The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Morning all.

Welcome @Gotthis24

Oh that is rubbish @WendyWagon

I’ve come back home - DM has started eating and drinking a bit, so no idea what’s going to happen. Glad to be back with the family- they’ve got a few challenges at the moment too.

It was so much easier coping with it all without being hungover, and some of the other learning I’ve done about sitting with emotions really helped. Still tough, but I feel I coped much better than I would have done 3 years ago

@Onewildandpreciouslife sorry to hear about the uncertainty you are facing with your DM. It’s a real gift being able to sit with difficult feelings. As someone who deflected with booze all the time, I am really grateful for this now.

@WendyWagon Hope DH is feeling better and I hope you are ok and able to get some support with the caring duties so you can look after your health too. Carers have to put on their oxygen mask first so they can help others.

@REP22 Sid is look resplendent there. I shall be leaving my running companion at home today. He is a springer and for every 10k I run he probably runs 30, and is inexhaustible!

@frankiefirstyear your situation sounds tough. My exH was/is an alcoholic. It took me many years to step back and realise that his drinking was not my responsibility and it was down to him to change. I tried to be kind for years and looking back, this just enabled him and created a codependent dynamic. I am not saying this is your relationship for a second- we are all different. Just that his behaviour and choices were his alone, and beyond my control or responsibility. Hard to accept when you love and care for someone. Alcohol is a powerful and destructive drug. I was well aware of how it affected me and chose to change- but that choice came from me alone and my own motivations. Largely my children and not wanting them to grow up with two parents who gave them a blue print for living life with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. But also my health and wellbeing.

@ShyMaryEllen i love that Jo Brand analogy. Totally resonates with me. The days I wasted and the things I missed out on! So happy that this is not the case in the present. Hangover free weekends never get boring.

welcome @Gotthis24 , your drinking sounds similar to mine. No off switch.

happy Sunday to everyone else… I shall report back later (hopefully) when the GNR is run and I will be celebrating with a cup of tea and a lovely slice of cake. 🍰

Have a brilliant run @threeandmeandthedog . We can do hard things!

Good morning shipmates.

I have calmed down now. I was eyeing up the sloe gin. Not my thing.
The DH is still asleep. I'm two teas down. At least as the DS is in France no Sunday roast is required.
Now I have a weird improvement in my mobility. I have given up meat in general (I did sneak a breakfast in😁). I was a vegetarian for twenty three years. If anyone has any thoughts I'd love to hear them.
Good luck @threeandmeandthedog I so loved running.
Thanks for all the good wishes.

Morning all.

Best of luck for the GNR @threeandmeandthedog .

Well done for avoiding the Sloe Gin last night. @WendyWagon .

Friends for lunch this afternoon . So blitz if the house on the cards this morning.

Yes, all the best for the run, @threeandmeandthedog . I hope the weather improves for it.

I am very excited ladies re a house I saw decades ago. A retirement abode. Just reduced. It has an equired taste style wise shall we say, Midlands nightclub with disco balls etc.
I have had a big talk with the DH and have insisted he pushes for his op and potentially retiring otherwise it is too far from his job.
The house is in one of our favourite locations, near to where our son is moving to. Near to the station and lots of lovely shops. We lived there twenty odd years ago and we have always said we'd go back.
I am forming a cunning plan. I might even make a crumble!!

@Onewildandpreciouslife Glad that you're back home and your DM seems to be picking up a bit. There's probably not a lot you can do for your DM at the moment, so I'm sure you're in the best place. Wishing you everything well.

Glad things are a bit better today @WendyWagon , well done for not touching the gin, it would have made everything worse, grim though it already was. I've been fully meat-free since 2022 (when I had to start working with some farms as part of my job. I shall say no more). Lots of good alternatives out there these days. Quorn is my friend.

I hope your friends tasted delicious @EastCoastDamsel 😉

That house option sounds amazing @WendyWagon , I love a quirky place. And in a location you like too. How exciting. Carpe diem and all that. I don't want to scupper anything but even I feel excited about this one... Keep us posted!

I've just been out to a local market town. There's a beer festival on there today (that's not why I went. They're the only local town with an Iceland and I craved the debauchery of Slimming World frozen ready meals). There were quite a few people stumbling about clutching samples (I pray they were beer and not their own) and 6 pint plastic cartons of their purchases. It was fairly late on in the proceedings and none of them looked particularly happy. One bloke was passed out p~ssed by the St. John's Ambulance stall. Only the ones who weren't drinking were smiling. Perhaps I'd just missed the morris dancing, maybe that was why everyone looked so bl~~dy miserable.

Sid is regretting his choices yesterday. He vastly overdid it, against my advice. Now he is sorry. Here he is, reacting with enthusiastic exuberance and unfettered joy to my attempt to rouse him for some exercise... But have no pity for him. He is the architect of his own misery - and you may be sure that I suffered to promote his enjoyment yesterday. But I does it 'cause I loves him, and he's a very happy chappie under his grumpy face.

