On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

@Bigbus 2 weeks in Thailand with a friend, then solo in Vietnam. Since being single again I love travelling. Since retiring have gone solo quite a bit as very often my friends don't have as much time as I do for holidays. I know that I'm very lucky to be able to travel as much as I do.

I'm curious about alcohol-induced anxiety.

I get it when I drink more than about 6 units and it torments me through the earlier hours of the morning - not necessarily about the events of the previous evening it can be anything from any time and then it's gone by 7am. Is this the same for everyone - when people talk about alcohol-induced anxiety does it hit you in the wee hours or is it a next day, all day thing?

@StitchRipper my anxiety is an all day thing the next day. It's not even about anything specific, I just feel on edge and guilty like I've done something bad. Then it's gone the next day.
I'm craving a nice glass of wine since yesterday. My husband even said "oh shall we open that bottle then?" (he had a really bad day at work) but I stayed strong and said no, we'll be glad tomorrow that we didn't. So I'm really looking forward to Mother's Day and having a drink...hopefully still moderating. I didn't feel like this all Feb really, I wasn't missing it, but the wine witch is now calling. Whoever made that phrase, I love it!

@StitchRipper mine is definitely early hours of the morning. I never sleep well after drinking, always wake 2am ish and no chance of getting back.
I can be anxious about the evening before, what I said, did, etc but quite recently I've actually felt suicidal, which is not my nature at all. I'm optimistic by nature, mostly cheerful etc. Scary.

Oh yes, it's gone by next day, when I even contemplate drinking again, though I'm getting better at this.

@Amdone123 yes I can have suicidal thoughts - more along the lines of I wish is would all stop, if I died it would stop. I am not depressed or anxious apart from the early morning after drinking. It's taken me a long time to realise it's the booze that causes it and to recognise it as anxiety - no one really talks about it - I just thought I had crazy morning thoughts - sometimes so bad I wake dh up to check what's going on in my head is not really as bad as I am thinking because I feel as if I have lost the plot - poor man has the patience of a saint!
@Flumpywoo having it for a whole day sounds really awful.🙁

@StitchRipper and @Amdone123 I get it worse in the early hours when I can't sleep properly and the what did I say/do etc plays on my mind and I feel so annoyed that I had so much to drink. But that's when I've got really drunk when you have a proper hangover/feel sick etc. I really feel for you as yours sounds worse than mine.
But when I've had enough to drink to just feel tired rather than hangover sicky feeling next day I still get the hangxiety all day of guilt and want to click my fingers and it be the next day, to get rid of that horrible sinking feeling/dark cloud hanging over me. I don't know whether it's since becoming a mum as you feel you've let them down, feeling a bit rough when you should be your normal happy self. No more curling up on the sofa all day with no responsibilities and just laughing at your great night. And that's even when I haven't done/said anything stupid, just got a bit merry and happy. Why do we do it to ourselves and think it will be different next time? lol

I think the problem is that it's so easily forgotten because it's chemically induced and time-limited - I'm not anxious as a rule. I've had one episode this year - I drank 9 units and it was triggered, I had forgotten that I need to stick to under 6 units, I wish I could ingrain this in my head - I need to get more anxious about my anxiety but having fun in the here and now always takes priority especially when we are socialising.

On another probably weird topic - using up leftover red wine - I know who knew such a thing existed!!! But I have to convince myself not to be a wine bin. Dh and I have decided to share a lovely bottle of wine at the weekend - but we also like to go to the pub/out for dinner, so now we are moderating, we often have leftover wine - made a beef stew last night and used up quite a bit that was hanging around (crime to chuck it down the sink), any other ideas - or just me?😬

@StitchRipper @Flumpywoo and @Amdone123 and also everyone else who has probably had the same experiences, I totally get the night time anxiety - I’ll wake up in the night feeling awful. Sometimes I convince myself I’m actually dying. I have really horrible thoughts about how awful I am etc. but as long as it hasn’t been a big binge with really stupid or unknown behaviour, it goes away after I’ve got up and had a shower and then, as @StitchRipper says, it’s easily forgotten and I think it’s ok to have another drink that evening! I’m learning though and I think the extreme health anxiety I had stated to get in the wee small hours really made me think what am I doing? I have three DC aged between 12 and 17. I want to be a healthy mum. Currently moderating is going well, but I have a free-pour wine event tonight which is definitely a danger zone!

