The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Hi everyone. Haven't posted in a while. I think I last said I managed to go without any drinks in August - that was my original aim. Now 40 days today. Very tempted last night to get a bottle of wine to drink but didn't. Played it forward - how would I have felt this morning? Rotten probably.

Still battling some anxiety and am feeling down. My PMT was awful this month. Things with dp still not good, we're actually talking about splitting. Is this a reaction to sobriety and my issues there, or feelings I was ignoring and burying under plenty of booze?
Been a rollercoaster few weeks.

Meeting a friend for dinner tonight and have to drive so won't be tempted to drink.

Hope you're all enjoying or enduring the weather!

Morning lads.
Up early. We've just had some rain, hoorah.
The DS has been tidying after taking the office out of the garage. He's fixed his car, removed walls and a floor and audited my utility room. Luckily not in my hair though he has moaned a bit about his dad and I having so much stuff.

Today is my day to get ready for the London run tomorrow. I sorted some clothes as the extreme heat means limited options. I have been doing some research and I may be lucky not to be surrounded by people boozing at this new job. I can't find pictures of champagne parties. That would be great, ditto if they are vegetarian. I do better not having to go on big boy steak lunches.

I did lose my coffee ice cream to the DS but I had plain with cherry compote (special offer, Waitrose).

Have a good day my friends.

Morning! It rained here too. Both cats are inside grumbling. I am much happier too, even if it means postponing the Antarctic road trip with @REP22 and rep22dog

That’s good news and bad news @drinktilisink . Don’t underestimate the achievement of 40 days AF, especially in such challenging circumstances. Is counselling an option? Alcohol definitely brings the ability to numb/hide from feelings and situations. I found that going AF did bring a lot of things into sharper focus for me. (Paragraph edited because Words).

Sounds like your son is working hard @WendyWagon . All the very best for your first day tomorrow! It must be great to start a new job as a non-drinker from day 1 and be able to refuse drinks without negotiating colleagues memories of previous booze fests.

Morning all, another name change.

Getting sober diverted my attention from me to my surroundings and basically killed my marriage. Currently sitting it out to see if things improve, but somehow doubt it. A big factor is his complete failure to understand that he cannot hold his drink.

@Herecomesdehotstepper welcome back.
My marriage improved somewhat when I gave up the grog. However my DH doesn't drink. I did start to think ho hum another twenty odd years..... However there wasn't much wrong. Just me having some work issues. If I am not working things fall apart. I get depressed and in times gone by the booze quanties would ramp up. I did complain about him on mumsnet under a different name, I got told I was being heartless. Co dependancy is so difficult to overcome. I feel for you. Sending a hug 🤗

@Herecomesdehotstepper Sorry to hear you're also suffering. Sending a hug too.

Hi sorry for the essay... only been doing the AF thing since last weekend after another day of being hungover and ill and feeling nauseous for three days after 😣Have started reading the Allen Carr book. I made the excuse this Sat that I don't feel like drinking because of last week's crapness (why should I have to say that just for people e.g. DH to take me seriously 😑) but I need to actually be more brave about my reasons. I just want to know what it's like to not drink to be honest, and not feel that effect of the "poison" 😳 I'm generally quite unconfident and not assertive anyway 😔

I agree that being sober brings things into focus as alcohol blurs all the edges. Few blips here but 60 out of last 70 sober

Welcome @Takela65 . Life without alcohol in it is amazing, but it is very hard breaking that expectation that “everyone” drinks. I’ve heard good things about the Allen Carr book - keep going!

Good to see you @Herecomesdehotstepper and @Thestartofsomethinggood - being able to see things clearly isn’t always comfortable,

Good luck with the new job @WendyWagon !

hey all - first off good luck @WendyWagon
second @take i didn't really tell my husband for several weeks and then by accident as he overheard me talking to a neighbour who was the fors tperson i 'told'... first thing he said was 'again?' we are in a better place now after 18 months and he is also now non drinking at home. Tell people when you are ready.
thirdly for all those in un happy marriages, sobriety is an eye opener. I'm sorry if the view isn't the same but at least now you can trust your feelings.
All 3 teens are currently in education establishments all day - it has been a very very long summer..

This made me think - from the Sober Girl Society Instagram.

I know some of my friends would say something like "oh it makes you more fun" or "it relaxes you"

Morning lads.
I am up for another day in the city.
It was hell. Not new job woes but the heat.
I have a great office like sojmething from working girl. However the task is massive. Ho hum.
Christ, I could have drank a bucket of cold wine last night but I didn't. Tea and a cheese sandwich.
I am wearing a Hattie Jacques frock today and I don't care.

