The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Oh Sid, Sid... (shakes head sadly). I herd about your stag night... deer deer... (and other deer-related puns). Fair play, he must be pretty brave (daft) to literally get his arse kicked and go back for more... What is he hoping to achieve?!

Must be... Day 13 for me? The memory of the sickness and debility is fading and the wine witch is sneakily whispering about 'moderation'... If I could moderate, I'd already be doing it! 🤦‍♀️ Besides, moderation is just such a drag, the carefulness and counting and bargaining with oneself... too humdrum, darlings...

It's good to know our triggers, and mine are: a) tiredness and b) not getting enough time on my own. I'm super-intro, and DH has been WFH this week, and I am climbing the walls... he loves as much interaction as he can get and I'm starting to feel enmeshed... I must remember that, when I do - sorry, did - drink, he would often raid mine - would happily finish my wine when he still had loads of beer left! - and I'd either be too sloshed to object, or I'd kick off a mean argument about it that would last into the next day.

Sooo many reasons to enjoy staying sober... 😅

Good morning shipmates. Another Wednesday well-met. The Sidmobile is in for its MOT today and the gas man cometh, so it was a blessing to be sober and clear-headed this morning. Although every sober morning is generally a better one.

I love that quote @Onewildandpreciouslife, not heard that before. Very true. Often the grimmest and heaviest burdens are the ones no-one can see. I am sorry to hear about your DS - I hope he mends fully and fast. Top stuff for not cracking, that must have been almost intolerable, and very brave not to give in.

Hello @thepurplepenguin , it's lovely to see you again. I am myself a mistress of the shameful scarper. It's in picking ourselves up, trying again and coming back that the strength and power truly lie, and you've absolutely rocked that. Congratulations on your 100 days, that's amazing. Goddess-level stuff. 🏋️‍♀️ It's fantastic to hear that you're winning; it gives us all hope. x

@Maffit Sid loves a pun, hehe. Lord alone knows what he was thinking, tangling with the local Cervidae lads. He has got absolutely no prey/hunter instincts - he hasn't even worked out cats yet. We found a newly-dead deer the other day (lots of roadkills this time of year when they jump out of fields being harvested). He just sat down proudly beside it in a "look what I'VE found" way, and has no concept of games or "field sports" (for the first 3 years of his life he was left with his mother entirely to their own devices in outbuildings in very rural Wales, with someone occasionally putting food down for them. He therefore has no concept of normal canine social behaviour, which is both a blessing and an occasional challenge). I think he wanted to have stern words with them about their activities on "his" patch. I love him dearly, but I suspect he deserved the hiding he got. I'd like to think that he has profited from the experience, but I suspect not. He's fit and happy, though, and that's what matters most. Well done on 13 days, that's really great! 🥳 And not easy. You are wise to know your triggers. Mine are being left to my own devices with nothing to do, and a desperate need to 'reward' myself - or seek numbness from intrusive thoughts. Keep on batting away the wine witch - her words are all lies. My own vodka Voldemort is whispering the silken promise of how much I deserve it at the moment. Aargh. But I play it forward, so to speak, and envision the following morning. I don't want those consequences again. Keep going - you're doing so, so well. ❤️

Continuing to send love, strength and all good wishes to @ponzusoup. We're with you. x

Here's Himself - dominator of stags, scourge of pigeons, lord of leftovers - in the full glow of youth and health last night while we were watching the new Nadiya Hussain programme. A pity, as he's usually a devil for a cookery programme. I have masked the part of the image that you are far too young and pure to see. No-one needs to witness that.

Strength and love to you. Stay strong; I know you can do it. You keep me going too. xx

Morning all. All well here. Onto day 140 which is amazing to me. Never did I think I would get here.

I'm still sticking to the Fast800 program and have lost a little bit of weight already, which would not have happened in my drinking days (you don't get much wriggle room for wine on 800 cal!). I've also joined my local leisure centre and have found myself at the 7 am lane swim sessions 3 or 4 times a week. That would not have appealed on a foggy-head morning. I'm loving it at the moment - it's very relaxing. Almost like a moving meditation if that makes any sense. All of these changes have very much been built on the inital decision to quit - and I could not have imagined being here in the first 30/50 days when I was SO exhausted.

