The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Good luck tonight all and Rep at slimming world.
I am making risotto. DDs favourite however she's being difficult with helping her two aged parents.
'you wait Henry Higgins, just you wait' springs to mind. The dog is waiting.
I don't really cook with alcohol because I was the only boozer.
Busy with contracts and legals today.
Have a good evening everyone.

Good luck at sw @REP22 .we had an unexpected pub late lunch. Both of us had orange juice and lemonade. Dh hasn’t officially given up and I’m sure he has a few whenaway without me etc but he has been v supportive and doesn’t drink in front of me

Hi...I've been toying with giving up alcohol for ages and after a few false starts I think I'm finally at the point where I've had enough. Nothing awful has happened but I can't tolerate it like I used to - had half a bottle of red with my husband last night and am laying here awake with a horrible headache now. I've been drinking way too much this past year - was getting to be an almost nightly occurrence and had a few occasions where I don't remember anything that happened which was scary. My Dad drank too much and would become argumentative and belligerent and I know I have a tendency to do the same. I don't like my drunk persona at all but have used it as social support for a long time.
So I'm done. Hoping this thread will give me accountability and support when I need it 🙃

Welcome @AuntyPants . Nice to have you here.

It really is very brave to admit to yourself that you have an issue with alcohol and to seek support on quitting.

This thread has been the cornerstone of my journey and @REP22 @WendyWagon @ShyMaryEllen @Onewildandpreciouslife @ponzusoup @threeandmeandthedog and others have served as great support and inspiration to me.

I really found quitlit (audiobooks) and podcasts, very useful early on continue to use an app to help with tracking my journey and supporting me in learning more about myself and also about alcohol and what it does my body. It was particularly motivating to see the daily health benefits early on on my journey on the Reframe app.

The books I most hight recommend are the same ones as @REP22 lists in her OP.

I also recommend giving yourself permission to eat as much sugar as you need to to keep the alcohol cravings at bay, as a daily drinker my body came to rely on the quick sugar and energy hit from alcohol. As well as taking a B vitamin complex with plenty of vit B1

Risotto sounds lush @WendyWagon . I am trying to limit white carbs at the moment but had a huge craving for rice yesterday.

@Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime amazing that your DH is being so supportive. It really does help to have at least one person IRL that knows about your journey and supports you through it.

👋🏻 To everyone else (especially Sid obvs 😉). Got to dash, need to be in the office today and going to get a run in before hand.

Morning all.
Welcome @AuntyPants

Up but the DH is still snoring (big pain meds).
Hair do today with my niece then from next week she is my house help.
She used to work for me when I owned shops and is super organised. My bookshelves and cupboards will be the business.
One tea down.

morning all. welcome @AuntyPants you've come to a good place for support.

@ShyMaryEllen DDs op is on friday admission tomorrow. i'll be in the hosp for a week too! 6 months ago i would have been worrying about not being able to drink! 😱 at least that's one problem i won't have. am v anxious though which is giving me the craves. need to dig deep into reasons to stay sober.

hope everyone is ok. @WendyWagon cab your niece do my cupboards next please? 🥰

Oh, been there @ponzusoup - wandering round DS’s hospital campus to see if any of the cafes had wine. Mortifying now, but I was in survival mode those days. Good luck to you and DD for the next week

Thanks all, and good morning. SW was as grim as I thought (3lbs put on), but I have only myself to blame. Next week will be better.

Good luck with the contracts and stuff @WendyWagon - hope you reach a deal that you're happy with. Maybe Santa could bring DD a pack of Tena Lady in her stocking, a happy harbinger of joys yet to be...? 😉

Orange juice and lemonade is my pub go-to @Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime . I find it really refreshing. I'm glad your DH is supportive, that makes such a difference.

Welcome @AuntyPants - I am glad you've found us. It's a very hard thing to face but you can do it. As @EastCoastDamsel says in their lovely post, this thread and the posters on here have been an absolute godsend to me, whether I'm flying or falling. Keep posting, if you want to, there will always be someone here who has gone through what you're going through and feeling what you are feeling. There are also the old threads, similarly named to this one, going back to 2020 stored on MN, where there are plenty of posts with tips, fellowship and solidarity.

