Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

I'll also add that I didn't drink for 3 days before the holiday. So 7 in total.
I was also off work though...

Morning all. Sorry for going awol. I’ve been hiding because I’ve had a bit of a relapse (for want of a better word). I’ve drank every day since Friday.
I haven’t gone crazy. For example yesterday I went to the pub after work and I had 2 glasses of wine. Sunday I had lunch with friends and shared some bottles over the course of several hours. I didn’t even vape on Sunday despite the alcohol and that felt like a big win for me.
However, and there is always a but, I feel pretty bad about it. My sleep has been affected. Not being able to get to sleep and then waking early. I’m feeling tired and a bit silly.
Not really sure where to go from here. I don’t even feel like I’ve made much progress, drinking 4 days in a row, just like old times. Not being able to say no. Maybe I’m better at knowing my limits but last night I would have stayed for a 3rd if anyone else had. Despite it being Monday evening.
I don’t feel in a place to set myself any goals at the moment. I just need a bit of time I guess. I wanted to come back and update because you lot are all so good at being honest and sharing and as much as I would love to pretend I’ve cracked this and I’m doing great, I think I've realised I haven’t and I’m not 😢

I think it is really tough when you are genuinely not sure what you want long term. You feel guilty for not having met some undefined abstinence goal without even being sure abstinence is the thing. I know when I do drink that I am a bottle or nothing and I suspect that may never change so I know I have to keep it to v rarely know otherwise I’ll be back to knocking it back several days a week. The difference is I do know now how monumentally bad I was feeling on a daily basis and realising I simply cannot operate like that any more. From a health, happiness or work perspective.

But do not feel shame (you either @CoffeeLover90!). You are not suddenly a bad person or a failure. And maybe, just for now, the goal might be “Gosh that was a great long weekend, maybe stay off it til next weekend” and then reassess?

Either way, don’t run away!

@AFmammaG I would liken it to when I start binging on a diet - I think well, the day is ruined now - I may as well have massive pizza and chocolate. Perhaps your body is saying to do it before you put yourself back on abstinence...either way. Don't hate yourself for it - it's the alcohol, not you.

Last night was not so good. Stayed AF but a strong urge. A terrible migraine. A vivid dream.
If I could go back and not get that bloody bottle after the holiday.
This time feels harder.
I don't have the same determination as before. I'll have to accept its a struggle and I need to face it.
Day 2

I've been drinking loads. But not today. Going to try and have a week off now because it's been silly this week. Same old story with me manage to moderate a few times then it turns into a slippery slope of drinking every night and feeling like shit every day

Allen Carr's Quit drinking without willpower....

I've recommended this a few times, but I definitely think listening to this audio book completely reframed my brain on drinking. I didn't plan to not drink for this long, and I would say I accidentally listened to this book which accidentally made me turn my 100 days into six months.

One part of it focused on the fact that we stop drinking expecting it to be hard, and that makes us want it more. And it helps to reframe those thoughts.

I've found myself zoning out again today. Unable to concentrate on anything. Not sure if it's the heat or if that's contributing to it. And I'm so hungry. Got some ice cubes this morning, I've lost my trays, adding to cranberry juice this evening.
I'm so hungry I'm debating a take away. Been going over board with them lately so don't really want to. But also don't want to be cooking.
I'm so tired and feeling a bit down.
And angry that I let this happen.

Hey I hope everyone is starting to feel a bit better. It’s really hard at this of year with sun, holidays and loads of opportunities I think. I really empathise with the work trigger @CoffeeLover90 it is my absolute “aaaaargh DRINK” trigger. Each and every time!

I am sitting on a sunny terrace right now feeling cross about my Coke Zero and I have a two week holiday coming up as well. I cant drink anyway (well for some of it) so will see how that goes. It will be holiday number 3 not drinking so I think I’m okay but the first one with lounging around in a resort so… all the ice cream it is then.

@TimesaChangeling Actually hate that I'm not alone in this. There have been some changes at work, funnily enough at the time alcohol intake increased. YEARS I have drank once a week or once a fortnight before.
I hope this is a transition phase and things improve.
Tonight I'm not doing well. Because I've been zoned out, I've now got a lot of catching up to do tomorrow and Friday. And thats just to meet the lowest of expectations.
The thought alone makes me want to drink to relax
But that's an ongoing circle isn't it?
Some time off is needed to pull myself together, I think. But then that makes me worry too.

Can't go into too much detail as it would be outgoing if linked to previous threads. But the majority of my job means ringing the British public. Honestly, the change in people compared to 10 years ago when I joined this industry... astounding. So bloody nasty, entitled, exaggerated and everything is my fault of course.

Trying my work friend methods of overcoming this.
Seeing it as a good thing that I learned my trigger because it gives me something to work on.

Doing this for DS. Having to cling to this. I'm not okay.

day 3

Using your friend as a mentor here sounds like a really good idea. It’s hard when you’re in the weeds of it all but one of the greatest things I have found is a sense of perspective (which can be loosely translated as “I no longer give a fuck about stupid people and their wants”). Clearly that can’t be applied to absolutely everything but it’s pretty liberating to understand absolutely everyone is out there running their own race and you should do too - does this impact me? No, ignore. Does it help me? No, ignore. Is it a good thing even if doesn’t help me, move to possible give a damn bucket.

