The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Checking in here too. DH also a bit under the weather. Dd's friend staying over tonight so a little bit of housework for me today. Coffee first though
How are we all, on this Sunday that feels like a bonus Saturday?

I'm feeling very blue today. I'm feeling lonely and I know that I've been drinking to escape some of the problems that I can't see any solutions to. I feel guilty for all the years that I've been drinking and really feel like I've wasted all my potential and let myself down in a very big way.

Sorry you are feeling blue @Thepeppapigfanclub

Would it help if you explain what those problems are? We may not have the answers but can certainly offer sympathy.

I think I have “end of the shit summer” blues.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling down @Thepeppapigfanclub
Deciding to do something about your drinking is a big step forward, but it’s often not very comfortable.
Is there something you can do today to be kind to yourself? Go for a walk or play some loud music? This will pass.

Feeling a bit flat and 'Meh' although I think it's more exhaustion than anything.

I've 3 primary aged DC (the youngest is disabled but attends full time school thankfully) and I've been off for most of the summer with them. God its been hard work.

We had a 10 day (UK) break and we are London based so we've hit the museums and galleries and big parks but I'm just spent now. I physically and mentally don't have much left in the tank!!

They're good kids overall but they all have different interests and needs and it's a battle to keep them all off of devices. Says me who is obviously on my device right now!!

Anyway that's my moan. I know I'll experience some kind of Stockholm syndrome when they go back to school.

So yeah nothing really to add but I'm hearing everyone who is feeling a bit off kilter. All I can say is it would be a lot worse with a hangover.

Thank you so much for your kindness. I am grateful for these friends.

It just feels like such an enormous mountain to climb. I have a very unhealthy relationship with ex. He keeps telling me that he loves me and would be unhappy if I met someone else. The feeling is not reciprocated. He's an abusive, violent bully. VERY, very big drinker - always a drama. I feel trapped in my own life and can't see an escape. Sorry - a bit heavy .

I'm going to cook a nice Sunday lunch for me and the kid. I'll snap out of it. I suppose I've used the wine as my 'friend' - which obviously it isn't. I'm a single parent and don't have much chance to have a life so feel a bit like everyone else has life all sorted and are in happy relationships and I'm on my own and will be alone forever. I know it's silly to think like this.

*threads

I think we all understand the "drinking to block out uncomfortable things in our lives" whatever those things may be.

It took me a while to accept that being AF isn't a magical 'cure all' and all the same issues and problems existed in my life but being AF has helped me be in a much better mindset to cope with them.

Drinking and being hungover only compounded my worries and fear about certain things in my life and whilst some stresses still exist and I still have a lot I'm my life I need to tackle / improve / fix, I don't carry that same anxiety and fear with me any longer.

You are right @Crunchymum. Wise words. I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it without the self-pity.

This week without the drink (although hard at times) has been so much better. Onwards we go.

It's not a pity party and your feelings are always valid.

I was just trying to say (in a roundabout way) it's normal to still have crappy moments but my worst moments on an AF day are still preferable to my "best" moments when I was drinking. Any good moments when I was drinking were always followed by a low...

Can you cut back on contact even further, and put him on an “information diet?”

Re everyone else being happy and sorted, well you must know that’s rubbish. Have you read the Relationships board? Or the threads full of very happy singletons?

One thing at a time Peppa. Just concentrate on yourself and your child. Not drinking will make your life so much easier. Have you read any of the quit lit?

Thank you @rothbury. Yes you're right - I need to re-establish some boundaries and concentrate on this (and the child obviously) for now.

I've got all the quit lit and I'm about to start Rachel's holiday. There are also loads of benefits to being single.

I'm going to have to face some of the problems that caused the drinking so one step at a time. It will be a week tomorrow so that's something positive.

If its any consolation, I recently drank after 5 weeks off.

It felt awful, I've been slightly peeved it "wasn't really worth it" since, have felt grotty since, have reset my quitting app etc. But I genuinely have no desire to drink.

