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Alcohol support

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The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

968 replies

Blackberryblossom · 02/10/2023 08:34

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a Brew and come on in!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 18:02

Happy Easter one and all.

I'm on Metronidazole for a wisdom tooth infection (horrible antibiotic and the one you can't drink alcohol with at all and for 48 hours after finishing, not that I'm tempted at all but I do recall asking for a different AB back when I had a prior infection and I was still drinking. No way I could do 7 days sober to finish a course of AB!)

I'm booked in for removal (well I'm on the waiting list at dental hospital) as I've had an infection often enough to warrant it.

So yeah I'm not bothered about drinking but I'm not a happy bunny.... see what I did there?

Onwards and upwards though.

Blackberryblossom · 31/03/2024 21:56

Congratulations @HappyAsAGrig and @Womanshour on your respective milestones!
I had some sparkling tea today with lunch - it was lovely. Funny how I don't miss alcohol at all at Easter even though it's such a long holiday weekend.

Edit - I missed the new page with your post @Crunchymum . Sorry to hear about the tooth. I hope you feel better soon.

OP posts:
WendyWagon · 01/04/2024 09:44

Morning all.
Someone pinched the peach juice so I was on the milk. I even had a decaf latte.

Just had a marvellous sleep. I'm trying my airfyer today. I finally got one after the DH grumped we don't need it. Hopefully
a boon.
Love to all. Keep going.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 01/04/2024 11:03

Morning all.
Sorry to hear about your tooth @Crunchymum - hope you get it sorted soon. The panic I used to feel about taking antibiotics in case I couldn’t drink! Shocking now.

You sound like you’re rising above the latest shenanigans wonderfully @WendyWagon - onwards, my friend.

@Blackberryblossom the marathon is 2 weeks away- I’m doing the Manchester one. My “wave” has a lovely supportive WhatsApp group, but every so often there is a little run of people posting photos of their weekend drinks. I never thought training for a marathon would be triggering 🤣

Itsrainingten · 02/04/2024 07:57

Hi everyone I'm interested to hear people's thoughts on alcohol free alternatives. I love them and find them really useful. They make me feel like I "blend in" so I don't feel like an outcast when I'm out with mates and they make me feel like I have a "special" drink still. Something grown up. I love AF beer, Guinness, and even a couple of the AF sparkling wines. Also gin. But I know some people think a clean break from anything alcohol related is better. Just wondering on others experiences really. Thanks
Hope everyone had a nice Easter break.

REP22 · 02/04/2024 09:49

Morning all. Up at at 'em today in a sober frame of mind. New financial year, new start. Back to Slimming World this evening as well.

Sending you all strength and love. @WendyWagon I am very much a fan of the air fryer - you can do lovely jacket potatoes in them. xx

ShyMaryEllen · 02/04/2024 13:28

Hi.
I'm a first timer on this thread, although I have posted on others about alcohol. I decided to post on this thread today, as I've just come back from the hospital, and thought that sharing my experience might be of use to others 'on the wagon'.

I was diagnosed with cirrhosis nearly 7 years ago, and gave up drinking immediately. I have had regular appointments with consultants, liver nurses and GPs since, with LFTs, ultrasounds and endoscopies (to check for varices). All of that is good, particularly as it was free and I brought it on myself, but at no point did anyone tell me anything concrete, such as if my disease was improving, progressing or stable. I've struggled to get travel insurance and been anxious about the future, as cirrhosis is progressive and ultimately fatal. As I already have health anxiety I've had some bleak moments. Anyway, after the first couple of weeks, I didn't find giving up drinking too difficult. I carried on going to bars and kept the same friends, but stuck to soft drinks. I did leave a stressful job, which made it all easier, as a lot of the time I was drinking with colleagues after work. I set up routines to change the habit of drinking in the evenings, switching to AF wine, pouring it into a wine glass, making going to bed sober as pleasant as possible, to get me used to not being sloshed when I fell into bed.

