The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

@AuntyPants that sounds so familiar. Dad was definitely a functional alcoholic and add several whiskeys onto the bottle of wine. he passed in June. Happily I never got the taste for whiskey but if a bottle of wine is open I don’t leave any.

day 6 and 3lb down on the weight so that says something.

@AuntyPants @Billybagpuss
I lost five stone after giving up the booze. Each of us is different but I do think the sugar we drink is vast as boozers.

My taste buds changed and I started looking after me. As a drunk I didn't really care, a fact I uncovered in therapy.
I too had lost my parents, each time my drinking ramped up.
When my younger brother died last year I didn't start the booze again, it seemed disrespectful. I kept going even though kidney donation was no longer needed.

@AuntyPants sorry for all your family losses . My dad had a catastrophic heart attack in 2021, weeks in a coma, caused by smoking and drinking, he somehow pulled through. My mum then had a heart attack in January 2023, trigged by pneumonia and years of smoking and drinking, instant death, then two weeks after that I was hospitalised at 41 with pancreatitis due to, you guessed it, smoking and drinking.

I hate the casual attitude to alcohol, I have suggested on threads that this is a devastating drug that causes much misery, but in return only get responses that someone like me or my family are the ones with the problem, everyone else can enjoy alcohol normally, whatever that means, I was triggered last Friday by the drive time radio and all the alcohol talk, but alcohol is the last acceptable poison, nobody wants to talk of what it does to the body even in small amounts, makes me just shut off more from people. Hope you’re doing ok and feeling stronger, living without alcohol is achievable.

I'm another who had a (functioning) alcoholic father - it does seem to go with the territory, doesn't it?

I agree about the casual attitude, both to drinking and to relapsing. It can be very triggering. I've said before that I used to be on a board where the same people routinely posted about how they 'caved in' and were told how it didn't matter, the important thing was wanting to stop etc, which just enabled them, and made it worse for those who were trying really hard to stay off the booze. Having to listen to how the odd binge won't do any harm makes reaching for a corkscrew feel even more tempting. It's tricky, as we all have our moments, and we need to be able to reach out, but sometimes tough love is necessary, I think.

Re the sugar - I don't know if my taste buds changed, or whether I just craved what I wasn't getting in the form of wine, but I developed the sweetest of sweet tooths, and it's still here seven years later. I wouldn't have wanted to spoil my wine by mixing it with chocolate, which isn't a consideration these days, but I would love to be free of the sugar addiction, too. I have a Terry's Orange in the sideboard, and I swear it is singing to me - I promised myself I'd save it as an incentive to get half of my work done by the halfway point between Monday and the deadline, but that is looking less likely by the hour.

@ShyMaryEllen I am like you with the sugar. I am ok as long as I don't crack and open the bag of jelly beans/bar of chocolate etc. but once I dive in it is almost impossible to stop until it's all gone (bit like my wine drinking - me thinks this might be a sign about my all/nothing ways 🤔)

I do try to have lots of fruit in that I like to eat and when the bag of beans is singing to me (I tell myself, just have a granny smith first and see how you feel after that) and usually it passes. I am also finding it a lot easier to make better choices these days.

In the 60 days if being AF I found it difficult to control my sugary cravings, and I certainly felt like it was a help in the sense that at least I wasn't drinking.

Am listening to Clare Pooley on the SoberDave podcast today. Such a good listen

I know I need to cut down on the AF wine, as that is very sugary, but it really helps with the transition from day to evening.

Years ago I used to have sugar in tea, but I stopped. At first it tasted odd, but now I would hate a cup of tea with sugar in it. I need to have a sugar reset, but it's in so much that it's difficult to know where to start. With the AF wine, probably😀

I’ve switched off the AF wine this year @ShyMaryEllen - moved onto af G&T (ideally slimline tonic).

I need to attack the magnum ice cream habit next!
But often think of this post (no disrespect to your apple, @EastCoastDamsel !)

😁

Haha love the quote @Onewildandpreciouslife I’m sugar mad atm especially chocolate cake!! So that’s very fitting!! But it’s ok the cake is making me happy I’m walking over 10,000 steps to get it so I think I’m aloud it only buy one piece because I’m all or nothing and would literally eat the whole cake which probably would me me not happy 😂😂 but beats waking up after a night of drinking!! Anything and everything is better than that hope everyone has great evening and enjoy your treats!! 😊

Good morning everyone, checking in and still going day23 today. I’ve had a nasty cold all weekend so didn’t feel like drinking anything except hot lemon and honey, dinner date on Friday was cancelled.