Another positive in that my skin is much clearer and I look less blated and flushed. I went for some facial reflexology last weekend and the lovely lady that does it said my skin looked amazing (preens). Honestly - the only thing I've done differently is quit drinking.

So, for all of you in the early stages - keep on keeping on. It really is worth it.

Hello @SeasideRock good morning! Fantastic on 140 day, that's epic 🥳🥳
Also on the weight loss, I'm glad that the Fast800 is starting to pay dividends and you're enjoying all the positive new feelings. For me, the clear sober feeling never gets tired. It's brilliant to read updates like this, as it gives all of us hope and encouragement. It's not easy, but it certainly is very much worth it..

Keep smiling 🙂x

Congratulations to everyone! @thepurplepenguin - 100 days is splendiferous! You won't want to break that run of success! Something I did was to fill in a cell of a spreadsheet #nerd in green for every day I resisted. I told myself that I'd have a red one if I gave in, and I really didn't want to see my screen of green contaminated with a blood red stain.

@SeasideRock - well done on both the wine and diet fronts. It's so good that you can deal with both sets of self-denial (although in reality it is self-actualisation) at once.

@Maffit Day 13 may seem like a long way behind these awesome people, but it will be there for you before you know it. Maybe try the green cell trick? Or lines crossed out like prisoners in films counting the days to freedom 😀Anything to show you how well you're doing and dissuade you from spoiling your run of success.

@ponzusoup - I really hope all is well for your daughter. I wish her all the best, and hope you have some good news for us soon about her recovery. (mine is still incommunicado, unfortunately).

@REP22 I don't know what's more disturbing. Sid's wotsits or the Orange Peril. I'm pleased his dignity has been preserved, however, and his self-esteem protected. Please pass on my condolences for his sore bits, and my best wishes for a swift and complete recovery, too.

I have just returned from a fairly dreadful evening out - it would be funny if not so awful. Not awful in the sense that anything genuinely bad happened, just a combination of a crappy venue, rubbish food and rude people. I can't say more, just in case, but when I win the lottery and we have a sober party on my private island, I will confide the details 🥳.

Ahoy shipmates.
Final co driver trip this morning. The DH is coming too so he takes the air.

Ahoy!

All go here. Message from DSs Music teacher to let me.knownhe hasn't been attending his lesson this term.

I break out in hives about this stuff as it stresses me out and there is very little I can do about it.
Also got news this morning that my cousin tried to commit suicide again last week. She has severe MH issues, but it makes me very sad. We were very close as young children as my mum and my aunt both loved with my paternal GPs when we were born.(Both our fathers were away a lot at the time) So they became very close and therefore we spent a lot of time together as infants and preschoolers.

Greetings shipmates. Sorry about Sid's cheesy wotsit @ShyMaryEllen he's mended well. I like your spreadsheet idea. I do lots of spreadsheets at work - I 'Excel' in them, hehe (sorry). A dot of red in a field of green would annoy me too. Sorry your evening out was rubbish, hope your next one will be more jolly. On the island party, please can Sid have some Sizzlers. He's obsessed with the little meaty b~gg~rs - I never pass a supermarket shelf selling them with out stocking up. More than my life's worth.

Hope your DH enjoys the fresh air @WendyWagon , I trust it'll do him good. Hope he's not giving you too much grief.

@EastCoastDamsel - I am so, so sorry about your cousin, that's heartbreaking. I hope she will be alright. It's awful when there's almost nothing one can do to help. I wish there was something I could say that would help - but I know that no words are ever enough, or can really help. My heart goes out to you. Hope you get to the bottom of what's going on with the music lessons. ❤

Strength and love. xx

Back from the dreaming spires.
Madam will need to make her own way from Monday. She's considering the bus which I am most pleased about. The road to uni is a pig. Full of blinking lorries. She had a sh*t time at school so anywhere they treat them as adults works for her. (to be fair she was a nightmare to keep in uniform and her use of SPAG against teachers was legendary). She's got the course lead as her tutor so that's good for someone who thinks in black and white.

