Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

Welcome to all the newcomers.
I'm likely to have "she gardened and tried to please her mother" on my epitaph so I love hearing about the planting.

Just a big pot would do to make it symbolic for those without a garden or a bowl of hyacinths, grown indoors.

That sounds tough @Bluegirl19. I can empathise because DH has no idea that very occasionally, when I'm very stressed, I self medicate with a cigarette. I've no intention of him finding out although it would be nice not to have a dirty little secret.

Working from home today because dd and I are going to the theatre tonight. She booked it early in the summer and has reminded me that she booked the lounge and champagne with the tickets. Now that's a bummer!

The bike rack was pretty empty yesterday 😆 growing up I was described as stubborn but I could never see it. It’s only as I’ve aged that I’ve seen there may be some truth in it. Thankfully the weather here has calmed down this morning.

Friday is always hard for me, I used to signal the end of the working week and the start of the weekend with white wine. I’m out tonight as well. I decided at the start of this that I would try and continue doing everything I always did so I haven’t cancelled plans. Hopefully I will be able to resist. I have a big weekend and I keep reminding myself of the sleep benefits, which for me have made a real difference to the way I’m feeling. Plus the hangovers were getting worse and worse so I could do without that too.

Good luck everyone and keep posting if it helps.

Im out today for a pub lunch with my extended family.
I'm not sure I have the strength to resist.

I'm still drinking (almost) daily, varying amounts but trying to cut down.
Been advised not to stop completely, just cut down until I've seen the alcohol support worker and made a plan.
However in my mind there is a battle raging between cutting back and drinking as much as possible between now and the appointment.
The cravings/shakes/headaches/anxiety aren't nice.

I wake up full of good intentions and then slip up, im really not sure a pub outing is a good idea.
What would you do in my shoes?

Tough one @smegley . As you've been advised not to stop totally could you tell yourself you will have a max of 2 drinks and then switch to soft? If you are likely going to drink at some point today anyway I would say it might as well be at the pub lunch. But only you know whether that would work for you. It probably wouldn't for me as once I have the first drink that's it

I'm very much all or nothing.
I think I might have to make an excuse and stay home

Hi @smegley i saw your other thread so I hope it is alright to cross refer to a couple of things you said?

You mentioned a bottle and a half every night but you also mentioned 50 units per week - the two don’t seem the same to me (I would think that would be more like 100 units per week). If that is right and you have the shakes and the alcohol service have told you not to stop completely but to try to cut down then you should of course listen to them. Maybe one way to do this stretch between now and 16th is not to go to the pub - because that will be a day long bender - and instead trying to start as late as possible in the day and spacing out your drinks?

Perhaps you could try to work on your mindset as much as possible between now and then - there are tons of different styles of quit lit out there - explaining alcohol and you scientifically / scaring the bejeesus out of you / positive / motivational and perhaps that can help you feel like you are doing something actively for you before you get to the alcohol service appointment? It really worked for me, I spent two months reading all of it before I finally managed to crack more than 3 days AF in a row. Now up to 75 (touch wood!!)

I wish you luck today however it goes.

I'd avoid going, but that is my introverted avoidance response to most things 😂. It's not necessarily the right thing to do.

Are you a drinker who can't stop at 1? Most aren't to be fair. If we could all just stop at one or two we wouldn't have a problem with alcohol 🤔

Given the advice from your worker then perhaps still go out, but alternate your drinks. Focus on drinking lots of the table water! That wont do any harm. You don't even need to announce anything to the people there, that only leaves an open goal for them to encourage you to drink. That's the worst bit of going out with drinkers, they don't encourage sobriety in my experience. The best tact is to just pretend you're drinking!

Morning all, lots of messages to catch up on here for me.

Welcome @PleaseBePacific, @Tellmeliestellmesweetlittlelies , and @smegley , pleased you have jumped on board :-)

Oh my goodness @MamaGhina now I have to worry about you cycling in terrible weather as well! Fair play to you it must be a great way of keeping fit and beating the traffic, but I can imagine very scary as well in these dark winter months. Maybe you can have a back-up plan on these stormy days.

How you feeling @Thepeppapigfanclub ?

