The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Morning all. I'm up early to get ready for a trip into London.

I am hoping for a smooth journey.

Happy Thursday everyone. I hope your trip goes well @WendyWagon , that all goes well for Miss @ponzusoup and that everyone else finds beans with which they can fill up to make their days go as fruitfully/smoothly/happily as they need, and that the ship sails on calm waters to the weekend. The usual love and strokes to Sid.

I’m getting my hair done today. I might add red lowlights to the blonde highlights I already have. I’m very tired - I haven’t been sleeping well and my B12 injection is due. When my levels are low I feel wiped out. I feel inclined to go to bed when I get back from the hairdresser, but that could bugger up my sleep pattern for the weekend.

I have a lot of work on just now, but the deadline is a couple of weeks away. I should crack on and do it, but the temptation is to leave it until panic sets in. We’ll see.

@ShyMaryEllen im a blighter for leaving stuff to the last minute. I typed my university stuff on the day it was due in. This morning clothes choosing and the jacket doesn't fit. However a new silk blouse I've waited two years to wear does fit. I am as pleased as punch.

I'm going to be super busy but luckily most is working from home. My help starts next week. Ms A is super tidy. I can't wait, I'd given up.

Good morning all. Hope you have a wonderful day, and all your endeavours go well.

@ShyMaryEllen Procrastination is the thief of time, they say. But some of my best work has been done with moments to spare. I'm a devil for putting things off. Hope you get on ok in London @WendyWagon; all power to your elbow.

Definitely Autumnal today. Very nippy, the car all misted up and the first few leaves starting to drift down. Plus the nights are drawing in. But the evening light looks lovely, especially when Sid agrees to strike a pose for you.

Strength and love. x

4 days today. Just wanted to join the thread for some accountability.

@Billybagpuss welcome

Hello @Billybagpuss, I'm glad you've found your way to us, though it is something of a club that no-one would ideally wish to join. You are very welcome here, there is much understanding and support in our ranks. Congratulations on the 4 days - that's a great start and I know that it is not easy. Feel free to post as much or as little as you wish. Plenty of room on the good chairs for you here. x

Hi @Billybagpuss - I'm on day 2 🥰

Brilliant on day 2 @AuntyPants keep going! xx

Welcome Newbies! Come on in.

You've chosen a good time to start posting, as the weekend can be tricky for a lot of people. It's worth having a plan. If you're going out, think about what you will drink instead of alcohol, and you might want to have a 'cover story' that makes it difficult to go back on your 'reason' for not drinking. Something like being on antibiotics can work, as that's not going to go away as the night wears on, and if you have a drink it will expose your lie. If you're staying in, maybe get something AF (alcohol free) that you enjoy drinking and look forward to opening, pouring and drinking it. Some of us go in for pretend alcoholic drinks, such as Seedlip or AF wine, and others prefer things like Kombucha or lime and soda.

I always recommend Thiamine (Vitamin B1) for the first few weeks. It can detox the brain safely.

Many people like to have an early night to remove the temptation of a drink. I like a hot scented bath first, to relax, but others don't. Some like 'quit lit', but others (like me) find it just reminds them of alcohol. You need to find out what works for you. It doesn't matter what it is or whether others on here do it - we are all different, and supportive of difference in others.

The lovely Sid is our thread mascot, and he's very generous with his support and photos.

Good luck, and do keep in touch with your updates.

Evening all :) thanks for the ask @ponzusoup I struggle to keep up until I have a kids activity to attend where I can actually just sit and 'be' with my phone! Very rare!

Everyone's doing so well here, great to have more aboard too.

A couple of people have mentioned difficulties sleeping. DH tends to have some rubbish sleeps which makes for a hard next day, which makes for an easy pint. So...tips to aid a restful sleep much appreciated. I have given muscle soak bath and pillow spray, weighted blanket and hypno/sleep podcasts. A couple of people have mentioned herbal remedies (not sure if that's code for weed??) but as he suffers from anxiety and stress I'd like to avoid anything that would exasperate that.

Good morning and ahoy me hearties.
I was in the scratcher (Marion Keyes expression) by 7.30 last night due to a busy day and the DH groaning.
He's still poorly and he's now one weeks holiday plus one weeks sick leave in.
The DD and I are off to do a massive food shop. The husband normally does it and I do posh. I will have to do the Aldi as they make the best shortbread fingers. The dog and I like them first thing.

