The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Morning all.
Well done Sav @WendyWagon ! Onwards!

Did something yesterday that was waaay outside my comfort zone, and had a brief flicker of “I will need a drink after this” but I gave it a hard stare and it went away very quickly.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Good luck to those who find Fridays hard x

@WendyWagon - well done for saying no, horrible to feel disrespected and sounds as if you and your products are worth a lot more!

@Onewildandpreciouslife great, another ‘getting through a situation without alcohol’ to add to your list!

I am okay on day 22 - house is quiet and I am pottering doing housework whilst watching the England women’s football. Have a good alcohol free day all!

Morning all, on a brief break before the busyness kicks in. I'd forgotten it was Friday today! Congrats @WendyWagon and @Onewildandpreciouslife for ignoring temptation in challenging circumstances. We've got a couple of boxes of AF beer arriving today. Dh finished the last one without telling me
Well done on day 22 @Minutebyminute , heading towards that first month!

Morning all.
Having really crazy dreams at the moment- think it’s because I’m on holiday and all the stuff i normally suppress is bubbling up.
Happy hangover-free Saturday everyone!

Just checking in.

I wanted a quiet space to shout out about how bloody proud I am of myself. Just coming up to seven months AF.

In some ways it has been so much easier than I thought. I prepared myself the way I prepare for everything. I read. I read and read and read. Every quit lit book, every news and magazine article. I read it all. Then I just stopped.

I waited for some kind of agony to ensue, but nothing really happened. I couldn’t sleep and I had terrible headaches. But lads, that’s pretty much a drinkers norm isn’t it? I was used to putting away 60 units a week, so these symptoms were annoying but manageable.

When reading all the quitlit I didn’t understand why so much emphasis was put on how you might need to find new friends, or how existing friends would drop you if you stop drinking. I couldn’t comprehend what difference it would make, which type of liquid was in my glass over dinner.

I was wrong about this. Some friends have been supportive, sure. Most are middling. They say things like “but you’ll have a drink on your birthday/my wedding/Christmas.” Or “You aren’t actually stopping for ever are you?” These I can handle.

There’s also the odd two or three who definitely see my abstinence as a declaration of war. One recently told me she thought I felt superior because I didn’t drink. I asked why she felt that, what had I said or done (knowing it was all in her head) and she admitted there was no evidence for her belief.

We shine a light on others drinking when we stop. One friend is close to stopping too I think, but I still don’t say much.

Any newbies/sober curious reading this. It’s the best thing I have ever done. I feel years younger. My skin is fabulous. I finally stopped replacing the sugar in booze with chocolate and have lost a stone since Easter, still losing. I am more present for my adult DC and they invite me to more stuff because they don’t have to worry that I will get pissed and embarrass them.

I like myself more. You can do it too.

Afternoon shipmates.
@rothbury I hear you sister.
Everything you have said has happened to me.
Sadly I think some of my friends were more comfortable when I was unhappy. I have been rich and poor (we had a long stretch of bad luck). They would bring wine and I do think it was to pick over my bones whist I was in my cups. In the cold light of a sober day I don't really like two of these people. One is sanctimonious, the other tight fisted. I deserve people who like me not my misery or wallet!
I am doing boxes and fleebaying.
Today I did my gloves, I found lots. Hoorah.
Diet coke tonight with Marks burgers.

Great post @rothbury - yes to all of it. You’re right to be proud of what you’ve achieved 👏👏👏

Hi all. Still here 😊 I went to yoga last night. It was very quiet, I suppose for many it's not a popular time to go. I'm reading the naked mind and blood orange at the same time. Whilst Blood Orange is fiction, drinking culture and dependency play a heavy part in the story, so funnily enough it's doing the same job as Naked Mind (and it's a bit more exciting, dare I say it!)

24 days for me today. It's gone very fast. I've lost 1 or 2 lbs, which for this hypothyroid is unheard of! If I could improve my diet I may shed much more, but I am still craving a lot of sugar.

@rothbury you are correct about friends. I don't really have any, just a couple of drinking buddies and a few acquaintances. I shan't miss the drinking buddy, I've realised she is quite unkind to me at times, and frequently makes me feel less than as I don't have a successful career like she does. We chose different paths. I haven't been sleeping well still. Every night this week is scored only as 'fair' on my Fitbit.

Anyway, we keep on...

@Onewildandpreciouslife that’s so weird, I had a night of crazy dreams last night too. Woke up genuinely not knowing if I’d actually been made redundant from my last job or had just not bothered going in for the last ten years 😂Then I got up and started tackling the laundry mountain that featured in one of the other dreams. I am also blaming the holidays.

@rothbury what a lovely post and you have every right to be proud! Congratulations ! I have had a similar friend experience but with a parent who said “are you trying to make me feel like an alcoholic?” when I turned down wine with dinner. There was no right answer to that one! I think that stopping drinking does make you re-evaluate so many relationships.

congrats on the glove sorting @WendyWagon , it must feel good to both find ones that you love and miss and also ones that can be let go to make more space.

