It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

Well done @excitedemmi! I'm glad the worst is over. Smugness to return after a few hours sleep. 😂💐

Can I join in? I put my last drink down early July sometime. Decided in that moment it wasn't serving me any good.

I had similar cravings to have been described but replaced my habits with tea or slimline tonic. I'm about three months in and feeling the rollercoaster has settled. I'm in what feels like the calm sea era. The best thing about it is just feeling able to deal! Deal with lifes crap. The improvements can feel so subtle but collectively they are big improvements. I've got on top of my finances, diet and simply have more clear head time.

It's good to see so many women not only realising alcohol is just a big con, which solves no problems and doing something about it. I hope more women join this journey.

Welcome @Yocal and well done on what sounds like 3 months?

Stayed dry here. Becks Blue for a treat. Was busy so didn’t even get haunted by the wine witch!

Well, on Thursday, I have to attend the funeral of a colleague. She was a very few years older than me. Colleagues wondered. I knew because she told me. This afternoon I asked her partner where our flowers should be sent Her dd, a lovely girl, has requested donations in lieu to a charity called nacoa. Please look it up and save the link for when you are tempted. It is prescient and heartbreaking at once.

Well done everyone. I am in bed. I hit the emotional and physical wall this afternoon after a hellish, adrenaline laden week. Had I not dealt with the above this afternoon I might have opened a bottle of wine. Glad I didn't. Had a can of Heineken Zero. I can reliably confirm that the 0% Leffe is disgusting.

The lagers, on the while are OK. The Gordon's 0% G&T tastes of herbal tonic water. Schweppes slimline with ice, a slice and a sorig of thyme and rosemary is better and a quarter of the price.

Happy weekend to all.

I stayed dry today too - my first Friday. That’s 6 days now. Off to bed now feeling proud. And determined to do the same again tomorrow. Night all!

Morning all!

@Yocal - thank you so much for your post. It's really great to hear advice and find out what life is like from people further down the line. Tell us more! And you're right of course - lot's of us here who've worked out that alcohol isn't helping us at all.

Sorry you've had had such a testing week @SpringNotSprung and for your thoughts on the AF drinks. I had some of the Gordons pink gin - didn't think it was bad with slimline tonic but it didn't work as well with bitter lemon. I don't know if there is a national shortage but I've been finding it hard to find any Becks Blue recently.

Well done on your first dry Friday @Limeandsoda2023. That means you'll (hopefully) be feeling brilliant today and will reap the rewards.

I've been up since 4. My new body clock means I'm asleep by 9 and awake before the crack of dawn. I'm not sure if this is normal? 😂

Hope you all have a great day.

PS How is it going @MamaGhina? Are you up to your eyeballs in face creams yet?

@Yocal - thank you so much for your post. It's really great to hear advice and find out what life is like from people further down the line. Tell us more! And you're right of course - lot's of us here who've worked out that alcohol isn't helping us at all.

Thanks for the welcome. I can give you more background. I started drinking in the park with my friends at 13. It was totally normal. We would binge drink. We all seem to love it because we did silly things and it felt good. I suppose you recover faster as well at 13! It was normal in the 90's to ge like this. Ladette culture was how things were by the time I was 17. I still nly drank socially though. Going out always involved alcohol. Had no friends who didn't drink and would not do anything that didn't. I decided to stop drinking for a year at age 35. That was difficult because everyone thought I'd gone wierd for stopping. I discovered then how much I used alcohol to cope with certain people and emotions. Anyway I did my year learnt a lot and understood my relationship with alcohol. I had changed my life in that year more than the whole decade before. For a few years I could moderate my intake. I was in charge of it, not it in charge of me.