I'm not sure what I'd do in your shoes @Bluegirl19 but you might find it helpful reaching out for real life support rather than quietly soldiering on and trying to do this alone? I guess with us problem drinkers, relapses are quite common even after years, so it isn't anything to be ashamed of. I'm so impressed that you did 16 years, just think how good that was for your body and mind - wow! Is there any way you can get yourself back to that zone, where it was feeling so good? Or were you "white knuckling" it for a lot of the time, begrudgingly not drinking? Sorry for all the questions and well done on 8 days.

Enjoy the theatre tonight @SpringNotSprung .

Well done on Day 20 @VittysCardigan . I'd love to be able to crochet!

60 days is fantastic @BoilingHotand50something , tell us some of the benefits you're starting to see!

I've visited several countries where drinking is not cultural @Yocal , however they are blessed with far finer weather than us here in the UK!! So they do have a more outdoors vibe, a lot of eating meals together every evening (no alcohol but lots of lovely fresh fruit juices). They do cater for tourists and alcohol is easily found - nor did it seem unacceptable to drink (but not get legless). I agree, it would be so interesting to see how this could work in the UK and take alcohol out of socialising. I'm gobsmacked it's still such a prevalent part of work culture; big corporate companies just letting their staff get pissed up (paying for all the booze!). I think this is where we may see quite a change in future, where it doesn't become acceptable to drink socially with colleagues because of wellbeing/harrassment/discrimination/reputational risk/health & safety issues etc. Could be a total HR headache I'd imagine!

I am going out tonight to see a band. I'd like to say I won't be drinking but I really don't think I'm there. I don't actually want to drink at the venue, I'd like to be able to remember seeing them and enjoy the hotel afterwards, but I would enjoy a drink with a meal. But, we all know where that ends, don't we. It's so hard. I've really let Christmas creep into my brain as well and am already promising myself a Dry January, maybe even 100 days to enter the new year. Bargaining with myself. Rather than taking it one day at a time and enjoying the benefits of being AF. I had a real craving for drinking for a few minutes last night, it was the strongest it's been since September but it whimpered away quickly thankfully and I just realised I was thirsty and frazzled.

Wishing you all a good weekend x

Well done on 75 days @TimesaChangeling , fantastic!

@smegley , are you planning on drinking today? (That's whether you stay out or go home?)
I'm not sure what I would do, it's a tough decision. I'm not a day drinking fan, esp with kids there, it can get dangerously messy and makes me very tired in the evening. You could go, as a "farewell" to alcohol. You could go and observe other people, watch how drunk other people get and actually, how some people don't drink anywhere near the amount that you assume they do.

If it feels too much I'd dodge it. Go for a walk, listen to some podcasts or read some quit lit. Try a meditation, there's loads free on youtube. Have an early night, do some things to care for yourself. Wishing you all the best today x

Afternoon all. I ignored the cravings and am now at 3 weeks!! Not sure i've been this long without a drink since i was pregnant. Sending positive, dry vibes to you all.

How are we all as Witching hour approaches?

@Steppered my main benefit at 60 days seems to be getting up in the morning! I al typically awake at 5.30/5.45 and I was in the shower today at 6am. Rewind 2 and a half months and I was dragging myself out of bed at the very last minute and not always showering first thing if I was working from home! I also think my skin looks better. Still struggling with my energy levels though.

Evening all! Just checking in! I hope you're all well!

That's great news @VittysCardigan. Keep going - one more week and you're at a month!

How did it go @smegley?

I hope you have a great time tonight at the theatre @SpringNotSprung. Turning down champagne? Sounds horrific - I'm definitely not there yet. At least the interval will be brief? Have a great time because you deserve it.

Thank you for asking @Steppered. Last night was the best night's sleep I've had from the very original post I posted. Weirdly - I've seen more 'improvement' in how I look and feel after 'the downfall' than the long stint I did. Maybe it's all in the mind. How are you?

It's a take-away and film tonight ready for some planting tomorrow. I always find Friday night the hardest but what can you do?

I think expecting the craving to drink to vanish after a week/month or so when it's what I've done for my whole adult life might be expecting a bit too much. It's not just about the drink is it? I really feel like I've lost myself - not just because of the drink. Becoming a parent changed everything too - and it's only now he is older I feel like I'm coming up for air.

