The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

@Anna73moose i could’ve wrote that myself. Also my first time on any sort of forum but I knew I needed some sort of support. Well done on making the first steps. Yesterday was day one for me xx

@Anna73moose Hello 😊. I was rarely a bad drunk just a way too much every day wine drinker. We all drink in different ways I guess. Well done on your Day #1.

@WendyWagon I hear you regarding skin looking and feeling so much better! I have to admit that one of the (many) reasons I want to say goodbye to booze permanently is vanity. I'm almost 60 and felt that alcohol was wrecking my appearance as well as all the stuff inside like my liver and brain.

I woke up one day thinking I've used tretinoin for several years, I moisturise twice a day, use factor 50 sunscreen daily, take collagen and fish oil supplements, take loads of vitamins etc etc yet I'm drinking stupid amounts which must surely be undoing from the inside most of the stuff I'm doing to the outside 🙈. It was such a stupid contradiction.

I was so used to having a drink in my hand that now I'm drinking several litres of water every day! My skin is grateful but my bladder doesn't know what's hit it 😂 So far the benefits are definitely outweighing the slight pangs of regret and very frequent visits to the loo!,

TiA303091
what a relief to hear someone else in the same boat. Being alone in my own head is quite isolating, I’m really glad I’ve found this forum! Here’s to the journey ahead x
Well done on taking that 1st step too!

CarrotSeeds
Thank you. It’s good to read about all the different experiences people are having, don’t feel quite so alone x

You're not alone. There are many more like us out there - 'normal', well-meaning, often hard-working women, who have a poor relationship with alcohol. Some will be reading and not posting, and others won't have heard of Mumsnet, never mind this thread. Some have been sober for years, others are starting out with trepidation. Some relapse every now and then and get back on the road, others don't ever drink again, others never get back to sobriety.

Our experiences of drinking and its effects on our lives are different too. Some have health issues as a result of alcohol, some have broken relationships, lost jobs, criminal records, and others escaped those things.

On this thread, too, we have a lot in common, and a lot that's different. We are different ages, from different backgrounds, different occupations, some are in couples or families, others single, but we are all in this together.

We all love Sid, obviously, which is another commonality 😀.

I haven’t posted on here for ages, but I just saw it in active.

It’s been over a year for me now. I never ever would have imagined I could have done this in the past.

I don’t think about wine any more, only if a memory or situation prompts if maybe. It’s easy to push the thoughts away now though.

I walk to the gym now rather than drive. I used to make myself drive as drinking and driving has always been a hard no for me and it was the only way I knew I wouldn’t drink.

Im never going back (+ I have more money!)

Ahoy shipmates. Hearty greetings to you all from me and Cabin Boy/Powder Monkey Sid.

Sending all love and good wishes to regular friends, returning comrades and new friends. @SylviaB @TiA303091 and @Anna73moose I am so glad you have found us. You are welcome here and we face each day together, whether you want to post anything or not. I won't lie - it is not easy, some days will probably be pretty cr~p. I'm sorry. But I absolutely guarantee you that it will be worth it, in so many ways. Welcome back aboard @Becky37 and @OfDragonsDeep ❤

Have had an oddly challenging couple of evenings, but so relieved that I didn't cave. The sober morning feeling never gets tired and I suspect things are about to implode somewhat at work, so I need to be sharp and kicking-bottom, which I could never be when hungover.

Wishing you strength and love for your week ahead. May it be free of the choppier waters. But even if the whirlpool circles, it will be OK. We can ride it out together. It will be alright, I promise, and not too far until the sailing is smoother again. xx

@TiA303091

Thank you for your message and understanding. Very emotional and tearful today. But I will not drink 👊

@ REP22
Appreciate being welcomed back into the fold. This cycle has to stop.

@CarrotSeeds

Your words mean alot to me. You get it, you really do. I am a student nurse too and should have qualified a few months ago. But I had to miss a placement because of a physically abusive relationship I was in (not my kids father). So I am having to repeat the 3rd year placements. I missed quite a bit due to hangovers too! This is also why I have to be really honest about my issues with alcohol. Yes it is a coping mechanism for the trauma, yes it is to deal with lonelyness, yes also the stresses of having 4 children and doing so much alone... but what it boils down too is that it is still on me. No more excuses. I like/hate getting smashed on booze. Thats a fact. But i will loose everything if I keep doing this.

