Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

Thank you so much @Cloudsclouds6 and @Limeandsoda2023 . Nice to meet you @Bluegirl19.

I'm back in bed with a cup of herbal tea and mightily glad about it. So much of what you all write is just so relatable.

It was a social situation that knocked me off balance this time with a friend who unexpectedly came around with a bottle of wine...didn't know how to/couldn't say no and on a whim thought 'sod it'. She's coming around again this week so I'm going to have to get it right this time because I did not enjoy this lapse one little bit. It's like groundhog day. The start of a new month is good though. Hopefully NOvember will go better. 😂

I'm so glad I'm back here. You're all so kind.

I wanted to ask this this morning but forgot - has anybody been having strange/vivid meaningful dreams??

I had one last night and it was like a therapist was honing in on me saying - ‘well now there is nothing to mask who you really are’. You have to face that this is you and face up to your life and who you really are and deal with that. No hiding behind alcohol anymore Clouds…!’

It Was really odd but poignant I guess!

That's kind of you to say @MissSmith80. Here's to another round -if you will excuse the pun.

Sorry simultaneous posts @Thepeppapigfanclub !

also just made a herbal tea to take to bed! How exciting we are lol! But I actually love it 🤭

Honestly, this is much better @Cloudsclouds6. That's a very telling dream...wise words!

Evening all. Yes to spending more time on ourselves/taking care of ourselves. This is something I used to struggle really badly with. It does feel like an energy issue, I just can’t muster the energy to do the basic self care. Although this has got better in recent months I still don’t do enough.

Since I tried to cut back on my drinking I’ve been taking my vitamins every day, drinking lots of water, trying hard to eat better, exercise more etc. but that can all feel so draining. Relentless. And if I don’t do it, the feeling of guilt starts to creep in because I know I’m neglecting the basics.

I’m still ploughing through Alcohol Explained. I’m on the section about AA. I didn’t realise so much was about God. For me it’s quite off putting. Plus the part where you have to repent… not sure how I feel about that either. All interesting reading though and thought provoking.

Thanks for your support 🙏

I'm going to suggest we all do more for ourselves. My mother has really knocked me, but instead of letting it bring me down and I'm going to use it to give myself the love she is unable to give.

I have created a room for myself today (i know its a privilege to be able to do that). It was a dumping ground and I've set up a dressing table, a rail for my capsule wardrobe (i'm going to try get some style back in my life) and a place to do some gentle weights and yoga.

This week I promise to feed myself good food, go on some waterside walks and maybe just maybe go treat myself to a beauty treatment ( i never fo that).

It's time to ramp up the self care x 10. I hope you can get on board with this as we deserve it.

I missed about 8 posts typing that 🤣
I haven’t had many very vivid dreams. I think that’s because I am in a bit of a coma as soon as my face hits that pillow. Self-sedation and all that.

@Yocal the self care thing is so important isn’t it? Need to do more of this.

@MamaGhina the God thing is the big reason why I haven’t explored that route.

Aaah @Thepeppapigfanclub its like having our family back together. So pleased to see you.

Too many posts to catch up on! Well back @Thepeppapigfanclub it’s awesome to see you back.

Matthew Perry’s death knocked me too - a really sad loss and, bizarrely because he is a complete stranger, a wish that you could have just spoken to him and made him understand it would be okay.

@Yocal a space of your own is a great thing. I have a small workout room at home that is just beautiful, and I can shut the door and the rest of the world out for a little bit.

The self care thing I think is literally that room - whatever that might mean to one person. It could be baths, workouts, skin care or books, jigsaws or listening to audiobooks (I recommend Agatha Christie for total non-stress good listening). I’m still seeking the holy grail but all of those things are helpful. Even if you can only grab 20 minutes.

@BoilingHotand50something and @TimesaChangeling So good to 'see' you!

@Thepeppapigfanclub so so so glad you're back!!! Slips are, unfortunately, part of the journey. You've come back from this knock really quickly if you think about it!

@Bluegirl19 welcome to the thread. You have a lot of AF years behind you and probably have a lot of valuable wisdom to share! We're here for you on your journey. I had a quite senior role although not as senior as principal of a large school and I had to take a massive step back/step down for my mental health. It has helped dramatically, but I was still drinking! I had a bad/upsetting day at work yesterday, so that can still happen even in a lesser role ☹. I had nothing I wanted to turn to apart from alcohol. And my husband. So had to try and sit with or change my thoughts instead, which was a lot harder than having wine. Need to find something fun/unwinding for me as a replacement!!

The news about Matthew Perry hit me hard as well, guys. As well as, obviously, having a lovable role and seeming like he could be anyone's friend; just knowing the self-loathing and the addiction struggles he had is so hard. He clearly tried his absolute best to get clean and he couldn't manage it. Even with all the help and money in the world. It's a stark reminder, and if he was our friend, we would have moved heaven and earth to help him, but it was only him who could help himself.

We have to do it for ourselves. Be our own friend.

