Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

Sending you strength @Pippa246. I am trying to feel more positive today. I wonder how much of my attitude towards alcohol is hormonal. I definitely go through a cycle of emotion that I’ve managed to identify.

The energy and enthusiasm at the beginning. Then the joy of maintaining. Feeling well and succeeding. This phase slowly changes to boredom (?) and then finally the FOMO stage where I feel angry. I guess that’s where I am now. Angry that I can’t drink normally. Denial? That maybe I think I can.

Thanks for posting. It has helped me to refocus slightly and think back to the reasons why I’m stopping. I’m going to need that Friday night. I have rearranged my dinner. I haven’t seen this friend since March. I’m desperate to go and I’m even toying with telling her about my struggles with alcohol. That’s a risk for a few reasons. We know each other professionally for a start. But we have been friends for 15 years and I trust her. Maybe my next step is to stop hiding this. To stop pretending that one day I will be able to drink normally.

I’m sorry this is all so shit. I really hope today is a better day for you @Pippa246.

I hear the struggle at the longer end of the cycle, it’s where I am tripping up now as well. Lots of 3 or 4 week stretches and then one night which is always triggered by one thing and since I can’t retire 🤷‍♀️

I do think it is really important to find something new - that gives you joy and has literally nothing to do with alcohol. In the summer connecting with nature is a glorious thing and gives me a really beautiful sense of peace (just as an example). And it may be weird but I would be genuinely surprised if 100% of a friendship circle weren’t up for doing something. I think sometimes we carry the weight of what we think are other people’s expectations on our backs and we bend to what we think they want, rather than what they actually want.

Another massive work dinner for me tonight, plus football, so shall be donning my armour but have gotten much more used to this now and all I have to think about is the tired, jaded, sickly feeling on the way home and the next day and I am okay. Out is never the issue ( my kitchen on the other hand…!).

I was just doing the school run and thinking this isn’t a physical craving. That has gone. Since my blip in May I’ve done weeks and weeks, so it isn’t that. It a psychological battle. I wonder if that’s the reason why I developed problems in the first place. I feel quite mentally weak at times.

@TimesaChangeling we have become opposites then because at home I feel ok now, it’s being out that I crumble. Good luck with your evening tonight, that sounds full on!

Thanks folks.@AFmammaG - it’s definitely a psychological addiction with me - I did 6 months AF last year but then get such strong cravings which last for days. I really thought I was going to be stronger this time round but alas I wasn’t.

I too have been struggling. I did 50 days AF, felt amazing, lost weight and then December hit and I went back on it. I have done days without it and then if I have one it sets me off. I am focussing atm on losing weight, have my fitbit, dong my steps, exercise and calorie deficit. I have loads on this weekend but I am not drinking, I have amended plans to make it difficult for me and ensuring I am driving. Each day I get a craving and I have to battle my demons to work through it then I feel proud of myself for not giving in. I dont want to stop drinking, I want to get back to 'normal' drinking. No more in the house and just when I am out which is infrequent. You are all doing well on here and small changes are huge so stay strong. We can do this

@Pippa246 Sending good vibes your way for a better day tomorrow and those after

@AFmammaG. I can resonate with a lot of your thoughts/ feelings that you are posting at the moment. Sorry you are finding it tough. It honestly feels like a grieving process, except alcohol hasn’t gone, instead we’re staring at its ugly face day after day watching others moderate and have it in their lives and consuming it without it consuming them. I am envious of those people (my husband included who is visiting friends and currently sat in a pub having a few beers). Then there’s my mother whose drinking habits have concerned me for years and I am fighting to not end up with the same relationship with alcohol. I’ve been letting the thoughts of being able to have a drink here and there creep in lately and I know fool well that is not who I am and I don’t know if that will ever be me. I do have willpower but drinking is my vice and I know if I go back I will enjoy it too much (despite the pain that comes with it) and I’ll be back there I started. The dilemma continues…. (Sorry for the long post).

positive thoughts- The sun is shining. I’ve had a lovely day with my children who are now in bed and we are off on holiday in a few days. Lots of love to you all x

Morning troops. Start of a full day 2 AF for me. I have felt so physically ill yesterday so feeling better this morning.

