The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

thanks for the mention ladies. pretty hideous aftermath. lots of pain and tears. am hanging on.

Oh I'm sorry to hear that @ponzusoup. Sending hugs your way.

Good afternoon all, apologies for 'jumping ship' over the weekend. Have been fully sober, just mad doing too much. Sid encountered some members of the local deer herd on Friday evening - big lads, Reds, including the area head stag. His ill-advised response won a perfect hoof-print of a bruise on his flank. Nothing seriously hurt but his pride, thankfully. He wanted to go for another round in the ring, but I managed to dissuade him from picking fights with bigger boys. He has won some prizes in a local show though, so that's proved some balm to his nettled ego.

Welcome to you @Devastatedandblue - I'm glad that you have found us. I'm so sorry about your divorce situation, that's wretched. Lots of love to you and strength as you navigate the way ahead. Congratulations on day 15, that's fantastic. It takes great strength to get that far. Keep going.❤️

Bit of a mystery about those chocolate orange segments @EastCoastDamsel - I hope you get to the bottom of it. 😉 I'm not an expert, but I think chocolate orange counts as one of your 5-a-day (possibly 2 if you factor in the cocoa bean).

More sorry than I can say for everyone who is hurting and in pain. @WendyWagon with your neck and @ponzusoup with your DD in hospital. I hope that healing is swift and lasting. It won't always be this sh~t, honest, it will be alright... ❤️ Sincerest love to you 💖

Here's Sid in the sunshine yesterday, reflecting on the consequences of his foolhardy choices... he sends all his love to you too. xx

@REP22 - just realised Sid is a staffie? God I love a staffie - does he make those gorgeous contented little grunting noises when you rub his belly??
We have a Welsh sheepdog, Nel. She's a darling and very affectionate but I still hanker after a staffie 😉

@AuntyPants I'm told that Sid's father was a Staffie and his mother was a French Bulldog (that must have been an interesting evening; bet it only happened the once...🫣); he's got the best of both breeds, I'd say. I can confirm that he does indeed make those lovely little grunty noises when he's snuggling up and getting belly rubs. 💕He's quite a chatty fellow in general really. Staffies are very lovely.
I used to have a black and white full Staffie - he used to play Bullseye in stage productions of Oliver! - the kids adored him. He was a cracking dog - he literally saved my life once, when I got into trouble during a remote walk. It was losing him to the Big C in 2012 that was the catalyst for really starting my drinking troubles. 😢 He was a great dog and they're a great breed. Could fart for England though. I didn't dare light a candle some nights - the whole street would've gone up.

Very much love to Nel; I should think she's got a lovely spirit and a quick mind.

They leave pawprints on our hearts. But each one is a badge of honour. 💖x

Hello! I’ve never posted on the thread but have read its many iterations over the last two years that I’ve been AF. Two years and 12 days with no alcohol to be exact. And almost 3 years since I was properly sozzled.

I, like many on here, realised that drinking was destroying my life. Or actually, that I was destroying my life every time I drank…which, was almost daily - minimum two bottles of wine - near the time I quit.

For me it took an unplanned (and entirely preventable had I not been so eternally pissed) pregnancy to break the cycle. And a few months after having my son, when I foolishly believed I’d be able to moderate, I went a bit too far for the very last time and the depression and shame the next morning was finally enough to realise it was all or nothing, and for the sake of my son - and myself - it had to be nothing.

I can honestly say it’s the best decision I’ve ever made and I don’t miss it one bit. Smoking I miss but alcohol doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. I’ve been to bottomless brunches with friends and not been tempted. Although I’m not one to go out in the evenings anymore so my exposure to excessive drinking or drunkenness is very limited.

I hated myself when I drank. My self-esteem was rock bottom and I didn’t think I could have fun without a tipple. But a tipple never stayed a tipple and I’d always go too far, and by the end (particularly after the pandemic) I’d prefer drinking on my own, often until I passed out. But sadly I never seemed to pass out without sending text messages that were either unkind, overtly sexual, or otherwise just very cringe. I didn’t even keep men’s numbers stored in my phone anymore through fear of what I’d say or do. I was an embarrassment, and yet I still kept doing it. I realise that alcohol is incredibly addictive and that there’s no shame in being dependent on something that is so bloody moreish by design. But there was - and still very much is - shame in not seeking help or making change sooner; in hurting good people repeatedly so as to keep indulging my vice. I think I’ll just have to live with that, and actually wonder if it’s an important means of keeping me on track? I dunno.

I definitely relate to the sugar addiction in replacement! I was never a sweet-tooth when I drank but now I know why, I was getting sugar by the bucketload from booze. So instead I overindulge in chocolate, cake, full fat coke. It’s not ideal but much better than the alternative. And I am, somehow, thinner now than I was when I was drinking.