Life is too bloody short to be taking this all home with you every night!

Just checking in to offer virtual support and a shoulder to cry on. You are all at least one step ahead of all the millions of people who drink too much and don’t care. You are here, you want to stop, you are having dry days which many of you were not having before and you are exploring your triggers and yourselves. You should feel proud of being on this road.

Morning all, I’m also checking in. I haven’t drank since Monday. I’m in the same place I was then, just feeling a bit defeated. Sigh. One day at a time.

Morning all
just checking in.
i do try & catch up every week.
you are all doing great, even if we have slip ups it seems we are very mindful about it and trying hard not to loose control & that’s a positive I think.
sending support to anyone struggling
I’m doing ok, had another weekend away a with 18 family members (hubbys side) & didn’t drink but it was easy as they are all VERY light drinkers so like I read in someone else’s post if I’d drank I’d be on my own. I Did have a couple of wines last Saturday in my friends garden, felt disappointed on Sunday but thought how I’d have been before my journey started and classed it as a small win 🤷🏻‍♀️ xxx

definitely a win. I am not aiming for abstinence but a change. So if I can go out and have a couple and not a bottle that is a win. If I don’t drink at home on my own - that is a win. I am not going to beat myself up- changing the mindset is so important

I feel the same, I'm not abstaining, that wasn't the aim. I just want to be how I was before when I could take it or leave. When it was once a week, I enjoyed it. Was something to look forward to. Some weeks I didn't bother, didn't feel like it or knew I had a busy day the next day.
I just want to go back a few months and slap myself into reality.
But one day at a time. Too many things to focus on, can't take eyes off the ball.
day four

Exactly the same here. I fell into bad habits and daily drinking . Day four is good - I am currently day 14. Helped with a bit of norovirus to kick start. I am going on holiday in a couple of weeks too but will see how I go. Your doing great

Hi all, hope everyone is ok today? I've been reluctant to post as I know some are struggling, but then reconsidered and thought a good news message might be helpful.

Yesterday I hit 6 months completely sober 🥳. Unlike some here (and EVERYONE is inspiring to me, no matter what your end goal) my aim is 100% sobriety. Prior to 2019 I was a bottle a night kinda gal, more if I could get away with it. Anyway come July 2019 and a hangover so depressing that I just couldn't face it anymore, I started 717 days sober. I honestly think it's a blessing I stopped before the pandemic, I don't know where I would be now if I hadn't.

Anyway, almost 2 years sober and I randomly decided to have a glass of wine. I won't say I went straight back to where I was, because I didn't. However since then I have been in and out of sobriety, a few months here, 6 months there. However. I hate moderation. Like really deep down hate it. It's just not natural to me, if I want a drink, I want many drinks. And so here we are - finally at peace with being 100% sober, forever.

I think what my point is (and apologies for the waffle) is that this is a wild journey. What you want today you may not want tomorrow. You may not be able to have what you want! And it's ok, you will be ok, just keep going with the journey towards whatever it is you want, even if it doesn't stick first time and even if it evolves over time.

I'll shut up now 😅.

Love that message @TeeNoG - we are all on different journeys. Three days away from 6 months for me, and my end goal keeps changing all the time!!

That’s fabulous @TeeNoG and congrats on your upcoming@Thelittlestranger! please don’t not post. These happy stories are great and you deserve to shout from the rooftops (if you so feel like it!).

I find it inspiring to read a happy news message.
I'm still struggling. Got a lot going on, feeling down, I don't have the same determination, keep telling myself I'm going to fail.
Not going to say it's day 5 because I need to see how tonight goes.
I plan on driving with a family member tomorrow, will be my first time doing so since I started learning, so really need to stay sober for that.

Today I plan on writing a list of reasons to stop and what I want to achieve by the end of the year. Those achievements require money so I can't keep pouring it down my neck!

@TimesaChangeling@BoilingHotand50something@TeeNoG @CoffeeLover90 and all .... I read your messages all the time, keep checking in and all I want to say is well done wherever your journey is at the moment. I'm 5 months AF now and it really is a life changer. Keep on this road however rocky

I have my lists. I'll read them if I feel the urge. My wine is cheap -£7 - but when teamed with a takeaway and tabs. I've wasted 100s per month.
Most of the things on my goal list I could have by now.
Silly woman I am.
Very silly.

Good luck @CoffeeLover90 ! You’ve got this - especially with the driving tomorrow. Why not just defer it another day and think - well I can’t tonight but I can think about it after the driving tomorrow. Tomorrow is then a new day. Inch by inch sometimes!

Just wanted to check in and let you guys know I’m still here! I really like the good news posts too, please keep them coming! Well done to everyone doing so well, it’s great to hear that it can be done.
I haven’t drank since Monday and won’t tonight (don’t have any) 😆 the urge is there though and it’s strong. I wish it would go away.
Hope everyone has a Good Friday night.