Day 2

[Wantofeelgood]

That’s it really. Inspired by people on here. Holding myself to account on here, if that’s ok.
just reminding myself for when I want to cave - I’m permanently exhausted, down, ashamed. Feel ill getting fatter. Stuck. Tingling heavy fingers, arthritis kicking in, skin crap. Sleep crap- wake every 2 hours. Not achieving anything. Cook , drink, Fall asleep in front of tv. Every.single.night. Exhausted in the morning.
id like to have a juice or vitamin pill each day to aid health, instead I’m drinking each day to aid illness. Wtf. Also on anti estrogen pills to stop cancer. And what does alcohol do? Exactly.
first day 2 in a LONG time, a year at least.

Note to self - no sleep. Wake up feeling blurgh.and a bit ill. Not nice.

thanks tilly! Now that is a positive reframe! Clever.
hope you are feeling fine x

And that's another thing you can do on the Drinkaware app. You can rate your sleep

So then you can see a pattern of what your sleep looks like when you've had a drink and when you haven't

Omg. tilly I just re read the thread and saw your cancer post. I’d somehow missed it . Fucking hell, I’m so sorry, that must be a real doozy of chemo to go through. Sooo glad you are well supported. And that your children are grown, (two years older than my eldest). No wonder the old ethanol has lost its appeal.
also, OF COURSE a you need a dog! Cuddles and love and enthusiasm! It’s medicine in cute form.
yay to mn!

Day 18.
not going back to 1, too demoralizing.also 17 and cocking up is part if the journey. But noticed its a lot harder not to drink tonight. So that’s interesting, a slip up isn’t actually worth it as it makes the next day so much harder. Was also really depressed today, so I think that’s related too.
did it though! What works..thinking if you guys, reading this and other thread, eating a ton, cooking with DS15 who mysteriously came out of his room.
tilly luckily I’m not awash with parties!
anothernamechange a week! Go you!
go all of us, with our different stories and situations because whatever else, we rock!

It's a bitch but I went dancing tonight
Didn't miss wine, quite happy with my tonic water

You just need to get thru the next couple of days, drink lots of water and go for a walk if you're feeling tempted.

Good morning to you all, happy sober Saturday!! You're doing great 😊 it's ok to have the odd blip to remind yourself why you're not drinking anymore.. it sort of reaffirms the reasoning if that makes sense. Party season is upon us, always a tricky time! Avoid it anyway that suits you best, last year I just kept my head down and never attended anything that involved drinking. Being around people necking back alcohol was the only way, this year I'm far more comfortable with my life choices and it doesn't bother me much anymore because I know the morning after regret is far worse than the tipple the night before! I know I say it often but playing it forward is my safety net, how will you feel tomorrow if you drink tonight.. bloody awful! Keep on going, the benefits 3 months on are superb trust me.

Morning rockingbird that’s a nice message to wake up to!
yes, the negative’s definitely outweigh the positives. You can’t see it until it’s an isolated event. Day 17 was a good learning curve, and a reinforcement, is how I’m going to see it.
i do like your reminder to pay it forward. Very true. And very cool that you can now go to drinks places. Well done you !
thank you very much for the encouragement . We’ve got this another name
and till glad you had a nice night. ‘Went dancing’ sounds all big frock and handsome prince 😀
Another Sober Saturday! Well done us!

Day 21
completely trying to numb myself with ethanol. I’d hoped a family member would be able to talk to our DD who has run away and now gone no contact, but nope. We are evil transphobes. DH and i are distraught, we thought we’d be able to chat with her, but no.
notes for me - fell asleep on the sofa, feel numb but not good numb- exhausted numb. Fuzzy headed and not functioning great. Depressed, mayb more than I would be. Can’t be bothered with decorations, or tidying and I need to, to to keep DS ( and DHs) spirits up. Not great. Haven’t got the energy to iron or tidy kitchen. Ethanol gives me a sore throat.
id hoped posting here would keep me accountable and I could just slope off and not post again, but I think it’s important to face up to what and why and go for it again.im aware I’ll have to do the whole craving thing again. - more carbs! But I think it’s important to be nice to me , ( easy to beat myself up) and say, ‘ well done! You’ve learnt that that’s not the best coping strategy. You’d be better off focusing on your side hustle,/ going for a run/ eating early/ eating a lot/
id actually.ike to hide in bed and never get up again. So, early night. Good book. Cuppa. I’ll iron and tidy first thing. it’s nice to type here and think of you guys being strong. Hope you are all doing well.
Told you not to be impressed!

