It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

Day 17 here. Just shattered all the time! Not eating as many sweets as in the first few days at least. Skin is gradually getting better. Sorry, being self absorbed!

There's been alot happening on the thread and I can't keep of top of it! @Thepeppapigfanclub - sorry to hear about everything. Just know that your AF blip is just part of the journey to sobriety. You got this!

Really good to hear everyone's ups and downs. You all sound like a much more motivated lot than me on everything that isn't solely NOT drinking. That's my main focus! It's a bit dull!

Evening all. I hope you are all well!

You're not being self-absorbed @excitedemmi. It's being reflective and we all got into this mess over time so we all need time to untangle it all and it is complicated... and sometimes very dull. You have all helped me so much and I'm sure a lot of what I have posted has come across as very self-absorbed - I haven't meant it to - it's just trying to make sense of it all when you can't always see straight. Totally different I think. It's to try and fix a problem - not indulge?

I'm finding that a lot of people are testing my boundaries lately and getting on every one of my last nerves. I'm not sure if it's just because I've been really poor at setting boundaries previously or if it's something to do with people's personalities around halloween. 😂Perhaps it's because I'm being grumpy because still ill.

I think on reflection I've been very poor at setting boundaries for both myself and others -which is the total opposite of how I started out in my younger years...weird... I probably need therapy but just can't bring myself to cough up the money or start to try and analyse all this stuff...

Anyway... surely we all need a decent treat soon? A really good one?

Evening all day 4 done god knows how didn’t have to pick ds up as he was off today and Spendy dsis who I haven’t spoken to for a few months I’ve not blocked her but not contacted her since a family meeting all very polite and civil considering about her helping herself to dm bank account is winding me up obviously trying to get a reaction out of me. Normally after a glass of wine I would of text her calling her out on her childish behaviour but I am not reacting to her anymore

I'm back and day 9 (had a slip on my birthday so actually feels like 19). Feels different this time. I'm not thinking about booze or worrying I'm missing out.

Thumbs up to the treat! Although I am still on my holiday so perhaps I am having it now. I think it is partly in the nature of message boards to be a bit self absorbed and, let’s face it, each one person is going through their own individual journey. That support is still there when you step away though! And knowing that we are all here is immensely uplifting.

I am on day 52 now which is immense! I got through a large gathering yesterday when some were drinking and some were not and not one person paid the blindest bit of attention to the fact I was not. Nor was I remotely interested so I am really happy about that. Perhaps not coincidentally I had my first drinking dream last night and I was so disappointed with myself . It was a real relief to wake up and realise it wasn’t over.

Thanks for the quote @Steppered, it’s very true.
Well done on day 52 @TimesaChangeling! That’s a massive achievement.
I just checked and yesterday was day 50 (I think), so I’ve drank once in 50 days. Given I watched DH drink a bottle of red last night, I feel like I’m winning.

Have a good day everyone!

Well done @MamaGhina and @TimesaChangeling - 50 days plus is amazing, especially having someone drink in front of you!

I know many of us are struggling so wanted to post some positives that I am finding on day 38:

• waking up earlier and being showered and face on for the school run (as opposed to jumping out of bed last minute looking terrible)
• Taking more care of my appearance generally and being more interested in clothes, not just dressing in drab black clothes
• cooking properly every night
• not snacking
• feeling more confident and in control
• sorted out a few house things and planning half term projects
• feeling very proud of myself

what are other people finding has changed?

That's a great idea @BoilingHotand50something and a lovely list to read.

Day 18 for me and I am finding that I am:

• no longer waking at 4am every morning and taking an hour to get back to sleep. My sleep isn't perfect but it is SO much better.
• drinking much more water (I was always rubbish at doing so)
• brushing my teeth every night as well as in the morning (embarrassed to admit I didn't always do so after an evening of drinking)
• after about a week of purely focusing on not drinking, I have started to think about trying to lose some weight and for the moment am simply "moving more and eating less" which ties in with the increased walking I am doing now I am not drinking (including going out for a 20 mins walk around the block to avoid my 6.30pm after-work trigger for a drink).

I remain in awe of those of you able to abstain when partners are drinking in front of you.