Time resting and the points about normalising alcohol has brought up dark memories of my mum getting very drunk, very often claiming drinking was for „medicinal purposes“. I used to get so upset over this and the stupidity of it. I was a teetotal teen, terrified of what drinking was doing to my alcoholic parents but still ended up following in their footsteps years later.

Not anymore though, I’m feeling strong, thank you all for sharing your stories, so much is resonating, thanks for the stunning doggies and poetry too xx

Hey @FlakyPanda good to hear from you. 23 days is amazing! You ARE strong

Wow @FlakyPanda well done.

Morning Cap't and Sid.

Well done @FlakyPanda 23 days!! Amazing work I’m right behind you 22 days now such a great achievement 😊

Well done @FlakyPanda 💪

Hello, and well done to everyone abstaining. It's so so hard, the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm on day 15.

Abstaining started with DH saying he wants a divorce. I can't cope with the devastation of losing him if I drink at the same time.

Just putting it out to the group to see if anyone else went whilst going through a breakup.

KBO

Hello again and special thank you to @WendyWagon @Onewildandpreciouslife @Chance21 and @Gotthis24 for the encouragement. I’m enjoying counting the days and don’t want to ruin it, it’s the longest I’ve ever gone without alcohol (excluding pregnancy).
@Devastatedandblue, I’m sorry to hear you have that to deal with a devastating break up. I don’t have experience of sober break ups but can appreciate that having a clear mind and focussing on self care rather than destructive drinking will help you get through it 💐

Ahoy shipmates!

Amazing work @FlakyPanda 🎉

Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday planned. Our local town's food festival is looking quite soggy so off to MILs for Sunday lunch.

Welcome @Devastatedandblue . Well done on day 15. So sorry to hear you are having to deal with a break up.

Welcome @Devastatedandblue and well done on getting to day 15, but sorry it was a break up that triggered this. Just shouting out to @rockingbird who isn’t active on these threads any more but may be willing to give you her perspective

@Onewildandpreciouslife good idea. Rockingbird was a legend in her journey through divorce and DIY.

I m in bed with a very painful neck.

@Chance21 I'm obsessing about chocolate cake now!
Checking in after what feels like a watershed weekend tonight. Out for dinner last night and didn't drink, I was very open about it as planned and had a rose lemonade and then just water with my meal. I'm embarrassed to say that for the first time since I don't know when (possibly since I was a child) I enjoyed every single mouthful of an amazing meal. It felt like one of the best meals I've ever had - normally by the main course I'm ashamed to admit it's all a bit lost on me. I chatted and laughed and thoroughly enjoyed myself, all without the help of alcohol - I wouldn't have believed I could have done this before. I then came home and went to bed (without gorging myself on toast or biscuits to 'soak up the wine'), slept like a baby and woke up this morning feeling great. Tonight I've cooked a roast - which didn't deteriorate into chaos as I worked my way down a bottle whilst cooking - cleared up as I went along, had an AF beer with my dinner (suprisingly enjoyable) and again didn't overeat or pig out in my usual drunken fashion. Chatted, laughed, felt relaxed and happy...
I'm astounded 😮

@Devastatedandblue I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sending strength and I really hope this thread will help you x

Sorry @AuntyPants 😂 it’s definitely worth it though!! Well done so happy to read you enjoyed your meal out go you!!
I used to be the same just obsessing on the booze menu!! Now I look at the food and really enjoy what I’m eating and can definitely have a dessert now I’m not saving calories for booze!!
also I find I’m having better conversations as I’m not worrying about how much wine I’ve got and how much everyone else has!!
had a lovely rested weekend hope everyone is ok and here’s to a positive week ahead 😊

Great post @AuntyPants - sounds like a great weekend. Unpicking the lies alcohol tells us is a revelation.

Hope your neck is feeling better @WendyWagon

Hope you and DD are doing ok @ponzusoup

Have a good week, all

Any news, @ponzusoup ?

Sorry to hear about your divorce, @Devastatedandblue . It must be very difficult for you, but it's definitely the case hat having a clear head will help you to navigate whatever lies ahead.

I hope your neck is better @WendyWagon . Constant pain is so wearing.

I'm 'looking forward to' a day of working. I'm still sitting with toast and coffee, but will relocate to the study soon and make a start.

Have a good Monday, shipmates!

(my Terry's Orange is missing several segments😢)

Morning all.

Hope all is well @ponzusoup .

How are you doing @REP22 ? (And the lovely Sidney, of course)
Hope your neck is better @WendyWagon .

Sun is out and a lot less cold than last week.