The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Good morning all. That's lovely of your DH @AuntyPants - well done for sticking to the plan as well, it must have been very challenging.

I don't have room for a treadmill (though I'd love one). I do have a "lateral thigh trainer", which I have recently dug out from the cupboard under the stairs. Sid is viewing it with deep suspicion.

Slimming World tonight, it will not be good. Some posh potato salad and too many biscuits will prove my undoing. Never mind. Onwards, ever onwards.

Love and strength to you all. x

I'm so inspired by all the marathons! I can just about manage 3k 😂

This is lovely to read, and I'll remember this when I'm feeling tempted. Good timing actually, because I've just been invited to a friend's bbq next week and they're usually very fun, happy and boozy affairs! I'm still unsure whether to go as I don't know if i'm ready yet (one friend in particular, i'm fairly sure, will try to convince me to have a few drinks, and I am so easy to break!). If I do go, I'll re-read your post to remind myself how great I'll feel if I don't drink.

(Or maybe I just won't go ... ahhhh! So unsure what to do! Today is 1 month alcohol free but I don't trust myself at all, and I know I'll feel AWFUL if I drink.)

In other news, today a colleague told me that I've lost visible weight on my face since quitting drinking (which I'd thought I had - drinking makes me so puffy! - but nice to hear from someone else! That cheered me up a bit today. Shallow, I know!

@AuntyPants 3cm is about my limit, before I'm discouraged by an overtaking snail and his mocking laughter as he oozes ahead of me, hehe.

It's not shallow @Katielovesteatime - it's nice when people notice these things. It all helps to keep us going when the cravings are strong, and affirms us in the wisdom of our choices. Good luck at the BBQ, if you decide to go. You might find that the anticipation of what might be said or might happen is worse than the actuality. You're doing so, so well - hopefully your friends will celebrate that with you, but don't feel that you have to justify or explain yourself to people who want to wee on your wildfire; you owe them nothing, and full peace of mind to yourself for your choices. 😉

@WendyWagon maybe there are a few lectures you could sneak into when depositing the DD? Get yourself a couple of cheeky PHDs (P~ss~d-Hell-Denier awards, in the context of this thread, hehe...?). Hope your DH is continuing to mend. x

I hope @ponzusoup and her DD are OK. Thinking of them and hoping for the best that can be. ❤

I must apologise for being such a mediocre thread contributor over the past few days. Work is very, very challenging ATM and am having to manage levels of batsh~ttery that would be bonkers for even the most sh~ttiest of bats. It's so bizarre it would almost be funny, if real people's lives and wellbeing wasn't being affected by it all. All shall be well, I daresay. I hope you can forgive me. 💖

Thank goodness for Sid, is all I can say. And for the clear head that not drinking brings. There would be absolutely no way in hades that I could deal with the nonsense that's going down here if I was still drinking.

Hope the weather isn't too grim where you are. The sun is coming out here, which has roused Himself.

The Kraken wakes - and sends you his own particular brand of joy...

Lovely Sid🥰

It's all go here. The decorators are in (not a euphemism) doing odds and sods - touch-up jobs and so on. This means that I've been stuck in the sitting room so as not to be in the way. I am very bad at having people working in the house - it makes me self-conscious and a bit awkward, and I won't get my privacy back until the weekend, so I'll be demented by then. I have a Zoom meeting this evening, then need to sort through wardrobes as there is a charity collection tomorrow, and I have to put the stuff out ready for them to take. I don't expect to be able to relax until 9.30 at the earliest- probably later.

I feel the same about people in my house @ShyMaryEllen - I hate it. The gas man has been recently and one is coming back again. Sid loves it - he always welcomes a gentleman-caller. He tried to climb into the gas man's van with him last time. Apparently that sort of thing happens a lot - he says his colleague drove for almost an hour to his next appointment once, only to find the previous one's cat blinking at him from the back of the van when he opened up. He had to finish his round of appointments avec le chat on board and then transport the errant mog back home at the end of his shift.

Good luck this evening - hope it proves cathartic for you. You might unearth some forgotten treasures! 😉x

Sid and I are off to Slimming World in a bit. It won't be pleasant. Stiff upper snout in place. x

hey ladies. so sorry for radio silence - was a week in hosp with daughter surgery went well but aftermath was horrendous then came home and got a kidney infection poss kidney stones been so poorly currently sitting in a&e waiting for cat scan results. haven't read the thread, haven't drank , feel mental. hope you're all ok xxx

Oh you poor thing, @ponzusoup . You must be exhausted. I really hope you can take things easy for a while and get some physical and mental rest. I suspect that’s probably unlikely though, but please do what you can to be kind to yourself.

