The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Morning all.
Not so grumpy this morning.
I changed the bed sheets to a much higher thread count (mad English woman who keeps them for best) and cooled by bum!
I know I have mentioned my cousin before but we had a spat yesterday. She is a heavy drinker. Lectures when drunk. Only child.
She recently inherited a lot of money. This is the third time in ten years. The previous seven figure sum has all been spent. She has no school age children or university fees to support. No mortgage on her substantial country abode.
The last two weekly calls she has been unbelievabley smug and greedy. If you are fortunate in life, build a longer table not a higher wall. I told her off, she didn't like it. At least I was sober when I did it. There are firsts for everything and I am turning into my mother. Hum.

I love that line about building a longer table not a higher wall Wendy.

School goes back today, and I am giving myself credit for the AF school holiday. Lots to do today so will check back in later. Hope everyone is doing OK in the heat.

Morning all.
I have been on the boozy partner thread this morning. Very large unit numbers but lots of good advice. Hopefully I was helpful. I don't usually comment on these things as I find I get abused for admitting my short comings as a female recovering alcoholic. It's not very nice ladies is it? (cobblers to that).
I have a free day, hoorah. I shall be pottering. The DS will be hogging my office so I might do some gardening. I have a new book but I'm saving it for the train next week.
Spag bol and Cordino tonight.

@WendyWagon that's a brilliant quote about the table and the wall! I've never heard that before and I love it. I will add it to the lexicon of wisdom I've gleaned from MN! Other favourites: "You can't set yourself on fire to keep another person warm." "You can't pour from an empty jug." And "It's not my circus and they're not my monkeys." "Penis beaker" I will leave to others to employ. 😉

Sorry you've had grief from your cousin, that must be hard to take. And I know what you mean about abuse directed towards help from recovering alcoholics. They don't like us. We make them uncomfortable. And what they hate most is that they know that we're right. I don't think the THENme would have hated the NOWme, but I wouldn't have wanted to listen to what she had to say.

Hope the back to school goes OK @Blackberryblossom. Maybe I'm getting old but this summer seems to have gone by terribly fast.

Had an utter horror at Slimming World this week. I've put on 5lb! 😱Lord knows why. And that came right after having to deal with some seriously nasty passive-aggressive sh*t at work. So I did the only right thing and consoled myself with a chippy tea. Onwards to glory! That said, the dog kept the farting to a minimum and was much adored by some new members, so happy days.

And I had a phone catch-up with my GP about something else and he took the time to say how pleased he was and how proud of myself I should be for the way I've sorted myself out and stayed sober. I was very thankful to him for that. I have no business being happy, healthy and proud after the sort of drinking I was doing at my worst, but I'll take it, smile and nod.

Please stay safe in the heat. Strength and love to all. x

This summer has flown by @REP22 ! But I lost precisely none of it to hangovers 🤓

In my world, 5lb is standard deviation and therefore not statistically significant. And what a lovely thing for your GP to say ❤️

Back to school for us today. Its been a mixed bag to be honest. But overall it was alright. We did a a fair amount of London (museums, galleries, parks) had a holiday and I didn't ship any of them off to granny's as threatened more than oncs (and of course I didn't drink!!) so I'll consider it to be a success.

Onto the next demand which is Q3 end at work and Secondary school applications for DC1. I never have much time to breath these days.

I realised how much I used alcohol to carve out some much needed me time and realise I've just transferred that behaviour to sugar and crap food. So I'm day 3 of my new healthy lifestyle. Me time will now be taking better care of myself, nourishing myself in healthy ways and finally losing those stones I desperately need to. It's going to be a marathon but I think my mindset is right now.

@REP22 I used to the do SW [pre pandemic] and would have all sorts of random gains like that. It always evened itself out so don't lose hope. At least it's not an alcohol related gain.

@REP22 you are funny and very kind. I think we have a future as a double act.
@Crunchymum I just got a leaflet through the door re slimming world. I might go. In our old town they were very odd as they were too posh to be fat. But by gad they used their syns for booze!

