The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

@ponzusoup thanks for asking, day17 today and I’m feeling mostly positive and motivated.
I have a challenge coming up on Friday- dinner date with DH colleagues but we’re taking the kids and I’ll drive to avoid temptation. I also love appletiser so will take a bottle so I don’t feel left out when the wine comes out. I’m also thinking of future get togethers with old friends. I don’t want to have the conversation about why I don’t drink anymore, possibly overthinking (and likely they won’t be surprised I needed to stop due to zero control)🤔.
Wondering how you all
manage(d) these conversations? My older friendships were cemented in boozy misadventures and I suppose the best friends will support and understand and ones that don’t aren’t really true friends. Thanks again for all the support here, you’re all brilliant and this thread has helped keep me going so much already.

I'm on and off the damn wagon - and every time I wake up I think, 'Just why, why? I've done it again.' But no matter how ashamed and determined I feel in the morning, the afternoon/evening creeps round, and I'm screaming out for wine; which then does nothing for me anyway 🙄 It's still at a 'manageable' stage right now, I can still function. But I want to live. Have been to one AA meeting so far, and hoping to go to another this week. They can be a bit hit and miss in the crowd you get there, but always such honest and genuine desire to help fellow alcoholics.

Gawd, I wish this wasn't my life

@FlakyPanda I told people that I was avoiding alcohol because id noticed it gave me anxiety. That was true obviously but only part of it. People pretty much accepted that. Now it's been quite a while and people don't ask me why really. I just tell them I don't drink any more.

@FlakyPanda Massive props to you on 17 days! 😁

Yes! Sorry I should have said that too. Well done.

Everyone is doing so so well, I'm in awe x

@BoneTiredandWired sorry if you've already done this (you probably have) but can you chuck any alcohol you have in the house, get yourself some nice AF drinks (whether they are regular fancy soft drinks or something like AF gin is your choice) and have a plan for this evening? Just for tonight? If you really want a glass of wine tell yourself you CAN have it but just wait till tomorrow? Maybe have a look for a different AA group locally if you didn't mesh with the last one.

@ponzusoup good luck to your DD x

@BoneTiredandWired you'll get there you know.
Sometimes we fall but it is those who get up and keep going that become non drinkers.
My name is such on this thread because I'm not always perfect but I thank my lucky stars I'm not the old me.
Angry, bloated and not able to go three days without drink. I was not very easy to live with. And possibly work with the next day?
Parties, misery and to be frank any excuse to neck a couple bottles of wine. My relationships were disloving around me. My adult DC were paticularly angry with me.
I did lose a couple of friends when I gave up drinking. Tbh we had a shared history of boozing but they didn't really know me, the real me. They were new party girl friends. One has remained a heavy drinker, the other I believe only if someone else is picking up the tab which I often did! I see neither these days. I don't miss them really.
My old friends remember me as a big driver and sports person. They've all been great. One or two bring me wine but I put it out of harms way. I couldn't have it in the house at first.

Amazing on 17 days @FlakyPanda .

I saw some very old friends who I hadn't seen in a while when I was about 28 days in, they haven't seen the slow descent. And seeing them was a real celebration so it was difficult. I really didn't want to get into my real reasons and I definitely didn't want it to be a topic of conversation.

When asked I said that I was giving AF lifestyle a go as I had noticed that drinking made my peri-menopausal symptoms worse (true) and that not drinking relieved them loads (also true).

@FlakyPanda well done on 17 days! 🙂It's not an easy conversation to have, re. not drinking. I limit myself to just "not for me thanks" and don't get into it. Catherine Gray in her book has a bit on the sorts of things one can say. I suppose "it doesn't agree with me these days" or "it was starting to make me feel a bit ill" are other options. Or I might make a jokey response of "No thanks, I want to remember next Christmas, haha!". But really, it's up to you. It's not their business, and you don't owe them any explanation (and certainly not any apology) or excuse. It's your choice and your friends should be respectful of that (though people aren't always). It's perfectly OK to just say "just juice for me thanks!" and leave it at that.

