Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

I am day 12,shitty day at work and really having to stop myself drinking tonight. My partner is having a drink next to me right now and I'm. Sat here with a corona zero. Feeling a bit grumpy and irritable tbh

I know how you feel. Last night I was in a really bad mood having had a bit of an argy bargy with someone at work. I really really wanted to blow off steam but I knew if I did I’d be the whole bottle in about 30 mins later. I had an AF beer, chatted with a mate and, lo and behold, a couple of hours later I was much more chilled. Guarantee you I’d have built up a huge head of steam if I’d drank, and would have made probably made it all worse.

Today, calm collected and all moved on!

Great job on the Corona Zero, @Shiningout

What are your reasons for going AF? I find it's great to focus on those when the bastards are getting me down,

Epic work there, @TimesaChangeling

I bet you feel fantastic about that today. Well done 👏👏👏

Well done everyone resisting, it really is hard. Feels nice the next day though when we are strong.

I joined another thread to support people trying to stop binge eating. I’ve literally not stopped eating since I joined 🤣 I think I just have one of those personalities!

Anyone else feeling a bit anxious about half term? It’s not just the bank holiday that will be challenging but also having the kids at home full time. When our routine gets messed up my kids do not cope well.

😂 oh no, @AFmammaG!!

Why do you think eat?

My reasons for overeating are pretty similar to over drinking: to zone out, to switch off, to have 'me' time, to avoid doing something meaningful.

I've been having coaching to address those issues which has helped - and I think it's been a trigger to deciding to stop drinking.

I seem to actually like being in the moment and being nice to myself now 🤞🙏🏻🙏🏻

That’s great to hear @NextPhaseOfLife. Positive life choice’s definitely turn into a cycle of making good decisions. Eventually we feel the benefit!

@AFmammaG Yes definitely anxious about BH and half term.

I'm staying away with the kids as I have no childcare for half term. I know I need some tools to be able to stay on track.

Although one thing I am noticing after my very short two week stint sober is I'm breaking the daily drinking habit at home. I haven't really thought about alcohol indoors this week so far.

I am absolutely raging PMT right now though.

Day 4 (again).

All I seem to think about is wine and food 😔 wish it was different.

I saw this thing about consistency. The example was if you go to the gym for 5 minutes a day a couple of times a week, you won’t see or feel any different. If you go everyday for 30 minutes by the end of a month you’ll feel different and by the end of a year you’ll look different.

Something like that. The idea was making a small inconsistent change won’t reap huge benefits. It did make sense to me. I stop drinking for a month and expect to feel completely different. Really, I need to stop for much longer to look and feel different.

I did my exercise session yesterday and managed to pull something in my hip area. I was rushing to get it done. Tonight I think I will wait for the kids to go to bed and then maybe do an hour. DH is at the pub so I have time to kill and itchy hands. It might help get me through the evening.

Morning, @AFmammaG

I totally agree - it's consistency that will ultimately make the difference.

My kids are grown now so I have more free time to focus on myself (🙌🙌). I know you're still in the think if it.

I've found that doing the 'thought work' around why I over-drank and over-ate' was the game changer for me, although it took over a year to build up to a final change.

Small, incremental, consistent changes on food really help.

Only eat when hungry / stop when you've had enough

And water. Water water water - at least 2 litres a day is miracle work.

What approach are you taking?

If you’re interested in getting to the root cause of why you drink, (in the aim of not drinking) then The Naked Mind by Annie Grace is a must read.

@NextPhaseOfLife yes I do have younger DC. Oldest has a lifelong health condition and youngest possible SEN… So the early days of parenthood were incredibly difficult. I think alcohol was an escape and food a reward.
To be fair, things are easier now the children are a bit older and I am a bit wiser but both DC are under the age of 10. I really feel judged by other parents when I spend time on a hobby. I posted earlier in the thread about a really good friend who commented about how I don’t spend a lot of time with my DC, which is bullshit! But I guess they just see me coming back from hobby or going to the gym and not all the drudge that is 24/7. Plus DH does do his share, which I know a lot of mothers don’t have.

In terms of my approach, it’s a bit haphazard. I seem to have a burst of energy and enthusiasm and motivation and go for it!! Feel great for say a month and then that burst wears off or I feel better and then I quickly slip back into old habits. I know I whinge on here about my diet but I’m not massively overweight and my figure has definitely improved since I cut back on the booze. I just eat crap. A lot. And find it really hard to make sustainable changes, probably because of my all or nothing approach to everything.

