Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

@NCgoingdry

Totally with you. When I was young, food was my reward (to myself) and my escape.

When I was old enough, alcohol added to that. Both for me have always been a way to avoid feelings/change feelings/have feelings.

You are doing so well. You've ditched 25 bottles of wine this month. That's effin' EPIC 🙏🏻

@NextPhaseOfLife my DH thinks I’m nuts! He thinks we drink a normal amount and can’t see any reason to stop. To be fair we don’t drink every day. But a good example, I would have drank last night if I went out. I would drink tonight and tomorrow as weekend and as it’s a bank holiday weekend, I’d normally drink Sunday in this example…. so 4 nights in a row. I think that’s too much. 4 bottles of wine in 4 days. He thinks that’s not every week and we have dry days so not a big deal. He thinks a ‘problem’ looks like the traditional alcoholic. Not functioning, unemployed, every day drinker etc.

The difference is he can moderate. Easily. He will stop when he’s had enough. He’s never sick the next day. And a bottle of wine will have much less impact on his body than mine. Yet I match him drink for drink. I always want more. Hangovers wreck my weekend and I have that that awful anxiety and sleep disturbance that he doesn’t seem to experience.

Hi all,
I can totally relate to the idea of alcohol as a reward - I would open a bottle because things had gone well at work that day or if they'd gone badly and I needed "reward" for surviving a tough day. I am trying really hard this time to remember it isn't a reward because it doesn't ultimately make me feel better, even if it does in the moment.

I treated myself to a pedicure and manicure today - something I never do - as a reward for staying off alcohol and as part of starting to care about myself a bit more. It cost about half what I would spend in a week on wine (at least!). I've been smiling at my nails ever since.

Hope everyone enjoys (or gets through) the bank holiday weekend

Hi everyone, just catching up with posts.

Yesterday I hit day 150, which I'm really chuffed with - 6 months milestone is not too far away! I'm not having too many difficulties as this ain't my first rodeo, so I've had a fair bit of practice and experience with riding out the rollercoaster of emotions and peoples reactions etc.

What I have really noticed is that in the last couple of weeks I have started LAUGHING again. Like properly finding things hilarious and not being afraid to be a bit silly. It's bloody brilliant, and worth the wait and work. This is in despite of being under consultation for redundancy and various other niggly things.

That's so cool, @TeeNoG - joy and emotions coming through - whoop whoop, I love that!

Massive congratulations. You're changing. How does it feel?

Thank you for posting I needed to read this tonight! Been feeling quite miserable and low

Yeah that’s a really nice message to log onto this evening @TeeNoG Thank you for posting and congrats on 150 days.

Is it awful to say the kids are already driving me up the wall?! Because I’m in a term time job I feel completely frazzled and they are raring to go. All school holidays I take the lead while DH works and then they head back to school and me straight back to work… and yet people say I’m lucky to get the holidays with them. Yeah, shocking pay, huge workload and no annual leave 😆 tell me again why I chose this?! If I hear one more person say about how time flies and enjoy it while you can, I won’t be responsible for my actions!

Anyway, looking for a film to watch and will hopefully get a couple of hours of peace before doing it all again tomorrow. Hope everyone else is ok.

Ah, @AFmammaG - I hear you. My kids are adults know but I remember the RELENTLESSNESS. You're my hero!

I watched 'Where the crawdads sing' the other week. Really enjoyed it.

I've got a night to myself tonight and am rewatching PitchPerfect2 - what's the matter with me, help!!! 😂😂😂

🤣 @NextPhaseOfLife we settled on Shallow Hal. It’s hitting the spot! I will look up that film!

@NextPhaseOfLife it feels really great, thanks. Life is calmer, I'm learning how to be myself again, life's challenges are dealt with better (though still hard, I don't want to paint a false picture)

@Shiningout sorry to hear you are feeling miserable. Anything you want to get off you chest that the thread can help you with?

@AFmammaG that's a brutal schedule! You did make me laugh with the 'time flies' comment that everyone rolls out, I hate that one too. I also hate it when people tell my DS9 that 'these are the best years of your life' - he's 9, piss off! There's so much enjoyment for him to have out there and frankly he doesn't really like school so telling him that this is as good as it gets isn't helpful 😅

@TeeNoG literally just Friday someone said that to me. “Make the most of it”! Sigh. I know they mean well but either they had a completely different experience to me or they are remembering it wrong!

About 5 minutes after I posted last night my DS came downstairs saying he felt sick 😩 yep. That’s my life.

Thank you ❤️ me and my partner are long distance and he's been down all this week (leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks) and drinking every night and it's just been so tough for me. I'm day 16 and last week was so much easier but this week I've been in tears nearly every night. But I've woke up today quite proud of myself, and so glad I didn't give in. In awe of most of the posters on here and praying one day I can come back and help others through these shitty early days.

I posted a separate thread about my drinking and was advised to join this one. I’m struggling to give up and feel like a total failure of a mother because of my drinking and the tiredness, irritability and lack of being “present” that come with it. I am so depressed and I know that alcohol is a the main reason that I feel that way - and yet I STILL can’t stop. I’m hoping to not drink tomorrow and am already feeling anxious about it and making excuses to drink, even though I’m typing this after four large glasses of wine and feeling awful. Why oh why do I keep drinking when I KNOW it makes me feel horrible?!