I've always felt really ashamed of having cirrhosis. I haven't told anyone except my husband, and even then only after a while. I struggled to say the word, and talked vaguely about liver disease. I hate having to declare it when I went to the dentist and so on - even the podiatrist has a list of conditions that you have to declare, and whilst I understand that they need to know in case of bleeding etc, it's humiliating, as so many people look down on those with 'self-inflicted' diseases.

Anyway, I went for a check-up appointment this morning, and insisted on a fibroscan. The liver nurse said they aren't routine in this area, and that they only work on 'compensated' and 'decompensated' diagnoses - in other words whether the liver is working or struggling - and mine was compensated, but could become decompensated, which usually happens after 10 years or so. This wasn't good news, as I am 7 years in! She also said that the difference between fibrosis and cirrhosis is technical, as both are liver disease, and having a 'score' wouldn't change the reality. I pushed, and said that it would help my anxiety to have a baseline, and if I had another one in a year or two I would be able to see any progress, and also that whilst it might be a technicality to her, it's not to an insurance company. She agreed, and I had it done there and then.

Drumroll. . . . I no longer have cirrhosis (or it wasn't there in the first place) but fatty liver/fibrosis!!! There are four possible scores, with 4 at the top and 1 at the bottom, and mine was a low 3. If I am strict with my diet and get more exercise (I'm not great with either) there is a good chance that I could get it to a 2. I am both surprised and delighted by this news, as I'm sure you can imagine.

I'm posting partly as I can't text everyone I know with the news and I want to share it, but also to encourage anyone who is struggling to abstain, and to suggest that if you have been told you have problems you need to get a fibroscan, not just an ultrasound. The woman who did the fibroscan said that moderation won't reduce the numbers - you have to give the liver a total break from alcohol, so please bear that in mind, too.

I'll happily answer any questions if people are interested, but the main thing is to remember that where there's life there's hope and not to be discouraged even if the news is bad.

WendyWagon · 02/04/2024 14:07

@ShyMaryEllen wow and well done.

I know my liver took six weeks abstinence to get back to normal levels. I was seriously impressed as it was a requirement of my planned organ donation for a family member.
I do think there is so much shame tied up with female alcohol dependancy.
Even the phone in on Storm Huntly attracted only men commentators. I'd left my phone downstairs otherwise I would have phoned in.

Womanshour · 02/04/2024 21:10

@ShyMaryEllen wow. That's so inspirational thank you for sharing, both how long you've been sober for and the impact on your liver. Congratulations!

Did you have any symptoms 7 years ago or was it a random check? I'm early in, 30 days alcohol free today. X

ShyMaryEllen · 02/04/2024 21:42

I had a lot of symptoms, with hindsight, but I told myself they were from other things.

The main one was probably that I had no appetite. I would take a few bites from a meal and be unable to eat the rest. I lost weight on my arms and legs, but always had a fat tummy. It wasn't from fluid, but that's where weight is stored when it's mostly from sugar (ie wine). I really struggled with sleep, and that took ages to get back to normal. I was used to going to bed after a 'nightcap' - after being out drinking I would stay up late with a bottle of wine 'to help me sleep', but of course drunken sleep isn't restful. Towards the end I was getting nosebleeds and bleeding gums. I told myself it wasn't my liver, but I think I knew it was. I had intermittent diarrhoea and my wee smelt strong.

I don't know if I had a fluey cold or if it was withdrawal, but after a really embarrassing incident I decided to stop drinking, and felt terrible. My long-suffering husband said I should be honest with the doctor, and I was so ashamed of myself that I agreed, and he took it from there. The first step was bloods, which were way out of range, and then an ultrasound, which showed damage. From there I was referred to a gastrologist and I've had check-ups ever since, as I said. An ultrasound only shows that there is damage, but not the extent of it. It would have been better if I'd had a fibroscan in the first place, so I would know how much things have improved. It doesn't really matter though - the fact remains that today brought good news, and if I can do it, anyone can.

Congratulations on 30 days! You've got the worst over, and so long as you prepare for big days like birthdays, Christmas, holidays and doing them sober it's downhill from now on.

Womanshour · 02/04/2024 22:11

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen before I stopped I scared myself with 4 nosebleeds in a month and pins and needles in my hands that were weird.