@ponzusoup sending strength for Friday and beyond. Hope you and your DD are doing OK. You will still be able to reach out to us here while at the hospital - feel free to do that if the anxieties are strong. We will be with you all the way, even though you can't see us standing with you. Toilets on the ward are a good reason not to drink (among all the others). They're not always a desirable option for, er, "dropping the kids off at the pool", IYSWIM, at the best of times - you wouldn't want to be leaning over one after a few drinks with your head down the pan, when you could be sitting with your DD, It will be alright. You will be at goddess-level, being there for your DD. Sid and I will be keeping all fingers and dewclaws crossed.

I was very ill in and out of hospital from 2015 up until 2020 (not drink-related, though it cannot have helped). One time I was on a general ward. The patient opposite was a bit of a nuisance - repeatedly wandering out of the ward for a smoke while nurses were looking for her, having her BF actually IN the bed with her, loudly sneering at other patients, etc. At one point the charmless BF actually started swigging from the bottle of sanitiser clipped to the bottom of the bed. 😮 High alcohol content, you see. What a prince. They got swiftly booted out when there was nothing actually wrong with her (beyond the obvious). Heaven defend me from ever being so desperate for a drink that I try that. Or Listerine. Grim - but a scenario that could conceivably be waiting for us if we don't sort ourselves out long-term. I confess to having looked twice at some of the latter with an ill-advised and desperate eye (didn't resort to it though, thank god).

Here is Sid, wishing you joy of your Wednesday, and strength and love. Keep at it, you'll be glad you didn't give up. xx

@ponzusoup just remember that your feelings of worry and anxiety are very normal for the context. What other strategies help you to manage feelings of worry? It might also be helpful to consider that your anxiety is underpinned by your protective instincts as a mother and it is totally natural to feel this way in uncertain situations to keep our loved ones safe- so , in a way, your anxiety is natural and serving a purpose it was designed to do back in the cave man and cave woman days- keeping you alert to protect your cave family. It would be so much harder to manage with booze in the equation.

Sometimes making the hospital space more homely helps with worry, I take in DS’s pillows and a blanket from home, and various distractions, nice snacks, books, iPad etc.

I hope it all goes well for you and DD- lots of love.

@ponzusoup good luck tomorrow and Friday.

Thanks all for the lovely welcome. It's been a long time coming but I have an immense feeling of relief atm. I'm sure there will be testing times though - do people post on here if they're feeling weak/tempted?

thanks @threeandmeandthedog @WendyWagon and all. wise words re anxiety. trying to remind self that i'd be way worse if drinking and would defo be seeking solace in a bottle. being booze free is helping me be my mentally strongest self even if it's hard at times.

altho one if my DDs told me the other day i was a pain since i stopped drinking as im all over her to do homework , get off screens, eat healthily etc.

just had a run in with my own miserable mum who managed to offer no support and talk about herself as per. no wonder i didn't 40 years drinking heavily.

@AuntyPants defo come and talk if you feel at risk of drinking. we're here for that, the bad times and the good, and will try and lift you up with no judgement x

@REP22 slightly laughing at the hospital loos angle!!! you do have a way with words !!!! 🤣💩

will be relying on some sid related cheer too so keep the pics of that lovely face coming!

Thank you lovely @ponzusoup. ❤ I would gladly sit with you in the hospital, if I could. I'm sorry about your run-in with your mother. I have issues with my own. It's a very challenging area for me, and certainly a very large part of why I sought escape and emotional anaesthesia through drink. My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry. It's not fair that we had such mediocre parents. But it's also not our fault. Sending you much love. In the meantime, here's a special Sid pic, just for you, with the Peter Rabbit toy that he's appropriated for his own private use.

He is a useful ally in my struggles with my own M. His wee-wee is his weapon. Deployed rarely but strategically and for maximum effect. God boy Sid.

I want to reach into the screen and scratch Sid's head... 😍 Bet it's all warm and soft and boney...

Day 6 here. Day 5 was the Sudden and Massive Fatigue Attack with a side order of bwain damage... you know the score... 😁 Still not super today after a puny five hours of sleep...

Also DH is on his way home from a week away and called asking me to put a couple of beers in the fridge for him... instantly awoke the Wine Witch: 'You've been good all week, you were over-reacting before, you can have one glass tonight to be companionable...'. And the fatigue doesn't help.

So let me remind myself that I had a near-constant UTI for months when drinking (I was sober for 5.5 years and rarely a squeak from my bladder then)... and that, despite this, I was still drinking two mahoosive glasses of wine every damn night (and more at weekends), occasionally puking up the antibiotics when they reacted badly... waking in the small hours with The Fear... mainlining painkillers to get through the day... and generally being an all-round biyatch! 😜

I'm telling myself the claggy brain is just a sign of the synapses replenishing and reconnecting... I find I can be very hard on myself for 'not getting enough done' in Week 1, but it's exhausting, isn't it?

