The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

Sorry to hear you’re struggling @REP22 . Hang in there.

Ive just read “There is no wall” by Allie Bailey, who ran extreme ultramarathons whilst having a serious drink problem. It’s not in my top 10 of quit lits, but it’s very interesting on the wider issues - that you can get sober and run ultramarathons and still not have healthy coping strategies. I am still way too hung up on measurable targets.

I’m sorry you’re struggling, @REP22 . It’s two steps forward, one step back sometimes.

I’m finding setting firm mental boundaries is helping me at the moment, although I appreciate that won’t help everyone.

DH had an open, almost full bottle of my wine of choice in the kitchen for several days, and on the first day I found it distracted me a lot.

I designated it as Not Mine in the way the kids’ Easter eggs are Not Mine even when I’m desperate for chocolate.

Mentally taking it out of the realm of possibilities, so to speak, helped a lot. I didn’t give it anymore headspace.

Wishing strength and courage to us all xx

Well don't @livingalivelife about the presentation that's brilliant news.

Hi @REP22 I've been wondering about checking in rhe last couple of days. Sorry things are tough. Hope there are lighter days ahead. Thank you for the recommendation I downloaded and can see its going to be a good one for me already as a (previous) indie kid she sounds like my generation. Not that I was hanging out with celebrities!

Wow @WendyWagon with the weight loss. I would love to lose some but for the moment I am just focused on keeping not drinking! The tummy will hopefully be next!

@REP22 sorry things are tough at the moment.
I'm finding evenings really boring. I'm pretty sure they've been boring for a long time but it's much easier not to notice when you're drunk I guess.
We have young kids and no help so DH and I don't really get to go out of an evening. It's like groundhog day. Kids go to bed, time to sit on the sofa and watch crap on the telly till bed. I'm actually finding it quite depressing.
The days are 100% better without a hangover but evenings, the jury is out for me at the moment (although I'm not planning to go back to drink)
I'm toying with the idea of doing a distance learning A level course. I didn't do a levels at school (left at 16) so I'm not sure I'm up to it but it feels like it would give me a "purpose" of an evening. Is that mad?

Morning all.
That doesn’t sound mad at all @Itsrainingten - go for it.

One of my favourite quotes from William Porter’s Alcohol Explained is “Alcohol doesn’t make boring things interesting. It makes your brain stupid.” Harsh but fair!

Morning all

@Itsrainingten i think that's a great idea. maybe you have got so used to losing the evenings to alcohol that you've lost the creative side of you that wants to do new things? Once i've got past the early evening booze craving, I love getting back at least 3 hours of the day - I sew, practice music, do a bit of work, and actually relate to people. But i get it - it's a big change. I relate to the situation with little children too. For years I would put them to bed then open the fridge. Mine are teenagers and this is a motivator not to drink actually - they are up and about and see! Not cool to have a slightly pissed mother every evening.

Last night was very hard for a moment - the usual - tough day, lots going on, DH opens a bottle of wine. I was whiteknuckling for half an hour, but it passed, and an hour later i was ok, and very very happy i hadn't succumbed.

@REP22 we are here for you. Hope you are doing OK

@Onewildandpreciouslife i took a look at the free sample of 'there is no wall' - it looks a bit different from the usual soberlit and quite a ride ... will give it a go, thanks.

@WendyWagon I agree alcohol is self-harm. i find this helpful. it's a maladaptive coping strategy i'm not going to abuse myself with anymore.

Thank you so much for all your encouragement; I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Back-to-back complicated meetings today and the little devil on the shoulder was going "you deserve a little vod..... after all this". So I took the dog for a brisk walk instead.

Sorry to be brief, will catch up properly soon but just wanted to say thank you for sticking by me. It means so much as I don't really have anyone I can talk to IRL about it. You are my tribe and my strength. You give me hope.

I might have to re-read "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" again. That one really spoke to me, along with Clare Pooley's Sober Diaries. As an aside, I can heartily recommend CP's fiction books, The Authenticity Project and, particularly, The People on Platform 5. Good page-turners to occupy an evening. I hate evenings.

With love. xx

Apologies for absence - my back went again after a couple of days in the studio. I was thinking this morning that I have no idea how I found time to drink. Not just the time spent drinking, but obviously the hangovers, the time spent wishing that I could moderate, the time spent clock watching waiting for wine o’clock. My evenings are peaceful - a bit of telly, and some time practising guitar. I’d love to squeeze in some reading too (rock and roll 😂). In the early weeks and months I got a lot of knitting done.

Have you read Sunshine Warm Sober by Catharine Gray @REP22 ? It’s her follow up book on longer term sobriety and I found it really helpful

Morning all.
Big company meeting yesterday, all well minus one team member who is aggressive and wants a bigger job (my job).
Lots of offers at Waitrose on AF gin and seedlip etc.

I tend to read in the evenings or watch old detective shows, Morse, Lewis etc.
I'm an early bed person and my DC are adults. I'm out by 10pm most nights.
I also write a lot for business forums so I get that down in the rough and sleep on it. I sew if my hands allow.

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife, I have got that one. I think I will re-read it! It will be helpful I'm certain.

Sorry to hear about work @WendyWagon - where do they find these malevolent types?! Hope today is better.

