Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

@AFmammaG I was meant to tell you! You mentioned the collagen not having any outside effects. On Thursday was having a conversation on vitamins and they mentioned zinc is supposed to help collagen work. It also helps hair growth. I've ordered some along with sea kelp which is meant to improve condition of hair and nails.

Goes off to google…. I do take a multivitamin but not sure it has zinc. Thanks for the tip!

Thanks @AFmammaG yeh it was a big ask to keep saying no, but I’m happy with how it went & never made a t*t of myself 🙈 & well done to you too x
@CoffeeLover90 my diet has been horrendous, I keep reading about how the weight should be coming, but I’m trying not to worry to be…one step at a time I suppose xx

Hello all 👋🏼!! Zinc is amazing. It is very good for immunity also.

I’m down to drinking every other day it seems. I partook Wednesday and Friday. Husband came home with my favorite beers tonight but I didn’t want any. I think I’m ovulating after not having had my cycle for 15 months (postpartum).

Tomorrow I’d like to hit the gym if my insides feel better.

Started taking that new fatty acid supplement. It sounds like it will help me (along with drinking less, eating better, and working out). I’ve experienced a rapid increase of aging, especially in my neck and jowels. Saw photos of myself today and I look pregnant 🤰🏻 and not in a cute way.

Good luck with the gym tomorrow @SadMama87 and well done for resisting last night. It’s just wonderful waking up on a Sunday morning fresh, isn’t it? Lots of little change’s certainly add up so keep going!

I’m heading out for a walk today, get some fresh air and kick a ball around with my youngest.

Yesterday morning I bumped into one of my friends who doesn’t drink. It was really nice to stop and chat and not worry about whether I smelt of wine or have that fear that she ‘knew’. It really is freeing. I feel like I have another weekend under my belt.

On Friday I have accepted a dinner invite. It’s with someone who won’t care if I drink or not but historically I would drink a lot in their company. I plan to get there first and order something non-alcoholic so I don’t get sucked into sharing wine. There will be no pressure to drink (they’ll probably have a couple of beers) so it should be a positive evening 🤞

Hey all, hey @SadMama87

I hope you don't mind me saying, but picking up on your husband brining home your favourite beers, calling you from the liquor store, etc. - that doesn't seem to fit with your goal of drinking less.

Does he know you want to moderate?
Are you okay with it? Would you prefer him to behave differently? If you were dieting, I guess you wouldn't want him to bring home pizza and chocolate every night.

Don't mean to press, but I know from your earlier posts how important this is to you.

@AFmammaG - having a plan is a good idea for Friday 👍🏼

Last night I dropped my husband off for some drinks with friends and the sun came out and I had the biggest urge to get drunk with my friends. Talked myself through it and realised I was bored thinking about just going home.

So I drove home and picked up my daughter and we walked to the local and I had a 0% beer shandy, playing cards in the sun instead. It totally scratched my itch and was so lovely. Gotta remember it's the moment not the booze. That's my mantra...

I hope you have all managed to celebrate a win at some point this weekend.

My mind is playing tricks on me already. It will be my first night out since I last drank. I’m doing the mantra ‘I don’t want to drink’ but I’m going to try and not think about it until Friday. Otherwise it’s going to become a massive deal. I have to be realistic, I don’t do well in these situations.

Very nice to hear about your win @Thelittlestranger. That must have felt really satisfying. It is the moment.

@NextPhaseOfLife Thank you for caring 🥰. I hear you, and understand what you’re saying. Despite husband bringing home beers and calling from the liquor store I actually am drinking much less. 50% less so far.

I have done so many shame spirals. So much “all or nothing” thinking. I am trying something new. I am trying to be kind to myself and work on improving incrementally. And husband is drinking less too, from 7 days a week to 4. Him calling me from the store or bringing home my favorite beers is just a way he’s thinking of me and what I want to drink. I don’t think it goes deeper than that. He is on board with reducing his drinking and understanding that I am also trying to reduce mine.

It has really only been a week that we’ve decided this, and we had therapy last Monday, and he will have therapy tomorrow. Baby steps.