You're in the right place flowers. We are all in the same boat striving for the same thing. I'm on day 16 and I am struggling but just taking it a day at a time. Keep coming on here for support :)

Welcome to the thread @flowers2024. When I first joined this board I was reading all the posts, all the time. I guess it is progress that I don’t need to do that anymore.
I agree with @Shiningout we can all relate to that feeling of hopelessness. This is a really supportive thread and we are all in different places. I’ve learnt so much in the last year and unfortunately I haven’t cracked it yet…. I have good weeks and not so good weeks but as someone else told me, progress is not a straight line and every dry day counts.
It took me a long time to stop beating myself up and find acceptance with who I am. I’m not perfect. I don’t always get it right. But I’m here, still chipping away and still trying so hard.
If you would like to talk, go for it. If you would like to silently watch, please do. If there is anything we can do or give advice on, ask. There are people here who have been dry a short while, people who have years under their belt and others a bit like me. Once again, welcome.

I just read your posts on the thread you started @flowers2024 (I hope you don’t mind). I would recommend the podcast ‘fucking sober - the first 90 days’ but start series 2 first because it’s a mum who shares her journey and it is so, so relatable for anyone with kids of an age where they are becoming aware.
I am so grateful to women strong enough to share their story with that honesty that hits home. There is so much shame associated with alcohol. I won’t say alcoholics because that label is unhelpful (in my opinion). It’s 2024 and life has changed. There are so many women, with, without kids, with jobs, without that feel like this is a dirty secret to be kept hidden. The truth is there are so many women who drink and the shame is what stops us from seeking help. That and the stigma of the word alcoholic. So use whatever words you like! We all know what you mean. We are all there too. Fighting for a better life.

Thanks for the welcome, it’s much appreciated. Please can I ask - is this particular thread for quitting alcohol entirely, moderating or both?

Thank you @AFmammaG - I’m going to give it a listen.

Hi @flowers2024 the very fact that you think you don’t want to drink is actually a really good start and soon you will be able to turn that into action. Hopefully it’s tomorrow but don’t beat yourself up if not.

I did fall off this week and I am a bit cross about it. It was work again, just a monster few days with late nights and the need to celebrate just came hard. I should really recognise these triggers better by now and have a way of dealing with it. I felt so crap the next day, headache, demotivated and just all the things I know I hate. The fact I do hate the day after so much is helpful, but I just seem to have forgotten my best tool of playing it forward (and/or finding any other way of saying well done to myself with out it being wine). I have a load of work trips coming up and I am dreading it.

All of the above. In the main it’s people who want to stop. Whether that is a week, a month or longer… we all have different goals and there’s no judgement. Those who hit their targets we celebrate! Those who fall off, we understand and welcome back when they are ready. Those who successfully moderate? I haven’t met many although I understand they exist 😆
Mostly we have short term targets because that feels achievable and many have gone on to exceed that. What I will say is we nearly all come back at some stage. Some to say I did it and you can too! Some to start again. Some times we come back just to keep counting.

Me? I’m always here. Chipping away is my motto.

@TimesaChangeling sorry to hear that. Work is a big factor for me too. I read a thread on here about someone who got drunk at a work do where the alcohol was free. Not about me but could have been…! I turned down an evening out with friends this week because I can’t trust myself. That’s a short term solution but for now, whatever works.
I have found that my hangovers now (when I have them) are much kinder. With hindsight I think my whole body was maybe shutting down after a night of drinking. I felt so awful every time regardless of what I had drunk. I guess that means that my body has experienced some sort of recovery. Which is good physically but mentally it fools me into thinking I’m better now. Not quite but getting there.

I know I am rambling on a bit now but I also wanted to say this. I joined an alcohol free thread on here which was great when I was dry. So supportive. But the minute I drank I felt like I had to quietly disappear because I failed and the thread was very much like “trigger warning” if someone mentioned drinking.
This thread is not like that. If you drink, don’t be ashamed. Don’t feel like you need to leave. Please don’t let that feeling of awfulness mean you press the fuck it button. I think I can confidently say we have all done it on this journey. We are human, you don’t need to hide because you slip up.

Yeah I agree I found a few forums where you could mention a relapse or even mention certain drinks in case it triggers someone, but I need somewhere I can just be open as worrying about filtering my comments is just yet another thing to struggle with and I don't need that.

@flowers2024 Thanks for your raw and honest post. I could’ve written those exact words nearly 7 weeks ago and felt like there was never going to be an end to it all. Joining this forum has given a real insight and there is so much support. It’s a vicious circle of knowing it’s making you feel worse but continuing to do it anyway.

I found myself having a real and frank conversation with myself about how I wanted my life to look and admitting to myself and my husband that I have a negative relationship with alcohol, can’t moderate and if I don’t stop I fear this will be it for the rest of my life. When I started saying it out loud and acknowledging those feelings it definitely helped me stop.

Wishing you the very best on your journey x

Thanks so much for the replies and insights - it sounds like I have found my people! I’m really going to focus on not drinking for the next four days. I may allow myself a drink on Friday but I don’t want to drink at all when I’m working the next day, so I start every work day with a clear head.

Alcohol is affecting my ability to do my job - I’m coasting along fine, but on the days where I’m not hung over my mind feels a million times clearer and sharper and I’m far more productive and efficient. I want to be like that every day at work.