I wanted to say how heartened I am to read your sharings. It’s a very isolating experience being the teetotal one sometimes, and I’m never fully honest about why that is. Not to the fullest extent of it. But I think the honesty that’s shared on here is just brilliant, and very touching. So thank you from me for that. And well done to you all too!! ❤️

Thank you for your lovely post @JulietHargs - and congratulations on your almost-3-years, that's fantastic. I'm so glad you've found these threads helpful. I genuinely don't know how I'd have managed in the last year or so (at least) without the support and solidarity on here.

I was a serial SM/text embarrassment when p~ssed too. Facebook occasionally sends me "memories" aka nonsense I posted years ago. The fact that a fair few friends who liked/commented on those posts are still my friends now (though not all are) says a lot more about their kindness and forbearance than my own.

Thank you for your honesty and your wise words. It's great to hear from you. xx

Thank you @REP22 🫶

Oh heavens, I’d hate to have the Facebook reminders! I never trusted myself to have SM when I was drinking for very obvious reasons so I’m glad to not have that kind of thing popping up. I hope it’s never a painful
experience for you relive those things? One thing I always hated and feared was being obliterated around someone who wasn’t on that level (and very few people ever were tbh) and them then regaling me with the story of what I’d said or done when we’d next see one another. I just couldn’t bear to be reminded of the bits that my memory had blanked out. And yet I still kept doing it!! Isn’t it crazy how we go against our every instinct to sate that little voice in our heads.

I really hope my post didn’t come across dismissively at all by my saying that I don’t struggle or miss the booze. On reading it back I can see how that might not sound right but that definitely wasn’t my intention!! I fully get the struggle and until that day I made my mind up I’d tried and failed to cut down many times before. And I always found a reason to
drink despite my efforts. Good day, have a drink! Bad day, have a drink! Bit tired, have a drink! There was always something. Now I think I’m far enough away from it for it not to be a ‘thing’. Whereas with cigarettes, I still go back sometimes for the occasional one or two even if I’ve not done it for months and months. Again, it’s crazy what addiction does, even when it’s not active.

Biggest of thanks again from me 💕

@JulietHargs - thank you. 🙂 Your post wasn't dismissive at all. I have found it helpful - more especially when I was struggling - to read from others who were once where I then was and were leading their lives successfully booze and craving-free. There were certainly times when I absolutely could not countenance the mere thought of living without the crippling enslavement of the need to drink. The knowledge that it is possible was something that I found helpful and worth hoping for, even on the darkest of days.

That's the thing with the drink - the basic effects are the same, but there are as many different paths there and back as there are people in the world. What we write here may not be useful to EVERYone but I absolutely guarantee that it will be helpful to SOMEone (and probably more than just one), and that makes every experience and thought shared worthwhile. xx

Evening all.
Late to the game this morning due to a terrible night with the shoulder.
DH has been up and about but is taking my advice to stay away from work.
Just eaten meatballs in a cherry tomato sauce with fresh basil. Chez Wendy.

I broke some bad news to my associate on his pitch for funding from the new company. He'd gone totally over the top with his requests and it backfired. He seemed OK though. In days gone by I would have had to have a few drinks to tell him. I just got on with it and suggested a more progressive idea.

@JulietHargs hello and great to read your story. I will be three years in January. I was on these threads under another name.

@ponzusoup still crossing everything for you. When our DC are ill it ain't easy. Sending love and hugs.

Hello to Sid.

Ahoy shipmates.
Off on the multi drives with the DD today.
First day of new uni. Fingers crossed it goes OK. She's commuting this time. Home bird.

The shoulder is still sore but the DH is a bit better. He's trying to get all the washing cleared whilst it's dry. We create tons.

Morning Cap'n @WendyWagon - how's the neck 'n' shoulder this morning? Hope all goes well with the transporting of DD. Also that your DH continues to mend and look after himself.

How are things @ponzusoup? Thinking lots of you and DD and wishing you well. You must be exhausted. I hope there's positive developments soon. 💐💐

@ShyMaryEllen I realised 'twas you with the chocolate orange! I hope no more segments have gone rogue, hehe. Although, of course, once the globe has been cracked into segments, it lets out all the calories. That's actual science...

Sid still has his hoof-print, though it's almost faded to nothing. Less happily, however, he seems to have had a falling out with Peter (Rabbit), my erstwhile hospital and between-dogs comforter. Normally they coexist peacefully, but I left them side-by-side, snuggled together, at bedtime last night, then returned from the bathroom to the frosty scene below. No idea how the coolness between them arose. I couldn't get a word out of either of them.

