Morning everyone - today is day 365 for me. I had a planned drink in April, had had some really difficult news about one of my children’s health, and actually the three glasses of wine did not help me manage my feelings in the slightest, so in many ways this blip was a very helpful reminder that the answers are not in the bottom of a glass.
Before that I did 100 days sober, and was so glad I found this thread to help me. I am not going to dwell on my past. I am not proud of some of drunken moments that my
kids might have seen and how hangovers affected my parenting, but all I can do is move forward and do better. I have and I am.
I feel I am a much more present, reflective, thoughtful and all round better Mum.
I am kinder to myself and more forgiving.
I am far more aware of how I feel in my body and how this connects to my emotional state.
I am able to sit with uncomfortable feelings, manage them by doing activities I enjoy (walking, running, reading, cooking, watching a box set, seeing a friend, going to the gym) and I know that they will pass eventually.
I feel healthy and I am healthy. I exercise, I eat well, I sleep so much better.
I am far more aware of what underpinned my drinking and realise now that EXDH was extremely hard to live with. He had his own drinking demons and I often felt lonely and disconnected from him. I never really drank alone, I was a very social binge drinker (no off switch), I think I went out with friends to drink as an escape. I definitely did that during unhappy periods in my 20s.
I drank to escape my past experiences so never dealt with them. Now I am starting therapy to work on processing all this.
Ironically, since I was often seeking social
situations , I drank to manage social anxiety too 😬
I now feel so much happier in my own company. My 3 dc are teens and are out and about a lot and with thier dad 50% of the time. I have found I am actually very grateful for quiet alone time.
I only socialise with people I really want to spend time with. I feel fine with turning down invitations and saying no. I go out a lot less. I have better boundaries. I am content and feel satisfied with my life.
I do have some pals who were good drinking buddies. I do miss that sense of comraderie. I enjoyed those evenings around the kitchen table, putting the world to rights, they were fun. I just have to remember that the first few drinks were fun then the rest was a bit of a drunken blur. I avoid them now . But I find other ways to be with those friends. And those friends are supportive.
Other friends I have realised it was largely based on boozing and that’s just not my life anymore. And I am grateful for that.
Thanks to all who post here. I read most days and post sporadically. This thread really makes a difference.