@BoneTiredandWired - it won't always be this hard, honestly. Keep trying. You will get there. But, as @Itsrainingten says, maybe get rid of what's in the house, just so you're not tempted. Just for a bit?

Love and strength. xx

Sorry that it’s so hard @BoneTiredandWired . We have all been there - it’s just that one day we managed to get through a day without a drink. And then another.

I think you might find Annie Grace’s The Alcohol Experiment quite helpful. It’s a book that covers the first 30 days. I read chapter 1 many, many times! (I think there are online versions but then you get a lot of emails which is irritating)

This week seems a lot more positive than last week, which is great to see.

I'm another wishing all the best to your daughter, @ponzusoup. I hope your cunning plan comes to fruition @WendyWagon , and congratulations to everyone for staying off the sauce.

@FlakyPanda I told people I wasn't sleeping, so was cutting out wine and caffeine. After a while I changed that to 'I gave up to help me sleep and realised I didn't miss alcohol so am staying off it'. It worked for me.

@BoneTiredandWired I second @Onewildandpreciouslife recommendation.

I listened to This Naked Mind as an audiobook. A chapter a day , which was easy to achieve on a walk/while washing dishes/cooking dinner. I listened to it more than once too. It was transformative.

DH got home with a small present for me for my 100 days! Some freshwater pearl studs. Which is very symbolic as my Day 1 was the 2nd of June and pearls are the June birthstone. Really touched by this.

@EastCoastDamsel that's so lovely of your DH. You deserve them. Well done

I am back on Day 1 today - got to 16 days, then was offered a glass of wine when I went to see my mother one evening and thought ‘sod it’. Just had one, then had a couple of glasses of champagne at the weekend. Then thought I’d have a glass yesterday and ended up drinking a whole bottle - alone. This is a recurrent pattern. The change I will make this time is that I will tell certain people (my mother,husband) that I am not drinking. I have a big lunch event on Friday that includes a ‘champagne bar’. On some level i don’t think I believed that I would go to this without drinking, which in the end made me think that I might as well have a drink before that. Sorry, I hope this isn’t triggering for anyone. It really wasn’t worth having the first drink and I don’t understand why I made that (stupid) choice.

It’s a really common loop @Marchpane123 . The good thing is that you’re trying again, and making steps to do it differently. I think it helps to think of it as our brain trying to protect us from pain / discomfort- it knows Friday will be difficult, so it wants to avoid that pain by doing what it’s used to doing to avoid pain. I find it helpful to “talk back” to my brain- “I know you’re trying to keep me safe, but it’s ok brain, we’re just trying something new”. It sounds mad, I know!

Morning all
not posted for awhile I’ve been in Marrakesh swapping cocktails for mocktails!! Feeling smug 😊 I know I have a long road ahead but that’s a massive win for me.
sleep still not great and sugar cravings are real!! But feeling a lot more positive and definitely in a better headspace so small steps!! Hope everyone is ok a lot of posts to catch up on but just wanted to drop in and let you know I’m still here 18 days AF 😊

Good morning all.
A better night with the DH as the next set of paramedics got him some new drugs. He's moving a bit better. I got to sleep, hoorah.

Congratulations @EastCoastDamsel what a lovely gift. 100 days is hugely significant.

@Marchpane123 im sorry you have had a wobble. Get back on the horse and try a bit of forward planning for Friday. I've taken faux G and T cans into events. Is that something you could do?

Morning to Cap't @rep22

Great to see you back @Chance21 - 18 days is great work, especially with a holiday thrown in! 👏👏

Marrakesh! How lovely. Well done on sticking to the mocktails.

Has your daughter had her op yet, @ponzusoup ? I hope it went well, if so. x

What a lovely present @EastCoastDamsel 🥰

I've not posted in a few threads but wanted to check in. I'm approaching a year sober next month, and have recently moved into longest time of my adult life sober. It's been an emotional and challenging journey, but finally feel it's becoming a way of life now and I hope I won't go back.