Well done on your 24 days @carlottacandle and another Friday night AF. Is Blood Orange the one about child abduction?

Morning all.
I survived a very upsetting incident last night and didn't drink. I admit I did think about it but I played it forward to this morning and thought I can't manage the headache and fall out. I have some weird friends (as you know). One was drinking heavily last night and sent some upsetting texts. She is the lady who lost her husband last Christmas. They were the party set I first encountered on moving back to the country. I knew she was lying to me but I couldn't call her out on it. How can you challenge drunk people? Thank God I was sober or I would have had a spat. I am suffering a lot of pain atm but only my BFF has offered any help. One friend berated me for not working whilst she did her 60 hour week. I have done those (and more) since I was in my 20s and I am knackered. I'm poorly too. @carlottacandle good friends are hard to find. I think I prefer dogs!

Dogs are so much better than people!

Sorry you had to go through that @WendyWagon. Well done not drinking. She will wake full of headache and shame.

Morning all, Day 24 and I am up and off to work shortly. Not too bad as it means I am off Thursday and going away with my son for a few days which I am very much looking forward to!

Have a lovely AF day all 😊

Afternoon all. Great post @rothbury. I think you're right about some friends. Some will support us, others are made uncomfortable by our choices. I once noticed a rather uncomfortable change in atmosphere at the local slimming group when I mentioned that I was no longer drinking. I think our choices prick the consciences of some who suspect that they might need to look at their own habits.

But I hope I don't say or act in a sanctimonious manner. I certainly don't think of myself or my choices as somehow "better" than anyone else. We've all got our issues.

I think the same people would be made uncomfortable or feel that they needed to lash out if it were anything else, like always driving under the speed limit, or always budgeting carefully. But who knows.

Sorry you're having a crappy time @WendyWagon you didn't deserve that grimness. Hope things pick up very soon.

Hello @carlottacandle congratulations on the 24 days, that's brilliant. (and @Minutebyminute fabulous too) I know how hard it is. It's a real achievement. Hopefully you will find new friends soon. And having a successful career doesn't make for a better person. I suspect she will miss you much more than you miss her.

Not liking the rain today. Am about to rouse the recalcitrant dog and haul him off for a good walk. Having finally committed his exploits of the holiday to (personal) print - it took 11 pages 😬- I am not minded to be merciful. Into the rain he shall go. Even though he has to wash himself with his own tongue.

That said, I do not forget how lucky I am that he is back safe with me and innocent of any evil misdeeds. Still thankful for that. And I think I still prefer dogs. Even miscreant ones. 🙄

Work meeting tomorrow. To discuss my "future roles". Oh bllcks. But will not drink to fortify. It won't help in any sense. It will all be alright, I daresay, in the end.

Strength and love to all. x

Sending hugs your way @WendyWagon and well done for keeping strong. 🤗
I'm still going strong, my diary on my phone has just reminded me it will be a year coming up soon.. I don't miss it. I still actively avoid anyone drinking and realise that temptation is a real issue everywhere you turn. I went to a concert Friday night and was floored by how many unhealthy looking drunks surrounded me. Mostly women sadly.. some looking bloody awful staggering to the toilets. Made me think about how unattractive alcohol makes you look. Bloated, red faced not to mention daft. I sipped a bottle of water all night and felt like the boring one in the corner. I did however wake up nice and early feeling perfectly fine after a late night out. Nice to see all the newbies here, it's such a supportive group, much love to you all xx

Evening all.
Well another poop day. Early fight on MN, then I came over poorly again.
Milk has been my treat. I'm in bed. Hoorah.

Oh poor you @WendyWagon that’s rubbish. And on a weekend too. Take comfort in your early night and in knowing that you were able to respond from a sober perspective.

hello @rockingbird how’s the diy going? Congratulations on your nearly-year too, you have packed so much into it!

hope the rainy dog walk went well @REP22 and that he was on his best behaviour. I hope the meeting goes ok tomorrow.

We drove to meet friends for a walk and pub lunch today but the walk was scuppered by the weather. Still, it was a lovely day out and I am now in my pjs chilling on the sofa with the cat.

Morning all.
One tea down this end.
I am getting a bit reflective in my old age.
When I attended AA I was very resistant to one of the 'steps', apologies. I now seem to be doing it a lot. Perhaps it's a form of closure? I have flashbacks of some of my stunts. I do feel embarrassed but I can now talk about them. Not sure if that is sobriety or age!

I'll have a proper read through but just dropping in as we are back from my wet and wild 10 days on the coast.

Weather wasn't actually as bad as the forecast said (It wasn't great though. We had 2 proper beach days, 2 afternoons on the beach and the rest was spent dodging showers and taking coastal walks). We did have to find a few indoor things to do - we managed crazy golf, a massive indoor soft-play, a museum and a Cathedral.

Kind of glad to get back to normality though. Back at work this week then off for two more weeks but at least we'll be at home and able to take advantage of all the stuff in London.