@MamaGhina have you read Holly Whitaker's Quit Like a Woman? I really rate that book highly. She talks about AA and the chapter really resonated with me as I have attended AA in the past but did not get on with it and was subjected to the idea that i was a failure because I did not buy into it unreservedly. She discusses the God thing but also (and this was key for me) that AA was designed for men by men. She points out that the AA focus on repentance and breaking your ego down might not really be the right approach for women- because women with alcohol problems rarely have them due to an outsized ego. But because our sense of self worth has been so battered and damaged and traumatised over decades that we really need building up, not breaking down. Every single word felt true to me.

May I join you please?
I’ve been up since the early hours reading the previous thread and love how supportive you all are.
It’s Day One for me today.
I’m older than most of you on here. I’m a grandma and hate the way I am abusing my body when I have two beautiful grandchildren to consider.
I live alone and drink regularly. I am feeling the effects and know my work is suffering as well as my health.
I’m dreading the long, dark evenings.

I am new too @Itsnotallalark , it is great to find a supportive community you can access anytime.

In recent times, I have fantasised about living alone so that I could drink whenever I wanted, to my shame!
Hopefully, we will get through this an hour/ day at a time.

@Itsnotallalark welcome. I'm another in my 60s. No grandchildren yet, but grown up children, one married. My health was my wake up call.

That’s the thing @Bluegirl19 , I don’t even need to hide the evidence.
But at least I don’t feel so alone starting this journey and have a tiny spark of hope. Thank you for responding.

Same here @SpringNotSprung . I’ve taken good health for granted but I know it won’t last if I keep up the abuse of my body for much longer. Thank you for the welcome.

I hide evidence from myself as well. I neck a bottle of white wine in minutes, then dispose of the evidence, even when I am alone. I never look on alcohol as something to be enjoyed, its just purely for the numbing sensation! I know it is crazy but that is the madness of addiction.
Between work and alcohol , my world has become extremely narrow. I feel like I need to invest in my life or there will be nothing left. I am 52 and will retire early if I can , but if I don't invest in my life and myself , there will be no retirement to enjoy new experiences. That is the sad reality! I am afraid of the future and afraid of myself!

Newbie here. I haven't had a drink for 18 days now. Even met with friends last night & stuck to soft drinks. I drove there & knew I would need the car today so wouldn't be able to leave it if I had a drink.
I stopped for several reasons. Menopause symptoms have been bad & I am now on hrt & prozac (the anxiety was brutal) Hopefully it's settling down now. I had also got into the habit of drinking a bottle if wine several nights a week. I am also fed up of being known as a 'drinker', which I was to be fair. Not saying i'm never drinking again but my habits definitely need a reset at the very least.

OH CRAP I just typed out a lovely long message, replying individually to you all, welcoming the newbies, hailing us thread 1 graduates AND MY STUPID FAT FINGER BASHED SOMETHING AND LOST IT ALL.

I'm sure in my bad old days that would have fed into my justification for cracking open the vino. But no! Today I laugh and carry on.

Thank you @MamaGhina for setting up the new thread, much appreciated.

Hello @Bluegirl19 , @Itsnotallalark , @VittysCardigan , anyone else I've missed. One of the best threads on mumsnet this, you're very welcome.

@Thepeppapigfanclub yeay, we are so glad you are back. Well done for coming back, I've buggered off loads of threads over the years after diving off the sober bus. No judgement here, we've all turned to the evil wine witch during crappy times, it's so hard. More ammunition for our sobriety. Lovely to hear from you and welcome back.

Any lurkers out there or people who've dropped off other threads, we're always happy to hear from you. I think we all expect far too much from ourselves. This won't get solved overnight. It is like learning a new language.

I agree the death of Matthew Perry is quite a loss for the addiction & sobriety community, as well as his many fans.

@Yocal sorry about your Mum, well done for not caving. Your new room and self-care plan sounds great.

@Cloudsclouds6 yes to vivid dreams etc. Quite unsettling sometimes. Very normal to have these I've read, something to do with REM sleep adjusting?

I can't remember who it was who talked about having a senior role and being very functional but I really identify with that too. I am an exceedingly functional human being, I don't drop a ball but then was shoving a bottle of wine down my face most nights so ... maybe I need less function in my life and more FUN.

45 out of 48 days sober. My spectacular cock-up last week thankfully hasn't derailed my sober bus (but it might have done in the past.) Grateful for that. I've also cut back on podcasts now because I don't want to hear about alcohol all day. I've been enjoying music instead and have a nice 15 min AF podcast I can do on the school run home which should be sufficient. I don;t want to drink now which is good but I know the change in season will probably trigger a few people with the dark evenings and that move from summer to winter drinks. Let's be prepared x

Quick welcome to our newbies @Itsnotallalark and @VittysCardigan, it’s lovely to have more people to chat with.

Thanks for the recommendation @NewLifeHappyLife. I will investigate 👀

Will post properly later, after trick or treating like the devil possessed. My kids never know when to stop and I am running behind them shouting “say thank you” like the crazy lady…. Sigh. Wish me luck.

Look out for me tonight

Oh yes, with you there @MamaGhina
But my time will come, when she's tucked into bed and I eat some of the treat-size chocolate yum yum.