The nose bleeds scared me but I didn't know they could be connected with liver problems. Thanks so much for posting... I needed to hear this.

I have a tricky weekend coming up that I'll have to explain why I'm not drinking. This is a good reminder to keep going. Congratulations again, 7 years is amazing x

ShyMaryEllen · 02/04/2024 22:31

FWIW, I just told people that I was feeling rubbish (true) and that I was trying to find out the cause by cutting out booze and caffeine, eating well and getting lots of sleep. The only thing out of that lot that anyone saw was that I was drinking soft drinks instead of wine. After the first couple of times they stopped noticing. When time passed, I just said I'd given up a while ago for health reasons, then realised I didn't miss it, so wasn't starting again. I don't know or care what they think - I don't need to justify myself, but it was easier for me than explaining would have been. I'm still ashamed, if I'm honest.

Re nosebleeds - yes, it could well be a liver thing. If your platelets fall your blood doesn't clot as easily as it should, so gums, small cuts - anything really - will bleed very easily. Tingling is possibly vitamin deficiency. A strong multi-vitamin is a good idea, but take high dose Thiamine (B1) if nothing else - it can prevent alcohol-related brain damage.

PM me as your journey progresses if you like - I'm not on here every day, but I'll reply as soon as I can. There'll be no judgement from me.

Womanshour · 02/04/2024 22:37

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen. I think that's a good idea and also true for me.

I'll buy some thiamine. X

WendyWagon · 03/04/2024 10:28

Good morning all.
@ShyMaryEllen i think your story is so useful to all on here. It stops it being seen as a bit of a laugh. I still have friends that think that.

I had started to get numbness in my legs and brain fog when I was drinking.
The leg thing was scary. I never told anyone. I heal like a snake but I did have dental damage from the acid.

REP22 · 03/04/2024 10:29

Good morning all.

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen for sharing your experiences, that's amazing to hear how far you've come and how well you are doing. Nosebleeds, drastic weight-loss and Thiamine have all featured in my past too. I think alcohol in significant quantities can act as an appetite suppressant, not to mention the nausea not inspiring eating. Congratulations on all you have achieved and continue to do. But it must have been terrifying, hearing the word "cirrhosis" for the first time. Nightmare scenario. All the best for your continuing good health.

4lbs lost according to SW last night. I'll take that. 😊 Also yesterday I have booked a holiday cottage on Dartmoor for me and the dog for July. I have already clocked the sly grin about his whiskers - but I've told him he can get any ideas out of his snout right now - there will be NO further adventures with my phone, car keys, and numerous members of His Majesty's Armed Forces this time. One hopes.

Nice to have something to look forward to and feel positive about. Worth staying sober for.

Strength and love to all. x

Blackberryblossom · 03/04/2024 21:45

Thank you so much for sharing your experience @ShyMaryEllen - that’s so generous and helpful. I hope that things like insurance and travel insurance will get easier for you as your numbers continue to improve.

congratulations on 30 days @Womanshour ! That’s a really solid start and like ShyMaryEllen said, it will continue to get easier as you tick off all the various AF firsts.

@Itsrainingten I’m a big fan of alcohol-free beers and spirits, less so for wine but the noseccos are ok. I don’t feel as if I’m going without, and they don’t go down as fast as Diet Coke etc. but honestly a mug of tea on a Friday evening is still not far off perfection for me.

good luck with the training @Onewildandpreciouslife . The runners that I know are mostly drinkers too. I can’t imagine much worse than running with a hangover though.

@rep22 what a great thing to look forward to! Congratulations on the weight loss too.

@WendyWagon love my air fryer. DH air dries citrus fruit slices in ours and they are lovely in AF drinks (but not beer obviously…).

OP posts:
Womanshour · 03/04/2024 22:26

Thank you @Blackberryblossom!

Honestly I think I've got a lot of work to do to have a better life, so I'm not trying to escape so overwhelmed for wine. But I've started.

I have got my birthday coming up - any ideas for a sober birthday plan? I just don't want to be sat at home or sat around people drinking loads.

