The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Morning all.
Hope you’re feeling a bit better @WendyWagon and @REP22

The dog’s antibiotics finally kicked in at about lunchtime yesterday and he’s much improved, thank goodness.

Has anyone been to see The Outrun? I loved the book and it will be interesting to see how they have filmed it - the book is mainly a woman on her own in Orkney watching birds and musing on alcohol addiction! I’m going on Friday evening- DH is away

Morning all.
A absolutely arse start to the day for me.
The DD hasn't been into university for two weeks. She has been unwell. She has been diagnosed with a serious female problem.
It looks like she will be asked to withdraw.
I'm heartbroken and I'm due to breakfast with a friend who loves to pick over my bones.
I could happily get into a gutter and stay there.

morning all. dreamed about drinking champagne. it tasted vinegary but i still enjoyed it.

feeling vulnerable and sad - no idea why - but been a tough old time lately. mid life suddenly upon me - what is life for and what if the best of it has gone?

@Onewildandpreciouslife i would like to see the outrun.

glad your DDog is ok.

Oh @WendyWagon - I am so, so sorry. I hope your friend isn't too vicious and I REALLY hope that there is a better outcome for your DD than it seems at the moment. Sending you much love.

And love to @ponzusoup too. That sums up how I feel at the moment; vulnerable and sad. Perhaps it's the time of year, I don't know. Everything frustrates me at the moment and it's hard to get joy out of anything much. Sid, however, is a bastion of love and comfort. Thank god for him, and for not drinking.

I am so glad that your wonderful DDog is mending @Onewildandpreciouslife - that must be an immense relief. Hope all continues well. The Outrun sounds interesting. I work with a lot of twitchers. I will look out for it. I want to see Firebrand, the film about Katherine Parr with Jude Law as Henry VIII, but nowhere near me is showing it.

Strength and much love to you all. xx

@WendyWagon i am so sorry i crossed with your post and have only just read it. so sorry for your DD and sending strength xxx

wish we were there to breakfast you with love and care darling wendy.

@REP22 perhaps it's the autumn mood, all things dying back, i'm learning also to sit with my mood and to try and feel my feelings instead of intellectualising or problem solving ... or drinking! altho it's making me sad i hope it will make me more compassionate towards myself and others ... sending you and the mighty Sid lots of love.

I think you're right @ponzusoup - I do tend to feel this way around this time of year. I'd hesitate to qualify it as full-blown SAD, but it's not many miles off that. I love autumn in general, but it does seem to be something about this time of year that brings it out in me. You are very wise. Compassion is a gift that not everyone has - your family and friends are lucky to have you in their lives.

Here's Sid, posing especially in our holiday cottage and milking the wall-hanging for all its worth (you'll see what I mean if you click on the image; the boy has no shame 😉)

With love. xx

@WendyWagon so sorry to hear about DD - sending love and strength to you both.

That’s exactly how I felt over the weekend @ponzusoup

Here is my favourite quote from The Outrun. I have a nasty feeling I’m going to cry my way through the entire film, but that’s ok - it’ll be dark. As long as I’m not like the woman who ugly cried really loudly when I went to see Hamilton, it will be fine.

thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife that quote is deeply resonant isn't it? and you have confirmed my thought that i should go and see the film
on my own ! do report back

Ah ladies I'm sorry to hear you guys are struggling.
With regards to feeling down this time of year it could well be SAD symptoms. I suffer really badly but for me it doesn't kick in until late December usually and then hangs around till mid April / May (I'm starting to feel the dread and fear of it returning already even though I actually really like autumn) but I have a friend whose symptoms tend to start in October, peak around the times the clocks go back / November but then she starts to feel relief once the shortest day has passed. She actually likes January! Anyway I just wanted to say - it doesn't make you weird or anything and there is stuff you can do to help yourself. Get outside in the daylight, maybe buy one of those lamps? I'm considering ADs this year but not sure how well they work for SAD. Need to try something though. Last year was the worst ever and I can't have that again.
And know that by not drinking you're doing the best you can to help yourselves.
Wendy, I'm so sorry to hear about your DD
And sorry I haven't posted on ages too. I've been trying my absolute hardest not to think about alcohol so have been disengaging recently. But I passed 300 days yesterday which gave me the strength to check in and see how you're all doing. Sending love all.

300 days is awesome brilliant and amazing @Itsrainingten

well done, i hope you are feeling very proud of this achievement.

i do like to think that when we don't hear from our regular sober sisters, its because they are out there flying high in their sober lives.

Many many congratulations on 300 days @Itsrainingten - that's utterly amazing. 🎉🙂 Much love to you. xx

300 days! That's 43 months or 171 weeks!! Well done.

@WendyWagon , I don't want to pry, but is it necessary for your daughter to withdraw? There are many ways that students can be helped to stay on courses - PM me if you like?

@REP22 Look at Sid! He gladdens my heart, even through a screen. I haven't seen my grandpuppy for months now, and I miss him. @Onewildandpreciouslife I hope your dog gets well soon, too.

I hope The Gloom passes soon, @ponzusoup . Maybe it's the time of year? As we know, though, drinking would just depress you more.