😴

@AuntyPants as @ponzusoup says, please do feel free to post as little or as often as you like, for whatever reason. We all want to support each other, so please do post if you're struggling or sorely tempted. You can also reach out if you know that an especially trying time is approaching (Friday evenings for me) and ask if anyone is around to sit with you on here. If I'm online, I can hop on and keep you company, if you want.

That relief is a wonderful feeling, isn't it? I've found that that does last, or at least recurs, and the clear, sober mornings never get tired. You might find that the cruel longings and desperate temptations never ever darken your psyche, but the likelihood is that they will, at some point, come crawling in your mind's ear, usually when you least expect it. I'm sorry about that.

But if the wine-witch/vodka Voldemort comes whispering at you, please do post on here, if you want to. We've heard the lies that the cravings come at you with, all of them, and know how insidious they are. They wheedle, justify, plead and seduce, anything to lure you back. But their true form reappears to laugh, mock and scorn you in the hours afterwards, as you are hungover, sick and wracked with guilt and mortification.

I've found personally that after the first week or so (sometimes only 5 days) of being sober (I've had many a slip and re-start) is when they start to wave at you. Ten days or so and it'll be the "See? You can do it! You can moderate! You can take it or leave it!" and its companions, and thus rears the many-headed Hydra of "You've earned it! You deserve it! Just a couple..." and whatever other enticing phrases dance before your tired and fragile eyes. Lies, all lies.

It does get easier though. I promise it really does. If we can help you to endure the temptation and flick away those sirens before they dash you on the rocks, please let us know. You can post a lengthy insight into what you're going through (as you can see, I rarely am able to moderate the length of my posts, for which I apologise) or just a cri de coeur along the lines of "Help! Is anyone about? I'm really struggling tonight". I can't guarantee that there will always be someone around all the time, but the voices of support will be posting back when they can.

With love. xx

@maffit I can tell you the brain does recover.
I've always had a big job but I had a bit of anxiety around these roles due to toxic men in nearly every company I've worked for since hitting 50. I was often mildly hungover or waiting to get home to numb the pain and stress. Nearly three years in my thought process is much, much better. I see solutions as apposed to writing utter sh*te which I got away with due to my 'expert' status. I'd make a much better employee these days.
Good quality sleep helps too. I'm off the big boys and only had one herbal pill this week. Booze sleep is rubbish.
Keep going.

@Maffit , @WendyWagon is right. The brain will recover, but do help it along by taking large doses of Thiamine (Vitamin B1)? You can't overdose on it, as you excrete what your body doesn't use, and it will help prevent possible brain damage from overindulgence.

Your daughter has lots of virtual aunties on here sending positive vibes and lots of well wishes, @ponzusoup . Our collective strength is formidable, too.

Love and cuddles to Sid, @REP22 .

@REP22 I'm saving that post to read over again when I need it for strength. I'm also going to be to write all my reasons for quitting and how I'm feeling in my diary tonight.
It's been a long hard road to get here and I'm so determined not to let the wind witch back in

@AuntyPants im a bit of a 'wind witch' these days! 😄

Keep off the herbal nytol I say.

@WendyWagon 😂🫣

Hi @Maffit - Sid is indeed very velvety and bony of head. Also very wipe-cleanable 😀x

Congratulations on your day 6, that's fantastic and I know cannot have been easy. Brilliant. 🏆 I'm sorry that the claggy brain and fatigue is giving you a bit of a hammering at the moment. As @ShyMaryEllen and @WendyWagon say, it will pass. Try not to berate yourself for 'not doing enough', especially while your body is recovering. It will be OK.

Good luck with your DH's return, hope you can navigate it OK.

Strength and love. It will be alright. x

Just got into bed and thought..."I'll never go to bed drunk or wake up with a hangover again". Such a heavenly feeling!

Good luck for today and tomorrow @ponzusoup .

@Maffit I remember the utter utter exhaustion of the first couple of weeks very clearly. I reminded myself that my body was healing and that I was asking a lot of myself. It really helped that DH was super supportive as I just took myself upstairs bed at like 8pm mosr nights. I also WFH so was able to have a 20min meditation/Shakti most lunchtimes. Which also really helped.

And jelly beans 😁

It's really cold here today. 3⁰ and sunny late a late autumn day. Really feels like we haven't had a summer at all.

Have a great day everyone.