No booze here and thank God as I have been seriously stressed.

Glad you're back safe @WendyWagon - sorry the stress levels have been zooming. I actually quite like a bus ride, or the train. Either I can enjoy the scenery passing by, look down into people's homes and gardens from the top deck, or earwig on the bonkers conversations of others.

A recent highlight on the bus was some older folk who'd gone to the local Moviola community "cinema" films shown locally in the parish church - the church gets a share of the takings. They'd seen a showing of Bohemian Rhapsody and were beside themselves with disgust and indignation. They had then attended the following month's screening: Rocketman. They knew "what he was like" 🙄 but felt that they "had to support the church" and go anyway. They were absolutely incandescent with rage. It was marvellous.

School was fairly sh~te for me too. Only in my second year of college did I begin to emerge from my tightly-shuttered shell. I leave others to judge whether that is a good thing or no.

Sid is continuing to mend well from the jolly good hiding that the local deer lads gave him. Here he is last night, in recalcitrant mood. He didn't want to go to bed because Peter (Rabbit) was on "his" pillow. A meaty treat encouraged him otherwise.

I've been working on my sobriety for almost a year with some occasional setbacks. Something I've been working on more recently that has been helping me a lot is forgiveness - of myself and others. I've been holding onto grudges for too long. Working on releasing these has helped me with my stress and triggers. This post on how to stay sober is a good resource.

Hello @OpenQuoter , I am glad you've come to join us, you are most welcome here. That's fantastic to have almost made it through a year. I know that much of that year must have been very very tough. Celebrate the high points and success, learn from the lows and let them go. I have slipped up myself many times but I hope I am stronger and better for the lessons the slips have taught me.

Thank you for sharing the link, that was most interesting reading. I agree that forgiveness is very important. I hope that I am very forgiving of people. It's myself whom I most struggle to forgive. Sid helps me with that bit.

Strength and love. Goodnight my lovely shipmates x

Ahoy, me hearties! It’s day 28 over here, checking in with thanks to you all for the thread. After a week of a cold and painful sinuses, feeling much better and have strong resolve on the booze front. Friday night will always be a trigger - after a tough week of early starts, wine was essential to unwind, starting as early as possible. Planning some rounds of Uno with the kids this evening and a film. Enjoying a clearer head in the morning and the sweet relief from shame, memory loss, bum breath and sore head. Thinking of you all, woofs to Sid ❤️🐼

Good morning all.
Up due to the dog needing a wee.
Off out to breakfast. I'm not sure I can scoff sausages anymore.

One party to the breakfast table will try to fudge paying, I am bound to laugh today such is my mood.

Happy Friday shipmates, and weekend cuddles to Sid. I need to clear the kitchen today as the decorator is coming on Monday and will need a clean and decluttered space to work in. I also have a charity collection on (I think) Tuesday - one day next week anyway - and the plan is to fill bags with clothes for them to collect so I have space to put away summer ones and start digging out warmer things. I am so bad at things like this, but needs must. I also have several boxes in which to put books to go out.

I shall contain my joy at the thought of this until I’ve had a bit of a lie in followed by a bit of a sit down and a bit of breakfast, however. I don’t want to overdo things. I strongly suspect that this will run on into the weekend, but it has to be done by Sunday evening or the decorator won’t be able to do the work I want done on Monday morning. I need a deadline to force my hand, and procrastination has ensured that now I have one. 🙄

How is your daughter, ponzosoup? Doing well, I hope. I hope your good mood lasts, Wendy , and that it sees you through the weekend. Do you and Sid have plans, @REP22? All best wishes to shipmates old and new - here’s to a weekend of sill waters for us all.
I hope everyone is ok. I have had to delete usernames as the system tells me you don’t all exist. If anyone has deregistered but is still reading I wish you well and hope you come back soon. x

Morning All. Amazing work @FlakyPanda ! The first 4 weeks are such a milestone. Well done 🎉.