Thank you @Blackberryblossom and @Crunchymum , I really appreciate your encouragement. That's made me feel better 💖

And you're right. None of it is alcohol-based. And the clear, hangover/fug free morning feeling is still very, very sweet.

I will cling on to that, as I have to go and collect mother from the station later and I've looked up from the screen to realise that I've forgotten to water her cyclamen. In this heat. Oh, BIG Billy B-ll-cks. Remember me in your prayers, my friends. I shall be blaming the dog. But he does wide-eyed innocence like a pro.

Evil in its purest form:

Hehe, thanks @WendyWagon, you're an absolute legend. When we've made it in comedy and are universally loved, can we go on Saturday Kitchen? That's the pinnacle of fame for me.

I guess all SW groups are different, but mine is very friendly. I tried Weight Watchers years ago but didn't take to it. It was more expensive, trying too much to sell their branded products and was run by an avaricious bearded dragon with a general contempt for humanity and bread products. I'm doing well with SW, their online app is good and I like making quite a few of their recipes. They do have their own brand of frozen foods available from Iceland, but there's not a heavy-sell at all.

I know what you mean about the Syns-4-booze though, hehe. Sometimes I think we should team up with the local AA lot. Go halves on the hall booking, save a fortune (and no doubt a few livers).

I live for my SW milestone stickers, hehe.

Morning all.
Up after a surprisingly good sleep.
Off to the hair dressers this morning. Sharon Stone here I come.
I drank the Cordino. The DH said a cross between Tizer and cough mixture. He still blinking drank though!

How's the haircut Wendy? I normally cut the Lidl cordino dupe with tonic water, ice and an orange slice

Without outing myself, I spent today in a much cooler and darker room, and feel so much better for it. I had one zero sugar and zero caffeine coke left in the fridge at home and that went down very easily

@REP22 you made me laugh out loud with the idea of teaming up SW and AA! Excellent idea!

Morning all, morning Blackberry

Up with a panting dog who wanted water and a wee.
The hair is fecking horrible. I'm scalped. I treated myself to a salon cut (the niece normally does it at home). I can think of lots of expressions for what I look like but elegant isn't one of them.
I shall be out with the volume spray this morning and a bright Huda lipstick.
However off to have my nails done as they are so long I look like a stripper. I can't type!

Too hot for me and I can't sleep. The only saving grace is we are getting through the washing. The DS confessed to having four categories of pants after I washed about fifty pairs -- home, gym, going out, work. Good God, I have best and daily. I have created a shopping monster with a Costco membership at 24.
Cordino again tonight and a risotto I think. Have a peaceful Friday my friends.

My pants are: Acceptable, or Really-need-binning.

Back from holiday.

It was lovely to wake up sober and just relax without worrying about how I had embarrassed myself etc. A hell of a lot cheaper too.

I did eat a lot though, and need to ditch the holiday pounds now. Luckily it’s salad weather.

@SoosanCarter I see your "acceptable" and "really-need-binning" and raise you my "not even suitable for dusters" and "tramps would shun them". 😉

Strength and love to all. x

Good morning all - I'm at the end of a long week of transitioning to primary school with my ASD child and haven't once desired a drop - a real turning point for me!

I'm a couple of weeks on from a relapse (just a couple of drinks over two nights on holiday, both of which felt crap and were not enjoyed, and cemented my resolve that drinking is lame and doesn't actually make me enjoy myself), but about 8 weeks from the "proper" quit date. I'm embracing the latter period of 8 weeks as my relationship and dependency on alcohol after the relapse (I wouldn't even call it relapse. It was planned and I was curious whether all the work to take it or leave it had worked- it had) is nowhere near the start.

I think it's going to be a battle of association isn't it? I've conquered "not drinking in the summer holidays". I'm expecting to have to learn to "not drink after work", "not drink at Christmas", "not drink in winter", "not drink at weddings" - just a long battle to undo the conditioning in my brain that has learned to expect alcohol as a part of these events.

Ultimately, I've had a better summer not drinking (though my brain still seems uncertain - the shadow of "but imagine the fun if you HAD drunk" lingers, but i know its a false cognitive loop set up by the alcohol and the dopamine, so I can fight it off).

