The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

@AuntyPants think how good you will feel on monday morning!! play it forward as they say

Wow @ponzusoup I'm very impressed you're calm enough to be posting still. Sending positive energy your way. Hope all goes well

@ponzusoup hope all goes well. My husband had a long op (8hrs) 11 years ago and the waiting is very strange and long. Kind of a twilight zone. I do hope all is well and she makes a fast recovery ❤️‍🩹

@ponzusoup What a gem you are! Wishing you all the best xx

One day, I want my contributions to this thread to be helpful and hopeful! Not just a repeat of: aw no, I did it again. One day soon. That meeting last night really DID give me hope - I got some numbers, I identified with what so many people said. I'll make sure I hold onto that, and that there's no more drink just for today.

Thanks @ponzusoup . Almost halfway through. Have you got something nice to read, or a Sudoku to keep you going? Not long to go now. ❤💐

Well done on day 5 @Billybagpuss , just brilliant. Strength and courage for the weekend. It'll be too sunny and bright (hopefully) to be wasting with a hangover.

Sid sends wags and joy to Luna. What a beautiful girl she is. ❤ I am afraid that Sid is not "interested in the ladies" - he's a big fan of Eurovision, IYSWIM. If he had his way, he'd be wearing a pair of purple spangly hotpants, gyrating on a nightclub podium to pounding Euro-technobeats. He made me put his Steps CD on for him last night. If he's particularly overwrought it can only be his "Cher's Greatest Hits". I am sorry to disappoint Luna, or any other interested canine lady. If you are reading this and are an older obese Labrador gentleman, feel free to PM for Sid's number. 🙄😉 x

@BoneTiredandWired they ARE helpful - you're expressing how you feel and how you are trying; we're here to listen.

There is lots to be hopeful about, honest. Just keep your access to the stuff limited, and don't listen to the wine witch or the voice of justification/temptation. A firm "no!" with a refusal of any internal 'dialogue' works for me. Any intrusive thoughts should be shut down with "no", "I cannot". Although I appreciate how very much easier said than done this is.

You can do it. We believe in you. x

This is hilarious 🤣

😂😂😂😂.

Luna is a very manly lady 😂😂

Thank you for the support and advice and general gosh-darned loveliness, Sober Ladeez (and Sid in all his unadorned and nekkid glory!! Swit-swoo, I say, even though I know he has a different 'type'...). 😝

Feeling lots more positive on Day 8, been dootling busily about doing chores, and now I am going to STOP and REST, because that's a common trigger with me - push myself to exhaustion then give in to the 'reward' of drinking... often, I'm sure, on purpose to 'justify' it... 🙄

Friday is a trigger, so is hunger, so I'm getting myself around some Manomasa crisps, AF drinks chilling in the fridge with the pizza (Sloppy Guiseppe - I wanted filthy).

Pats and roogies to your beauteous canines! We are not short of attractive doggage on this thread...

I have no doubt that Sid will look Absolutely Fabulous in his sequinned shorts.

Here's another alcohol poem for you - a bit less obvious than some, but wonderful all the same. I can't find it online, and the formatting will be all over the place if I try to copy it, so I'll just keep to the line endings and not attempt to recreate the way they should show the chain tugging and pulling:

Hymn to Dionysus
The trick is to loose
the wild bear
but hold tight
to the chain,
woe
when the bear
snatches up
the links
and the man dances.

by Alden Nowlan (1933-83)

Brilliant @Maffit - fantastic on getting to day 8, that's brilliant! 🏅 Glad your enjoying the positive feelings. Sounds like a good plan - Friday evenings are my trigger too. But I am currently enslaved to Slimming World, so no pizza for me 🙁 Never mind... one day, hehe. You sound a bit like me - I do the same to myself, right up until the last minute, so "I've earned it". Madness. You strategies are wise.

Enjoy your Sloppy Giuseppe; good choice - if you're gonna do it - do it right 😉x

Oh, that's really good @ShyMaryEllen - thanks for sharing it. It's a chilling analogy, but very, very apt. I know that in my darkest days of drinking I know that I would have actually preferred to face an angry and shackled bear than a single night without the booze.

Excellent words. Hope you have a lovely weekend. xx

It looks a lot better when the formatting's right, but I agree that it's chilling. If you enjoy poetry and aren't familiar with AN, look him up? His work is deceptively simple, and very human. He had an unusual and interesting life, too, and struggled with the booze himself.

My weekend will be quiet, I think. I'm tired, and want to catch up on sleep. I did a lot of admin towards my work deadline, so there's just the actual work to do (procrastinate? moi?) and I want to hit the ground running on Monday, as I have a lot of (enjoyable) things to do in the rest of the week.

Evening all.
Sending much strength for Friday night and the weekend.

I am knackered so am going to bed

Goodnight, @EastCoastDamsel .

I hope all is well at your end, @ponzusoup ?

Have a great weekend, shipmates.