Hello @OpenQuoter Thank you for the article. Some great reminders of the tools. I also agree that forgiveness, especially forgiving ourselves for past mistakes is so so so crucial. Self reproach was one of the though cycles that kept reaching for the wine every evening. I am slowly learning to love myself as much as my DH and DC seem to love me. This is not an easy process though 🥹.

@WendyWagon glad to hear DD is considering the bus. I am a big fan of public transport. Where I grew up, public transport wasn't really an option and it was extremely limiting. I am so jealous of the freedom my DC could have by taking busses and trains into town and not being solely reliant on Mum's Taxi until they are able to drive themselves. It did meant that I got my driving licence AS SOON AS possible, and being able to drive myself to school in my final year was so liberating (even if it meant that I then had to become my brother's taxi). He was a couple of years below me at school and as I was at an all girl's school, he went elsewhere. We never once were in the same school. Probably a good thing as we were very different and I often feel it can be difficult for younger sibling to follow on after teachers have set expectations from meeting the older one.

Hope everything is alright/on the mend @ponzusoup , you and your DD have been very much in my thoughts yesterday.

How are things going @Billybagpuss , @AuntyPants ?

Hope you are ok @BoneTiredandWired I am thinking of you too.

How odd. Some of the names that wouldn’t post for me are in your post @EastCoastDamsel. Still, good that there are no shipmates overboard!

That is so very odd @ShyMaryEllen . I do find that the MN tagging can be very temperamental. Especially when I am on my phone (which is really the only place I use MN).

Perhaps it was because we were cross posting?

Nice to see you too 🙂

Who knows. I was on my phone, so that could explain it.

@EastCoastDamsel So sweet of you to think of me, thank you x I'm OK - wrestling with cravings and doubts and all that jolly stuff. But I've been to a couple more meetings, and despite what feels like constant relapses right now there is hope! I've done this before, I can do it again a day at a time. Sending love (oops, that autocorrected to lice 🙈) and strength to everybody on this thread

Just wanted to nip in and send my thoughts to everyone - old and new. It's such a precarious journey and I think I'll always have one foot on the abyss BUT I'm also incredibly proud of every sober moment I've had and full of determination and certainty I'm never going to drink again. It's just not part of my life anymore.

Sadly tomorrow is the anniversary of my mum's death (4 years. Very sudden and unexpected and a major catalyst in my drinking levels getting to worrying levels)

So tomorrow I'll sit with my feelings and know that no matter how uncomfortable they are, they won't make me drink.

Hello @Crunchymum nice to see you again. I'm so sorry about your mum's anniversary. Anniversaries are so hard. I lost my lovely dad in a very sudden and unexpected way too, it will be 7 years ago in November. It still hurts. Thinking of you and sending love and courage for tomorrow.💐💐

Strength and love to you all. x

Morning all.

I am absolutely knackered. Have had a couple of nights of poor sleep now. And probably haven't been looking after myself properly this week.

I am quite bad at cooking and eating well when it is just myself and with DH away and the kids at school most of the week, I have been surviving off of things I can cobble together from the fridge. (And chocolate). At least it wasn't a mainly liquid diet which it would have been in the past.

Going to take it easy today and stick to R&R I think. Dog walk etc..maybe a nap this afternoon.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

Morning all.
Broken sleep but I did get back into the land of nod.
I have the weekend off which is needed after all the driving.
I was hoping to do my winter pots but it's rained heavily here. Ditto other gardening jobs.

@REP22 "I have masked the part of the image that you are too young and pure to see..."

What you have put is worse. It's worse, @REP22 . 😧 Poor Sid! He won't want to lick it any more... (Ha ha, as if! He's a dog, ain't he?) Glad he's recovering, if not learning, from his booting by the Antler Massive. Sounds like he had it hard growing up, the little love, so glad to hear you're bringing him up proper now. 😍