You may not feel suddenly better on all fronts wirh the quit and life will still be hard, but the shift from feeling rubbish at a no alcohol baseline to feeling fine at a no alcohol baseline is slow and imperceptible, but take ny word for it, the drinks I have gave no relief and made me feel yucky.

Yiu can do it!

Thank you so much @Sillymummies123. 5 weeks is brilliant! You must be feeling stronger doing it again?

I need to 'fill the hole' that the wine filled and that will take time I guess. I'm fed up of thinking about it - but just can't stop. 😂It's like a proper break up.

So many wise words here @Thepeppapigfanclub . I would only add that you're setting such a great example to your child by walking away from destructive relationships, be they with abusive bullies or alcohol

I think it really is like a bad breakup @Thepeppapigfanclub - an odd mix of grief and liberation.

Good to see you back @Sillymummies123 . I think Annie Grace calls lapses “data points” - we can learn a lot from them!

Sorry you’re feeling a bit “off” too @Crunchymum

I honestly can't tell you grateful I am for all the support and the inspiration. It has been a massive help and I'm really grateful for all of your advice and kindness. Thank you so, so much. 💐

Hello all. I have been very distracted by A level results. This long weekend is lonnnngggg. I am playing it forward. I'm not drinking tonight.

Also. Thank you for being here. I'm a bit behind. Will catch up.

Hi can I join please? Day 2 ✅ I drink about 2-3 bottles of wine a week but can easily just have occasions where I don't have an off button while socialising and can do 2 bottles in one night. I then feel AWFUL for days after and still start again.

I sleep so much better AF, I've had occasions where I've stopped for a couple of months then gone back to occasional drinking which then just creeps back up.

I have 2 stone to lose and I hate the way I look and feel so need to do this once and for all!

Welcome @notimeforwinenow ! Do you have a plan for staying sober today?

hope everyone else has lovely plans for the bank holiday too

@Onewildandpreciouslife today will be easy for me. I'm never tempted on a bank holiday Monday. I'm away for the weekend and heading home tomorrow.

The next challenge will be my birthday next weekend but I've made some early morning plans all weekend to hopefully deter me...

@Thepeppapigfanclub just catching up - I an going through an acrimonious divorce right now and that is what started me drnking every night - used to only drink at the weekend - I am lonely my son as you know is making me go to an AA meeting every night for 2 weeks in order to see him and my grandson again and my daughter is leaving her uni acccommodation and going to live with her dad rather than me - why ? because I drink. So I need to choose the drink or my kids its that simple.

I have the Annie Grace book and watched lots of Tik Tok videos about stopping but it is really hard to do. The support on here has been amazing!

Hello @notimeforwinenow and welcome!

Hope the A level results were a good distraction @stilldumdedumming . How are you today @Crunchymum ?

How are you settling into the meetings @Mummykins54 , do they still happen on bank holiday weekends?

How are you @WendyWagon , family ok?

I hope everyone is enjoying this long weekend, despite the unconvincing August weather.

I went for a bike ride with dd this morning, that was nice. Especially as it didn’t rain. I’ve just had an AF IPA and just realised I have happily time wasted my way through lunch. Oops.

Have been awol for a while and just catching up.
Am on day 93 AF. The last week has been tough. Kids have gone to thier dad for 2 weeks and are away with him. I miss them.
My eldest got her GCSE results and I would have liked to celebrate with her. I will when she gets back.

I have been away with two good friends for the BH weekend. Have been down in Suffolk, which is where I grew up. Haven’t been for years and it bought up lots of memories and feelings. I had a lovely time, but it was emotionally draining. My parents died when I was quite young, and my sister died 6 years ago and I really felt close to them whilst away and now I miss them. Lots of memories of the dc being little and happy times with stbexh too. Learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings is an o going project for me. But as many on this thread have mentioned, taking the alcohol out of the equation makes it’s so much easier. And it’s ok to feel sad and grieve. And it will pass. And it’s ok to feel it.

We also dined out a lot, and the seafood was amazing. I was very close to having a nice glass of Sancerre. But managed to remind myself of the realities of drinking. And it was fine.

A tough few days. Onwards and upwards. Waking up without a hangover is something to look forward too.