On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@enoughisenough4 that's great that you're changing your habits. You're not drinking as much as you used to, it's all a step in the right direction. I was pretty similar to you when I first started - that's why I wanted to moderate. Now, I think abstaining is better for me. But of course, it's easier said than done.

@Amdone123 yep. 19 months and a lot of stress. Court battle, dismissed from work (not drink related), brother dying, house move. Stalker crashing mumsnet, the list goes on. I was a 3-7 bottle per week girl. I've had three major blips but only for one day. I had my first sober Christmas eve since aged 14 or pregnant. I probably need both hands for the blips now. People keep on dying on me. At least £5k saved.

Night out last night at a party. I did have a few drinks but did not drink at home afterwards. Small win.

@WendyWagon wow, that's amazing. You've been through so much. It doesn't matter how many blips really, you're still challenging it, you're not giving in.
@Needtokickthehabit I think that's a big win, so well done. To have a few drinks at a party is great - there's a few of us on here who definitely struggle or have struggled with the ' carrying on' at home. In fact, that was the most dangerous part for me. The day I started drinking on my own was the day it all started really.
I'm feeling motivated today to not drink for a while. I know we always have to be mindful, but I feel like I'm looking forward to a break.

@Amdone123 thank you for the welcome.
Just trying the boots on as they say! I had never found this thread.
I find mumsnet helpful or soul crushing. Not a lot in between!
One think I miss about the booze is the humour. My life sadly lacks that now. That I miss. I might take up energetic sex again 😏

@WendyWagon 🤣🤣, no energetic sex for me. Dh turned 60 at the weekend and we spent a night away. He asked me did I bring condoms.....I just looked at him blankly 🤣 ( no idea why it's my responsibility ! )
I'm exactly the same with mumsnet. It's either wildly supportive ( these threads and help with healthy eating), or it's just horrible. I don't bother commenting on other threads ( the odd baby name one), because anything you say gets taken the wrong way. But this thread is a lifeline for me.
Interesting about the humour 🤣🤣. I find drinking fun at first, but not so hilarious when I'm in A n E, or the gutter 🤣
Do you have a social life ? I ask this because when I abstain, I don't really go out. I suppose I miss that after a while. I can't stay in forever but I have to find other things to do. Like hiking, zumba, reading but I know what you mean. It's such a tough one because there have been times when I thought to myself, do what you want, drink, eat, do it all, you're only here once, etc, etc but it honestly doesn't make me happy.

Morning!
I'm decided to take a MN break for the rest of August - I feel really behind in this thread and behind in loads of things I wanted to sort out this summer (although really pleased with the progress I've made with alcohol and food in this time - still) and I need to jolt myself out of this rut!
Have a great couple of weeks everyone 🤗

Morning all. Good morning @Amdone123

I do have a social life but it's lunch based. I am usually driving. I am a very early (5am) morning person. I have always commuted to London so no in the week trips out.
I am not a jogger, yoga bunny etc due to poor health. I have three autoimmune diseases that effect my mobility. That's why I lost my job last year. They didn't realise I was disabled! Shocking discrimination. Not a UK company. I lost a few friends when I went AF. I realised I was their generous friend. Not even a Christmas card from either. It still hurts.
If I go out in the evening with the DH it's a dry one. He doesn't drink nor do any of his family. My DD is teetotal my son hates drunk people. I have a best friend who can put away loads but also doesn't drink on a day to day basis. She really doesn't think about it. She was so helpful to me in the early days. I wanted weight loss surgery and there is much evidence to suggest a fair old number become alcoholic if they can't eat. I had to acknowledge I already had a problem. She suggested trying to stop boozing for thirty days. It had effected my children's childhoods. My son is most vocal about that. I had also developed a reputation in certain mummy gate circles. I didn't get invited to the parties anymore.
My family are boozers, a few alcoholics. They also fight, lie and bully. I had a pretty shit childhood at times. I started drinking at 14. I was lucky to have a high level education, a big job and much travel. I didn't become an alcoholic until my mother died suddenly. I moved away from a boozy set and recovered. The alcohol dependancy came back six years ago. My lovely father died and my DD was ill. Out came my friend the booze. But I couldn't stop like before. It took hold. Covid played a big part. Isolation, grief and no employment. I need to be busy or I find a devil on my shoulder. Nothing has changed there!
I take everyday as it comes. I start by thinking no booze for you today madam. I don't go to boozy events (I'm not strong enough).
I try to drive as I will not risk my licence. Coppers daughter and all that. If I can help anyone please ask. I wouldn't go back to my old ways. It was killing me. My bloating, skin, weight etc were really big issues. I look so much better and I now have a filter!

