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Alcohol support

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12
NextPhaseOfLife · 27/05/2024 08:33

Morning all - morning @flowers2024

I know what you mean about clarity - I do a brain training app that I love - the last time I did it with a hangover, my scores were bloody shocking.

Really hammered home the impact on the day after.

Limeandsoda2023 · 27/05/2024 08:33

Welcome to the thread @flowers2024 .

I went to a wedding on Saturday and drank as I knew I would. I feel a bit disappointed in myself that I didn’t even try not to drink but by giving myself permission to drink I hoped to avoid the “fuck it” feeling which would previously have made me drink again the next day and the next.

I was straight back on wagon yesterday and so am counting this as 1/16 dry days and my new target is dry for the next 14 days so I’ll have drunk one day in a month. I was drinking a bottle or bottle and a half every day before this latest attempt so I really needed to stop.

I have had lots of false starts and day 1s since joining the thread in October last year but I can feel my resolve growing. Ultimately I know that stopping alcohol for good is what I need to do but for now short term targets are my focus.

Wishing everyone the best for bank holiday and the coming week.

flowers2024 · 27/05/2024 08:43

NextPhaseOfLife · 27/05/2024 08:33

Morning all - morning @flowers2024

I know what you mean about clarity - I do a brain training app that I love - the last time I did it with a hangover, my scores were bloody shocking.

Really hammered home the impact on the day after.

Sometimes I’ve read a report at work the day after drinking. Then read it again the next day without a hangover, and spotted some really obvious typos. Now a typo is not exactly crime of the century, but the fact I didn’t spot them with a hangover shows how much it affects your brain!

flowers2024 · 27/05/2024 08:46

@Limeandsoda2023 I definitely have the “fuck it” mentality too. I’ve been drinking similar levels to you - 1 or 1.5 bottles a day.

I’ve been getting far more irritable when drinking recently, I think because I’m so angry and fed up with myself for doing it.

I really need to save money too - yet another good reason to cut down/stop. There are so many reasons.

Housebythesea1 · 27/05/2024 13:32

Happy BH Monday all. I've been having a catch up with your messages. We are all having the same journey, we are just at different stages of the tour. The main thing is that we have admitted that there is a problem we need to address. I'm about 4 months AF (been a drinker for donkeys years and I'm old so it's been challenging) Stay with it, get back on the wagon if you've fallen and be kind to yourself about that. It's a great feeling once you've reached a point where it's not controlling your life anymore. I dare not try 1 glass as I don't know if I would crumble, so in the meantime I'm catching up on the good things and feeling that I've found myself again. Hope it continues for us all ...we are in this together

PissPotPourri · 27/05/2024 14:40

flowers2024 · 27/05/2024 08:24

Thanks so much for the replies and insights - it sounds like I have found my people! I’m really going to focus on not drinking for the next four days. I may allow myself a drink on Friday but I don’t want to drink at all when I’m working the next day, so I start every work day with a clear head.

Alcohol is affecting my ability to do my job - I’m coasting along fine, but on the days where I’m not hung over my mind feels a million times clearer and sharper and I’m far more productive and efficient. I want to be like that every day at work.

Edited

Hi @flowers2024 and welcome. Your post could have been mine and so many others on here too.
I just wanted to say what I’ve learnt in my journey this time- nearly 150 days. And that is that after trying to moderate or give up SO MANY TIMES over the last 30 years, this time it feels different because I have taken away my permission to have that drink on one day.
I realise everyone is different and I’m going against what others have said, and I’m not saying their approach is wrong- what works for one etc, but for me, permission on one day immediately leads to permission on another day because there is ALWAYS a reason.
This time I’ve just said to myself, no. Enough. Drinking is not allowed anymore. As if I were on long term medication or something where you really, really can’t.
For me the hard line is actually a relief because it takes away the bargaining. The constant deliberating about whether the occasion is big enough to warrant a drink, the day hard enough, or indeed if Thursday is the new Friday.
I might well fall off at some point and laugh at my arrogance… who knows? But right now, drinking rarely crossed my mind because it is not an option. And that’s after 20 years of what a lot of people might class as alcoholism.

AFmammaG · 27/05/2024 15:12

@flowers2024 I feel like your presence has injected some new life into the thread! I’m also on the fence about allowing a day a week or similar but only because I find rules around drinking quite exhausting and I’m not a rule follower by nature 😆 then when I don’t follow them I feel like a failure and it starts the cycle of drinking again. I find a hard no easier although I have had so many attempts I’ve lost count and even on this occasion I have drank… so in short I have no idea what the answer is!