I have a chance to pull it together , but I wont get another one I dont think. I have had to miss the first two days of my new placement because 9f my bender, i've made myself poorly so couldnt function there today or tomorrow. Plus have HUGE bruise on my chin from falling over last thursday at the local cinema. I'm nearly 40. Not 14 ffs

Bless you @Becky37 - I'm sorry you're feeling grim and tearful. It sounds like you've really been through the ringer of late. You're not a bad person and we all - every single one of us (including Sid) - have made mistakes. It's not in the mistakes but in how we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and keep plugging away at it that matters. Take care of yourself. It will be OK, even if it doesn't seem much like it at the moment. xx 💐

@REP22 you have such coompassion and understanding. I'm obviously weeping now! But that is okay. I need to post more on here then I have before for this reason.

I am going to also do an in person meeting once a week as the smart is so good but I think having some human contact with fellow drinkers/alcoholics, could be a game changer for the time being. Things could be, and could get so much worse for me, but for me in my life and what I want, this last bender was a rock bottom moment. Annoyed friends too and just made an utter tit of myself. Let my eldest who is 15 down as she was around all weekend. Luckily younger ones all at their dads.

I do think also the physical meeting will help as they usually have whatsapp groups etc so contacts to lean on. Which i need. And which I have never done before so probably big part of why I crack so much.

Bless your heart. I completely understand. I think your plans sound wise and helpful. I did SMART recovery once a week in person (pre-Covid), as well as some one-to-one counselling via a service called Inclusion (an NHS service). It was the saving of me, really. The face-to-face contact and sharing of experiences was most helpful, as was the idea that something I might say could have helped someone else.

And if it's not for you, you don't have to keep going. But I'd really recommend giving it a go. Knowing that you're actively taking steps to fix your situation is something I found helpful too.

Sometimes we need to hit the rock at the very bottom before we can find a toehold to begin climbing our way out of the pit. You're a good, strong person. You can make it. I've been at the bottom. Sadly more than once. It's dark, horrible and it doesn't smell good. But you can clamber free. Honestly. Little grips and then the bigger bits will appear to hang onto. The rocks get less slippery the higher you climb. You can do it. ❤xx

@Becky37 i have met some IRL friends from this thread and the same with AA.

I found it useful to talk to people in person if only to shock myself out of my delusions.
Your friends will forgive you. You'll need their support.
It's easier if we can crack it first tine but the sober life isn't for sissies. It's hard work but so much easier than drinking and repeating ad finitum.

Do it for you and your four children.
I've never known anyone say they wish they drank more!

Evening all. Mondays are a good day to start as I rarely drink on a Monday. So feeling all good here.

@Becky37 - you sound like you've got a lot of stress in your life but we really need great nurses so hang on in there for your kids but for the rest of us too.

I've been feeling a bit Mondayish but am looking forward to feeling better as the wine induced depression lifts.

@WendyWagon

Thank you for your response, advice and also understanding. I am in bed after an exceptionally anxiety filled, and emotional day. Nothing happened! Just in in the brain. Feeling like the worst person right now, but the day is nearly done and I will, physically at least, feel slightly better tomorrow.

How long have you been dry for Wendy? I have also self referred to a local alcohol and drug service. Definately trying to find a physical meeting for friday after work/placement too

@Becky37 ah bless you.
Two years and ten months.

Five stone lighter and a much nicer person.

@SylviaB

Thank you for your support. You get it! I know sober Becky is a good and genuine person. An excellent friend, mother and nurse. The Becky that drinks is not. The Becky that went on a bender AGAIN is non of those things.

@WendyWagon

Wow, you've got some sober miles under your belt! Inspirational. And the weight loss sounds good to me, every time I loose a stone and dont drink I binge and then the inevitable recovery phase of not drinking for a week or whatever where I eat everything in sight!

Ladies, glad to see some familiar names! Just dropping in to celebrate 2 years. Was actually a couple of days ago but nowadays I don’t lose much headspace thinking about it! Really just posting in the hopes that my experience might help inspire someone lurking or just starting out. I stopped drinking two years ago as I realised that I had a problem and was finally ready to tackle it. Best changes since then - I immediately felt better in myself, mentally and physically. I sleep well every night. I had the courage to go for counseling and talk about my Dad’s suicide. I’m a stone lighter (this took a while but i never dieted). My skin is still pretty awful but my rosacea isn’t as bad. I can handle the crazy amount of stress I have at work, and juggling 3 kids…2 of which have ADHD. The stress was always my excuse for needing a drink but it’s so much easier to deal with sober. I actually just got a big promotion that I don’t think I’d have managed without this change. Unexpectedly I’ve found myself going back to church regularly, it’s almost like I have space in my head for it now and have found some peace. Anyways…I struggled for years to moderate and couldn’t imagine a life without wine. It’s so much easier than I thought it would be, and I’m very rarely tempted. I’d never go back. Stay strong ladies, and to those just starting this journey, it’s so worth it.

