The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

Morning all.
Sober Saturday. I'm in the boudoir contemplating a nice breakfast.

I need plants for my hanging baskets. The originals have died. I might pop out.
I do love a garden centre.

@Steppered I hope you are feeling better this morning.

ooh - garden centres are my heaven, @WendyWagon - enjoy!!!

Morning @Steppered, @Chance21, glad you've joined the gang. This thread has been wonderful for me.

I've been fascinated by the changes in my own 'being' throughout the last 4 months. I've realised that even though I drank what was, in my circles, 'normal' amounts, alcohol was a bigger control than I even recognised.

There's a thread elsewhere on another board at the moment where the OP is asking if anyone else has noticed that drinking is on the decline within the middle class (!). Most people have said it's likely more an age than a class thing, some people have said "no, we're still drinking a lot", and lots of people have said yes, we are noticing a lot of people drinking less.

But you still have a few of the usual posts of people saying they're working from home that afternoon and are working through a bottle of wine, ha ha ha, as though that's entirely typical.

And of course, the 'ah, MN has a weird view of alcohol, more than a thimble and you're an alcoholic'.

I think a few months ago I may have agreed. But now, the thought of having alcoholic drinks, on your own, whilst working, does not sit in my 'I'm okay and perfectly balanced' category.

@NextPhaseOfLife good morning.
I've commented on that thread.
I sound like I'm recruiting for our group!, but it does worry me. I think often of my old boss who drinks daily. She's 37 and I know where her story ends.

I still struggle on Fridays but I had a pint of blue top milk. I then put myself upstairs.
I need to start looking for a suitable wedding outfit for November. I've got the wedding present and I love a hat so that's book marked. I fancy sapphire blue as I am blonde. I wear red all the time so I won't go that way. My only concern is the champagne as its a big posh do. I'll need huge reserves of willpower.

Morning all,

Off for a run shortly and then travelling to East Anglia to collect DS from residential summer school tomorrow, a few days in Cambridge and London to follow..last hurrah of the summer.

I had a mentally very tough evening yesterday. I was pissed off, short tempered and very grumpy. I am still working on unpacking the why's and wherefores but I think it had a lot to do with the Friday night effect and that instead of being able to instantly unwind with a drink like DH was, I needed to work at it. I have also had a tough week with loads of emotions and felt wiped-out. DH suggested I take some time to myself and come for lie down/Shakti upstart but that made me feel like I was being sent to my room! (Like a naughty child)

Anyway, my reading on Reframe this morning was all about managing and naming emotions so very pertinent.

Anyway, ODAAT always. Good luck for the weekend to all.

Good morning lovely friends. Welcome @Steppered - I'm so glad you've come and joined us. This is a happy, safe and welcoming place, where the corridors are lined with people who understand and who know how it feels - and how much courage it's taken to bring you here.

I'm happy to be here and sober on another Saturday morning. Like Cap'n @WendyWagon I struggle particularly with Friday nights. This morning I have done some weeding of my little garden, topped up the bird feeders and hoovered the hall and stairs. This last has not gone down well with Sid. He tends to view things as "acceptable" or "unacceptable". The Dyson is his mortal foe, so I'll not entertain you with his thoughts on this morning's work. And if you ever hear "it's frankly unacceptable" in the Sidneyverse, then run far and run fast because the sh+tstorm is descending... Actually, I'm doing him a disservice, he's generally a very affable fellow. Good luck with the hat hunting Wendy, we shall need pictures. Bits of the hat that Sid thinks he'll be refusing to wear (hopefully) soon are blue.

Off to cricket soon. But first I have been ordered to Mother's, to explain the difference between her mobile phone contacts list, email address list and WhatsApp for the FOURTH TIME in 24 hours. She got a new phone yesterday. I am going to tell Sid it's a mini-Dyson.

Strength and love to you. We've got the power to succeed if we stay strong for just a little bit longer 💝 xx

Thanks so much everyone. Have a good, safe weekend.

