The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

Hello all... Please may I join you? I had been doing well with not drinking, but I poured myself a glass tonight and I don't even know why... Really struggled to drink it and want to tip the bottle away, but if I voice these thoughts to anyone in real life they laugh... "You? Not drinking? Pouring wine away?! Yeah right!"

Hi @Arabaloosa and welcome. One of the hardest things is when drinking becomes part of our identity, because we know that it’s not serving us anymore, but who are we then?

All I can say is that it starts with not drinking - one day, or one hour, at a time, and then finding out who we really are.

Morning lads,
New job contract here and wfh and part time for now. Hoorah.
I can manage that. Not the 75 hours or five hour commute of the last gig.

@Crunchymum I rattle with tablets.
I'm pushing for the new infusion. I loved a dicolfanic. Not allowed due to age and the boys in the family having heart disease. Naproxen. I have an injectable fortnightly too and Methotrexate. Plus the new tablet that makes me feel weird. It's just a nerve thing, I'm a bit Woodstock.

I didn't even think about champagne to toast the new job. I bought tanqueray seville orange AF gin. On offer at Waitrose, £15. I'll let you all know.

Woo hoo - congratulations on the new job 🎊

Thank you Crunch. It's the one I should have started last year. They company did well last year and now have the dosh. I spent a bit of time with them and they are all lovely. Hopefully no nutters or dangerous psychopaths!
I have a thurst on tonight so I need to crack open the fake gin.

Great news @WendyWagon ! Fingers crossed this works out for you.

Feeling a bit sad and frustrated tonight. A good friend has been doing Dry January - he does it most years, drinks heavily the rest of the year, and is really open about how much alcohol depresses him. He’s posted a photo on FB tonight, saying how much he’s looking forward to the end of Dry January- but he looks so healthy and happy! His skin and eyes are so much clearer and less puffy. But I don’t think I can say any of that to him. Such a waste.

@Onewildandpreciouslife would you not offer your friend a little wager, £50 to charity if he keeps up for 100 days. I'd also be saying you look ten years younger.
You know if my brother had stopped drinking a year earlier we might have saved him.
I'm still doddery but just had some cheese on toast. If I get any more soup or rice pudding offerings I might scream.
No help off the Internet with this illness just wacky backy. Or microdosing, same thing. It's bizzare.
I don't think that would be wise for an addiction bunny like me. I can make a habit out of anything, 39 pairs of black trousers anyone?
Some of you may remember the tonic hunting! 😄

Morning all.
Just waving at anyone who is reaching the end of Dry January, and is wondering what next.
If you have started to feel the benefits of an AF life, I can promise you it can get even better.
It takes about 100 days for your brain to adjust, for your baseline levels of anxiety and happiness- that have been shifted over time by alcohol- to reset. So why not be curious and see what happens?
Oh, and worry about what you will do on your summer holidays, and what you will drink at your daughter’s wedding, when it happens. For now, can you tell yourself “I will not drink on 1 February”.

How are you doing @Arabaloosa and @Kate489 ?

Morning! Hope you are all doing ok. Tipped a whole bottle of wine away over the weekend, no alcohol in the house now. Looking forward to not drinking anymore if I'm honest, I just need to not let others get to me and wear me down. DH is chuffed and very supportive, which is lovely

Morning lads,
Up very late for me.

@Arabaloosa my DH has done more for me over the last two years than he has in decades. They worry and when drinking we lose respect for them and us. I was pretty arsey. I'm sure I didn't look great either!
I appreciate what I have more these days.

@WendyWagon I know I'm an arse when I drink, so I'm surprised he's still here 😅 and despite knowing it, I still did it. Shame it's taken me so long to get to the point of enough, but onwards and upwards now!

I hope your new job goes well @WendyWagon

@Onewildandpreciouslife Really helpful post above. I am just about to reach 100 days for the second time. I did 100+ days last year. Then moderated for a few weeks. Moderation didn’t work. I just ended up thinking about boozing all the time. So I have decided to do a year for starters until I feel ready to decide on whatever is next…

I am still away and after the initial few days of wanting a drink in the sunshine to celebrate I was reminded that this was just an old association. It’s so ingrained. It’s possible to reset, for me, now, celebration is about noticing the joys in life and sharing this through connecting with others or myself- no booze needed. I often write these things in a journal to remind myself. It’s helpful to look back on .