But I experienced something horrendous which has freaked me out - I think it’s called night terrors - so basically really violent and terrifying nightmares. I’ve had a google and it’s something to do with brain chemistry when you stop drinking.

I’m not and never have been everyday drinker so I don’t get true withdrawal symptoms but I’m taking this as a sign that I am seriously messing with my body. It also made me afraid to go back to sleep incase it happened again so I’ve been up most of the night drinking hot chocolate. I cannot even describe how awful it was - and I never want to experience it again.

So I continue on my road to being AF 🤞.

Happy Friday everyone and I hope you can stay AF/in control if you are moderating. Fridays were not triggering for me so I’ll be okay - IWNDWYT 💐

Sorry to hear about the terrors @Pippa246, I’ve not experienced them myself but they sound really unpleasant. I know what you mean about not being an everyday drinker. I’m not/wasn’t either. I still physically felt awful the day after I did drink. Probably a sign my body had had enough.

Haven’t got much time this morning but I am out tonight. I started playing the will I/ won’t I game last night. I won’t. I won’t. I might write down all the reasons why I won’t later.

@AFmammaG - it was a horrible experience like nothing I’ve ever had before - fear, danger, demons coming at me but coupled with sleep paralysis so I couldn’t move.

DH is back to work tomorrow and DD will be working at night so I think they will probably be worried about me having the opportunity to drink (I’ve not been out alone yet). I know I won’t but they can’t believe me (which is fair enough). And they are both stressed at the moment for various reasons so I really do need to step up.

Who are you out with/do they know you’ve got a problem? Could you drive or even cancel? I’ve decided not to socialise anywhere but coffee shops for the next few months. The heavy drinking couple we go away with will take a back seat. No one forced me to drink but I have to get away from the fear that they will get blind drunk which is a huge trigger for me. I don’t get cravings at all when it’s just me and DH and he is having a beer.

Put yourself first and do what you need to do to stay safe ❤️💪you can do this!!

@AFmammaG Wishing you lots of strength for tonight and I hope you have fun and it isn’t just torment and strife.

@Pippa246 i haven’t had that type of experience very often but is a doozy when it happens. Like you, I usually end up deciding being awake is preferable and finding something else to do. I hope tonight is much calmer for you.

Dinner last night was okay - convo was a struggle but it wasn’t for a lack of trying on my part. Dessert was amazing tho so I take that as a win! I am delighted it is Friday, I shall walk the pooches at lunch time and proceed to a glorious weekend (I hope!).

Be positive and positivity shall come your way!

Thank you both. I have a big day tomorrow, another reason not to drink tonight. Hopefully I’ll be posting in the morning with a positive update 🤞

@Pippa246 definitely can’t cancel 😭 I have to start living my life again, I’ve hidden for way too long.

@AFmammaG - you WILL be posting in the morning with a positive update - I have faith in you!!

Ive just poured myself a Tripp drink in a lovely glass with fresh lime and lots of ice and it’s delish! Getting that end of the day settling down with a glass of something nice but without alcohol.

Day 3 and no cravings 😁 (although that’s my usual MO).

Ladies I drank. I can’t pretend I didn’t. Feeling conflicted this morning. I did 21 days in June, which I am proud of. If I can put this behind me I can still get most of the month alcohol free.

I don’t feel too bad this morning. Probably because I haven’t drank in so long, my body can process it better. I just need to make it only one night, which right now I feel I can…. 🤞

Ah well, c’est la vie. I hope you enjoyed the evening at least!

More dog walking for me then visiting a friend later. Weather not looking as rosy as it did yesterday but shall enjoy being outside. I am trying to do some gardening (which i always utterly fail to stay on top of) first so will look like I have been attacked by a hundred tiny critters by the time I get there. I need to drive so no issues there!

I hope days are happy!