Itsrainingten · 03/04/2024 23:05

@Womanshour guess it depends on what you like / how much you want to spend / who you want to do it with. Any of these appeal?
-theatre show
-dinner
-spa break
-cinema
-comedy show
-yoga class
-park run

@ShyMaryEllen yes thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad you're doing better. My mum sadly died of liver disease (she was an alcoholic) at only 49 so its great to hear a positive story like yours. I hope your body continues to heal itself.

I"very started doing a distance learning A level course and the odd yoga class with my evenings now and I love it. Also me and DH quite like a bit of badminton in the garden in the summer so roll on the warmer evenings (no we don't have a court 😂)
I'm feeling really happy and excited with my life at the moment. It's definitely helping me that DH has decided to give up alcohol too at least for now. He was never really a big drinker anyway really but would often have a couple glasses of wine or cider Of an evening. But after a work night out a couple of weeks ago - where he only had 4 drinks so not loads - he felt so rotten the next day he decided it's not worth it.

Wineisnottheanswer · 04/04/2024 07:05

Day 3 here. Have a god one all

Onewildandpreciouslife · 04/04/2024 07:07

Morning all.

So glad you’re enjoying your course @Itsrainingten and that your DH is being supportive.

@Womanshour as for your birthday plans, one question that I found helpful when trying to navigate a sober path was: what did you love doing when you were 12? Maybe that will throw up some inspiration!

I’m reading The Practice of Groundedness by Brad Stuhlberg at the moment (it was on the reading list from There is no Wall). At the moment it’s all about the practice of acceptance and learning not to try to escape from your problems- there’s quite a few times over the last couple of weeks I’ve wanted to drink to escape my thoughts, so I’m finding it very helpful.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 04/04/2024 07:22

Hello @Wineisnottheanswer - welcome and well done on getting to day 3

Womanshour · 04/04/2024 07:52

Thanks @Itsrainingten I think the key is I need to plan it. I will spend some money on I think i will give myself a week of wine budget!

@Onewildandpreciouslife thanks... at 12 I can't even think. I don't think I've ever been very good at 'relaxing ' to be honest. I think I need to practice and work out what i enjoy....

That book sounds good. Acceptance isn't easy.

Hello @Wineisnottheanswer welcome and well done on day three x

WendyWagon · 04/04/2024 08:14

Morning all
Feeling anxious due to the op tomorrow.
I did sleep better last night.

Hopefully I will dance again. Otherwise it's homeworking and retirement for me.
Love to all sober sisters and thanks for all the support.

Womanshour · 04/04/2024 08:27

Good luck @WendyWagon will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Hopefully today goes smoothly and tomorrow is a success x

REP22 · 04/04/2024 11:21

Thank you @Blackberryblossom - your support is amazing, you're a great captain of the ship 🙂

@Wineisnottheanswer congratulations on day three, that's brilliant. Keep going. It's not always easy but it is always worth it.

Best of luck with the op tomorrow @WendyWagon, will be thinking of you. Have been summoned to hospital myself tomorrow, but not for an op and I'm not worried - just a breast lump that's outstaying its meagre welcome, certain it's not the big C. I hope all goes well for you. Plenty more dances to come for you, I've no doubt. You'll be giving it laldy with the hellacious hula before you know it. 😉

@Onewildandpreciouslife that sounds like a good book. My absolute favourites are Catherine Grey and, of course, Clare Pooley. Seeing things written down in ways we know are true but aren't always able to articulate ourselves can be incredibly helpful.

@Womanshour I've found it surprising how quickly the savings on booze mount up. I've spent mine on the deposit for our next Dartmoor holiday. That was a helpful thing to do years and years ago when I gave up fags. Of course, alcohol ends up costing more than just money in the long run, but it's a helpful marker. Some of the sober apps (I use "I Am Sober") have a feature that tells you (based on what you tell it you used to drink) how much money has been saved day by day. It can be quite, er, sobering in itself.

The new local cricket season starts soon. I find that helpful in keeping me on track, as the dog and I often head out to watch a couple of local teams. It's good to have a focus.

Strength and love to all. xx