I was embarrassed to post again but I’ve had ethanol every night since Thursday, so you’re doing better than me @Wantofeelgood Im sorry you’ve been through such stress - the ethanol makes it easier to numb the bad stuff and feel in a cosy place doesn’t it? I was really enjoying how I felt on my af days but I can’t deny it was more work than just letting the ethanol do its thing. So yes I succumbed too. Was just going to quietly leave this thread but you’ve been so fab to me. I don’t know what to do now… keep drinking or have another bash at it. It feels like anxiety medicine to me a lot of the time (even though I already have official medicine for that).

If you want to talk about dd here please do. I think I would probably be branded an evil transphobe by some people too but the whole situation is a lot more complex than that, isn’t it?

This time of year is always hard and emotional. I have more than one family member with mental health issues and historically Christmas time has usually resulted in admittance to a psychiatric ward for someone. Heightened emotions are more likely to lead back to old coping mechanisms. Please don’t beat yourself up (mentally) any more than I’m sure you already are doing.

Hello anothernamechange I’m so ..chuffed? Touched? To read your posts. Thank you so very much for being in the same boat.i totally agree with you, it does put you in a cozy numb place and yes, af days are better, and yes, it’s harder work than letting the ethanol work it’s magic. I have been told though it’s not great to mix anti anxiety drugs and ethanol.
im so glad you didn’t slope off with embarrassment, I nearly did too, but I think if we do that there won’t be anything holding us back. I think the other thread is 8nvaluable, it’s full of people who’ve done it all. I am embarrassed tho. I’ve been kidding myself I’m a social drinker, I’m obviously not. I was in the thread when drybird first started it. 😳
Thanks for the offer of talking. Yes its a whole lot more complex, and I think many people are blissfully unaware of the effects on families and women’s rights.
gosh it sounds like you have had some tough Christmasses. I hope this one is calmer. The pressure in the uk is ridiculous, just to sell crap.
lets both promise not to beat ourselves up. I know it doesn’t work. I’ve had a few days of silliness and already am noticing that the af days were better like you - felt a lot happier and more energetic. How about we both sayI,’well done! We’ve realised it’s tiring to be af, and now we are prepared. And we’ve reinforced how much nicer it is to be af. And we’ve gone so far, we can do it again, and we are brilliant, and we can take one day at a time and get loads of chocolate and tea in!’
how about tomorrow we give it a go again, ( too negative a phrase- we will do it) lots of cups of tea, early dinner, lots of meditation and positive self talk, over and over again in a jolly voice!
not meaning to nag, just to cheer my mind on!
im so glad you posted, thank you was feeling a bit alone.
Xxxx

And yes, ashamed and stupid. But that’s ok! That’s part of it.
gah Im so wise! I’m annoying myself!

I’ll give day 1 a go again today (yes a bit negative but it’s the best I’ve got this morning)

Know the feeling!
day 1 here too.
reminding self how crap I feel this morning, so I can read it tonight ..
no energy, low mood, stiff, indigestion .
message to self YOU DO NOT WANT THIS, it is making you feel emotionally and physically crap.
there. That.l do it 😀😀😀

Nope. Blew it again. Got too hungry, too tired, too emotional. DH left single malt lying around ffs.
took forever to cook dinner, fell asleep in front of Telly, too achey to tell ds to get ready for bed. Headache, eye strain. I could go on.
not pleased with me!
posting here to bloody well scare myself into action.
how are you another hope you did bettethan me.

Hi @Wantofeelgood . Me again. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time.

how about going back to day 1 and using a bit more scaffolding - I found Annie Grace’s podcast (free to download) which goes on for a month, really helpful.