I did consider having a drink over the summer, packing a cocktail can on a weekend away. I didn't have it though and feel like that cemented things for me. Had been considering it for weeks, and when I didn't drink it realised how relieved I was and that I had to keep it up. So for now I am clear that I'm sticking with it, and hope I can avoid it if I fall into wobbly territory again.

Hope you're all doing well, good to see some names I recognise. This thread was my main support in my early sober days and reading other people's experiences is what made me realise I actually did have problem I needed to address. When I remember where I was this time last year, I'm so glad of where I am now.

@EastCoastDamsel - what a lovely, thoughtful present. That's deeply touching. I'm so glad that you've got such a supportive and kind DH. Have you ever thought about cloning him and selling the results...? 😉

Welcome back @Marchpane123, it's nice to see you again. Please don't beat yourself up too badly. We have all been there. I've slipped up many times myself. You're back with experience and a new strategy, that's the main thing - keep striding forwards. You can make it. ❤

Hearty welcome back too to @Chance21 I'm glad that you had a great time. 18 days is brilliant, especially when a big part of that has been a holiday. Marrakesh always looks wonderful, if maybe slightly bonkers (aka "vibrant"). I hope you had a fabulous time. I promise you that the sleep will improve and the cravings will get better, in time. I can't say exactly when, as we are all so delightfully different. For some people change comes quickly, not so much in my case - but I am aware of a vast improvement in both areas. Sleep more than cravings, though I know I'm much less of a devil for the chocolate milkshake than I used to be.

Hi @Kate489, it's nice to meet you 😀I'm a relative newbie, I first approached the thread in April 2023. Everyone was so kind, welcoming and encouraging - and merciful and understanding when I confessed to slipping. It's one of the finest places to be and has really kept me going in both good and extremely bleak times. Congratulations on making it to a year, that's incredible and I know cannot have been easy. I'm really glad you've found us again. I hope you'll stay for a while. 💖

@WendyWagon glad your DH is a bit more mobile. Hopefully the new meds will do what they're supposed to. I hope more than anything that things get better for him and for you. I'm glad that you at least got some sleep. Sleep deprivation can bring a person down so very quickly. It was an actual torture device used to elicit "confessions" and "evidence", back in the days when they were burning witches and heretics. A torture that was cheap and highly effective, it works sadly all too well.

No danger of Sid confessing to heresy or naughty dealings with Beelzebub - I had trouble prising himself out of his sleep this morning. He was almost minded to snap at me as I tried to part furry flesh from pillow. I had to remind him that we were not at home to Mr. Toilet-Talk. Stern words indeed. Happily they had the desired effect - the reprobate potty-mouth was persuaded to lay aside his teddy and face the joyful morn.

Strength and love. Keep going, just a bit further now. It will be alright. xx

Thank you @REP22 yes it was definitely an experience good and bad in places but definitely puts life into perspective especially walking through the markets etc you’re right it’s a bit bonkers!!
yes wasn’t sure how I’d get on but I didn’t find it difficult at all and that’s not to say I won’t in the future but I was very determined that this trip would not involve alcohol. Would like to say I was well rested but my sleep is not great but I had some lovely conversations with people that I remember and genuinely enjoyed and I was able to make sense and not my usual blurry eyed and talking nonsense 😂 which has made me even more determined that I don’t need alcohol in social situations in fact the alcohol would make the conversations meaningless and forgettable. Aw sid ❤️ brightens everyone’s day

Thanks @Chance21 - I'm so glad you had such a nice time. The real gift for me in sobriety is the conversations had and the memories made. I've had some lovely times out with Sid this year, which previously would have been hours wasted, hungover (or still p~ssed) in bed with the curtains pulled and the day shut out. I will treasure them forever, and hopefully make many more. Definitely worth the more wretched times it took to achieve them. Plus, the fact of also not making a total tit of myself in public (I mean, no more than usual). 😉

Slimming World tonight. Them scales won't be purrty, I suspect. But it won't be booze-weight that's gone on (too many tomatoes, I fear), so that counts as a win for me. Next week will be better. Sid will be relived that The Hat won't be coming out again, hehe x