Then covid, health issues, col hit and a baby/toddler hit. I started using pink gin and tonic at 5pm to get a little buzzed and relax my nerves before my toddler came through the door. I can't drink much for health reasons but I was using what I could daily to just get some reprieve.
I had said to my partner a couple of times that I've become dependant on this. I also felt absolutely stuck in a rut and knew these few gins worked for a hour or two, but were effectively ruining the other 22 hours of my day. So I don't know the exact time. It was just a moment of clarity and I put the drink down and said right that's it. This is not helping. And that was it and I've not touched a drop since. I craved those gin and tonics hard, harder than ever. I have wanted to drink of larger on hot days, but I just had a slimline tonic instead. I've put more focus on sorting my life out. I've done a budget and started a diet. I feel in control of my finances and happy about moving towards a healthier weight. I'm visioning a future, one that I want as I'm guilty of livng for others rather than meeting my own needs. It seems achieveable, when before I stopped drinking it didn't. My mental health is better and I feel a more balanced mind that can deal with life. That's what alcohol feels like...its sold to us as fun, but in reality it delivers more problems more often than not.

Thanks to the pp who mentioned fresh herbs in tonic. I will definitely be trying that.

This is so interesting to read Yocal. I certainly identify with the 90's... we (stupidly) thought drinking the men under the table was an act of great feminism. Excellent marketing?

The further down the line I get, the more I want to give it up forever. My strategy is/was to focus on the first 30 days (I knew this -although hard - was doable). Now the focus is 100 days. Hopefully by then, the year won't seem unachievable.

Facing up to the reality of what the drinking has cost me, in so so many ways, is very, very uncomfortable. And very sad. It will probably take a year to come to terms with why I was drinking so much for so very long - all my adult life. Some of it is so obvious - understandable perhaps. Some of it - not so much. It's hard not to feel ashamed but that isn't going to solve anything I don't suppose. I also feel so very stupid.

I wish I had done my whole life differently. But - today is another day.

Well done @Limeandsoda2023 - that first Friday was a huge hurdle for me also. You should feel proud!

Sorry for your tough time @SpringNotSprung and well done for staying strong.

@Yocal well done for recognising the problem, deciding to stop and then just stopping. And being three months down the line!

@Thepeppapigfanclub I got a box of Becks Blue on Amazon. Was reasonable too. I have seen an AF beer in Lidl. Has anyone tried that?

Day 27 here and slept pretty well last night although DH was out drinking so was back in the early hours, stinking and slurring! I felt in no way envious of him and have woken up feeling good whilst he has a banging head! #smug

Yes. The marketeers played a blinder selling alcohol to women. Empowering us to drink like the men! Drink wine like a professional woman etc

If you think about it, it's absolutely disgusting that they were allowed to do this.

Yes I understand and have experienced those stupid feelings. The things I've done, the choices I've made and the money I've spent. Not only that the opportunities I've lost. I could be a very talented person had I put the same time and money into my talents/passions than alcohol. BUT...we are where we are. We have realised, many others haven't. You have now and you have tomorrow. You've lived and learned. I don't dwell on those thoughts and if you have them turn your thoughts to your future. What you want and who you want to be.

I have taken to pinterest to set up vision boards. The things I want to try, the places I want to visit, the hobbies I'm interested in. I have a motivation board. It is so powerful. It will help you develop your new more authentic identity from being a drinker. If it works the right way you will want that more than a drink. Im not saying the cravings will go, but this has helped me so maybe it will others.

Haven’t caught up on the thread but wanted to post quickly while I have a minute. I drank last night. I went out for dinner and had some red wine. My resolve just cracked. I’m ok, didn’t go crazy. Feel a bit disappointed in myself today because I really wanted to hit 50 days!

That said, I did 5 weekends in a row and 39 days and I’m very proud of that achievement. I’m straight back on staying dry going forwards. No goals in place just yet but I’ve reset my try dry app so I’m back to day 1.

I did wonder about saying anything because @Thepeppapigfanclub you are doing so well and I don’t want to derail anyone’s efforts by drinking. But I couldn’t pretend I was still hitting those goals with you so honesty was, as always, the best policy.

If it demotivates you @MamaGhina don't go back to Day 1 or reset the app. Call it Day 39 with a data point as they do in the alcohol experiment. Don't diminish the massive success you achieved in 39 days dry, that's further than I have ever got and it is NOT easy. Your brain will be telling you to drink, still, it's quite the effort to beat that daily. We are by nature curious.