So the feeling for holiday drinking passed quickly. The lovely feeling of not drinking has replaced it. I have enjoyed waking early and clear headed (well relatively clear headed for a peri-menopausal woman), I have loved running in new places and swimming in the sea first thing, I have been present with the friends I am staying with, I have slept well, and I wake knowing I haven’t drunk too much, talked shit late into the night. I haven’t woken up with feelings of shame, anxiety and regret, nor have I spent tons of moneY I don’t have on booze.

This really is enlightening and makes me feel really happy and at peace. I am learning to sit with difficult feelings and let them pass rather than escaping them and making them worse through booze. It’s hard but very grounding.

so thanks for keeping this thread going @Blackberryblossom - it really does help to check in here and read others experiences.

Lovely post @threeandmeandthedog . It’s magic, isn’t it? Just to be free of the fogginess and regret, and to wake up every morning feeling truly alive.

I come back here after a few days and am tearing up at the lovely posts. Good luck Wendy I hope that this year turns out better balanced for you. @Onewildandpreciouslife I feel for you and your friend. I can't imagine going back to drinking now, let alone drinking every day. I know that if my daughter gets married I'll be able to celebrate/cope without drinking though. It's nowhere near as esential/important/pleasant as I thought.
Thank you @threeandmeandthedog . Can I admit to being slightly jealous? Grey and mizzly here. I hope you're having a great time.
Congratulations @Arabaloosa it sounds like you have an AF mindset now, which is half the battle won. And hello @Crunchymum !
Everyone is mainly over covid here. My exhibition opened this week so I'm trying to be there for a couple of hours most days. Sales are slow but steady which is more than I expected for this time of year. The private view is next weekend so that will be two firsts for me - my first pv of my work, and my first AF pv.

That is so exciting about your exhibition @Blackberryblossom !

Am feeling all the feelings today - had an awful visit to my mum, who pretty much threw me out and told me not to go back (I know it’s the dementia talking but sheeeeesh!). It’s no bloody wonder I drank, but glad I’ve put those days behind me. I’ve been really rebellious and am having a cup of coffee after 2pm 🤣🤣

Hello all, just popping in to say hi. Still very much AF - it has somehow become the norm. Had a blow yesterday 😢 a colleague I worked with way back who'd had his struggles with alcohol lost the fight and is no longer with us. We'd spoke about his dependency and he was hopeful of getting help - it would appear that didn't work. A harsh reminder to us all, this toxic substance is a killer and if you go too far down that road the chances of getting back are slim. I'm not here to frighten anyone, just a reminder to us all that life is precious. Much love xx

Sorry to hear your sad news @rockingbird . I am always very grateful that I stepped off that down escalator when I did.

Glad to hear you’re still rocking the AF life!

Morning all.
@rockingbird sorry about your friend. It must have been a shock.
I'm catching up on messages from friends and trying to get my head straight.
However, da dah, new jeans on yesterday two sizes smaller!
Dark, very straight evil looking pair and they fitted me.

Good morning all. Peeping in sheepishly but with a hearty wave to all. I got a bit tangled up in the wheels of the wagon just after Christmas and have been struggling quite a bit ever since.

Currently back sober again, but I didn't want to be on here posting and keeping the faith with you wonderful people while I was falling short myself. I'm so sorry. But that doesn't mean that I haven't been keeping up with the thread and wishing you all well. I feel such a hypocrite. But I'm doing my best - the dog, as ever, is a wonderful support.

I an grateful for the kind namecheck a while back from lovely @WendyWagon (congratulations on the jeans!! that is deeply satisfying. I am getting back on track with Slimming World and am only a couple of lbs away from my 3½ stone award - god, I live for those stickers... 🙄). I am grateful for all the continuing posts and inspiration on here and think of you all often.