I’m looking forward to the end of May and hoping for a completely clear June.

OP posts:
Thelittlestranger · 27/05/2024 17:54

@PissPotPourri 'permission on one day, leads to permission on another day' is exactly right for me. I know if I have one, then another time I'll definitely have one. And right now, I'm enjoying not even thinking about having one. Moderation is much harder. Just drinking on the weekend, or when you're out, or whatever the rule is I found so much harder.

At the same time, the thought of never drinking again is tough. So, I think to myself that I'm not drinking now. And now is all I need to worry about.

flowers2024 · 27/05/2024 19:33

I’m the same as you, @Thelittlestranger and @PissPotPourri (love the name BTW) which is why I think I’ll probably have to stop entirely eventually.

I’m not drinking tonight and am feeling quite crap - I have a slight upset stomach again and generally feel “uggggh”, tired, sluggish, fed-up, hazy and slightly unwell, like I’ve been in a fight or something. I KNOW a glass of wine won’t help with these feelings - I just need an early bath and bed (sadly not going to happen due to the DC!)

TimesaChangeling · 27/05/2024 22:39

I think that’s where I am too. I have drunk 9 times since starting last August. Now that, in its own right, is bloody amazing and I know it. Before then, it would have been over 2 weeks odd. But that’s also 9 times in 9.5 months, and the first 4.5 of those were totally AF so once I broke the seal, so to speak, it became a lot harder. And I want to go back to the long streak.

Im just going to have to make it through the work trips. I think “jet lag” will just have to be the answer to everything!

I am also going to take up open water swimming soon and am looking forward to summer evenings sploshing in lakes. Time to find some more hobbies. I’ve given up on gardening, some of the weeds are taller than me and I just have to accept it is not my thing!

flowers2024 · 28/05/2024 06:46

So I made it through Monday AF. Woke up this morning feeling so much better than usual, physically and mentally. The relief of not waking feeling hungover, trying to work out just how bad this hangover is, worrying how you’re going to get through the day feeling terrible etc, is immense. I still have my usual underlying feeling of general anxiety, but I’m hoping the sertraline (which I’ve restarted yet again) will start to help with that soon.

I’ve now had six AF days in May - not brilliant but that’s six bottles of wine I would have drunk but didn’t. I’m hoping to not drink today too, which would make it a week.

How is everyone else?

NextPhaseOfLife · 28/05/2024 07:21

Nice job, @flowers2024

Waking up with a clear head is like getting a gold medal - make sure you congratulate yourself on being a winner xxx

I take Citalopram for anxiety - have done for years. I bloody love it. I have a minimum dose these days, and I scale it up if pressure gets too much occasionally.

I'm a bit of a pusher - I've recommended it to so many!

SpareL · 28/05/2024 08:44

Just found this thread and would love to make today day 1, but I have zero motivation. I enjoy a drink and the way it makes me feel. Similar to how we can enjoy junk food because it tastes so good but know it's bad for you. I definitely want to reduce. Whenever I've made a huge goal like a month off it never works. So I'm going to try a few days off at a time. I've decided to have the next 3 days AF, so nothing till Friday. Wish me luck🤞

PissPotPourri · 28/05/2024 08:52

flowers2024 · 28/05/2024 06:46

So I made it through Monday AF. Woke up this morning feeling so much better than usual, physically and mentally. The relief of not waking feeling hungover, trying to work out just how bad this hangover is, worrying how you’re going to get through the day feeling terrible etc, is immense. I still have my usual underlying feeling of general anxiety, but I’m hoping the sertraline (which I’ve restarted yet again) will start to help with that soon.

I’ve now had six AF days in May - not brilliant but that’s six bottles of wine I would have drunk but didn’t. I’m hoping to not drink today too, which would make it a week.

How is everyone else?

Well done @flowers2024 . How about starting today saying “I am NOT going to drink today”? Saying “I’m hoping to not drink today” sounds as if it’s not up to you… 🤷‍♀️. You can do this! You are in control! Remember how good you are feeling this morning and allow yourself to feel like it tomorrow. And the day after. You deserve this!