Well i've made it to day 4, which is more than i've managed in a while. Feeling slightly less irritable today but starting to have to tackle some of the stuff which i've been ignoring by numbing with alcohol. Adulting is hard! @AFmammaG i can totally relate to the all or nothing mentality. I have been trying to lose some weight on and off for the past 2 years. I go crazy with a superstrict diet and exercise plan for about a month. Then as soon as i slip up i'm straight into eating rubbish. I know i have work to do on the reasons behind this and my drinking but right now there are more pressing issues i need to tackle. On a more positive note, my youngest has an inset day tomorrow so i've booked the day off work to spend together at a theme park. I'm really looking forward to it.

Evening all :-)

I notice a lot of us describe ourselves as 'all or nothing' in terms of drinking and eating. We are all in, all out, very rarely happy with anything in between., which is a very common ADHD trait.

Listening to the Sober Awkward podcast today, they said that 40% of people with ADHD also have alcohol issues. I might have missed it on these boards, it was news to me, but it seems very obvious to me now I heard it.

I am very likely to be ADHD but will never get or need a diagnosis - I have a strong, all or nothing personality which I love. It has got me into trouble when I was younger, and it's only as I've matured, that it doesn't affect me as much. I class it as a desired feature :-) but I know i'm lucky.

I might dig a bit deeper into this - anyone else got any thoughts?

I am adhd diagnosed since A teen and I can see how it's influenced my drinking massively. Day 13 for me and I just wanna throw the towel in. Partner sat outside with a beer and I'm just so fucked off and irritable. Wish I could just cheer up and stop thinking about drink ffs

Hi there @Shiningout

Congratulations on being AF. If you throw in the towel, you'll only have to start all over at day 1 again.

Is it tempting if your partner drinks around you? I don't mind if mine does, but if you do, perhaps he can try and avoid it?

Do you like any AF wines or beers or are they no good for you?

Thank you, and you're right ill be so disappointed to lose 2 weeks of af. Yeah it is tempting but he won't stop, he's being really encouraging but I feel like saying oh fuck off its easy for you to say sat there with a drink 😂 I'm having corona zero which are really nice actually like the real thing.

I love the Corona zeros too - AF beer is sooooo much better these days.

Your OH is being unfair - like ordering a dominos when you're doing the cabbage soup diet!

Keep at it. You're stronger than him 😂😂

As much I don't want anyone to have any struggles it's really comforting to know that I'm not alone in this all or nothing approach.

@AFmammaG like you alcohol was my escape and food was my reward (in fact food as a reward has been ingrained in me since childhood). My middle child is SEN so I understand the extra layer of stress that adds. Couple that with a husband who is also on the spectrum.

Day 5 again and I do feel less like I've been clock watching to tick another day off. Which I'm guessing is positive.

@Shiningout I hit the exact same feeling when I hit two weeks. Fucked off with everything and irritable. Unfortunately I gave in but if you push through it and just LET yourself be pissed off you'll be ok. I think we've numbed a lot of ourselves and suddenly you have to live with these emotions!!

Since joining the thread I've had one night of drinking. So instead of 20 days (equivalent to 25 bottles of wine and probably a dozen beers and a few whiskies) I've had just one night.

Feeling a lot kinder to myself so I'll call that a win and I'm grateful for all of you!!

Thank you, I really am struggling with just riding these negative emotions out, it's so tough! But happy to be waking up today on day 14. Thank you all and sorry all my comments on here seem to be negative 😭😭🙄 I am hoping this gets easier!!

I don’t mind the ‘negative’ comments at all. In fact I think it’s searingly honest to admit this is hard. I’m trying to build up willpower for this weekend but I may end up getting a few early nights to cope with sitting next to DH and his bottle of red.
Last night the girls from work went out and I declined. Feel a bit low about that because drink or no drink I probably would have had a good evening, I just didn’t want that challenge right at the beginning of the weekend.

@NextPhaseOfLife I’m aware of the the ADHD connection. If you can find it, the Matt Willis documentary about his addiction issues is a good watch. When it came out people on the non-addiction boards were so critical. What a crap husband and dad he was and how ‘self-absorbed’. All I saw was a guy struggling. A guy with a bad childhood who used alcohol and drugs to escape and a guy who was honest enough to admit he wasn’t perfect. He was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood and talks about the connection with drinking into oblivion. I found it entirely relatable.

Thank you, @AFmammaG - I'll have a look for the documentary,

Great call on ditching the night out. I think you're very wise to put strategies in place to stop temptation at the early stage. I think you wouldn't go to TGIs the first few weeks you'd started LighterLife so why put yourself under pressure.

What does your DH think about you quitting? Is him drinking around you stressful for you, or can you deal with it?