@rockingbird thank you for your salutary reminder of why this is a dangerous slope to be on and how it can go so badly wrong so quickly once again. I'm really sorry about your friend though. 💐

Strength and sheepish love (but not that sort involving actual sheep) to all. xx

@REP22 lovely rep. If you are on the wagon most of the time that's progress.
You can try again each day. That's the difference with moderation.
Year one I had an episode at 100 days but I felt dreadful. I looked like s**t too. I hadn't learnt enough. Year two I joined an additional thread but the amount being drunk was triggering for me. Lovely people but I can't just do half a bottle. It's the lot or nothing. After one I'd be looking for more. I fail sometimes but I know I can't be a normal drinker. Wakes, job terminations (which has been pretty frequent) and bullies are my downfall.
I can quite happily go round supermarkets now and turn down booze at other people's houses.
I actually told an insurance man I use to be an alcoholic today. He was speechless! Not quite a lady,, ha.
No one will judge you Rep, we have missed you and the farting dog.
I still post but without the family stuff due to increasing my nutter count. It helps me, hopefully others. 'rustle' up a few posts.

Thank you so much @WendyWagon , you're proper lovely. I know what you mean about triggering. Moderation is just not possible. I'm on another long-runner, where it's very clear that a recently-joined member has some fairly major issues in addition to the one at the heart of the threads' purpose. Long, incoherent posts usually between 01.00 and 02.00am, sometimes with upsetting details and photos, which are often pulled or deleted early-on the next day. It's desperately sad, but I don't feel there's anything I can say because it would come across as judgemental and unkind. But that was me a few years ago, and it's terribly sad - and triggering.

I'm full of admiration for you Wendy - you've had an immense amount of unpleasantness to deal with in recent months. And you keep going and rise ever stronger.

I only ever drink alone at home. I'm quite happily able to refuse it in all other circumstances. But the only way is to have none in the house. And to appreciate the good sleep and sober mornings. Those are worth more than feeling desensitised for a short while through drink and binge (in every sense) watching true-crime nonsense in the wee small hours on FletNix, hoping I'd be compos mentis enough for complicated work in the morning... not worth it.

The dog was in full throttle during last night with a rectal trumpet voluntary worthy of a military passing-out parade... but my mum confessed this morning that she'd given him some ham on the sly - which she had then rejected for her own sandwich because "it smelled off". Cheers for that, mother. 🎺🎺 But in all other respects, he's generally been quite fragrant of late. Certainly no further incidents involving His Majesty's Armed Forces, so I'll take that. Onwards, ever onwards...

Much love to you. x

It's lovely to see you back here @REP22 I missed your posts and I'm glad you're OK. We can do this. I am another who absolutely cannot moderate, it's not even worth trying. I wish I'd realised that sooner but never mind.
Congrats you and @WendyWagon both on the weight loss!
How are you @Onewildandpreciouslife , did the rebellious afternoon coffee help at all? I hope it did, or at least gave you some minutes of rest.
@rockingbird I am so sorry about your colleague. I hope you are OK. Are you still doing All The DIY?
Valentine's event for my exhibition this weekend, I shall be taking AF prosecco. I've decided that I'm no longer buying alcoholic gifts for friends and family. It only takes a little more effort and thought to get something that won't poison them.

Thank you so much @Blackberryblossom for your kind words and encouragement. I really appreciate it, more than I can articulate.

Just come back from walking the dog, which necessitates passing the Nefarious Portal of Bacchanalian Temptation (Tesco Express). I felt so encouraged that I'd posted on here again and admitted my 'guilt' that I was able to resist the siren-song of any behind-the-counter glassware. Just some eggs, sugar-free Watermelon Volvic for me - and a packet of Bakers Sizzlers for the canine below-tail-bugler-pursuivant! 🎺

I'm so grateful for this thread and for your kind support. It does more good than most will ever know - but a real and (hopefully) lasting good.

Love to all. x

Morning all.
A better sleep was had. I was on the nytol. Still aching shoulders but not such awful side effects.
I did dream I was at a party. Dancing etc. Twas only a dream!
Good luck today.

@WendyWagon and all friends, good morning. Glad you had better sleep; it's a great feeling afterwards.

I had a dream this week in which I was ordering corporate uniform (a recent addition to my already-inflated workload in reality) for King Charles II and Nell Gwynne. He was most displeased that they sent him his polo shirts and branded gilet in the wrong sizes. Sobriety brings clarity (and more vivid dreams for me) - but not always in the most helpful ways... 🤔

Strength and love to all. x