I'm a bit further down the line. (Started early July to recap)

I had sushi making on my vision board of things to master now I have time to fill. So after a messy start, I can now make some pretty edible and good looking sushi. That's a win in my book.

On the brain side...i'm now experiencing the calmness I thought could only be achieved through valium! But I have started HRT as well so that might be helping a lot.

Adding my positives….

• I think the skin on my face looks better. My nose is certainly less red.
• My sleep is improved. It’s consistently good now.
• I can get up and drive, something I haven’t been able to do at the weekend for a long time.
• I don’t have to worry about smelling of wine at work.
• I do feel more patient with the kids.

Having said all that I do have some negatives 😬it’s ok to admit that right?!

• Primarily the cold reality of life! There’s no more hiding or running away from problems/the thing that made me drink in the first place.
• The fucking cravings. Walking round Tesco today and the temptation at every turn. The constantly thinking about it. That’s pretty draining.
• Feeling like I’m less fun. I know the reality is I’m actually the same person but sometimes when I think about not drinking I feel a bit miserable.

All perfectly normal negatives those @MamaGhina

Keep going. 😁

Embrace being less "fun" for others and go do something you find fun. Fill your life with fun, you don't have to be fun, but I suspect once you're doing things you love you will glow.

i agree @MamaGhina with the no more hiding. Feels like I need to address some issues that I have been numbing with wine.

Day 5 done can’t say I am feeling many benefits yet I am not sleeping well so I am tired. A bit constipated and feeling more anxious than normal but that could be because I am not blocking everything out with wine

Positives

• went out for dinner with a bunch of other non drinkers and we laughed so hard we cried
• never closing my eyes and feeling the hangover crashing around behind them
• no gnawing pit of anxiety in my chest
• worrying about things I have to do, in a totally normal way (I.e knowing they will get done and it will be okay, I just have to do some stuff first)
• feeling very much more spritely, even resuming running albeit at a bit of a crawl
• looking much better

Negatives

• I am still a tiny bit bored of an evening and I am on the hunt for something fulfilling to do with my time
• struggling with lifelong friends who think I am coming back to the fold eventually
• that is literally it. Unless we count occasionally daydreaming about how that first glass feels. But since I know how the last glass feels too, I am trying not to dwell on it

I don’t want to jinx anything because lord knows the next craving will be just around the corner and I have a lot to deal with next week so I really don’t want to be eating my hat, but the positives are fab and the negatives are really minor at the moment.

https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-NHS-talking-therapies-service/
For anyone worried about the cost or just thinking about talking to someone, I don’t think many people know you can get therapy on the NHS. No GP referral is needed, you can self refer.
I’ve used this service once before and didn’t have to wait too long but it was a number of years ago.
Might be a gentle step in for anyone toying with the idea.

@TimesaChangeling I found it so interesting you have worrying about things to do on your positives, as this is something I’m really struggling with. Drink was one way I could forget about everything on the to do list and now I don’t have that I’m constantly beating myself up for not doing enough. I’m constantly thinking about all the jobs I haven’t done. It’s really stressing me out. So to see it as one of your positives was shocking 😂 Maybe I could do with some time thinking about things I’m grateful for rather than looking for the negatives all the time.

Read this yesterday (calmclinic.com) and seems like a timely share:

"Alcoholism creates a serious problem with dependency. The brain starts to use alcohol as its primary tool to deal with stress, and your mind and body actually adapt to alcohol to the point where certain neurons in the brain start to fire to notify you that alcohol has not been in your system for long enough, and it wants you to have some soon.

That's why when you stop drinking, it's not uncommon to experience a range of terrible symptoms, including anxiety. It's even more common to find that after you've stopped drinking, anxiety makes you want to go back to alcohol."

Yep. I'm feeling like that's where I am. I am all over the place and after 4 weeks/28 days AF, I am WONDERING WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SOBER JOY???

Haha, sorry, didn't mean for my last post to sound so negative. Reality is, alcohol (a sedative) has worked perfectly for me over the last 2 decades to numb things out, to escape, to be a social butterfly, to celebrate/commiserate/get over stress/through boredom. So I do feel a bit lost and my worrying and flashbacks are through the roof the last few days. I also cannot stop eating...

Positives...