Strength and love. Keep going, one day at a time. You can get there, it's not too far from where you are now. xx

Hello all.

Lovely day out today though frost start (needed gloves on my.run)

Avoiding a piece of work I really have to do but am not feeling much love for.

DH away this week which means I am home alone on weeknights. In the last this would have been an excuse to get stuck in to the wine and stay up late, with a devil may care attitude for the next day. So am dreading this evening really.

Hello @EastCoastDamsel - lovely here too, also nippy in the morning. Sid was reluctant to emerge from 'neath duvet. He tried to double-back on me and scuttle, crab-like, back into bed but for once I was too wily for him.

I'm sorry that you're stuck at home and apprehensive. Distraction may help. Is there a series or something you've always fancied binge-watching to keep you occupied? Bit of a crap suggestion, I'm sorry about that. Hopefully others might have more ideas. I have been finding temptation very difficult to resist in the last few days. Really challenging. But in the mornings I have always been so glad I resisted. This morning I had a bit of a headache, so went to get some soluble Panadol to help. As I was taking it, it occurred to me how hard swallowing used to be first thing in the morning after the last night's drinking. I'd often gag or not be able to swallow even water. Don't know why it occurred to me this morning, of all mornings. But I was so glad I don't have that sensation or inability any more.

Maybe see it as only for tonight, just go without tonight, or play it forward and remember how utterly sh~te you'll feel tomorrow morning if you give in. That works for me too.

Look after yourself and your progress so far, you've done so well and are such an amazing support to us all. Sending you love and courage. 💖x

Thank you. I really need to work actually as I am off tomorrow doing something with MIL and have a deadline for Thursday Mon. So off for a walk with dogs and then will work from bed me thinks

@EastCoastDamsel you'll be so happy when you wake up in the morning with a clear, fresh head ready for the day. We're all here willing you on.

I'm 6 hours away from completing a full week of not drinking - I honestly don't know how long it's been since this happened. Definitely years.
Had a wonderful day today, warm sunshine, riding lesson, walk around town and coffee with the husband and a big chilli tonight as youngest DS goes back to uni on Friday. Feel so positive, fortunate and glowy 🥰

Bonsoir mes aimies.
Back from all the city traffic. Interesting to find DD is not the only commuter.
Lots of buses so she can take a break from driving if she wants. Hoorah.
Two more days of support commuting.

Morning all. Up early due to the DH.
I'm on another uni trek this morning whilst the DD gets her barings. We live less than 30 miles from her uni so it is madness to pay for accommodation.
At least they've been clear about tutored days. Our son commuted to his uni but he was a driver from a very early age as we lived on a farm. I think granddad taught him from about 10!

I had the thirst last night after first day nerves so I put myself to bed. Stress brings out the boozer in me. I had a drop of cow juice and skiaddled with a wagon wheel.

@AuntyPants well done on the first week.

Morning all.

Day off for me today..going to make chocolates with MIL at the home of a chocolatier who sold up in London and moved Ooop North. It is a fair drive from mine so I really need to get up and get going but I feel a little lazy this morning.

Good luck with your and DDs commute this morning @WendyWagon

Morning all. Hope you both got through last night ok @AuntyPants and @EastCoastDamsel

Last night I got the closest to cracking in a very long time - tricky, tiring day yesterday as DS was in hospital for an operation. But we were lucky and it was just a day case, so my heart goes out to you @ponzusoup

I saw a post from Dr Alex George on instagram the other day “Just because you carry it well, doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy”.

Lots of love to everyone carrying burdens out there.

@Onewildandpreciouslife i love that quote. Thank you x

I'm just popping on to the thread to say thank you. I have posted a couple of times before when I had reached 4/5 days AF, and then almost straightaway fell off the wagon and scarpered without a word. I wasn't ready and I felt ashamed. This time around I promised myself I wouldn't post until I got to 100 days sober, it was almost like I felt I would curse myself if I posted sooner 😂 Anyway, here I am, 100 days sober for the first time since I was 15 (barring pregnancy) and ready to continue with my AF life. I have read every single post over the last two threads and the level of support here has really helped me, despite not posting myself. You are all inspirational to me, whether you've got years or weeks under your belts. So thank you again!

@thepurplepenguin ooh well done you x

@thepurplepenguin thats amazing massive well done to you!! I don’t post a lot but I do read the threads and check in from time to time. Lovely to read such a positive post you should feel soo proud!! 😊 thank you for the inspiration day 25 for me!!

Brava, @thepurplepenguin ! 👏🐧 Three figures is a brilliant milestone achievement! 90 days is supposed to be a biggie, and you've got that firmly in your rear view mirror now!