Strength and love to all.

Best wishes,

Ruth

@REP22 I know what you mean. I've not got anyone to talk to in real life about this. Thank goodness for here.

I think there is so much shame and stigma around it. The last time I managed nearly 2 years with no booze I folded as I couldn't face telling colleagues I didn't drink. 4 years on and I hope that's my lesson learnt.

Today is a harder day. I'm not going to drink but... the call is there. There have been a few phrases that have really helped me not drink this time. 'I can have alcohol or everything else' and 'You can only numb all emotion'. I've been feeling so anxious the past few days, going to bed late just a bag of nerves. But this is just the latest big emotion, for the first few weeks it was despair. Hopefully there will be some more moments of happiness in there coming up.

Hope you all have peaceful Bank Holiday weekends. X

Don’t let the aggressive team member under your skin @WendyWagon , if they were suitable and were there before you then they’d be doing that job already. The fact that the job went to you speaks for itself.

Hang in there @REP22 @Womanshour and anyone who’s struggling with a Thursday night that feels uncannily like a Friday night. I am on the sofa with a mug of tea. It’s been pouring down for most of today, I’m so happy to be inside.

when is your marathon @Onewildandpreciouslife ?

Sadly lads I think I will lose this new job.
I'm not a difficult person at all but men hate me.
I've just received a horrible email and it looks like six weeks in my suitability is being questioned by the owner. The guy that argued with me yesterday is an ex addict who leaves the room every half hour. Being kind I thought IBS.
I don't have any drink in so I won't fall off the wagon but I'm sick of being used and spat out. I have a lovely DH but I'm the workplace once they have my contact list I get fired.
Another holiday ruined.

I'm so sorry @WendyWagon. I wish I had some wise words but that sounds awful. Hope you are OK x

I am so sorry Wendy. Do you have any allies within the company? The whole sector sounds brutal.

Morning all.
I survived the night with no running to the shops or searching for grape relief.
In my industry I am one of the oldest female executives. The owners twenty plus years younger than me.
I have been written to in capitals, red ink and now bullet points.
I find it bloody rude. I did sleep so that's something.
I am making a commitment to myself, one year, nine months, I'm retiring. I might get my green ink out! 😄

I am so sorry @WendyWagon. You're an amazing and intelligent woman. I am so sorry that your working life is littered with an endless carnival of shysters. It's not fair. Better things lie ahead for you, I am certain, and all these idiots will be left with are the tatters of their pathetic and craven tactics.

Thank you again to you for your support my friends. I am keeping myself on this idle day. I have cleaned the bathroom sink and got the Dyson out. My dad gave me the Dyson when he upgraded to a new one and I confess to you now that I haven't touched it since I got it home and plugged it in. My dad died in 2017. 😳

I have used it on the bedroom ceiling, much to the dog's chagrin, but it felt good. Some of those cobwebs have been my drinking companions for years in times past. Onwards and upwards. I have reassured the dog that I do not love the Dyson more than him. But he has just tried to shove me off the sofa during "Escape to the Country", so I'm not sure he's convinced.

Strength and love to you. xx

@WendyWagon I'm so sorry to hear about your job. What a bunch of arseholes they sound.
Well done for not cracking under that pressure

Good morning all.
I've woken up feeling a bit better.
Came down to washing up done and laundry put away.
What will be will be on the job front.
My industry pretends to be civil, it isn't.
I still have the option of my own brand with backers ready.
I have a couple of new books and a quiet house for a bit. Hoorah.
I also have apricot juice and I really like that.
My ex toxic boss has left my former company, illegal shinenigans there so I'll never see a penny but at least he can stop writing letters like a teenager.

Joy of no phone calls. Have a lovely day all.

I admire your zen calmness Wendy. Enjoy your day.
I am going to brew some coffee and then sit at a sunny window and do some knitting. Maybe listen to a podcast or two. Happy Easter weekend all

Sorry they are being such swines, @WendyWagon .

I managed a couple of minor milestones - situations that always involved wine in the past that I kept alcohol-free, so that’s a positive for me. I am feeling it, though.

Good morning. I hope everyone is having relaxing Easter weekends.
@REP22 and @livingalivelife hope you're both OK.

I'm day 28 today. The times I've failed to get to day 2 I'm so relieved I am adding more sober days. I'm proud of nearly a month.

My husband who also has a difficult relationship with booze has drunk very heavily all weekend following some (very) bad news. It has made me feel uneasy and guilty tbh that I'm sure I've made my children unsettled with my drinking.

I'm finding the unexpected joy of being sober amazing and also so painful to see the things I did as well. I think this time I've accepted that I have a big problem with alcohol. Last time I gave up for a long time I think I convinced myself I wasn't too bad.

Anyway... one day at a time... a family party today which I would have drunk at previously x

Morning all, Happy Easter.

I had to order a shop due to the mobility issues but hoorah for technology.

@Womanshour I used to cringe thinking about what I put my teenagers through. Now adults I discuss it with them if they remind me. I'm not proud of my behaviour but I was caring for my dad and I couldn't cope. We can't change the past but we can choose a new future.
And well done on 28 days.

Thank you @WendyWagon x