• I'm not rushing through bedtime with the kiddos
• I notice more natural beauty eg when out on walks
• I am more curious, open-minded, willing to learn
• I am less bloated
• No more palpitations/middle of the night wake ups
• No hangovers, no hangxiety
• Cravings are massively reduced. If I get a craving I can usually know when it's coming and figure a way around it
• No stuffy nose/ears/sinuses in the mornings
• Tiny bit more patient? (But still not patient enough hah)
• Perhaps less uptight? (But still uptight hah!) Example: normally I run around every day cleaning. This week I'm kind of like - meh. Or, I have this weird scarcity complex (fear of things running out) - I'm always checking the cupboards to make sure my stepkids have every possible thing just in case I haven't got the thing they want but this week I'm like, oh well, there's plenty there, rather than worrying about people pleasing and being rejected.
• Oh apparently I am better at understanding my feelings (see above!)
• I do feel committed to the break despite challenges. I want to try something new and see if more time gets me to that calm place. I know myself now a bit more to know that if I drank after having a bad day, it would be bottles and it would be ugly.

Very quiet on here - hope everyone is ok.

Hi can I join please? Day 4 ✅ honestly thought I'd fail tonight so been reading this post and not joining in.

I've on and off attempted to stop for a few months now but saw a photo of myself from last weekend and compared it to a photo from last year and it's time to change.

Hello @hereshegoesagain36 ! This thread is really helpful, and photos just aren’t

@MamaGhina I know it’s a bit odd and perhaps a reason lots of people drink is because we are overwhelmed these days with things to do. Big life events - sure - I’ve drunk my way through some quite bad ones to dull the fear and panic but I think with the more humdrum, it’s just a tiny bit easier to not feel like it’s such a burden at the moment. Maybe because I’m calmer or perhaps because there’s more time in the day. Do you get any you time at all to balance the list out?

Welcome @hereshegoesagain36 - you are in good company here. Are you looking to moderate or go completely dry?

How are we all feeling about tackling Friday night? Friday 13th! Argh!

Loving reading everyone's positives and negatives.

I had my first face to face appointment with the alcohol service this week, which was lovely and supportive. They've recommended me for liver function blood tests (booked in), and we talked about drugs they can prescribe that can stop you wanting alcohol! I know this all sounds a bit drastic, but I'm serious about this sobriety malarkey.

Considering an support group like AA, but with 1:1 counselling, mumsnet, and the like I'm okay for now. I also have a sober friend who is cheering me on IRL.

Exploring all the avenues!

Thats great @excitedemmi and welcome @hereshegoesagain36

Instead of using Friday 13th October as some devine external influence that pushes my hand towards the gin I'm going to flip it and do some pumpkin crafting tonight as a distraction. It should be fun and will no doubt make my daughter laugh.

I always use visuals, it's just the way I'm wired, to get focused on how to get to my next goal. It's going to be one of those crisp autumnal weather weekends. We have had a frost on Wednesday so hopefully we will get the colour change this weekend so definitely getting out walking in the leaves and drinking some pinterest style hotdrinks. I might even focus on cosying up the living room for autumn/winter. I will declutter some stuff as well as that always put me in a good mood.

That's my inspo for this weekend anyway. What are you planning to do?

Well done @excitedemmi! That is a huge step in the right direction. Sending you all my positive energy.

Welcome @hereshegoesagain36, you sound pretty focussed! It can be done, there are a few people on this thread who have done more than 50 days! I’m finding I feel better every day I’m not drinking.

@TimesaChangeling I do get time to go for a run and I sit in the evenings for an hour after the kids are in bed trying to recover…. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I blame my parents, which I know is a cliche but honestly nothing I did was ever good enough for them and I’ve carried that feeling of inadequacy through my whole life. I could following that feeling through a trail of poor decisions. I feel like I’m through that phase now but I have retained the beating myself up pattern. The constantly putting myself down because I don’t ‘do’ enough or my house isn’t clean enough or I don’t earn enough etc. It’s really hard to turn that feeling around and say, you know what? I do loads. And not just for myself, for others too. And you know what? I am good enough. And if I still haven’t done my accounts, despite starting them 3 weeks ago, that’s ok too. Because I’m still here, still getting up every day and still trying.