@AFmammaG - well at least by the sounds of it (you are feeling ok physically) you didn’t go overboard. Try not to overthink it - just KOKO my lovely. So back on the horse!

Ive been doing housework since 8am and still got loads to do - a result of me going on a 4 day bender last weekend then taking 3 days to recover so the house was minging! So another positive about staying AF - the dust and grime doesn’t build up if you clean on a regular basis - who’d have thought it!

My DD (early 20s) had a big talk with me after my last bender about how I don’t do anything for myself (eg take a week to decide if I am going to buy a £12 t shirt I like, not buying myself food I like cos it’s too expensive, not buying the bath salts I like (should add that money is not an issue, it’s just that I don’t think I can justify spending my money on myself), getting out and about enough etc. So today I am going to go a walk to the local shops, treat myself to some bits n bobs then get a nice coffee (well if I ever finish the damn chores!).

I think she’s right that I need to value myself more. I think that contributes to the drinking then the shame afterwards only makes me feel even worse about myself. So that’s the armchair psychiatry for the day done. Hope everyone has a great weekend ❤️💪

@AFmammaG you have done amazingly. 21 days is fab... if your looking to reframe your drinking and not abstain this is great. I am doing the same and I don't want to feel guilty when I do decide to have a drink. Stay positive as your doing amazingly

How is everyone doing today?

I have been on some meds recently that are usually prescribed as HRT, and I have to say, I have SO much more energy. Beginning to wonder if I I have been missing a trick here! Still been pretty moody but plus ca change 🤣

The sun is glorious after having been so damp and miserable recently, lots to appreciate today.

@TimesaChangeling all good over here. Was out yesterday and stayed strong, I need a period of abstinence before I go back to social drinking. Sundays are tough for me, I usually open wine and cook but havent today. No more home drinking for me is my aim-- lost half a stone too so that is keeping me focussed

All good here. I went on a meet up with Soberbuzz Scotland and it was lovely. Recommend giving them a follow on Instagram/Facebook even if you're not in Scotland.

That’s amazing @rogueone! Half a stone is great, you must be feeling v pleased! Happily Sunday is never really a danger zone for me. I could never bear Mondays with a hangover so I was always ok (funny how I could manage other days of the week tho).

Sounds fun @TeeNoG - was it a big event?

Been away for the weekend, bought a beer in the shop on Friday to have - didn't drink it. Now I've decided that I'm ok with having a drink again - I'm almost too scared to have it 🤣

@AFmammaG please don't beat yourself up...

@TimesaChangeling recently I have been forgetting alot. It was even commented on at work - I'm usually the one that remembers everything and don't take notes. I wonder if this is the start...

@TimesaChangeling it wasn't a big event, just a meet up and snacks on the beach, cold water swimming for those that wanted to - I did not 😅. It's very nice to connect with other people in the same boat.

The reluctance to break the seal is real! The memory issues are a highlighted thing for the menopause - maybe it is worth investigating? We shouldn’t have to put up with stuff that is fixable…

That sounds brilliant @TeeNoG! I have acquired a wet suit for such occasions but alas Scotland is a bit too far for a whim. But cold water is meant to be ace for the endorphins (well, for next time, should you consider it 😁).

How are you doing @AFmammaG?

Hi all. I've been quiet out of shame. Returned from holiday 2 weeks ago. Away 4 days, didn't drink once, didn't want to and couldn't anyway. 2 days after I returned I drank. And I've drank all but one night since.
I'm starting to think moderating is not for me and I need to go AF completely.
So new plan. Cut down, stay off until Friday, maybe Saturday.
As we enter July, I aim to reach 28 days before I decide how to move forward.

But I learnt my trigger. 2 days after I returned from holiday I returned to work. Drank.

So I opened up to a colleague who is also a very close friend. She also enjoys a weekend gin and admits to being tempted through the week due to the bloody stress of this job. She shared her ways of getting through it and that's what I'll try.

The job is stressful but, can be enjoyable. I'm close to the majority of who I work with. We keep each other going. Its good money too and flexibility in the hours.

Day one