Good morning all hope everyone had a great Saturday!! Up super early today probably as I was fast asleep by 9pm.
got through the BBQ in the sun managed 2 glasses of NOsecco but I don’t really like it so ended up chucking it away and having an ice cream and some chocolate 🤦🏻‍♀️ I know the sugar cravings!! Partner had his beers but that didn’t bother me he only had 2 so nothing heavy.
off to the gym again this morning and then an evening walk as will be another beautiful day here down south!!
feeling really good this morning and know I will have had a rested weekend by Monday with no poison in my body!!
first concert tomorrow AF I know I can do this I’m looking forward to remembering everything for a change which will be a first!! I wish everyone at rested Sunday you should all feel proud of yourself weekends are the hardest for me. X

@Chance21 I've done 3 sober gigs over the summer and hand on heart I can tell you that they are better in every way. I danced and sang along and was 100% present and in the moment. At the end of one of them I looked around and saw several women especially off their heads: one was crying, a few staggering; one being held up; one with her head on a table and a pile of sick beside her. Not judging because I've been there. Honestly you will have a wonderful night and it's a real brick in your sober wall.

I'm still not feeling 100% from my escapades earlier this week and truthfully I am so scared I'm going to mess up. I hate myself and am catastrophising. Just trying to calm myself down and take it easy.

Good morning all.
@Chance21 well done on the sober Saturday.
I was upstairs watching Granchester.

It is the anniversary of my father's passing today. I can get quite upset, he was a lovely man but I didn't feel like drowning my sorrows, that's a first. We used to call my parents the aged Ps (from Dickens). My dad's favourite author although he was related to another. His claim to fame over my mother's illustrious family. He was such a jolly chap. The Ps are still with me but in my study to save freaking visitors out.
My parents didn't really drink although being a solider my dad could. Christmas only. My love affair with booze was to blot out the noise. My family had lots of issues. I took to the booze at 14. Forty years of not growing up and searching for something to make me feel happy about myself.
So today I'm off to buy another bottle of the marks lemon and rosemary faux gin and raise a non alcoholic glass.
As soon as I have my paperwork in my hot little hands I'm at peace. Pension sorted (a long story so I won't bore you).

A calm mind is my want.

Thank you @Steppered for the reminder as well 😂 I have actually been all of them women many a time!! And it’s not a good look.
Especially will my 21 yr old daughter in tow I want it to be a great memory for us I just hope she doesn’t find me a bore im sure I’m overthinking it. And I need to remember not to care about others opinions tbh.
sorry to hear your still not feeling great, please don’t be to hard on yourself I know it’s easier said than done i am my worst critic and I will destroy myself with my own thoughts in my head.
just remember every day we can get better and start to forgive ourselves I find exercise really helps a long walk clears the mind.
The only way I know I can’t mess up is if I don’t drink life will still throw obstacles my way but I know I will be able to deal with things better with a clear mind. My anxiety has got so much better than where I was 2 weeks ago I was in a bad mental state. I hope you start to feel better soon take care x
@WendyWagon thank you my lovely, and well done to you. Aww sounds like you have some fond memories of your father I hope the day is not to upsetting and you can take some comfort in the good times you shared together.
enjoy the AF tipple the M&S ones are really nice actually I like the gin one also.
calm and peace is what I strive for long may it continue 😊

Happy Sunday all.

Looks like we are all ploughing through on our sober weekends. Power to us 😘🙌

I’m bloody amazed that I’ve not caved. Fridays are my trigger, and if not Fridays then Saturday and if not Saturday then a party at my in laws who are big drinkers and if not that …. Then SUNDAY. The dreaded fucking Sunday all I think about is drinking. But not a drop this weekend despite all that taking place. I think last weekend totally fucked up my head soooo badly that I daren’t have another drop for fear of what I’ll become. I’ve instead slept lots, eaten lots and watched lots of films. Can I continue? I hope so. Day 7 for me.

keep on keeping on people. ✨

@Orchid09 excellent

Love that @Orchid09 massive well done to you!! We will feel great tomorrow knowing we stayed strong 😊 onwards and upwards

@WendyWagon - sending you love and hugs. I miss my dad too. Anniversaries are grim. He must be really, REALLY proud of you. You're a credit to him. ❤

@Orchid09 , @Steppered and @Chance21 great to see you still with us and REALLY doing brilliantly. Lovely to hear your updates and progress. 🙂 It's ok, I'd say actually normal, to feel scared @Steppered - try not to hate yourself. I know that's easier said than done. I hate myself most of the time. You're doing great and it will honestly get better. I know the knot of fear, doubt and loathing - it's been my companion many times. It will fade, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment.

