepper. And cheese. I actually liked hospital food very much - but never the tea. I always went for the hot chocolate option. Sending you very much love. Let me know if there's anything we can do to help. ❤

Top stuff and hearty cheers to @Middlemarch123 and @mermadeincornwall for keeping to sobriety. You're doing so, so well. I know how hard it is. I promise it will get easier.

Cabin Boy/Powder Monkey Sid disgraced himself last evening. Grazing cattle had departed his favourite local common for walking, so he was allowed off-lead (he's not a livestock-botherer, but the cows don't know that). He took off after a deer, reappeared when called but was off again before I could clip onto his harness. He was gone nearly an hour and a half, in misty darkness and with the local ne'er-do-wells convening in the isolated rural car park for their exchanges of the Devil's Lettuce and Colombian Marching Powder. I finally grabbed a torch from the Sidmobile and went off into the dark looking for him. I met him on his way back to the car park. Little git. Not a mark on him save for friction chafes on his legs from too much running. He's feeling sorry for himself this morning though. Didn't want to get out of bed at all and muttering darkly to himself about "I regret my choices". 🙄 Here he is, pretending to look contrite for his wickedness. Actually, I think his conscience really is pricking him - but I will let him stew in his disgrace for a bit. Naughty boy. Good job I love him.

Strength and love to you. Keep going - I know you can make it. All shall be well. xx

@REP22 "Devil's Lettuce" 😂🤣🤣

Oh, I do love hearing about Sid's misadventures 😂. He does a contrite expression very well, doesn't he?

@WendyWagon being in hospital does massively suck, hope things go very well and it's not a long stay in the end. Your chat with the alcoholic does sound heartwarming - you might just have done some real good there.

@mermadeincornwall I love seeing your daily accountability messages - great to see you sticking with it and enjoying the benefits. Hope you're getting through the difficult patch alright 😘

I've started listening to The Sober Rebel podcast, really enjoying it/finding it helpful.

Ooh, I dunno about that. I reckon he’s giving off quite the recalcitrant teenager vibe there. 😅 Kind of: I’m going to stare at that patch of carpet till you leave me alone.

@ShyMaryEllen and @ThatWasShh he certainly has the expression well polished. But we are not deceived, are we... he IS sorry - that he got cold and his paws are smarting. But I've told him that he's the architect of his own misery.

In the meantime, there's decks here that want swabbing. despite calloused paws. I won't share a picture of his reaction to that. You are too young and pure to see such things.

@bloominoreilly The Sober Rebel podcasts sound good - I've had a look at her website. I like how she's tackling issues other than just sobriety - I know that my drinking became a form of "self-medication" to deal with some fairly grim personal matters. Problem drinking rarely develops just because we like the taste of the stuff. It's important to address what lies beneath without the glasses of "anaesthetic", though that can be very hard to begin with. I'd be interested to know what you think of the podcasts. I liked the Sober Dave ones.
x

@REP22 I've just looked up her website - or thought I did, but I was looking at a different Sober Rebel called Iliara Novak - there must be a few out there😄So, the podcast I listened to is by Louisa Evans, and she is also a CBTist/hypnotherapist. I've been listening to Over the Influence since 1st Jan - I've really enjoyed it, but they have tended to have people on who've got a podcast or highly successful book themselves and I needed a change. So what I like about the SR podcast is it seems to have people on who Louisa connected with on social media, so they're not flogging a book😆It's a bit less lively, a bit calmer, than OtI too. I'm enjoying/finding useful the home truths that come out in these podcasts - I'm learning from other people's experiences and feel affirmed and encouraged by them! I sound like a bit of a weirdo now 😂Now I've been AF for a couple of weeks, my body/mind has had a good break from the constant interference of alcohol, and I'm starting to see who I really am. It's mad that I spent c. 35 years not allowing myself that, not understanding that not only was I burying myself with alcohol, but the alcohol was also amplifying/exacerbating/causing issues I've always thought I had for other reasons - I thought it was helping me cope with them, but it was really preventing me from learning how to cope with them. My childhood/the envt I was raised in did affect me detrimentally; where I'm from, family- and geography-wise, drinking was hugely valued/reinforced so it was arguably inevitable that I would be a drinker; and I suspect I might have ADHD - I'm probably never going to find out, because I'm not interested enough in getting assessed. I found S3 Ep10 of OtI very interesting because Davinia Taylor is on it and she talks about how she didn't have childhood trauma so couldn't understand why she became addicted to alcohol. She eventually got sober and did lots of tests and found she had a dopamine problem and suspects she's got ADHD (she also found she could metabolise alcohol well so drinking a lot didn't make her ill, so she was less easily put off drinking than other people). After about a week of not drinking, I started connecting with lots of sadness and stress I've stored up - but not allowed myself to feel - I keep hearing/reading that going AF makes you feel things a lot more. I didn't miss drinking, I didn't feel I needed it to stave off bad feelings, which surprised me. This week I've been finding I've been very chaotic in my mind, very ADHD-ish (if I compare myself to the things I've learned about that condition) and have had big urges to drink to calm myself down - so, there you go, perhaps that's a big underlying reason for my own drinking - I can't bear the energy in my mind 😆So that's my next task, learn how to do that without the muffling blanket of alcohol! Interesting that you say "because we like the taste of the stuff" - I've realised I only actually drank alcoholic drinks for the effect, not the taste at all. I feel I've conned myself all these years. I'm very happy I know that now, though, and it's realisations like that that keep me sober! I'm going to check out Sober Dave now - thank you x