Good business yesterday in London but I was overdressed at the Groucho club and could have been more comfortable. I'm stacking up the opportunities for my retirement fund. I was the guest of a big cheese headhunter and it was a pleasure to say I didn't want a job. I'm a cr*p employee these days. Third age women take no prisoners. I only get fired for speaking my mind as we know.

I've been keeping everything crossed for @ponzusoup .The best NHS grub is the ice cream and egg mayo sandwiches.
Good luck all for Friday. X

Glad your trip to London went well @WendyWagon .
It’s frustrating @frankiefirstyear because stopping drinking would probably resolve 99% of your husband’s problems with sleep and anxiety, but he has to figure that out for himself.
Hope today goes well for you and DD @ponzusoup

morning from hospital campbed. urge to drink not present - suspect that will come when i finally get home next week. want this to be over now! roll on tonight although tough days ahead. DD still asleep. thanks for your thoughts. so grateful to be facing this sober!

glad to hear your london trip was successful on your terms @WendyWagon

strength to all.

Hi all, I am heading in to my first weekend as a non drinker and I am grateful to all of you who have provided support so far. I have found strength from being part of this group and will use my updates as I time to remind myself why I am doing this and take responsibility for my actions. Thanks for the recommendation of the podcast "Sober Powered" I have found that useful. Thanks again and I hope you all have a great weekend.

Hi all, I'm on day 7 of sobriety after gorging on vodka the previous week and feel pretty good without cravings.

Well, last night I ate a tonne of chocolate goodies a friend bought round and actually felt a bit groggy with a puffy face from that! Is it possible to have a 'sugar-over'.

How do we say no to what we don't want. I can't which scares me if faced with the temptation of booze if in the situation.

Aside from that I genuinely feel I'd be sick if I drank.
The very though make me anxious and ill.

Really hoping it continues, without the sugar chocolate overload!

Bit of an update from me while I wait for washer to finish.

Finally managed to have a catch up with DH this morning about by this week so far. Therapy restarted for him and went well, does anyone else use a therapist here? I tried al-anon online but found it to be less anonymous than I'd have liked and being a little techno phobe couldn't figure out how to not allow the use of my camera, and was also paranoid someone would recognise my voice, so didn't complete the session.
DH therapist gave good tips on preempting 'reasons' and triggers and attempting to remedy those - as previously said we're trying to combat the sleep deprivation that seems to come when cutting out alcohol so that that cycle is halted in its tracks.

We've spoken about my time on here and he agrees that he is setting up his support, and I should set up my own, but here is a place to share the support. He is a very private man and so, other than me and his therapist, he has nobody who he can speak to about sobriety. I find that quite lonely and hope you all have one person at least you can confide IRL.

His health is not so good but managed to avoid another hospitalisation and he's received confirmation of a higher level of care appointment this week too so we hope this will go somewhere positive. We know they will be forceful about his sobriety, so this is a good reason to stick at it...day 3 and a temptation filled weekend ahead so may the willpower be in our favour.

Sending healing vibes @ponzusoup

Thanks for the reading recs everybody. I went to an absolutely great women's AA meeting last night, and had been sober since the day before. Then today once I put my baby down for a nap, I went to the basement to get a diet coke, and found a beer nearby. Have just drunk the beer and feel shit. After so much hope, how can I go back? No more drink now because I'm in charge of him, but it's just such a pointless cock up.

@BoneTiredandWired first, don't stress, what's done is done. Second - can you check for more alcohol and get rid?

Yes I can, and will. I hate that lurking beer 😣
Thanks so much @Itsrainingten

Greetings all and a hearty welcome to @spaceshooter , I'm glad you've found us and congratulations on day 7, that's brilliant 🙂. It's definitely possible to have a sugar-over (I'm mad for the chocolate milkshake, me) - but try not to feel bad about it and embrace it if you can. It's the least-worst option when you're dealing with booze-cravings as well. It will pass in time.

Glad you dominated London @WendyWagon, fabulous that your head is being hunted, even though you don't want the job. I love the NHS ice cream as well, and cherish fond memories of their roasted tomato and lentil loaf. I like Aldi's own-brand ketchup better than Heinz (dons helmet and prepares for incoming...), hope they haven't run out of the shortbread. ❤️

Top stuff on making it to the weekend @Gotthis24, that's fantastic. Podcasts can be great. I liked One for the Road by Sober Dave.