I feel a bit sad and tired today. I think I have eaten too many biscuits. My lovely neighbour was having a bake sale in the street for charity. This week's Slimming World hangs over me like the Sword of Damocles. I was supposed to take Sid for an outing with a friend, but they cried off late last night. Again. I don't mind, but it left me at a bit of a loose end. Hence the biscuits. 😖

That said, cricket yesterday was very exciting. We needed four runs to win off three balls in the final over. Last batsman in hit a six off the penultimate ball. Fantastic. As you can see, Sid was beside himself.

With love to you. xx

Sid's enthusiasm for cricket looks to be on a par with mine😂

I'm home now, and been to inspect the work in the house. It's all very exciting. They're not quite finished yet, but will be back to do the snagging on Tuesday. The house (very average in every way) seems palatial after being in a lodge/caravan for a fortnight, though. There is 'stuff' everywhere, but the cleaner comes on Fridays, and my husband joined me on Friday evening, so didn't have time to make a mess, and everything looks clean, at least.

It's a mess though. I am getting rid of a cupboard soon, so the contents of that are all over the kitchen, as are the contents of the undersink cupboard, which the workmen must have emptied out to get at the stopcock 😡. In the bedroom I use when husband snores (most nights) are IKEA bags full of detritus from the old bathroom, waiting to be sorted (largely binned, I suspect) before going back into the new one. Joy.

Ahoy my shipmates.

I had a very positively sober weekend with no cravings and a bit of a chat with the DH. He is a bit grumpy at the moment as the DD is still poorly and the dog walking is falling to him. I'm not steady enough yet to try it as the mad thing still pulls.

I had to get up early after drinking the tesco tonic. I ate some meat and it was really not for me. I need to get out some of my veggie books.
The DS has expressed his intetest in the latest house. As it's chain free he could get it for Christmas. I'll miss him but he eats like a horse. I reckon I'll save at least £50 a week. He'll be happier too.

The BFF coming with croissants this morning and we can plot and plan.
Have a good day my friends.

Morning all,

Congrats on surviving the weekend booze free, especially in this sunny hot weather!

Good news on the house for DS front, @WendyWagon Is it near you? Enjoy coffee and croissant with BFF 😋

Sounds like good progress at home @ShyMaryEllen . I too decamp to the spare room when DH snores (also most nights) which with DM here for the last 6 weeks has been a challenge.

Nice to see Sid @REP22 . Such perfect weather for Cricket.

Amazing work on your 1 week milestone @Orchid09 . Its really tough when you are in situations and with people you are used to drinking with so extra well done for staying so strong .

Enjoy the sober concert @Chance21 . You and your daughter will have a brilliant time of it.

@Steppered it is totally normal to feel afraid, you are embarking on a huge life change and with all such things are stepping into the unknown. It is an incredibly brave thing to do! You are not alone and we are here. I am a terrible for catastrophising and is tied in with anxiety which is worsened by booze. (I believe hope that this too is something that improves with sobriety).

Hot and bothered in Cambridge with 2 teens and a a granny for the next couple of days. In a small holiday flat. Which is (as these places always seem to be) poorly ventilated.

All I want to do is mooch about, go on a walking tour of the colleges, see play in the outdoor Shakespeare festival , and visit Heffers to buy too many books, none of which I will ever read.

Of these only the Bookshop will acceptable to the DC and while DM would love the others she doesn't really have the stamina for them anymore. So I guess it will be ice creams, shopping and eating instead.

My health anxiety is rearing it's head again too. This time worried about a minor abnormality in a routine blood test. Will have to ring the GP when I am home to discuss.

D78 today. IWNDWYT.

Well done @Orchid09 , getting through a weekend is a big win isn't it. I wish you a smooth week.

Thanks @REP22 . I think I might be falling a little bit in lurve with Sid, he is fantastic! I miss having a dog but it's not right for us right now. I appreciate your wise words. I think trauma has brought so many of us to drinking that it can be a really difficult thing to untangle. I feel confused and all over the place at times - like, part of me just wants to forgive and let go, then the wounded part inside is still raging and hurting.