Keep going. We've almost done another weekend. Love and strength to you all. xx

Oh Sid is so cute, I just want to ruffle those silky ears, my dogs been fed and given his after dinner treats but is sitting in his spot in the kitchen where he waits for his food, but I have to stay strong, he is old with a bad back and his weight has to be kept in check, so only hugs for him, no more dodgy treats today!

yesterday we visited a friend in her town, walked along the front with her dogs and went for lunch. It was lovely to see her, especially as she recently split with her partner so wanted to make sure she was ok, but the whole thing triggered me a bit. The last time we were there, quite a while back mind, we stayed over and had lots of drinks in various pubs, it made me miss my old life.

then today we took my dad and in-laws for a drink, I’m usually absolutely fine sitting with them in the pub, drinking my fake beer, but I just looked about and was sure all those who were boozing were living their best lives, in reality I have to try and remember that actually aside from a buzz from the first two drinks maybe, the rest of the time isn’t all that great.

Has been great reading all your updates, have a wonderful evening everyone.

Have picked up new dog and then did a 2 hour walk with both dogs
we are veggie. Just doing a quorn roast now.
happy sober Sunday all

Thank you @cookiebee - Sid sends love 💖Fantastically well done for resisting the lure, despite all. That cannot have been easy. You're right though, about the drink. It's the idea of it, and the first twenty minutes or so, that seems joyous. We know the reality is very different. It's not fair really. But you've got a day of lovely memories to keep forever now, not the needling of conscience and guilt to wear alongside a hangover. That's got to be worth it. 🙂

Welcome home @Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime's new dog! I hope the two get along well and enjoy each others' company - and I hope you have very many wonderful times together. I'd swing for a quorn roast. But, alas, SW carrot and coriander soup for me. Although it was very nice.

Goodnight all. Strength and love to you. xx

Made it! And have this guy for company this evening. So very grateful for my alcohol free life today and all it has bought me. Sat here, very peacefully after a fantastic time running (would never have put fantastic +running other before!) and the thought of celebrating with alcohol does not remotely appeal right now. I feel like a lot has shifted for me, and I have changed and learnt to appreciate the stillness and sit with the quiet, rather than constantly searching for distraction. I like it this way, life before was exhausting.

@threeandmeandthedog YAAAAYYYYY!!! 😀😀 That's fantastic. Very well done on completing the run. Something I could never do. I am so, so chuffed for you.

And what an exquisite dog - he looks like a good friend to have about you. You've done him (and us) proud.

Brilliant. 💖xx

Amazing @threeandmeandthedog

So happy for you @threeandmeandthedog

Morning all.
Up early as the dog was barking.
I took a herbal pill last night and was very vocal about the DH getting medical help this morning. It wasn't very gentle of me but I was sleep deprived and not in the mood for anymore Miss nursey.

However one Yorkshire tea has been consumed and I feel better.
We will have been here two years in the spring (it's gone so fast). I think that will be fine to sell then if I want the other house. It's in a very famous town so I do worry about tourists but we lived there before and loved it. The DD will be mutinous but she is commuting to uni from next week anyway. We'll see dear hearts. I can see it all calmed down rather than done up if you get my drift.
The slope gin is intact.

Morning all.
Day 100!

New house sounds v exciting @WendyWagon . Hope DH gets the care he (and you) needs. Is there an option to go private for the required treatment? Don't want to be down on the NHS but it might just be a more expedient way to resolve your issues.

@EastCoastDamsel good morning. The DH has got some kind of medical lnsurance. He's going to look into it.

The current abode was bought after three sales fell through. It was mad post covid here due to a straight commute into London. It's not my style being modern but it does have good installation and cheap running costs. We should really downsize but we can't get our furniture in and I'm not ready.

Congratulations on 100 days @EastCoastDamsel ! Amazing work 🥳

Good morning all.

@WendyWagon - good for you; I'm sure you said what needed to be said. This is no time for soft soap; your DH needs to get fixed before the problem gets worse. Fingers crossed that your words sunk in. All very exciting about the new home prospect... 🤞

Congratulations on 100 days @EastCoastDamsel , that's absolutely outstanding. A fantastic achievement. 🎉🥳

Strength and love. Keep going. xx

morning all!
@WendyWagon disco balls and a midlands nighclubesque house sounds very alluring 💜

hope DH sees sense.

@threeandmeandthedog massive well done in the GNR that's fantastic! your dog looks much like my little brown and white cocker.

@REP22 Sid is looking mightfine as ever

@EastCoastDamsel 100 days is an amazing achievement. be very proud.

@cookiebee well done on retreading old drinking ground and staying sober. not easy at all.

i am around 130 days sober with a stressful few months ahead as DD goes in for a major op this week. i'm glad to be my strongest sober self for this but also been craving some boozy oblivion relief. feeling like im never going to be out of the woods and need to accept that.

@Onewildandpreciouslife @Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime @ShyMaryEllen waving to you lot too.

stay strong ladies. we can do hard things and we can do them sober.

@Gotthis24 @frankiefirstyear @FlakyPanda how you all doing?

@ponzusoup - 130 days is brilliant, congratulations. It's taken a lot of courage and willpower to get this far. You're amazing.

I'm so sorry about your DD. I hope that the operation goes well and recovery is swift and lasting. Wishing you strength and love for the days ahead. You might not get out of the woods - but the trees will hopefully become less dense and forbidding, the brambles less prickly, and the paths easier to navigate.

Very much love to you and your DD. 💗x

@REP22 thank you 💜

@ponzusoup all the best for your DD’s operation- hope all goes smoothly.

@EastCoastDamsel well done on 100 days- awesome stuff.