Shiningout · 28/05/2024 08:54

SpareL · 28/05/2024 08:44

Just found this thread and would love to make today day 1, but I have zero motivation. I enjoy a drink and the way it makes me feel. Similar to how we can enjoy junk food because it tastes so good but know it's bad for you. I definitely want to reduce. Whenever I've made a huge goal like a month off it never works. So I'm going to try a few days off at a time. I've decided to have the next 3 days AF, so nothing till Friday. Wish me luck🤞

Welcome! Honestly I'm on day 18 today and that has not been done for me since I was pregnant 7 years ago. I can't quite believe it myself but just take it one day at a time and be prepared for coping mechanisms for the challenges of resisting that first drink today. What's your plan for today? Something nice for dinner, a nice bath etc. I got some alco free beers which are actually helping me. I am white knuckling it a bit and it's tough but you've got to feel worse before you feel better so I'm trusting the process. Once you have a bit of a streak you'll see how much better you feel in the mornings and during the day and hopefully it will spur you on to try another day sober. You may find you want to go to bed super early and that's fine, just go with it.

AFmammaG · 28/05/2024 09:10

@TimesaChangeling my snowdrops looks like drowned weeds right now. All the rain has turned my little garden into a bit of a swamp.

OP posts:
AFmammaG · 28/05/2024 09:16

@SpareL welcome! I totally agree that ambitious goals is not the way to start! One day at a time works quite well if you don’t have any big plans in the diary.

I feel a lot like @TimesaChangeling regarding my progress. I seem to get around 6 weeks dry and then give in for some reason and once I’ve done that I drift back up to frequent drinking before starting again.

Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of the changes I have made and I am certainly in a better place today then I was this time last year. I just feel a little deflated that I can’t just make that decision not to drink anymore and stick to it.

OP posts:
AFmammaG · 28/05/2024 09:21

Because I drank in May I feel like I’m treading water until 1st June when I have that clean, fresh start. I love the beginning of the month. So much hope 🤣 Having a long dry run under my belt is quite psychologically compelling to me. I don’t want to lose that. It works for me as a strong motivator not to drink. I’ve mucked my count up too because of that drink. I need to go back and update the app so when the 1st June comes around I know where I am!

OP posts:
flowers2024 · 28/05/2024 09:59

PissPotPourri · 28/05/2024 08:52

Well done @flowers2024 . How about starting today saying “I am NOT going to drink today”? Saying “I’m hoping to not drink today” sounds as if it’s not up to you… 🤷‍♀️. You can do this! You are in control! Remember how good you are feeling this morning and allow yourself to feel like it tomorrow. And the day after. You deserve this!

Good point - I didn’t even realize I was typing it! So…

It’s Tuesday and I am NOT going to drink today.

Much better! 😁

boredwiththebinge · 28/05/2024 10:28

Morning all, hoping to join the thread as you all seem so supportive.

Like others I have read in the posts I have had a few day 1s and some good streaks under my belt but seem to have gravitated back to old ways at the turn of the year.

I had a moment driving home from work at the end of April, when I would normally pick up a bottle (or sometimes 2) of wine and decided enough was enough and just drove home without my emotional crutch. It was brilliant to be fair and I enjoyed stacking up a little streak through May but have had some days that I've given in and the wine wolf has won.. gosh even writing that I am cringing

We are a month on and heading into a new month so I want to set myself some boundaries and take it by the day aiming for a drier if not dry June.

My current mountain to climb being I'm in a field in North Wales for a week in the rain with two youngsters, with a mostly wet forecast for the week. I know my triggers, this will be tricky but I am again determined!

I know why I shouldn't drink and have all the inspiration to not drink having sat by my younger sister's (30's) bedside as she died due to alcohol. You would think that was enough and it was for months, until work and another bereavement caught in the mix and dealing with my sister's estate. These are however excuses, and I need and want to do this for myself and my family who have suffered enough with loss.

Good luck to one and all moving into June and well done to everyone on the journey, it can only get better having acknowledged our position with alcohol Flowers

PissPotPourri · 28/05/2024 11:45

boredwiththebinge · 28/05/2024 10:28

Morning all, hoping to join the thread as you all seem so supportive.

Like others I have read in the posts I have had a few day 1s and some good streaks under my belt but seem to have gravitated back to old ways at the turn of the year.

I had a moment driving home from work at the end of April, when I would normally pick up a bottle (or sometimes 2) of wine and decided enough was enough and just drove home without my emotional crutch. It was brilliant to be fair and I enjoyed stacking up a little streak through May but have had some days that I've given in and the wine wolf has won.. gosh even writing that I am cringing

We are a month on and heading into a new month so I want to set myself some boundaries and take it by the day aiming for a drier if not dry June.

My current mountain to climb being I'm in a field in North Wales for a week in the rain with two youngsters, with a mostly wet forecast for the week. I know my triggers, this will be tricky but I am again determined!