I'm planning on 'getting myself back' (vomit at that phrase) bit by bit.

@MamaGhina Can you use the booze money on ubers? 😂

Sorry that was long. How are you all doing?

Jinx on the time of the post @BoilingHotand50something 😂

Great minds @Thepeppapigfanclub

I also feel like I need to find myself, as cringe as it is! Everyone (socially) thinks I am this outgoing wino. I want to embrace being an introvert and acknowledge I am a home body. But also I was remembering a top the other day that I used to wear sometimes. It used to make me feel fantastic. I have been wearing drab black sack clothes for years but I want to feel fantastic again!

PS I never looked fantastic but I felt it!

I am hearing you @BoilingHotand50something. There has to be something more than just counting days and just being grateful that you don't feel like shit at work...

Hi everyone and welcome to the newcomers - everyone is doing so well!

week 9 for me. One major thing I wanted to share is that I had a major pain in an area of my body - totally unexplained and after tests, nothing to report. Funny that at week 3-4 of AF the pain went and I’m still pain free at week 9 (as it would come and go and I’ve had it for a while now). I seriously thought there was a major health issue. But the issue was just drinking :(

This is definitely worth it!!!!!

@Cloudsclouds6 well done on 9 weeks!

@Thepeppapigfanclub

It went disastrously.
Currently trying to sober up.

Why does alcohol have such power over me :(
I never learn.

@smegley alcohol’s job is to have power over you. Don’t beat yourself up. Try and have a good sleep and tomorrow is another day.

Was on the road all day, driving for 6 hours. It was a great chance to listen to womens' stories of giving up alcohol.
I have been reflecting back a lot on my 16 years of sobriety and I don't think I was white knuckling it completely but I never tackled my attitude to work/ stress / balance. I think that is why I relapsed.... I replaced alcohol with work and then when the pressure and stress got too much I fell back into the arms of my old 'safety release valve'.
Anyway, I am safely in bed. I briefly toyed with purchasing a bottle of white wine and necking it a couple of 100 yards from home but fought the temptation by acknowledging it.
Wishing everyone a good night and the best of luck for another day free of the guilt and inner turmoil that comes with drinking, especially secret, sneaky drinking!

@smegley drink plenty of water and try avoid the hangover. No point feeling guilty, just start fresh tomorrow and do some self care. I'm all for upping the self care. Filling that self care cup so full there is no room for alcohol.

@Steppered yes to all your observations. I'm pretty sure alcohol is going to be the next smoking in terms of social shifts.

I have really wanted a pink gin and tonic, but I know what is causing it and I'm just ignoring the urge. It would be so easy to cave and if it wasn't for this thread I probably would. I just really want to see how much my life changes by Spring 2024.

I sorted out my new clothes rail today. Got myself a load of candles to cosy up the living room. Got some fresh flowers and a new vase.

As soon as I've lost 10kg I'm going to buy myself a new small capsule wardrobe to hang on that rail! I'm going to go all out and try a more put together style fitting for my age.

*I'm not bragging, I'm just trying to keep my focus on getting and doing better.

Checking in for day 2. No cravings today. Lots of cups of tea and trying to catch up with the washing!

@Yocal have you tried the AF gordons pink gin? Or would you find that as a trigger? I tried it last time I was AF and it wasnt too bad!

I've not bought the AF pink gin, because the reviews were terrible online. Somebody on here recommended fresh herbs like thyme and rosemary, which sounds good. I've been hammering the Schwepps elderflower tonic. I'm on a diet to boot 🙄, so it's a good low cal option.

I'm triggered as hell with drinking at mo (after proclaiming only last week I was done and cured 😂). I know it's my mother relationship, she has been upping her antics. I need to go no contact, I needed to go no contact 25 years ago, but it's just a step I'm scared to take, so therefore I'm in this state of acute stress - and all I want is a stiff pink gin. I need to manage the problem, not treat the stress with gin.

I should go to therapy tbf. 🤔

Morning all. For anyone who might have been bewitched last night, put it behind you and move on. Just a blip. Today is a new day!

Any plans for today?

My plans are to plant some bulbs, do some self care, mum taxi around town and steak dinner!