@ShyMaryEllen it'll be great to get it all sorted and if you were drinking, the stamina, enthusiasm and potential for overwhelm would all be so compromised. This, you can take in your stride and it will be a place that's always been sober to you.

@WendyWagon have a lovely day with your BFF and I hope your weekend was alright, with some good memories as well as sadness.

@EastCoastDamsel feels a little bit cooler today so hope the flat feels a bit more comfortable. Cambridge is lovely so I hope you can blend a bit of keeping everyone happy along with doing some things for yourself, perhaps just getting out for a walk by yourself once everyone else is settled? Well done on day 78.
We are going on holiday later this week and I'm rather glad it is so early in my sobriety journey because I don't have ages to stew about it. I'm pretty confident I can do it (not saying it'll be easy) & it'll be my first sober holiday. It's the first holiday with just my OH & kids too; we are normally away with my older stepkids and in-laws or my side of the family and that would be a LOT harder being newly sober.

I hope everyone has a good week.

Thank you @EastCoastDamsel well done 78 days amazing I hope to get to where you are.
my daughter has already labelled me boring for not wanting to drink she says just have a couple she really doesn’t understand how it makes me feel wether it’s a couple or not. The thing is she’s seen me at my worst so I just don’t get why she would want me too!! Baffled I guess maybe it’s habit or because she’s young I dk, thankfully her friend is coming so hoping that takes the pressure off they can drink all they want.
was just thinking this morning I’m going to get these comments from friends/ family I was a party girl some people won’t understand.
hope you have a lovely time in Cambridge and get out on some lovely walks.,, morning to everyone feeling great today and rested for once after my AF weekend X

I hear you @Chance21 . Party girl here too.
I know that, despite the states my OH has seen me in, he doesn't understand the abstaining forever thing. I think change is scary, for everyone, I also wonder if it is skirting a little too close to "alcoholism" and the textbook picture people have of problem drinkers.

If someone wants to judge us for the liquid in our glass, then go right on ahead! You'll have a brilliant night without the booze, trust me x

Morning all.
Damp on the hills.

morning all I am happy and proud to say this morning I did it!! Made it through my first concert AF it was tough we went to box park first which is like one big massive pub with food stalls lots of bars and music.
most people around me were drinking could smell the stale smell of cider and beer everywhere 🤮.
I grabbed a coffee and just had water didn’t want to use empty calories and waste money on AF drinks.
concert was amazing did feel different though but not in a way that I wanted to be drunk if that makes sense in a way that maybe lots of people and loud places are not actually my thing after all.
Have woken up with a banging head though which is odd or maybe not not maybe it’s the noise and I’m getting old!! 😂
thanks for the support @Steppered I know my partner is the same I agree with what you’ve said and I also think we could be holding a mirror up and highlight anyone else’s drinking I mean I have friends who black out like I did and they will laugh it off but once they realise I’m not party girl anymore I think a few might turn there noses up. But that’s ok if they are meant to stay in my life then they will understand and not judge for what’s in my glass as you said. X
Going to reading festival on Saturday these tickets were purchased whilst drunk!! So not sure what to expect it’s not near me so t think I’m going to drive safest bet I reckon.
hooe everyone is doing ok…. Keep going!! Stay strong!! If I can do this so can you X

@Chance21 that is absolutely brilliant what a fantastic post! well done .

gigs are my happy place where i used to have pint after pint since ages 14 ... have done almost 4 months sober and 4 or 5 gigs and was weird at first but defo still enjoyable and getting better!

also a notorious last person standing party girl and guess what i can still enjoy a party sober... who knew?

onwards ladies, you're all fabulous.

Morning all. Just a quick check in today.

Thank you @ponzusoup well done on 4 months sobriety you’re amazing!! You should feel proud.
yes I know these things will get easier in time the dancing sober is a weird one 😂 paranoia everyone is watching me haha I’m really not that special!! 😂 so they’re not just silly thinking.
i will get comfortable in my own skin soon enough just feel a bit naked in social situations sober I’ll get there.