Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

According to some experts, collagen takes a year of continual use to see real effects on a cellular level.

There’s been a new discovery of a fatty acid also, that helps stabilize the cells. I purchased some recently, hoping it’s the holy grail of supplements because after 3 babies my nutrients are ZAPPED!!

@Gratitude24 drunk dreams!! The worst!! Never have a great time in my dreams drinking and never get that euphoria that I’m trying to get in my waking life by drinking. Which is very telling about how my subconscious really feels about my drinking.

Welcome back @Steppered !!! Thank you for the warm welcome 🤗 it’s nice to be part of this community. I’ve not tried moderation successfully but it was also extremely frowned upon in AA. I personally know people who used to be problem drinkers that can have a beer or two on holidays without slipping back into problem drinking.

I’m under no illusion that it could be me. Right now I want to focus on living life without alcohol. I’ve drank more post COVID than I did even in my insane 20s. Maybe not the amount in one sitting, but definitely more days in a row. And that’s including not drinking during the two pregnancies I’ve had since 2020.

I also struggle with undiagnosed CPTSD. Hoping to get another evaluation for autism spectrum disorder, as my psychiatrist refused to diagnose me even though I tested very high on all three tests he gave me. He claims that he doesn’t want to diagnose me because I’m so high functioning, but I am NOT high functioning enough that I wouldn’t benefit from specialized care.

I have had to mask my symptoms because my step mother abused me whenever my divergences were apparent. Society at large demands normality, but CPTSD can also appear like autism spectrum disorder.

(Sorry if this is babbling, I appreciate being able to jot down my thoughts here.)

I'm ashamed to say I'm back at the beginning.
Today is day 1.
I got to day 5. I could have kept going, I now wished I had.

I'm learning to drive. In my early 30s better late than never. Lessons are afternoon and although I rarely drink the night before I feel I'm still affected. Not in an over the limit way, I'd never do that, but things aren't clicking. My reaction time is awful, there's no forward thinking/planning. I was never like this before. But it's affecting me day to day. I really have so many reasons to stop/moderation. I'm just feeling disappointed, which leads me to feeling down which leads to a bottle and on it goes...

@SadMama87 I also know for sure I have ASD in some form. My son was diagnosed 2 years ago and I recognise a lot of traits and habits that my young self had. My step father kicked me to touch. I spent my child hood and adolescence masking.
Found myself in a 17 year abusive relationship.
Now a single mum with little support.
The loneliness and boredom in the evening is how this started.

My parents were problem drinkers. Mum still is. Step father as well.
I hated it growing up. I tell myself that at least I wait until little one is asleep. But when I'm rushing bedtime, feeling groggy in the morning, struggling to control my emotions and not learning the driving as quickly as I KNOW I can, this is affecting him. Of course it is.

Right get me back on that wagon. Let's go.

God I felt myself getting pumped up as I was typing that post. I only meant to reply to @SadMama87 But things poured.

Those are some great insights @CoffeeLover90 and great reasons to see what an alcohol free life can bring for you and your son.

Well done, that seems like it went deep.

You're strong. You are determined. It's on step at a time, one day at a time 💕

Hi @SadMama87 and @CoffeeLover90, thanks for both your posts. This thread can be very cathartic and allows you to express your thoughts, feelings and questions.

We have got this, we will get through this, we just need to switch up our coping mechanisms and try to heal, bit by bit, look after ourselves and truly understand that alcohol is not self-care or a reward. We can't unknow what we know ..... we can't close our eyes and put our fingers in our ears and say LALALA to our alcohol consumption. And that's okay, we're not alone, and we're just doing our best x

Day one
While little ones bath is running, I'll write this reminder. After bedtime I have litter trays to clean, a floor to hoover, clothes to put away cos all my clean ones are in the dryer, another load to put in, bins emptied, kitchen swepped and finally a shower

YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO. There isn't time to sit and drink.

I got this. Stay tuned for day 2.

Day 8. Friend 1 said I look so less stressed. Friend 2 asked if I’d had a skin treatment as I’m ’glowing’! Feeling great.

Just catching up.

@SadMama87 a year of continuous use 😲 that’s annoying! I have 2 friends in their 50s who look amazing. Both pay private prescriptions for collagen. They get a higher dose than is available over the counter. Not something I want to do but don’t want to wait a year to see some results! Patience is not my strong point…..

Great post @Steppered and nice to hear from you. Sorry to hear half term was difficult for you. All I want to be is a normal drinker too. I just don’t think I ever will be. One night every 6 weeks or so will be acceptable to me although that’s not my plan. Right now I'm aiming for a dry June. Make sure you take some time out to care for you.