That's encouraging about your DH @frankiefirstyear . It's a massive challenge he is facing, internally and externally and it's wonderful that he's got you in his corner, doing all you can. Not everyone is lucky enough to have someone as loving and understanding as you in their corner. I hope he can find a support network that he's comfortable with. But perhaps you may be all that he needs. You're facing it together and that will help him ever so much.
I tried AA, but although they were friendly and welcoming, it wasn't for me. I did find SMART recovery sessions very helpful - more on that here (Self-Help Addiction Recovery | UK Smart Recovery). I did them at an NHS recovery service called Inclusion. I also downloaded and use the I Am Sober app (it's free) - you can track your alcohol free days and it works out how much money you're saving alone the way, as well as other benefits.
I think the reference to herbal sleeping remedies is more to do with Nytol or stuff from Holland and Barratt, rather than the Devil's Lettuce, hehe. 😉

Oh dear @BoneTiredandWired - I am sorry the temptation got you. Don't feel too bad, just keep going. As @Itsrainingten says, can you bin any more "lurkers" in the fridge/cupboard/garage? If it's not there, it can't disturb your peace. Be kind to yourself. xx

I've just come back from my annual DVLA medical exam. A sad leftover from my ill-judged act of honesty in voluntarily surrendering my licence in 2017 when I knew I was drinking too much. All went well and bloods have been sent off. A new wheeze this year was that the dr. had me look at the tube of blood and the label. Apparently a new and much-used tactic by habitual failers is to insist that the blood tested was not theirs; it was wrongly-labelled; the labels were switched/came off, etc., The last cry of the truly desperate. The dr. was very pleased with me. Fingers crossed that all will be well. I know I have been AF for many, many weeks now - but I still hate waiting for the results though. The DVLA are merciless. If you write your dates wrong on two of the forms, even by accident (and there are several (usually 3 or 4) versions of the same form each time), e.g. putting date of last drink as 11/9/22 on one form and 9/11/22 on another then - bang! - licence refused as you've been "deliberately deceitful", no matter what the blood results are. It's horrible. But, even though I never drunk-drove and have nary so much as a speeding ticket in all my days, I am still a "High Risk Offender" and have brought this on myself. All will be well, I daresay, in the end. But heed my example, and beware the consequences of ever choosing drinking over a driving licence - quite apart from the moral bankruptcy that is drink driving and what can ensue, the DVLA's tentacles (quite rightly) stretch far and stretch wide.

Sending especial love to @ponzusoup - and very huge Sidsnuggles. I hope your DD is settling in OK and that you are alright. Most sincerely wishing you both well for what lies ahead, all strength and fortitude, and patience to endure. I am glad the urges aren't disturbing you. I hope they keep respectfully at bay. We're here if they should come a-calling. ❤️❤️❤️

Strength and love to you. Friday night approaches. We've got this, lads. We can do it. xx ❤️

Here's a special treat for lovely @ponzusoup - Sid got his collar off yesterday and found a sunbeam. Here he is - not for the faint of heart, look away if easily fluttered - posing especially FULLY NUDE! Naked as the day he was born!! (Filth). 😮😉

Heading into my first sober weekend too @Gotthis24 and feeling positive at the moment, although it may have its testing bits...

My godparents are visiting for the weekend, we're going out for a meal on Saturday evening and I'm doing a roast on Sunday. Both of which are huge areas of temptation for me and will feel very different doing them sober. Fortunately my godfather doesn't drink so I'll be aligning myself with him, which I hope will make things easier. I've already checked the 'wine list' and found a rosé lemonade which I'm actually quite looking forward to and will get a big bottle of sparkling water for the table. Am going to be very upfront with the fact I'm not drinking too, so it'll look odd and a little desperate if I suddenly start necking the red!

Sending love and solidarity to those who need it

All power to you @AuntyPants you've got this. 💪❤️ Glad you've got a useful ally in your godfather. I love the rosé lemonade - Co-Op do a lovely sparking rhubarb thing as well. Have a lovely time. xx

Day 5.

heading for the weekend which will be an achievement

luna says another hi to Sid.

first step is checking in here and being honest. as a wise woman once said @BoneTiredandWired just cos you get one flat tyre you wouldn't slash the other three. dust yourself down and try and learn from the triggers and avoid in future. that's what lapses are for.

two hours into surgery. three to go.

@REP22 thank you 💜🫶🏻