On a lighter note, re the left over wine - you can freeze it in an ice cube tray then add it to stews/bolognaise straight from the freezer.

I can relate about anxiety and drinking. Since I’ve given up my anxiety has reduced dramatically. I was anxious all the time. Days after drinking I was anxious, which made me want to drink again. I now realize that I was constantly in alcohol withdrawal because of how I drank.

I was going to suggest freezing it in ice cube trays but @Bigbus beat me to it. And that's my only idea as leftover wine not a thing chez amdone. Actually, I tell a lie - I've often poured it away.
I had a bad day Wednesday. Was bored, feeling flat so decided to have a glass of wine before work at 4pm. Had full bottle and 2 cigarettes then went to work. Felt awful in work, conscious of 'smelling', so after an hour I made my excuses and left. Went to the shops, bought 2 more bottles.
Moral of the story - it NEVER makes you feel better.
I'm not even sure what to do this weekend. I know we're going out Sunday for a meal, that will involve wine - could be 2 glasses or 2 bottles, who knows anymore.
Not sure about this evening. Got a house full tomorrow.
I need motivation 🥴

@Touty yes, definitely. I know I'm more anxious when drinking but Wednesday for example, I was really down. I couldn't think of anything else to do.
If I weren't going away in April, I'd be in the sun now as I'm sick of being cold ❄

Hello all! Just wanted to add my tuppence worth concerning anxiety. If I've been drinking for several days, even just one or two glasses, I get bad nighttime anxiety. If I haven't been drinking for several days and have a couple of glasses I get severe anxiety during the night. So for me drinking always brings on anxiety attacks, more or less severe. It also ruins my sleep. I get hot and agitated. I also snore. So the question is : why do I still drink?
Will dwell on that for the next few days...
Take care everyone. SSS!

@Amdone123 I find a mixture of medication and hrt helps with low mood and anxiety.

A sheepish hi from me. Conscious I haven't posted in a while - combination of spiked workload, making some attempt to stay of MN and just not knowing what to say.

I've slipped into daily drinking, although reduced quantity, usually one or two glasses with the odd spike up. Not really been enjoying it - anything about it really but still kept doing it. I now think I've had a clear sign to stop for a while...

Went out for a meal last night and shared two bottles of wine with DH (he definitely had more than me though), the meal itself and various other things about the experience was really disappointing (place fairly recently opened up after extensive renovation and much anticipation - gastropub type place and not cheap). No obvious hangover today but overall experience was negative. The positive I am taking from this is that I want to stop drinking again for a while.

Hi @Coppergate10 i have also been drinking daily albeit only a small amount but last night I did not do well. I drank far too much and ended up awake at 5.30 am feeling dreadful and sweating Prosecco. I had a lovely e being but would have had just as lovely an evening with half as much wine.

Today is day 16 AF. I plan to be AF for all of March to help save calories and for my general health. The scales have started to move in the right direction which is helping keep me on track.

@endlesswashing well done on Day 16, that's really good. I shall take some inspiration from you.
@Coppergate10 it's weird how sometimes I enjoy it and other times, hate it. It's a strange relationship for sure. Maybe have a break and see how you get on. I need to take a break too. 6 weeks til holiday and I want to lose some more weight.
@Bigbus 'sweating prosecco ' 🤣 - sums me up.

Yesterday I was back on my path of self destruction. Had 1 slice of toast, 1 bottle of wine and 1 bottle of prosecco. Today, I've got a house full of delightful but definitely noisy, children. And dh bought me a bottle of champagne for mothers day, so I'm eyeing that up.
Monday I start 🥴💯

HI @Bigbus ! Glad you had a lovely evening. Yes, pity that knowing when to stop and still have a lovely evening is a skill that is often quite hard to get right. Hope you feel ok now?