@CoffeeLover90 & @SadMama87 I’ve spent a good 12 months thinking about why I drank so much. It got to the stage where I wasn’t even enjoying it anymore. Not really. There is obviously the element of habit. The numbing effect. The escape. For me though I have a very all or nothing personality. I never felt like I’d had enough. Going out for a couple of drinks felt pointless. I didn’t want a warm fuzzy feeling, I wanted oblivion.
Like most of us here, I also think it can be traced back to my childhood. I’ve been drinking since I was 13, for many, many reasons 😔 It’s time for me to stop. The last thing I want is for my daughter to repeat my mistakes. Seeing Mummy with a glass of wine in the evenings isn’t healthy for her or me.

Those on day 1, I salute you for coming back 💪
Those trying to moderate, keep trying!
Those going for abstinence, every dry day counts 🙌

@IncognitoUsername that’s fabulous!! Feels better than any drink, I bet. A friend asked me if I’d had my teeth whitened. I haven’t. Took me a while to realise it must be because I’ve stopped smoking. 3 months now and it would appear my teeth are benefitting.

I always read everyone's posts and so much resonates with me and I think, I must respond to that directly - and then by the time I read the next post, it's gone!! So much though that is familiar to me.

I would LOVE to be the person who could have the odd drink, but I know, that one of the best things about not drinking at all is the freedom it has given me. No rules whatsoever about when, how many, what, times etc. I don't need to think about it - apart from the fact I'm on a thread talking about it daily 🤣

That's lovely, @IncognitoUsername - shows how much alcohol shows on our faces 🙈

I met a work friend this week that I haven't seen seen I stopped drinking 6 weeks ago. She was convinced I'd been away as I looked so well!

@Thelittlestranger - I know what you mean about read and nodding, then getting lost in the posts - I'm the same.

@AFmammaG - massive well done on quitting smoking (and you white teeth!).

That's a hard hard thing to do.

Morning @CoffeeLover90, @Steppered - how are you getting on?

Determined but also anxious. A little clammy. But woke with more energy so just keeping going

Morning all, just wondering how @flowers2024 is getting on? I hope you’re still reading this thread

Morning,

Feeling good thanks @NextPhaseOfLife , how are you? Nice win on the glow!
How's everyone else?

You simply can't beat sober sleep. It isn't just the physical refreshment of a proper sleep, not having any toxins in your body, you can also have a sense of trust and faith in yourself which is something I lost a long time ago. If you can't trust yourself, you won't like yourself. If you don't like yourself then how can you care for yourself? If you can't care for yourself then it is going to be a hundred times harder to make good choices that nourish you.

Me too with the posts @Thelittlestranger , it's hard to reply individually!

Thanks for keeping us going @AFmammaG , I do appreciate you (and you white teeth). Win! I have been taking collagen for 2 weeks and definitely not noticing any skin miracles. To be fair my joints have felt a little better after exercise. But my wrinkles haven't fucked off which is most rude! I too am very impatient. Perhaps it's a "quality" of a drinker! Have a good day x

Hey everyone! Day 5 here, and my first crack at becoming AF. I’d never considered my drinking as problematic really, but recently it’s increased to more regular midweek glasses and I drink every weekend and then feel horribly anxious. I just don’t want to lean on alcohol to feel better and I know that’s the pattern that’s starting to emerge (my DF has a terminal diagnosis that has hit me like a train and the fuzziness of a glass of wine takes the edge off).
Anyway, I’ve been reading this thread and I’m full of admiration for those who have been AF for a long time, as well as those who have a blip and get back on the horse. You’re all really inspirational and I’m sure this will keep me going when I have a low ❤️

Morning all, gosh I totally agree about the sleep! It certainly improves the further into this process I go. I also slept soundly last night.

I definitely believe in the spiral concept. That a bad decision can lead to another and another and then your ‘normal’ baseline drops so even if you make a good decision it won’t have the same impact that it would if your baseline was higher. Consequently your mood etc is much lower than that of a ‘normal’ person until you break that spiral and make good after good choice until you raise that baseline up higher. Only then do you have the strength and confidence to consistently make real changes and actually feel the benefit.

I've also noticed over time that some of the language I’m using is changing. Not craving anymore but urge. I feel much more positive. More in control. I’ll check my day count in a second but although I’m here pretty much everyday, that doesn’t mean I’m thinking about drinking wine every day. It’s actually the opposite. I’m actively thinking about not drinking wine most days.

I’m 1/66 today. And I won’t drink tonight because I don’t want to (and I’m booked into an exercise class later to keep me busy)!

You just made me count my days 🤣 152! Crikey.

Agee with making the right decisions - a huge part of this for me was to help me make better decisions. I make poor ones when drinking and I feel really good about myself at the moment.

Welcome @EyeBetOnSky - you are in the right place and sound very much like lots of us are...well done on day 5👍🏼

Well done on the day counts guys, great work.

Day 1. Again. This is the definition of insanity. 🤦🏻‍♀️