Night all. Enjoy your sober slumbers.

@Shanster Wow, two years is fabulous! When lots of ex-drinkers on this thread say that they rarely give alcohol head space these days, it sounds so amazing and I can't really imagine it. But then a month ago I wouldn't have imagined not drinking for a month, yet here I am!

@Becky37 I'm sending you every possible good wish. You sound lovely. You can do this, for yourself and for your kids 💪 ❤️

All these stories are so encouraging and inspiring. Thank you all. 🙏🏻

@Shanster
congratulations on 2 years that’s amazing. I love hearing everyone’s experience with giving up as it gives me hope that I can also do it. I’ve not had any real traumatic life experiences that are to blame for my binge drinking. I’m just one of these people who once they start they can’t stop. I’d say in a month I binge probably 3 times which leaves me with crippling anxiety, panic attacks, black outs and the terrible shakes. At the weekend in particular I was celebrating my birthday. I drank heavily on Friday night with my husband, then I had a day out with a friend on the Saturday. Silly me thinking I’ll just have a glass of wine with lunch to make me feel better. That glass of wine turned into goodness knows how many and continued throughout the night. The next morning I felt ok when I woke up but I’m guessing when the alcohol started to leave my body that’s when the anxiety and shakes kicked in. I honestly couldn’t control my body. I know it might sound a bit far fetched but I felt t like I was going to have a seizure or something. It really frightened me. This was the turning point for me. I never in my life want to feel like that again. what advice would you give to someone just starting out. Did you avaood certain situations/people to start? I’m on day 3 of my hangover and I still don’t feel right. Xx

Good morning my lovely sober sisters.
Hello @Shanster , so good to hear from you. Huge congrats.

Well blow me down with a feather duster and call me Mildred, I had no siren call last night (it's never left me at home, fine out). I started the Wegovy, logged my calories and not a sausage re anything. No cheese, no inner battle. Could be hog wash but a win for me.
I found my nutracheck details from 2022.
i had the app but hadn't used it last year.
I was a whopper. It's even easier now to use it. Scan the yoghurt and it does the calculation for you.

I think the best advice I can give for our newbies is imagine waking up without the fear. No one to apologise to, no memory loss. No retching, no stomach ache. A fresh day when you can choose nourishing food not what you can keep down.
On my nearly three year journey I've lost three people to alcoholism aged 54, 62, 60. All super tragic.
Do you want that to be your story?, of course you don't. If you knew that was your time slot would stop now?
I didn't want to leave my children.
It's only mouldy fruit and water. Not worth it my friends. X

Morning all.
Congratulations on your 2 years @Shanster - amazing work! It sounds like lots of things are falling into place for you - I think it’s crazy how much alcohol holds us back, and we never realise until we manage to separate from it.

You’re doing brilliantly @CarrotSeeds !

Sorry you’re still feeling rough @TiA303091 - it can take about 4/5 days for the alcohol to physically leave your body, and 10 days for your cortisol levels to get back to normal. So hopefully you’ll start to feel better in the next couple of days - that’s the dangerous time, as your brain will tell you that it wasn’t that bad, one will be fine, etc!

As for avoiding situations and people, different things work for different people- some prefer to keep “safe” for a while, others keep doing what they were doing. It’s a question of what you think will work best for you.

Think of a time when you achieved a major goal- how did you do that? For me, it’s always been reading lots about the subject and measurable goals, so lots of quit lit and an app that counted my sober days were what worked for me. Other people need to be involved with other people, so some form of meeting helps them.

Thank you @WendyWagon @Onewildandpreciouslife any advice is gladly taken. I’m taking one day at a time and one occasion at a time. I have a cheese and wine night with my two best friends this weekend and I’m obviously not going to have the wine. When I quit before they were both very supportive which I’m very lucky. My family not so much as they always say “oh you weren’t that bad” “give yourself a break” etc etc. xx