It's my 3rd holiday (I use the term loosely as we go away to the same cottage a few times a year) since becoming AF and this time it was so much easier - alcohol didn't even cross my mind and it really doesn't feature much in my thoughts these days

I am not magically cured, I still have all the same issues and problems as before. I just don't drink to cope with my reality any longer.

I do feel like I am a slightly less fun version and much more serious version of myself but I kind of see it as better to be on an even keel than high (drinking) and low (hungover / experiencing cognitive dissonance re: my drinking). I am still - at almost 18 months - finding my way.

@Crunchymum I see you on the serious bit. I am always reflecting these days.
My lovely but very drunk/angry friend upset me on Saturday. It was really not fair on me but I weathered the storm, ditto the munsnet poster who had a pop at me yesterday. However the latter apologised.
I wish I could turn the clock back and keep the jobs I lost through my inability to cope. I would have dealt with the behaviour of others differently. I don't care about the French lot who gave me my cards last year (nutters) but I could have done better in one or two roles where I used drink to give me the courage to fight another day. However I might have rose tinted specs on!
We don't do summer hols anymore since the DC grew up. We are not good in the heat. We are off in November.
Have a good day mes aimies x

@Crunchymum @WendyWagon what you say about the more serious AF version of yourself strikes a chord. I am on day 67 and I feel a lot quieter AF. I have been to few social events with friends over the weekend and have left quite early, where as drinking me would have been the last woman standing.
I am grateful to not wake up hungover, with anxious thoughts and feelings after a bad night’s sleep due to booze. But it does feel different. I feel less fun.

I am off on hols with my 3 teen dc tomorrow. It’s a big one for me, first AF holiday and first holiday since separating from exH last year. Feels strange. I feel a bit sad and wobbly, but also I know I have got this and I will be ok. Learning to live with uncomfortable and difficult feelings without reaching for the bottle has been a massive learning curve. I am getting better at it. My mental health is so much better for it. And I am coping well- far better than I would have after two bottles of red.

Hope everyone else is having a good mo day and there is sunshine amongst the rain.

Arghh I know what you mean by less fun. But that's not really true is it. I am happy to be in a pub or any place where others are drinking but I'm not. It is probably more that AF we are not fitting in with others' idea of fun. That is different.

I feel a lot stronger AF. I know I can handle stuff without reaching for alcohol.

I do miss getting a bit drunk with D P tho. I think he finds me less fun. Hmmm

@stilldumdedumming @threeandmeandthedog
Confession my friends, I am not so much fun but I am nicer. I have a wicked tongue when pissed and I get very fighty. Before that I'm a hoot. I sing (I am trained so hopefully not too bad) I go booze hunting (not so good breathing on the youth in the corner shop). And finally due to mobility issues I fall over. The Fantom Shire Spankz Flasher!

I do miss the belly laughs but you know my mum never drank (two alcoholic brothers) but boy on a good day she was funny. I remember a teacher hitting me and my mother insulting him when she got up to the school . It still makes me cry with laughter when I hear the words. She was wearing a mink coat (1970s) and wellies at the time as the twin tub had broken!
I'd still like to do a set at The Edinburgh Fringe but it costs a fortune. I'll just stick to my secret Facebook page. 😁

I think I seem like less fun these days. But I have noticed that I am starting to go out a lot more than I used to, that people are seeking out my company and that I am enjoying my memories of times out more. I wonder if it might be the bit of me that thinks back to the early times of a few drinks only, the light feeling, giggling and confident - whilst editing out the times that were slurred, not fun, embarrassing and feeling utterly grim.

The mind plays cruel tricks sometimes - it offers us the edited highlights - "Today at the Test" of fun, high-jinks and success whilst only vaguely alluding to the less-good parts, cutting away to shots of funny costumes and celebrations whenever we start to ponder the lack of boundaries (real or metaphorical).

Blimey, that was a bit deep. 😯Just been to have a tooth out. I'll blame that.

Also, I think there's much common history of "sensible" equating to "boring", going back to when we were little and being mischievous. Being the one in the science lesson not wanting to use a bunsen burner to set fire to xyz's bag?! Boring! Er, no, not really... that might be lively and funny to start with but it's unlikely to end well.

I'm sure you are all fun, interesting and great people to be with. It's just another difference that we notice because we're no longer drinking, but I don't think it makes us boring. We're still the fun, likeable people we were before we needed to sip anything to enhance it. And I, myself, could never stop at just one small one, so even if it DID make me more fun, I can guarantee that I wasn't "fun" for very long... It is difficult though, it's a hard one to flick away, the idea that a few drinks makes us more fun, spontaneous and popular. Not easy at all.

Strength and love to all. x

@WendyWagon we could do Edinburgh together. I'll set the crowd up with tales of the miscreant dogs devilry at my expense and you can Spanx 'em over the line 😉

@REP22 you're on. Free tickets to our sober sisters.