That's very interesting @bloominoreilly - thank you for sharing. Louisa Evans was the website I was looking at.

I too come from a place of childhood trauma. I know that I drank because I couldn't bear to be alone with my own thoughts and what came to me in my dreams. I don't have ADHD or anything like that - but I can well believe that dealing with that (and its stablemates) can lead to a situation where drugs or alcohol sound like very helpful solutions.

It's not easy, dealing with the root causes that brought us here. But you don't have to address things that you feel are best left - and please know that what happened to you in the past was not your fault. That's something I struggled with - that it was my fault, I'd "let it happen", if I'd been good, it wouldn't have happened - that sort of sneaky, unhelpful b~ll~cks. It's not true. You were a little child, powerless and with no authority. You were not to blame. At all.

You don't sound like a weirdo at all - you sound like a sensible person emerging from the grip of addiction and being very wise indeed. Seeking out help from a variety of sources to explore what suits you best. Sharing wisdom, solidarity and some smiles in safe places like here - where we understand without you needing to explain yourself. Sharing your wisdom and thoughts will always be helpful - for you and for anyone else treading the similar paths to us. I will always be glad that I found this thread. I conned myself for years too, but I am a better person now for the lessons I have learned. Well, Sid thinks so anyway, and that's good enough for me. 🙂 x

Really interesting to read that @bloominoreilly . I'm into week 9 of not drinking, and have found myself quite sad at times thinking about issues I didn't realise were issues to me (if that makes any sense). I've found myself quite tearful.

Going to have a listen to some podcasts, I need to get back on the treadmill, so will find a podcast to do and kill 2 birds with 1 stone as they say.

I think there's a lot to unpick with regard to the whys of drinking. I probably started at around age 13 and I really wish I hadn't wasted all these years doing it!

Thank you, lovely @REP22 I'm glad you now know yourself better and know you weren't to blame - I think you can know these things, but also still have to keep working on knowing that, on knowing your own value. Drinking only hinders that, eh. I love the wisdom and solidarity of this thread too - and you and Sid do make me smile x

Thank you @SissySpacekAteMyHamster - you are doing amazingly - 9 weeks!! I think that connection - or reconnection - with the sadness is a beautiful thing, we are getting to know ourselves better. Come on here and talk to me or anyone/everyone any time you feel you need to, if strong feelings get a bit overwhelming - as @REP22 says above, you don't have to explain yourself but you can get support and solidarity, and maybe better understanding of underlying causes. I think it's important for us to now find ways of dealing with the causes that doesn't involve harmful substances - that is the old, unhelpful way, we don't need that now 🙂

Hope you are OK Wendy. Omg Sid must have gave you such a fright! Hope everyone else is doing as well as they can, I have been following and so sorry to hear many of us going through tough times.

I am 79 days AF today. I have been up and down. I had strong cravings and a lot of anxiety at the weekend but I am feeling a lot better now. So happy I did not give in.

I keep needing to remind myself not to think too far ahead, I am mostly ok day to day and do not miss it, it is when I think ahead to events and holidays I worry about it.

I find this strange because Christmas was fine, but like others have said, maybe when I get more firsts out of they way this will improve.