Also quit lit was really good for me - the sober diaries etc.

If you really want to stop and you are finding it really hard, you could try a group. Loads of AA type things online as well as in person, if you think that might be your thing?

Most people hit bumps in the road. Christmas is often a big one. It would help I expect to get a plan in place in advance if possible x

five cows thank you, thank you mysterious and kind internet stranger!

hopping over to read your thread today and yes, more scaffolding is a good idea. Download ing all of the above. Friend also mentioned the recovery elevator podcast.
Thats 6 days of boozing already 😳.
ive learnt that one evening will set me off again.
DAY 1 again . Darn it, I’m so stupid. Should be day 22 of health. Ah well. Let’s make sure it doesn’t become 2 weeks of ethanol and unhealth.
no, DAY 1, PART 2, is more positive for me. The journey continues!

note to self - can hardly wake up, achey and stiff, headache, no sleep, pickled onion eyeballs, sour taste. Twinge where my kidney is. 😮NONE of this is good. I do not want to be like my acquaintance who nips out to sip vodka and thinks no one knows. It’s in her skin.
this is NOT galm or healthy. It’s ugly, ugly skin, not functioning for DS, not functioning for me - no energy to do hobbies that I love, or even keep the house vaguely tidy.
YOU WILL BENEFIT LOADS!!!!
if nothing else that’s 9 quid a pop on sour vinegary shite. So that’s what, 50 or so a week? Bloody hell! And I’m too tight to buy myself a lipstick/ haircut/ anything.
thank you for your support. Back atcha- when I’m in a position to!
good luck another

A quiet salute to me. But it was so so hard!

It is hard. But you can do hard things. 👏👏👏

Well done @Wantofeelgood

What scaffolding have you put in place to help you? You need assistance - it’s very difficult to tough it out on willpower alone, especially if DP is not that supportive/ still drinking and at this time of year.

These all help me:
Having a big stock of favourite alternative drinks (Pepsi Max, AF wine, AF Gin and tonic)
Having something planned for the evening - film, long bath with a book, trashy tv series. In the early days I used to listen to the Annie Grace podcast in the bath
Nice snacks instead of alcohol
Posting on MN. Loads of brilliant supportive advice there.

Hang in there. X

Day 2 done!
thanks to the local chippy 😀.
and you guys. I really needed to read your posts, and I really really appreciate you taking the time to post them. Very kind.
Scaffolding - Mn and your drybird thread plus a LOT of podcasts and books you have recommended so THANK you.
DH seems to have raided all the best wine at lidl 🙄luckily it’s red and even I can’t knock that back 😀I’m convincing myself it’s got slugs and dead flies floating around in it.
note to self - already enjoying not staggering out of bed and feeling exhausted and 90 hrs old, and not snoring in front of tv and ds.
SOBER SATURDAY tomorrow! Woop!
anothernamechange I hope you’re still around, please post and tell me how you’re doing, especially if you’re doing crap. I don’t know about you, but I think ,as fivecows says ,’most people hit bumps in the road’ I can tell you I’ve been concerned about the amount I drink at least since ds was 2 ( now16) and well before that. Partly it was I really struggled being a mum and was trying to recreate single life. I’m now realising DH could have helped more, and it wasn’t cos I was crap. We women have a lot to deal with!
hugs to everyone.

day 3 sober Saturday, woop!
day 4 sloshed Sunday, blagh.
just too much stress, and DH opens a bottle of proper champagne not Prosecco ffs.
hes also bought really nice reds wtf!
not proud, need more scaffolding. Looking into AA this week. Ulp!

Two years ago I could have written your posts (but I certainly didn’t rack up a 17 day streak- I think 2 days was my longest). Keep going - one day it will click.

Gosh thank you.
i needed to hear that! I REALLY hope so.

Day 2!
things that work - chipshop chips! Mindset is soooooo important. If I’m sober I have the energy to do the stuff I love. If not I’m ground down by exhaustion.
it actually, noticeably does depress you. Who knew! I mean really, not just logically.
yes to Annie grace and all the books and podcasts recommended. Yes to the other thread.
yes to the amazing support on mn 💐