Can I join? It's been 3 days and around 17 hours since I last had a drink. I had one very large glass when I got home on Friday and for once, I didn't go out and buy more. I already knew I needed to quit long before I bought the final box of wine but I still felt obliged to finish it.

Sadly it's not my first time on this board. I tried to quit and then, when that wasn't working, moderate my drinking in April. I'm sure as you're alcohol-free, many of you will know that moderation doesn't work for some of us. I'm definitely one.

The last few nights have been tough. The itch to go buy a drink is alarming. I've distracted myself by starting dinner earlier and it does calm once I've had something to eat. I've never liked drinking alcohol during dinner which helps now but for the last couple of years I've basically been putting off cooking until 9pm because I preferred to continue drinking.

What did you all do to help distract you during that itchy need to drink phase?

You've started your new job already WW? How is it all going?

I used to work in the city but we're all permanently WFH now (sold our office, although I can still rent a desk at a smaller satellite office we have in central London).

Hi @ButterMyParsnip good to see you here

re resisting the urge to drink, these worked for me:
a mug of tea and a bubble bath
an AF version of a favourite drink (doesn’t really work with wine though)
tea and a quit lit audio book
brushing my teeth or eating a pickled onion (this last one no good if you normally have pickled onions with your drink of choice)
getting into my pjs
jelly babies or dolly mixture
knitting or playing guitar

sorry for fewer posts, dh is home from work and there’s a lot going on. Fortunately it’s sleep that I’m craving rather than alcohol.

Wendy how did day 2 go?
hello @Takela65 @Thestartofsomethinggood and @Herecomesdehotstepper !

waves to everyone. I can’t believe it’s only Tuesday!

Morning all.
Good to see you back @ButterMyParsnip . Hope you got through last night ok. You know that these first few days are the hardest, so just grit your teeth and get through them any way you can. Can you plan yourself a nice treat if you make it to day 7?

I was supposed to go to a drink’s reception at work last night but allowed myself to miss it - I was just too tired to face it, and decided to look after myself instead

@ButterMyParsnip
cooking for me is a big trigger; it’s the ritual of chopping, frying etc that makes a glass of wine a necessity. So for a few weeks I just cooked really simple food that required hardly any prep, or ate ready meals. Not terribly healthy but ok for a couple of weeks.
I also use the Try Dry app. You can set the time that you want it to ping you. After that’s filled and completed for the day, I wouldn’t have a drink if you put one in my hand.

Afternoon lads from the office overlooking a funny shaped building in the big smoke. Very hard commute due to the fibromialga. First time working since diagnosis. I need a luxury car to take me to work and bring me home. Tis not going to happen.
Not enough hours in the day to have a hangover.

Thank you all for the tips!

It's been 5 days and 3 hours (ish) since I quit. Today was easier than the others. It's my first back in the office and normally I have really strong cravings as I drive home. Last time I quit I spent the drive home telling myself it will be fine to drink because I managed however many days without that week. This time I just laughed at the ridiculousness of it all and decided to have a singsong for the rest of the journey.

I can't say I physically feel any better yet but I'm sure that will come.

Morning all.
I love the idea of your singalong @ButterMyParsnip ! I used to think of that voice as my “inner toddler”, wailing and having tantrums ( “but I liiiiike wiiine””yes darling, but wine doesn’t like you”.)

Sorry to hear the commute is tough @WendyWagon . I think commuting just is exhausting, never mind with adding fibromyalgia into the mix. I find it takes a while for my stamina levels to build up, but make sure you have a restful weekend planned- no unpacking!

Have a good day all

Lovely day today, folks.

Just made a one-pot lemon and thyme chicken risotto dish - had a nice espresso from my machine.

Just feeling all around great that I can begin to focus on personal growth and health now that its not entirely pointless! Yay sobriety

Morning all.
Up and not commuting today.
I am relieved to be surrounded by non drinkers (religious reasons). I does make it easier. I had a Henry at my business lunch. Not had one since the 1990s. Delicious.
Lots of cash being thrown around so I shall get an electric car. That will help my mobility. DS has the girlfriend here for the weekend. I shall be sleeping!

Good morning! First week back at school nearly done, just found dd's blazer left on her bed. It's beautiful here, I am sat in a sunny spot with a coffee in my hand and a cat in my lap.

Well done on week 1 @WendyWagon . What's a Henry? We have an electric Mini as dh's leased car, it works brilliantly as most of our journeys are short.

@Sillymummies123 that's a great point about how going AF clears the way for all the other changes we might want to make.

@Onewildandpreciouslife that's such a massive win right there - giving yourself permission to miss a drinks do. Hope you had a lovely evening at home.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Friday, especially those in the early weeks of dry Fridays. It's so worth it!

Henry, orange juice and lemonade by the pint