The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

I'm sorry you are missing your grandpup - hopefully it won't be too much longer before you can have some more furry snuggles?
That depends on my daughter, @REP22 . Still no contact😢

Welcome to newbies. This is a good time to join in, as the next few weeks are often very boozy, so skipping them is more of a rest for our livers than other months.

If people have been drinking for a while, it is a good idea to get some high strength Thiamine (Vitamin B1) to protect your brain. Take it for a few weeks. It won't do any harm, as you don't store it in your body, you excrete what you don't need. B complex is fine, but you won't get the full strength of separate Thiamine tabs, and some of the other B vitamins are harmful in excess, so you shouldn't compensate by taking more than recommended.

Evening all and welcome to @CarrotSeeds and @Kimbo180 .

Thank you for the welcome. Today was a bit tricky. We have family here for the weekend, had a lovely lunch out with a nice bottle of wine for them, water for me. Then home and more wine opened. I actually felt quite sad which I know is silly.

A very early good morning.
My brain is obviously recalabrating.
I spent thirty odd years getting up at 5pm and it's madness.
Well done Carrots. Treat yourself to some posh AF gin or mocktails. I like Gordon's and I buy huge lemons. I don't like real gin but I like the faux kind.

I need to go hat shopping next week. That is much fun for me. I do love a chapeau.
The rude friend has been in touch twice and the DS has talked me down from cutting her off. When he's in a good mood he's very diplomatic. She is a tricky character. A soft touch as I am I don't think I can do the Christmas lunch with her.
Hopefully my home help is starting this week. I'm not calling her a housekeeper as she is a bit fickle. However any input will be better than my messy abode at the moment. I still have boxes from 18 months ago.
Not alot on today but I have excess winter plants so I may add them to my pots.
I've been Christmas shopping so I will carry on with that I think. I love Christmas and this year I will put a tree up.
Have a good day my sober sisters.

Morning all.
@CarrotSeeds that is not silly at all! You are undoing patterns of behaviour that have served you for years, and it can feel like a loss to start with but it will start to be your new normal, and the deep benefits will start to flow

And you survived a tricky day with just water! Huge win

Morning all.

Sunday is my one lie in day and I only just woke up. Had a very busy week as I have had to go fro zero to hero in my new job. I had been negotiating the promotion for a couple of months but expected the process to take a bit longer than it did and it all felt a bit sudden.
I have moved into a more strategic role and have to hand over a lot of my day-to-day and projects to a small team but they need quite a bit of training themselves. And I haven't prepared a plan etc.

All of this would have been massively overwhelming just a few months ago but I actually feel like I am coping. Just tired.

Taking it easy today. DH is off to spend time with a good friend of his whose marriage has broken down and who has moved back in with his parents.

Alcohol was involved there too and he isn't able to drive for the next 12 months.

I am planning a run this morning (going to do it outside as it's dry and I miss the fresh air a bit) then dog walking (hoping to drag the DC along with me). Hoping to make some chocolates later too.

@CarrotSeeds well done on getting through yesterday AF! It a really difficult thing you are doing and it is completely normal to feel sad and a loss. Your hormones and emotions will also be all over the place as your body adjusts to years of alcohol in the system.

I found the Reframe app a great support )still do really ) in the first couple of months as it takes you through some of the emotions and changes you can expect and experience.

Good morning everyone. Thanks so much for the encouragement and support. It’s so helpful to hear from those of you who have been sober for several years as it gives me hope that this could be me!

I’m just starting to realise how much emotion is bound up with alcohol. Yesterday it wasn’t really the drinking (at lunch I was the nominated driver anyway, which is quite a new thing in itself, looking back 🙈), it was more the popping of the champagne cork later in the evening, toasting family and good times and enjoying being together and all the associations that brings. The rest of the family stopped drinking after a couple of glasses. I would have been the one opening another bottle.

I know it will take time to get my head around this and thanks for the ‘Reframe’ suggestion which I’ll look into. I’m also listening to lots of podcasts such as those by Annie Grace which I’m finding helpful. Another event today, but very few people will be drinking and again, I’m driving.

The non-alcoholic fizz is not bad at all, and you still get to pop the cork and join the toast. I found non-alcoholic wine was great for dealing with the habit side of stopping drinking.