I am very focused on the milestones now, 100 days, 6 months etc and find myself watching lots of tiktok videos trying to see when I will not think about drink anymore, but I feel I need to have more patience with myself.

Sorry for my rant! Welcome to all the newbies, so I don't scare you away I will list some of the many positives I have noticed the past 79 days:

My relationship is better than ever, no (very little lol) stupid sniping at each other.

I haven't noticed more money but I have been spending it in areas of my life I had previously neglected!

My sleep has improved dramatically, I still have the odd bad night and it did take a few weeks to get here but it is great now.

I am more present in general, in conversations and on days out as I am not rushing to get home to drink.

My anxiety has improved, but not 100% gone.

My weight has stayed the same, but I have been eating a lot of sugar. I actually thought I might gain so I am happy with that.

Thank you so much for all the encouraging words, this thread has been a godsend these past 79 days and before that too xx

Well done on your 79 days @sugarytea2024 Fabulous work and it won't be long until you reach your #100 day milestone 🎉 💪

I was the same with the sugar. I'm now low-carbing and although I'm not missing the booze, I could kill for a huge bag of Haribo 😬

Hello, I was posting last year solidly for 6 months and then had a wobble... and this began a 6 month wobble. @REP22 you tagged me in a post while i was MIA, thank you I just couldn't seem to get myself back.

I didn't want to post until I had over a week sober as I didn't want to be unhelpful in this safe sober space.

Finally, I am 11 days sober. It's been a horrid 6 month. I won't go into it, but unexpected deaths etc. I have made a positive change to my work though as I could see that is a regular trigger.

Pleased to be back. Hope you are all well x

Good to see you back @Womanshour

Morning beautiful sober sisters
I'm still here
Still struggling
But absolutely determined to be the person I want to be
Love and kind thoughts

Morning all.
Well done @mermadeincornwall. I’m sorry it’s tough, but it will get easier. Are you about a week in now? Just keep going a day (or an hour, or a minute) at a time.

Thanks Onewildandpreciouslife,
Am on day 21 again ,this is usually where I find it gets tough,
I'm fine not drinking socially, but it's the after work routine that's causing me to struggle,

Last January I decided to stop drinking, I thought it might be difficult for a few weeks but I'd manage. I was shocked, appalled and ashamed at how difficult it was. I read quitlit books and found these threads, Bunniesbunniesbunnies really inspired me.
It's now a year on ,and I estimate I drank 80% less in 2024 than 2023.
I just want to stop completely.
Each time I fall overboard (off the wagon) I remind myself that my resolve and determination builds, and eventually I will stop.

Hi @Womanshour your previous 6 months is fantastic. I managed 49 days last year and then slipped and couldn't get back on the wagon. Now on 26 days and have managed my first sober Christmas. I have got a big 50th weekend coming up (not mine) which will be a challenge at the end of the month. I may well be asking for advice and moral support as it comes up!!!
Welcome back!

Good morning shipmates,

Great to see you again @Womanshour - sorry you've been through the wringer. It takes real strength and courage to keep going, despite it all.

Congratulations on @mermadeincornwall , @BlueLightBetty for getting as far as you have so far. I promise it gets easier.

Also much kudos to @sugarytea2024 - brilliant, and so inspiring to read about how you're finding things. The sober sleep never gets tired for me.❤

Sid is continuing to feign remorse for his shenanigans earlier in the week. He's convincing no-one. Here's his latest best attempt at his "I regret my choices" face. Be not deceived. He's already making plans for his next stag encounter.

Strength and love as we sail into the weekend. It will be alright. xx

Oh Sid
That's all I have to say

Afternoon ladies.
I am still at the hospitality of Chez NHS.
My wicked thoughts are for Lucozade! 😄

No op today so I'll carry on and hope the DH brings the good glasses so I can read my Christmas books.
I wish you all strength tonight, Fridays being the Devils Disco. X

Hi all, and Sid, you little monkey, worrying your lovely mama like that, you be a good boy and behave!
Hope you’re all okay.
Massive well done to all who are hitting milestones, and huge hugs to those struggling.
Am opening a bottle of Nosecco tonight to head off the wine witch. She can go forth and multiply.
Going to order a Thai takeaway and Google Bathroom accessories to stop me caving. Then an early night and read ( re read) Rachel’s Holiday on my kindle, with a herbal tea and the rest of my fruit and nut bar. Happy days.
Love to all.
We’ve got this. X