I remember drinking after doing a Dry Jan and ..... it really wasn't all that.
(Luckily for wine I persevered back into my old bingey ways!)

And thanks for being honest, you won't be the first or last of us on this thread.
They often say you relapse in your head before picking up the drink so maybe you can figure out if there were any triggers there?

@MamaGhina - you're doing brilliantly. A couple of drinks doesn't undo that. I hope you are still going to treat yourself. Other people having a drink on here won't derail me (although would have done previously - even people having a drink in films/TV would set me off )... real life is a different situation which is why I've parked my social life until I know I can say no....I might never be going out again. 😂

I hope you are feeling super smug @BoilingHotand50something! Well done on day 27. I'll check on Amazon - I think you have to be in though to receive delivery for proof of age which is tricky. I had a corona cero or two last night but can't say I as blown away.

Thanks for the words @Yocal. Hopefully I'm crammed every possible mistake to make in the first 45 years and that's me done. 😂

@MamaGhina don’t beat yourself up and well done for being honest! Being dishonest with ourselves and our loved one is what got us into this mess in the first place! I wouldn’t reset the app either but whatever works for you really!

alcohol is bloody everywhere though isn’t it! Every single thing I seem to watch (mainly crap!) people are glugging wine! Urgh!

Anyway, I’ve walked the dog and now off to do some digging in the garden. Loving the additional time I have at the weekend!

@MamaGhina there's a massive difference between having a glass of wine at a restaurant, with a nice meal, and pouring from an open bottle in the fridge because it's habitual. Well done. I too don't think you should beat yourself up about it or view it as a reset. It was a minor aberration and nothing more.

@Yocal great post - all so true.

Let's all keep cracking on rather than cracking open.

Thank you for the kind words. Yes, the restaurant setting and the occasion just weakened my resolve. It did feel “better” than drinking at home. I am firmly back on the wagon though and would like to have a similar month in October. I know it will be full of the usual temptations but the plan is to continue to abstain as if yesterday didn’t happen!

So I’ve actually taken my make up off properly! This not drinking lark is a revelation! I’ve treated myself to a Nivea night cream to be delivered! £2.50 so not exactly extravagant!

Night all - looking forward to a smug Sunday morning!

@BoilingHotand50something - taking your makeup off is a great AF benefit. The small wins are important!

I don't know if I meant "small" there but smaller than the absolute massive gains of not drinking! I'm looking forward to a week when I can say I cleaned my teeth every night. That's not something I always do when drinking.

I can totally relate to the make-up removing and cleaning teeth as wins! I was up at 6.30am today because my DD had an early meet up for her sport - and I was able to drive her when we discovered the trains were messed up without worrying whether I was over the limit from the night before.

@Limeandsoda2023 being able to drive in the mornings is one of the huge wins. It’s part of that functioning as a ‘normal’ person.
I was up early with my boy. It is lovely not feeling hungover and my sleep didn’t punish me too much for my Friday night indiscretion.

Morning all. Happy sober October!

I'm glad you are all feeling good. The small wins are great and I love reading about them. I sometimes still worry about breathing near people at work before I remember I don't smell like a brewery. I must also confess that my mouth and gums are a lot better since stopping.

Today I'm doing sport with my son, cooking a Sunday roast and organising for the week. Doing the ironing on a Sunday instead of in a morning is another win for throughout the week.

I've also noticed I haven't lost my keys in the house since quitting. I'm not sure if that is a big win or a little win? 😂

Have a brilliant day.

Happy Sober October!!!

Yes, Happy Sober October. Everyone on here has a head start whenever they joined. Thank you @Thepeppapigfanclub for getting this going and keeping it going with so much encouragement and positivity.

Had anybody else noticed that the conkers are very early this year and numerous. I've also never seen so many berries as this year - not for a long time anyway. Although it's mild as yet, I suspect we may be in for a hard winter.

Happy Sober October! I have woken up feeling incredibly organised and the kids are a bit frightened! I have made them get their homework done whilst I have been cleaning around them and then we are heading out. My teen is in shock - she’s not usually out of bed at this stage on a Sunday!