Don’t worry about it til then @AFmammaG, nothing to be gained by worrying about it and otherwise a bit of bargaining might creep in. Well done on booking it tho! It will be fine. Do you think it might help to say to them that you are not drinking and then you’ll have set out your stall, so to speak?

I am on trip no 2 now and dodging another giant boozy crowd (but although it is a work trip, those are mostly friends). I watched one polish off 7 pints, on a Sunday night… me I woke up not as jet lagged as I should have been and feeling so relieved i wasn’t facing meetings hungover.

@TimesaChangeling I hear you about watching other people drink. I went out for lunch with a mixed group of friends (I wasn’t drinking). The lady I was sat next to drank 6 large red wines. I felt a bit worried about her afterwards because she didn’t seem that drunk. I know I’ve told this story before but even when I was drinking a lot regularly that would have had a big impact on me.

I won’t mention in advance of Friday night because I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable, or to make the night about that. I just need to make sure my first drink is AF and then I know I’ll be fine.

I feel like my taste buds have woken up since I’ve stopped drinking and smoking. I’m focussing on fresh fruits and lots of complex carbs. Hopeful for a pound down at the end of this week!

@SadMama87 a 50% reduction is a really big achievement! Well done. Glad to hear your DH is on board, hope the therapy session goes well.

Can I join you? I've read the whole thread and some of the posts have made me a bit teary.
Its a rare monday off for me. Could have been a productive day but no, three glasses of wine in the pub wasn't enough for me, had to crack open another bottle at home. I cant remember my last AF day.
Alcohol has made me fat (obese) lethargic and full of self loathing. I hate what I see in the mirror. So how do I deal with these feelings? Yup, drown them in wine.
I need to stop, I HAVE to stop, I want my life back. Day 1...

Welcome @Overthewater52, I think we have all felt that way. “Treating” ourselves with wine, when really that turns into a day of damage, with the inevitable hangover and feelings of shame and self loathing.

My stomach is much flatter since I cut back on the booze. My face is not so puffy and I generally feel less bloated. I’ve upped my water intake… I must have been chronically dehydrated before.

There really are so many reasons to cut back or quit altogether. Welcome to the club.

@Overthewater52 Writing a list of reasons to stop helped me. When I feel the urge I read that list. Sometimes 3 times in a row. It's like I'm having a word with myself.
I also chose to moderate rather than stop. I understand that's not for everyone. But then I don't feel guilt for drinking.
I get the circle thing, I feel like this too.
I am aiming for an AF July though. Friends are dieting so no drink for them, less temptation for me.

@Overthewater52 I'd say with the weight I did notice a lot less bloating and less of a puffy face. No actual weight loss though. Seemed to have replaced alcohol for sugary treats. But that's OK. I thinking stopping everything at once would mean more risk of me failing.
Alcohol
Caffeine
Junk food
Smoking
End of the year and I'll cross these off my List of Enjoyments.

Thank you @AFmammaG , @CoffeeLover90 .
I dont really have a sweet tooth so I wont be reaching for the chocolate, carbs and cheese though...
I think I really need to reset my routine, Ive fallen into the habit of "just a couple of beers" watching tv, but I dont ever stop at a couple. It becomes a whole box or a bottle and a half of wine.
Dp is away for a bit with work, so the plan is to come up early and away from the fridge.

Hi all,

@SadMama87 I'm really glad, that sounds great. Hope I wasn't overstepping /💕

Hi @AFmammaG - hope you drop your pound this week 🤞 I don't know about you, but I'm so bloody fixated with the darn scales. My clothes are looser, I look a lot better, but if the scales don't budge, I'm on a downer.

Damn decades of weight watchers 😡😡😡

Hello everyone who's joined the thread too - you'll get such a lot of support from the lovely people on here. I know I have xxx

@NextPhaseOfLife I don’t even have much to lose, so I know I can’t really complain. I want to feel stronger. Physically and mentally. That’s why I’m trying to think carefully about what I am eating and why and cranking up the exercise. I also have years of obsessing about my weight (thanks Mum). I just want to be half a stone lighter by the summer holidays. That would take me back to a weight I feel more comfortable/confident at.