I know why I shouldn't drink and have all the inspiration to not drink having sat by my younger sister's (30's) bedside as she died due to alcohol. You would think that was enough and it was for months, until work and another bereavement caught in the mix and dealing with my sister's estate. These are however excuses, and I need and want to do this for myself and my family who have suffered enough with loss.

Good luck to one and all moving into June and well done to everyone on the journey, it can only get better having acknowledged our position with alcohol Flowers

Welcome @boredwiththebinge .
I cannot begin to imagine how traumatic that was for.

AFmammaG · 28/05/2024 13:42

@boredwiththebinge welcome to the thread and I am very sorry for your loss. I lost a very close friend to alcohol addiction and I often feel guilt that she isn’t here and I still drink. She was very good at hiding how bad her problem was and lockdown meant we didn’t realise until it was too late. It’s so incredibly sad.
I know we’ve had this discussion before on this thread but alcohol is around every corner all the time. I hate even going into our local supermarket because you walk through the gates and it’s there. Rows of bottles all on offer.
I’m also struggling because of half term. No rest from the kids and that feeling of boredom or being trapped in the evenings. It really isn’t easy.
Wishing you all the best for the rest of the week. I know the weather doesn’t help with the kids but I’m kind of glad it’s not sit out in a beer garden sunny.

OP posts:
NextPhaseOfLife · 28/05/2024 18:00

Evening all, hello @boredwiththebinge, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister.

I've listened to a another Sober Awkward podcast today,

It's talking about how problem, heavy and binge drinking is normalised in society.

An example they gave was if you said something like 'I'll have to rewatch last night's Downton Abbey as I opened the wine and have no idea what happened with the story ha ha ha', and your friends would likely laugh along with you .

Whereas they should think 'getting blotto at home on a Tuesday doesn't sound good, is everything ok?'

One of the turning points for me was telling one of my best friend's during a twice yearly meet up that I a bit fed up with drinking as I was doing 3 or 4 bottles of wine a week, every week.

She thought I was going to say 3 or 4 glasses. She loves me and is usually my biggest fan, working out ways to support whatever it is I do. The shock on her face when I said bottles was a wake up call. I was so used to my usual drinking circle saying 'me too, light week, ha ha' that her concern, her saying 'that actually is quite a lot' was something that helped me take stock.

What do you guys think?

TimesaChangeling · 28/05/2024 18:34

Hello @boredwiththebinge, I am truly sorry about your sister. The trauma of that, it being alcohol related and having to deal with the aftermath of grief and admin is horrendous. Don’t think we can solve the boggy field in Wales though.

I know what you mean @NextPhaseOfLife, I have similarly divided friend groups, some of whom go camping for a weekend with 6 bottles for 3 nights and another bunch who never go over a bottle in a week. I often think that we all drank similarly when we were younger (heavily but none more so than others) and there’s a fork in the road, some wind down massively and some drink like every night is a party night, except it isn’t. You’re just sat at home, doing absolutely nothing.

To a really large degree it’s understandable in many ways. Society has just piled and piled and piled the pressure on, got to get married, have kids, earn as much as possible, worry about those kids, worry about elderly parents, worry about everyone else who’s trying not to spin out, worry about the way you look, the way your house looks, about the future, live up to all these standards, feel like a failure, feel lonely, feel stressed, here have a drink, it’ll solve everything and then goes “oh, well it’s your fault for not coping with all of this, you weren’t supposed to get addicted to it”. Those who are the very light drinkers are the miracle escapees tbh.

flowers2024 · 28/05/2024 19:28

I’m so sorry to read that some posters have lost loved ones due to alcohol. My heart goes out to you both.

I was back at work today after the bank holiday. After a busy day I’m so tempted to “crack open” a bottle of wine. I’m not going to drink because I want to say I had a week off in May (I’ve managed 6 days so far). But if I’m already feeling my resolve is going to crack on day 2, then what hope do I have?! I honestly don’t understand how people give up for months, years or permanently - it’s so damn hard.

To a really large degree it’s understandable in many ways. Society has just piled and piled and piled the pressure on, got to get married, have kids, earn as much as possible, worry about those kids, worry about elderly parents, worry about everyone else who’s trying not to spin out, worry about the way you look, the way your house looks, about the future, live up to all these standards, feel like a failure, feel lonely, feel stressed, here have a drink, it’ll solve everything

This resonated with me - like many people I feel so pressured and generally anxious a lot of the time. I also struggle with low self esteem and always have done. Alcohol is a quick and easy escape from those feelings. I KNOW that after a few glasses (and I can never only have one) I will feel worse - so why am I so desperate to drink? Is it purely down to the dopamine?