Just got into bed...
Driving home from work tonight and slightly trigged by the radio - Friday night and everyone's calling in and talking about opening the Prosecco or chilling out with a glass of red. Turned it off and put an episode of 'So they think it's all Sober' on. Does anyone else find this hard? And what about TV programs where people are drinking? Bit worried about this looking glamorous and making me think it's ok in a weak moment 🫣

@ShyMaryEllen and all. surgery done. grim recovery period now in icu. i'm having a few hours kip.

Completely agree with this, it’s so normalised whereas the amount of snuck up to shouldn’t be normal.

it’s been a tricky year with bereavements and looking after elderly mum who ended up in hospital from a nasty fall 2 days into my holiday. So my drinking increased.

day 6 today. Luna thinks we should celebrate with a long walk.

Good morning all
just checking in hope all is well and everyone has a rested weekend.
thank you for your posts am still here 21 days AF longest stretch in years ! do not miss the shame, anxiety and hangovers!!
@REP22 was killing myself laughing imagining Sid with his steps cd on you really do have me in stitches!! Such a way with words 😊 he has such a beautiful soul makes the best mascot!!
up early for the gym it’s turned cold down south we are very precious 😂 will try to get out this afternoon as walking in nature is really helping me blows the cobwebs away and helps with sleep which is slowly improving 😊 well done to everyone new and old we can live our best life AF peace love and strength to you all.

Ahoy my sober sisters.
Up early after a natural sleep (trying to give the Nytol a miss). I've never taken waccy as I can't stand the smell but I did sleep solidly for six weeks when we moved into our last rental. The previous tenants were very active on the herbals!

The DS is back home tomorrow after his holiday and the dog has his trim today. He looks like a pipe cleaner for a week or so after the coffiere. He has only just shown an interest in lady dogs at 5. As he was bred from a champ we kept him intacto but their are lots of siblings around. The DH calls him the expensive mut!
I am looking at my ultimate house next week. I've lusted after it for twenty five years. Various reasons for considering a move. The DH is a bit better but I fear he will be home next week and beyond.

@ponzusoup thinking of you. X

Morning all.
Hope you got some sleep @ponzusoup - thinking of you and DD.
It really is hard @AuntyPants . After a while I found it just made me angry. “Consequence free” drinking is being fed to us daily, and it feeds into our subconscious belief that drinking is normal, glamorous, everyone else can do it “normally”. But alcohol does have consequences.
I have a gym instructor who on a Friday night says - ooh the bottle of white is in the fridge. Drives me mad. But I remind myself that I’m stronger and fitter sober than I ever was in my drinking days, so I reckon I’m winning!

@Onewildandpreciouslife I get exactly the same comments over the weekend at the gym push harder for the wine!! It’s soo conditioned into us and I often wonder if I was a fitness instructor would I say that or maybe change that narrative maybe move with the times!! And 💯 fitter without it I don’t know how I used to get through a class hungover it was not enjoyable. A lot of gym goers are very high functioning I find I almost want to tell them your workout is rather pointless if your drinking but I guess they have to figure that out for themselves

Morning all. Feeling much better today after a really good night's sleep.

I was just overdone yesterday, I think. Taking it a little easier this morning but have much to do as DH is away for work from today for a week.

He is driving to the station in the city and leaving the car there and i am going to run to the local station in the town to get the train to go and collect the car from the city. Makes sense as.i can also pick DD up at lunchtime.

But need to walk the dogs first and do my whole complicated morning routine, when in fact it is nice and cosy in bed.

I totally get where you are coming from @AuntyPants and @Billybagpuss . With my new perspective, I took find the casual.attitude to alcohol in society extremely troublesome.

Especially when we look at the way in which (quite rightly) the attitudes to smoking (arguably a less harmful drug to society than alcohol) has shifted.

I still have moments too where I have a little voice that whispers "Fuck It" in my ear but she is becoming quieter and less intrusive.

Amazing work on 21 days @Chance21

ODAAT.

@Billybagpuss it sounds like we've had a similar year...
My Dad died last March after living with lung cancer for two years, during which time my Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Dad had a bad time with chemo and as a result Mum ended up being admitted too a care home - Dad could just about look after himself and couldn't cope with Mum's needs as well.
Since my Mum has deteriorated really quickly, she's very frail and falls a lot.

Dad was a smoker until his first diagnosis with lung cancer when he was in his 50's - he gave up, but red wine immediately replaced it. He was definitely a functioning alcoholic although I find that description hard to attribute to him. He never had a night without at least a bottle of red, and more often than not would start and sometimes finish a second.

Since he died my drinking has increased (initially tearfully toasting Dad with his favourite red). I've put on 3 stone in the last year and have had blackouts, hangxiety, poor sleep and hangovers galore. I'm ashamed to admit that I've probably driven over the limit too the following morning (and gone into to work 😳).

So I'm done. I'm here for accountability and the support over just the last few days has been incredible. I'm so glad I'm here and so glad to have found such a supportive bunch of people