I’m doing lots of positive thinking. Pushing that baseline up with good food choices. Lots of walking. Lots of water. Lots of early nights. Sounds a bit…. Boring? But actually, I’ve never felt better. On 30 June it will be 90 days with the one blip. Glad I looked that date up because I feel it’s given me a bit of a lift to get through Friday dry 🤞

Morning all, checking in and still here and reading. Popped on to say welcome @Overthewater52 , you will probably really enjoy The Sober Diaries if you haven’t read it already. It’s very focused on stopping excessive drinking and the effects on mental well being as well as the physical- especially weight loss and bloating/puffiness etc.

@NextPhaseOfLife Not at all. We open ourselves up to comment when we’re on a thread like this, and I’m grateful to have people care!!

Welcome to the thread @Overthewater52 !! There’s really nothing like waking up clear headed, and with more self respect.

I did not drink last night. Husband got alcohol free beers but I forgot to have one with dinner. Drank a bunch of water instead!!

@AFmammaG I have a smart scale (the kind that measure body fat, muscle mass, water, etc) and the last time I drank it told me that I was extremely dehydrated and to immediately drink a liter of water 🥴.

My smart watch also says I sleep like absolute shit when I drink, which I could’ve told you. I spend all night sweating, tossing and turning, thirsty, having to get up to pee a million times. Not fun.

And the bloat!! I look and feel 10 years older the day after I drink. Plus I rarely go to the gym in the morning if I’ve drank the night before.

Those of us trying to lose weight- I encourage you to take photos. Sometimes we don’t think we look and different but the photos don’t lie. I’ve lost a stone in 6 months just by prioritizing protein and the weight was all fat, not muscle like I used to when I’d starve myself.

Hi all, not going to lie, tonight has been hard. Yesterday was easy because I was still feeling shit from the night before and that little creeping thought "but you were good last night, what harm would one do?".
I haven't given in but I think this is going to be tougher than I thought. I never really noticed until tonight how much people drink on tv, they even had a glass of prosecco on bloody sewing bee! 😅

Anway it was nice wakeing up this mornig without wondering how the hell I was going to make it though the day so I'm holding on to that. Day 2 done.

You can do hard things. WE ALL can do hard things.

And yes. Alcohol is prevalent in many societies. It’s one of the only acceptable drugs.

Good on ya for not drinking!! Day 2 down for me also. Can’t drink tonight because I have a huge interview Thursday and need to be fresh eyed and bushy tailed.

Husband has been feeling ill on the days he doesn’t drink…. He even had the self awareness to ask “wonder if this is connected to me not drinking”, and I said “if it is, that’s concerning.”

Well done @Overthewater52 I believe the first week is the hardest by far. Begs the question why do we keep having so many day 1’s when we know the first week is like this? You are doing really well and the good news is any physical withdrawal is over with after 3 or 4 days so after that it’s the mental fight alone.

I think this comes down to completely reframing how we view alcohol. It’s not a reward! How strange is it that we want to reward ourselves when we abstain with the thing we have been avoiding! It’s called Fade Affect Bias. After a few days of feeling better we start to forget the awful way it made us feel. Until we give in and then of course the hangover is back.

One of the reasons I’m so glad I have a long run under my belt is that I have confidence in telling you it does get better and it does get easier. Last Friday I didn’t even think about opening wine until I heard my DH open his bottle. That was a first at the weekend, normally I do the ‘will I or won’t I’ battle. It really is freeing not to think about it so intensely.

If you are going for say, a 7 day target is there something not alcohol related you can treat yourself too, to look forward to? Maybe a coffee alone in the morning, or getting your nails done or a lie in? Just a little something to be thinking about as the reward?

I have failed to do any exercise at all recently! Bouncing from hotel to hotel but - v little bread, less chocolate than usual and no booze and so far I think it’s fine. I am about 2 stone down on last year but it’s the change in the face and looking decidedly less moonlike that I’m happier with. I am also surviving surprisingly well on not enough sleep which I definitely wouldn’t be doing if I’d been drinking as well.

Week 1 is hard because there is just so much habit to break and it is really strongly reinforced in your head. Try to find something - anything - to do that will keep you otherwise occupied. It is surprising (and lovely!) when you realise the habit has gone and not drinking is normal and it will come so have faith.