Chin up, comrades! We can get through this.

Good morning all.
Jolly Wendy is in the house this morning, TFIF.

I ended up having a little cry yesterday but I didn't end up in the gutter!
My old friend was breathtakingly rude but she is ND and recently lost her dad after losing her husband (my big buddy).

I felt like flouncing but we all have our troubles and hers are on the surface.
I think I might have to invite her for Christmas. Otherwise it's just the three of them and a paper hat.

I'm off for a meeting with my skincare founders (free new products) then a little retail therapy in TK Maxx.

Hold tight for a safe Friday.

Congrats to @Itsrainingten nearly a year my friend. I bet your face looks at least five years younger?
X

Morning all

So sorry to hear about DD @WendyWagon . Sending love and strength for all you and she has to deal with at the moment .

Amazing achievement @Itsrainingten .

@REP22 and @ponzusoup I took feel a little blurry at the moment. A bit same old same old but with added work stress. I just don't feel like there is enough time to do the things I need to do. But I am also lazy so I procrastinate everything too!

Went to see a comedian with DH last night. It was excellent. He was really good. Properly laugh out loud funny.

Good morning shipmates. Thank you for your very kind words. I am feeling a bit better today, your kind solidarity has helped me. I so appreciate you all. ❤️

@ShyMaryEllen I'm sorry you are missing your grandpup - hopefully it won't be too much longer before you can have some more furry snuggles? In the meantime, Sid sends you love and many wags. He had a bit of a poorly tummy last night, so was feeling sorry for himself (he's very robustly healthy normally, so most out of the ordinary). He was well enough to watch All Creatures Great and Small and is much better this morning after a bit of a fitful sleep.

Hope the meeting and retail foray go well @WendyWagon. I am sorry that your friend had you in tears. But I'm sure that, despite that, your friendship is a very precious thing in her life.

I'm a procrastinator too @EastCoastDamsel - some of my best work has been done with only moments to spare. I'm glad you had a great night out with your DH. Laughter is so good for the soul. I've seen Ed Byrne, Ricky Gervais and Frank Skinner live. I think Frank Skinner was my favourite, though I did feel guilty laughing at some of it, hehe. He did a little song on his ukelele in the style of the Dad's Army theme but about Osama Bin Laden instead of "Mr. Hitler", which has stayed with me ("You had one big hit then went away. Like a fundamentalist Macy Gray"). I like Jo Brand too, but never been lucky enough to see her live.

Love and strength. All power to you for the weekend. x

The Outrun is a beautiful film - not always a comfortable watch, but ultimately uplifting ( and I only cried once, when there were seals 🦭).

Hope everyone is doing ok this Friday evening x

Good morning everyone. I hope it’s okay to join this thread. I have name changed for it but have been on Mumsnet for 23 years, since I was pregnant with my youngest 😳. So much has changed in my life since then. I’ve moved countries, divorced, remarried, had major lows and fabulous highs but the one constant has always been alcohol.

For many, many reasons I’ve decided I want to stop drinking. I was drinking around 3/4 bottle of wine a night, every night, sometimes with a few gin and tonics thrown in for good measure. I found I was lying to people I love about how much I was drinking as well as to medical professionals, feeling awful the next day with terrible feelings of guilt, shame and anxiety.

I’m sure my story is the same as that of so many others on this thread; every morning I would tell myself “I won’t drink today” and by 4pm I had convinced myself that I didn’t really have a problem and that a few glasses of wine wouldn’t hurt. Cue the waking at 3am with a thundering heart, usually a headache, and a feeling of hopelessness that I had failed again.

Today is Day #7 of not drinking. Before this I think it was over three years since I had a day without alcohol. I drank when I had a hangover, I drank when I had Covid, drank when I was sad, drank when happy, drank to celebrate, I drank when I would really rather have had a cup of tea but the thought of a day without booze was so alien to me that I reached for the wine instead of the kettle.

I’ve been reading sober threads on Mumsnet on and off for years. I’ve hidden loads of threads too, when they popped up in Active Conversations as they triggered feelings of shame. Hopefully this time is the right time for me to stop drinking altogether. Thanks so much to the lovely ladies who have started and continue to contribute to this thread. I’m especially loving the dog pics 😊

Morning all and welcome @CarrotSeeds

Up with no appointments or people arriving. Hoorah.
The DD has rallied and got herself a meeting with student support at university. She was very chatty last night whist munching naughty nuggets from Maccy Ds. I'm so relieved. She can be so concerning.

I have bought a dress for the wedding (not arrived yet) and think I going to have a pillbox hat. Fancinstors don't appeal.

A day of last chance gardening I think.

Welcome @CarrotSeeds and well done on your 7 days - you’ve done the hardest part! That bit about hiding threads really hit home - there were so many newspapers articles I couldn’t bring myself to read over the years!

Can I join this I really need to stop drinking

@Kimbo180 welcome.
Is this day one for you?

We can help with advice and support. I was a 5-7 bottles of wine a week girl until January 2022

Hi @Kimbo180 - everyone who wants to stop drinking is welcome here. For some people it’s not safe to stop completely immediately - we can’t advise you on that, but someone is usually around to chat.

Thank you