Happy September to all - here we go again.

Added note: food's weird sober. I've really turned my dopamine fix away from alcohol and toward food BUT i eat less without trying and I make healthier food choices without trying. I don't crave junk in the same way. I've lost about 6lbs without really trying (over 8 weeks, but still - long term weight changes are the ones that succeed)

You’re absolutely right about the association issue. One of my favourite quotes is “Sobriety isn’t just stopping drinking. It is also the gentle and careful untangling of all the attachments to it.”

You’re doing really well, and I’m glad you’re feeling the benefits. I’ve noticed that a lot of the things I do to self care have a downside to them - lots of coffee and ice cream (not together!) are my weapons of choice, and I wonder what’s going on with that: whether it needs to be something that feels “naughty”. Something I’ve been pondering on.

Coffee and ice cream together is yummy though! If it help, all research suggests coffee is good for you unless it's like 5+ cups a day, or mixed with cream, sugar etc.

I think most dietary vices are insignificant compared to daily drinking to be honest. I'd say daily ice cream and coffee instead of drinking is a big well done

Unrelated, but I think alcohol abstinence is much easier as part of an overall wellbeing check - I'd recommend "The Diet Myth" by Tim Spector if anyone is turning their attention to diet after quitting!

I vote coffee ice cream :

Marks
Waitrose
Rays
Morrisons

In that order and not to be shared with DC.
Should be on prescription.

Ohhh... coffee ice-cream... 😘 I have spent an unfeasibly long and uncomfortable time in a traffic jam today on my way back from a work meeting for no other purpose than procuring myself a venti caramel frappuccino thing. Time well-spent.

When I was going AF and struggling, I was getting through chocolate milkshake at bedtime like nobody's business. Not diet-friendly, but it really kept me going. I occasionally varied the flavours, but mostly it was chocolate. By no means ideal but certainly better than the alternative. Lesser of two weevils and that.

One of the things that they don't always warn you about is that there is a LOT of sugar in most alcoholic drinks, and also in the mixers. Loads more than most people would imagine. So as well as withdrawing from the falling-down-water, the body is also craving the masked and often massive sugar rush that alcohol brought with it. Most unfair, but understanding that helped me to comprehend the cravings which were, for a while, really quite extreme. It gets easier. I still like the milkshake, but not like I did a while ago. It will get better.

Strength and love to all. Have a great weekend and stay safe in the heat, x

Happy Friday evening all. I fear I am dissolving in the heat. I might have to start looking up podcasts about life in Antarctica again.

Wendy I shall follow up on your coffee ice cream suggestions after realising that it's the one flavour that no-one else in the house would eat. Bwahahaha...

@Blackberryblossom bless you. If you're off to the frozen tundra, please can me and the dog tag along? I'll carry your bags and everything... Too hot here, the dog has only just now eaten his meal.

Good plan re. the ice cream in your house! I do the same with sprouts at Christmas, I absolutely love them. Less of a challenge than parting ice cream from eager spoons though, I suspect.

Have a good weekend. Thank you for keeping this thread going, it really is so helpful.

Strength and love to all. x

Morning all.
I love sprouts too@REP22 however I hope you're not giving them to that botty burping dog of yours?

Interesting thread about a son who wanted his parents to pay for electric blinds. My DH would have whopped his bum. We have had complaints re the amount of food being eaten by the DS. Stocks were in yesterday so well see how long it lasts. Both boys like 0 Guinness. I have never tried it. I imagine cold liquorice.

Ha. I grew very partial to guinness in my final months of drinking alcohol, and relied heavily on guinness 0.0 in the early weeks of sobriety.

However, I eventually stopped feeling like I needed it. Bought some yesterday and without the addiction glasses I must say it does taste rather rancid. Less liquorice, more Ash tray squash

@Sillymummies123 ah the taste of rotten vegetation and water!
I tried Noughty, desperate to like it as a female brand. Essence of sweaty sock.
Gordon's AF wins.