Good morning all, a big wave to old hands and new. This is a quick post to say that I’m ok, very much still alcohol free and navigating dh’s retirement and dd’s start at 6th form with a basic level of competence if not grace. DH has decided to reduce his drinking further too, which is great and not an outcome either of us expected. My current challenge is cutting back on social media - about to formalise this via a 30 day period with much restricted scrolling and blocking of a few sites that are way too easy to lose time in. Coming up to 4 years AF which still gives me “wait what?” moments every day.
thank you for hosting @REP22 and a big hello to @WendyWagon and @Fortheloveofgodwhy For all the new posters - you absolutely can do this. Don’t fret about the slips, take things a tiny bit at a time and enjoy the clear-headed mornings and weekends! And a big fuss to Sidders of course 😍

I'm on day 2 now still feeling a bit shite

Oh, you poor thing. You will feel grim for a while yet, I'm afraid, but try to treat it like you have flu or something? Lots of fluids, bed rest if that's an option, something easy to watch on TV, food that's easy to digest and easy to prepare, and plenty of vitamins. B1 in particular.

If your digestive system is deregulated, try Psyllium Husks (in capsule form - the powder is disgusting) to bulk it out until your body gets used to not getting its poison.

It will improve, and when it has you will probably feel better than you can remember feeling - that low-level being under par will go.

Chin up. We've got your back.

Hello shipmates. A hearty welcome to @CarrotSeeds and @Kimbo180 - I am glad you have found us. It's very brave, realising that you might have a drinking issue and then taking steps to help yourself. Don't underestimate that courage. I'm afraid the early days are quite grim. I'm sorry. But I promise that it does get easier and I can guarantee that it is worth it, in so very many ways.

I'm sorry your DD still hasn't been in touch @ShyMaryEllen. I hope she finds her way back to you soon.❤

Lovely to see you again @Blackberryblossom, so good to hear from you and that you're still doing great. That's encouraging about your DH. I'm afraid that I'm a bit of a mediocre host of late 😳but I am resolving to try harder, hehe.

I went out to the cinema yesterday to see Firebrand. Very good, but leaving Sid to his own devices. For reasons best known to himself he decided to get into the bathroom bin and devour the contents. Used feminine hygiene items, generally employed on a monthly basis. Which he then puked up all over the place. He was extremely pleased with himself. Little git. Good job I love him.

Strength and love. xx

This really means alot

Bless you @Kimbo180. I'm so sorry that it's grim, I wish I could take all that away. We have all felt exactly the way you are feeling right now. It's horrible. But it honestly won't always be like this. There WILL be better times ahead, I absolutely promise. Keep posting, if you want to. Even if it's just to offload. We're always here to listen and we completely understand. 💐x

👋🏻 name changed as super ashamed of myself, hope that's ok.

Day 2 here, have been reaching 7-10 bottles a week over the last three months. Have been on The Sinclair Method so my cravings are down but my habit of reaching for wine is just so bad.

Now DH has had enough. Asked me to pour it all away, throw away my wine glasses on Friday. He quit drinking when I started TSM to help me. I felt disheartened because he just quit, and we spent time just talking about him and his success in getting healthier, whilst I got increasingly secretive over my drinking.

So now I'm on day two and have a bloomin' sore throat. My medicine would always be a white wine spritzer so that's a bit shit. Have a half opened bottle of Three Spirit Nightcap from previous AF days, it's super dusty so hopefully won't have gone off! Have just put my boys to bed and both are super grouchy with me as I asked them to brush their teeth properly. They're the reason I need to quit, so the cycle of drinking that I learned from my parents, ends with me. Ungrateful buggers 😉 😅

So hello from me, solidarity to all those trying and feeling like it's all rather overwhelming. Thanks for letting me air my woes!