Well done for not drinking, too.

@ponzusoup thinking of you. Hope things get better soon for you and you daughter. Well done for not drinking. You're a superstar.

Hi @ponzusoup good to hear from you x

Morning all.
Well done @ponzusoup for not hitting the booze.

I'm off the sleeping tablets and my natural wake up time is 5am since 1991. It's bloody annoying. However I don't feel so spacy.
The DD has a day off from the commute so I'm making breakfast for my BFF.
She seems to have calmed down 👇 bit since moving in with the young bf.

My friend in London has sold her house and is downsizing slightly. I usually get asked to help with furnishings. It keeps me from wanting to move. She knows my struggles as she has a partner in recovery so I don't get booze pushed on me by her when we meet. I will get plenty of designer clothes though when she packs up. Mine are too big so this will help me through this winter.

Have a good day all.

I watched A Star is Born last night. Not for the first time, but for the first time since stopping drinking. Bradley Cooper is so good in it. I could absolutely feel his pain and remorse after drinking and all the bad stuff that goes with it.

Morning, nice to hear from you @ponzusoup . Sorry work is shite @REP22 .

Lots of personal family stuff going on which is mega stressful here. DH not sleeping well because of it and is bearing the brunt of it tbh. Very complicated and far too outing for more details.

Off for a run and then work day out of the office doing various team building things.

Oh God. Out Of Office team building 😢. I wish you strength.

My day will be like yesterday. I feel the need to be here, as there will be decisions to be made about small decorating things, but there is nothing I can actually do. I should be working, but I can't concentrate when there are people in the house. I should be sorting, but the same applies.

Hello everyone,
I was so glad to find this forum. I have been trying and failing to get sober for years, trying to do it by myself. But reading this, I have downloaded the books recommend and the app a week ago. Having more information about what alcohol actually does to me has been helping. And it is so nice to know I'm not alone struggling on whilst seemingly coping with kids, work, studies etc. It.has been exhausting at times.
Today will be day 3, so it's early days but I feel more hopeful than I have in a long time.
Thank you for being here!

Welcome @RunningtheHill. Day 3 is about as bad as it gets, so hang on in there. Our roads are all different, but sooner or later it will get easier.

Are you having the vivid dreams yet? They are great fun, on the whole - I wish I’d had the foresight to write mine down. It was like having a free cinema pass for a while.

It’s great that you are doing this for your kids. I really wish I had managed it earlier, and clocks don’t turn back. Keep them in mind if you feel yourself weaken? Good luck, and welcome aboard. Sid will no doubt be along to say hello soon. He is reason enough to stay strong too.

Oh, and get some Thiamine (Vit B1) or a high strength B Complex? Take it for a few weeks to help your brain to heal. No harm done if it’s not necessary in your case, but you don’t want to find out too late that you needed it.

Thanks @ShyMaryEllen , really appreciate the welcome 😁.
Are you having the vivid dreams yet? They are great fun, on the whole - I wish I’d had the foresight to write mine down. It was like having a free cinema pass for a while.
No, nothing yet, still sleeping terribly: waking up at 4 am etc.
Thanks for the Vitamin B tip, in do have a complex in the house, going to take one now!

Ahoy shipmates.

Ye Gods I am up as per my requirement to drop the DD at the bus for uni.
I'm getting quite good at this 'break the habit' lark. Booze, scoffy food and sleeping tablets all dispensed with.

I went for a breakfast with two people last week who usually upset me with their point scoring. It was quite funny to see one leave after an hour because she wasn't getting a rise out of me. Even twenty years on they both play competitive mum. I defiantly have a better sense of my worth since giving up the grog. Gosh I wish I had had that years ago.
My BFF popped in yesterday for a cup of tea and didn't want any lunch. She said have some yourself if you're hungry. I admitted that I wasn't and didn't want to put weight on. Mrs W said she are you becoming vain? I wouldn't say vain but I don't want the embarrassment I use to suffer before meeting people because I lacked self worth. I think it was a big part of my 'sticking plaster' drinking. A bit deep for 7am!