@endlesswashing congratulations on 16 days AF - great the weight loss is a motivator too.

@Amdone123 Yes, I definitely do need a break - plan now is no more drinking in March (although there is still a question mark over tonight in my head!). The exception being when we go for another meal out as we have a voucher (Christmas present) for our usual big treat meal out place (definitely not the place we tried last night!) that has to be used by the end of March. Although I guess we could use it on an AF lunch or even a cream tea...will save ££ too as voucher only likely to cover 25% of our usual dinner boozy bill at that place! We'll see.

Good luck with the commencement of an AF stint on Monday - you know you lose weight when you stop, got to be a good motivator with the holiday in 6 weeks.

@StitchRipper yes to the anxiety kicking in in the early hours. I worry about anything and everything - things I know I don’t even need to worry about, but I do. I also get quite emotional the day after. When I was hungover earlier this week, I was almost in tears with guilt leaving my dog home alone when I went to work (which I do everyday, and he’s totally fine!). It’s one of the main reasons I hate drinking.

It’s taken days to get my energy back after my binge on Monday, but it’s really driving me to leave alcohol alone. I woke up this morning and had flashbacks to waking up hungover, but instead I’ve been for a walk and even did my first run in years!

I hope everyone is doing okay and enjoying their weekends.

Thank you @Swannyb @Amdone123 @Nowstrong @Touty @Flumpywoo @Bigbus for sharing your anxiety experiences.

I have realised that I have kept the anxiety hidden and in a way that helped me forget every day. I didn't want to confront the full impact of my drinking.

I've now fully shared it with dh - making it more real and not allowing me to hide from it. We went out for dinner on Saturday night and shared a bottle of red and I remembered and kept myself in check.

@StitchRipper that's great that you shared it with your dh. I talk to my dh about my drinking a lot, but I've never told him about the anxiety and how that makes me feel.
Great too that you shared a bottle and that you were mindful.

I've told my dh that I'm trying to not drink now til Easter, so 20 days. He doesn't drink so just nods and smiles, albeit in an understanding manner.

I've had negatives over the weekend. Drank Friday, and Saturday had a bottle of champagne on a hangover, so not great, but yesterday I only had a glass of prosecco with my meal then sparkling water for the rest of the day. So, that's a positive.
Day 1 today and I know I can get through the week af, and more importantly, the weekend. A week today, I'll be happier.

@StitchRipper I'm prone to anxiety anyway, and I find alcohol makes it far far worse. Not just the 3am despair but the whole of the following day, as @Flumpywoo says feeling on edge and inexplicably guilty.

I went out on Saturday evening with the best of intentions to have two drinks and stop. Inevitably I then had the next two..... and the next two. I am much happier when not drinking but the belief that I can't "have fun" without a drink is quite deeply ingrained. I've got a mindfulness download I'm going to try.

@StitchRipper glad you opened up to your DH and hopefully this will help.
@Formel glad I'm not the only one! But yes why do we think it will be different next time and just carry on drinking!

Didn't drink Mon-Fri and then Sat and Sunday had just under 14 units in total, so I'm proud of myself as that's what I want to stick to. We had more wine left in the bottle yesterday but I told my mum I'm at my unit limit now so not going to drink anymore. She knows about me trying to moderate but I still think she was surprised I was counting and putting it on the Try Dry app! Had a good sleep score and no hangover / anxiety so I am very happy.

This week is my birthday so will probably go over during the course of the week but I'm still going to try to drink less than I normally would, as out different days, not just the one.

Hope everyone had a lovely Mother's Day.

@Flumpywoo that's great that you stuck to your units. I should try that approach as it's not really something I ever did - I don't even know how many units are in the wines I drink.
Someone said on here, that a gin n slimline tonic was 1 unit - I was surprised.
Reminds me of how people new to say, calorie counting, are shocked / surprised by certain foods. I know them all, off my heart 🤣