@Blackberryblossom thank you for the shout out. Good to hear you are well, and @WendyWagon is too. Life chaotic here with injured teens and DH in a new job. Life carries on though. Checked my nomo the earlier today and it’s 979 days. Som3 weeks to a 1000 days. That seemed so unachievable back in the early days. 10 was a mission, 50 was amazing. It’s so so so much easier now, I love not drinking. Every time I go to a pub, meal out,
party - everything. It’s just a continuous delight to be sober, wake up mostly refreshed and never hungover, after 30 years of using it to get through every emotion, every upset, anger, shame I felt was immediately drowned with alcohol. These days I feel it, deal with it and move on. Life’s been easier even though in many ways the last few years have been the hardest as a parent, wife and daughter. A couple of years of therapy probably helped too ..

Welcome @AGoodDayToTryHard . What’s the Three Spirit like? I’ve seen ads for it, but haven’t tried it.

Well done for taking the first step and coming on board. It’s a case of finding out what works for you, and keeping on doing it. Ten bottles a week represents a good bit of cash, so why not get a pig to put it in and have yourself a lovely treat after Christmas? It would act as in incentive the realisation of how much you’ve been spending might keep you on the straight and narrow in the New Year, too.

Is everything ok with you, @REP22? We’re all here for you, too. Hosting doesn’t get you out of having a bunch of shipmates on your side, you know?

Morning all.
Up early also the DD to get the bus to uni.
The DS said I was being harsh but it was just exhaustion with her. I wish I could of sat on a bus to university with a good book. Blinking doodle.
Off hat hunting hopefully later.
Also a new tweed jacket. Mine is flappy.

I thought with the stress I'd go on the pop (we have an excellent new village shop). I didn't. I have been thinking a lot more about my health and retirement.
Ozzy Osbourne stays in my mind.

Good morning shipmates. Another weekend done.

Hello @AGoodDayToTryHard - good to hear from you. You're doing your best to help yourself; the feelings of shame will grow weaker in time. I am well-acquainted with the feelings of self-loathing and guilt. It will be alright.

Thank you for your kind words @ShyMaryEllen. I am finding life a bit challenging at the moment. Having to manage some very unpleasant things at work, plus a milestone birthday looming with a party that I do not want but cannot avoid. Sid is keeping me going. All shall be well I daresay.

Back to Slimming World tomorrow after a couple of weeks away. 'twill not be pretty I fear, but time to reboot and keep going.

Much love to you all. x

Morning all hope everyone is ok. I'm feeling very sad today. My auntie died yesterday. She was an amazing, beautiful, talented strong woman. And she died from fucking bastard lung cancer after trying to quit smoking for years. We lost her little sister (my mum) to alcoholism 15 years ago at the age of just 49. Both of them taken to evil fucking addictions. It's just so sad and such a waste. I just hate it.

@Itsrainingten oh no. I am so, so sorry about your auntie. That's cruel and unfair. Sending you love and many hugs. I wish I had words that could make it stop hurting but I know that none are ever enough. I am so sorry. 💐x

I am so sorry for your loss @Itsrainingten . Sending lots of unMNetty hugs.

Sorry to hear you are going through the mill too @REP22 sending strength and love your way too.

So sorry to hear of your loss, @Itsrainingten, and that life's not great for you just now, @REP22. Life can be awful sometimes, and for those of us who got used to pouring a glass or six to help us through those hard times if can be difficult to know what to do instead - old habits do die hard.

I've often wondered whether, if a substance could be found to eradicate addiction, it would be made available, or if all the money that is made from sales, taxation, rehab, books about giving up, hypnosis and so on would be a reason to keep it under wraps.

As you wisely say, @REP22, words aren't enough, but I can offer you both solidarity, for what that's worth. We've all made the decision that we will fight this, and whilst not all of us will win every battle, we will have a good chance of winning the war. x

Thank you @EastCoastDamsel and @ShyMaryEllen - I appreciate your kind words.

I think you're right @ShyMaryEllen - I think it would be kept under wraps. There's just too much money involved (even with the associated costs and impacts to the NHS from addictions and treatments). In Catherine Gray's book Sunshine Warm Sober there is a very illuminating chapter on exactly this. How 'support services' INCLUDING Drinkaware are actually funded by the major supermarkets and alcohol providers/manufacturers (Governance, funding and support | Drinkaware). I'm sure it helps to assuage some corporate and political guilt. But it's all terribly intertwined.

Ah hugs.
My mam is dying from lung cancer not long left. my sister have stage 4 cancer in her liver.. back.. hip.