Good morning all. Your friend's questioning sounds a bit intrusive @WendyWagon, I don't think that you sound vain at all. I also despise people who deliberately point-score (at others' expense) - it's so, well, pointless... 😔 Hope the commute goes well today.

I am so sorry that things have been so tough @ponzusoup. I have had kidney failure myself; there are no words. Please know that there is so much love for you here. Sending you and your DD all the good wishes there are. ❤💐

Work continues to be a bizarre and desperate trial. Yesterday brought new lows. It's worthy of one of the more extreme and less-credible plotlines in Eastenders. I literally expect to hear the "doof-doof-doof-dodododooof" drums with each new development.
It is a rancid onion of many foetid layers. And whatever I was expecting when I went into yesterday's meeting (and very little surprises me these days), I was NOT expecting what actually transpired. I was sorely tempted last night. But I found that the Biscoff people are now making a chocolate bar. So I scoffed a whole one of those. Sid took the edge off by having a rare toilet accident in the house. He thinks I haven't found it (he pulled an empty carrier bag over it. Amateur).

Sid and I are off to Dartymoor again tomorrow (yayy). Mother is coming with us (hmmm). Hopefully this time we will be somewhere with a functional WiFi connection.

Strength and love to you. You're doing so well. xx

thanks @REP22 for your thoughts. might be finally on the mend but not holding breath!

hope everyone is ok and welcome to newbies.

i'll be 5 months sober tomorrow and altho i haven't checked in here much recently due to too much family illness i relied very heavily on this thread in the early days and just knowing it's here and that im accountable to my peers who know the score has been super helpful.

what i can also say is that is gets easier and better - the hangover free mornings are never a disappointment , you eventually get through the first party, picnic, reunion, birthday and there you are, not drinking still. i've been really motivated by preserving my organ health as i go into my 60s (ironic given been ill lately) but i feel that i am doing all i can finally to be a responsible older person health wise. you just can't hammer the booze in your 50s and get away with it on any level.

and i have finally accepted that i will never be able to moderate. i never want one drink. for me there is no point. accepting that has been very freeing.

ok, roast chicken awaits if my stomach will take it. big love, peace, strength, hope, love to all. especially sid. 😍

Morning all.

My bad shoulder has returned so up for the meds and restorative tea. I think the dog tugging did it yesterday.
I haven't done many dog walks since falling ill last year but our village shop is being taken over and I wanted to twitch my nets!
Hopefully we'll get papers and veg this time which the last owners didn't sell.

The DD has an interview for a part time job next week. She has been trying for ages and she's lucky if she receives a no thank you letter. Her friends who have just graduated are having a tough time too. She does love a bit of cash. Fingers crossed.

I need to write my monthly report for the new job. No traveling yet which is a relief.

Eyes down for a peaceful Friday.

Morning everyone one.

Welcome @RunningtheHill .

Back from team building etc with work the last 2 days. It wasn't bad but I feel quite exhausted from all the socialising! (As a WFH bod, my life is fairly solitary - except for DH and DC of course - and I usually have quite a bit of control around how much I have to interact.with others)

Taking a bit of time off this afternoon and collecting kids from school to take to watch Beetlejuice Beetlejuice this evening. Looking forward to it as have had good reviews.

Must get up and get going.

Cold and blustery here.

Morning all.
I'm up for the second time. The shoulder is super painful.

Ye Gods I started a thread last night regarding a family member and got a lashing. Some of the most hateful things I have read on mumsnet have been posted on a Friday night. Booze night. I decided not to contribute further to the thread. I've taken it off my alerts as it was so vitriolic. It did keep me awake though.

I'm on the jumper hunt today. I've a few of those vac-u-bags so I hope for forgotten nice things. The DH is going back to work next week so I might get to make up my sleep then.
Have a good day my friends.

Morning. It's bitterly cold here today. I need to get up and get going though as we are taking kids to a theme park. Something I swore I would never do!

However, seems i am up for trying new things on my new AF life.

Sorry to hear about your shoulder @WendyWagon

I am always a little shocked when I venture out of this board as I have gotten used to the loveliness of you lot! I used to be very active on all sorts of boards about 10-12 years ago but took a long Man break until, I was very very fortunate to stumble onto this thread.

Hope everyone has a good day.