@WendyWagon it's great that you wouldn't go back to your old ways. Even though it's not all plain sailing, you've done really well with all that adversity.
I decided that I've got to make more of an effort when the devil is on my shoulder so I think you can help me in that respect. I start off great, know all the benefits etc of not drinking but once a seed is planted or a craving starts, nothing will stop me from drinking. I seem to forget all good intentions. A lovely therapist told me I was 95% there. She was right but christ, that 5% is a bugger.
@Coppergate4 you're doing so well and I totally understand the break. I've done that before. In fact, I once wondered if 'thinking' about it every day was making me worse. But, turns out I think about it most days anyway!
Have a lovely, well deserved break. ❤️

@Determineddoris you are an angel.
The thing is, I feel very unhappy where I live. I’ve had therapy etc about this but the message I’ve been given is that it’s not about a place it’s about the person, ie wherever you go there u are etc. I think I mentioned that I live in a remote part of a Spanish island, which is absolutely beautiful, but it’s like living in Disney land, it’s more or less a tourist resort, to an extent that life here feels superficial. It’s pretty much one dimensional- beach, walking, but for anything else it’s a 45 min drive one way.

so I’m thinking of returning to UK, getting a base there and going backwards and forwards, but I have a partner who needs to be here for work, who is also a workaholic and this is another issue.

now I can’t have my vodka and tonics to look forward to every night it’s like I can’t get a break from the noise in my head.

I also wonder, what if the are right? The psychiatrist etc, what if it’s mee that’s the problem and not the place.

@Touty I think the therapist was wrong. If you're not happy where you live, you're not happy !
It does sound lovely where you live but if it doesn't feel right....
Also, if you're not happy, how can someone tell you it should feel different ?
Moving back to the UK sounds like a good move. Spain isn't that far away to visit.

Evening all, two hours ahead here so nearly bedtime for me! Chatted to a lovely woman this evening on our little terrace on the villa thing from eastern Europe, fascinating stories of her life so far and it's nice to see someone else's perspective. She was drinking her white wine out on the terrace and I had my 0% carlsberg and she said I have proper beer and wine if you want I said no I'm good but had a sneaky cig with her while the kids and H were in the hotel room! Just nice to talk to someone else after over a week with H and the kids! He's pissing me off a little though I can't lie, my H grrr but hey I'm not drinking!
@Coppergate4 totally understand hope you have a lovely few weeks off!
Ah lovely @Touty you are doing so so well and whatever choices you have to deal with will definitely be dealt better without the booze! @Amdone123 advice is spot on! You can always visit your partner whenever you can (when he's free that is!). You must miss the UK too?

Good morning everyone. Still here. Still reading the thread. Still AF. Still swimming. My sleep is slowly but surely getting better. I'm now also trying not to compensate in food, as I did when I stopped smoking, about 40 years ago.
I've recovered, guilt wise, from my slip off the wagon and apart from that nothing really interesting to write but just wanted to send my encouragements to you all.

Well done @Nowstrong impressive! Such good news about the sleep getting better you won't want to go back! I don't remember now how much bad sleep I got drinking every day! Sleep is wonderful and I keep reading everywhere that enough good quality sleep helps with weight loss? I'm feeling fantastic and yes to the not feeling guilt after a minor blip! You are stronger than you think. Also to anyone else who reads and thinks I can't catch up with the thread and doesn't want to post without name.checking etc it's.ok just to put down your raw feelings on here and we will respond! I do think whilst on holiday I have been online.too much to the point I have RSI and mild.pain in my right thumb and it's getting worse and bulging! I know I need to sort it out when I get back but for the moment painkillers and ice I'm supposed to do and not text/type! I'm also at a point like copper I have a million things to do and.end up online a lot but the support and community out there for sober people.is so good including this thread! @Amdone123 how are you ? And @WendyWagon how are you? Everytime you write I'm in awe about everything you have been through but you are still so kind and caring and supportive! Hope everyone else is ok?

Morning all.
@Nowstrong I love sleep. I went back to sleep this morning which was unheard of when I was drinking. It was one of my sayings. I can't get back to sleep blah blah. My DH can sleep anywhere, at any time. He works long hours. I tell him if he is tired to go to bed. He doesn't have to police me anymore. He doesn't drink. We have rum older than are youngest DC and she is 20 this month!

I do try to be helpful in life. I was bullied as a child but pulled myself up and had a very successful career. I pay it forward everyday. Even though my industry is female orientated it has a lot of men at the top. I am a rare fish. In the 1990s there was a heavy drinking culture if you were a woman in a man's role. I practiced drinking them under the table. However I drove a lot of miles and if we lost our licence, we lost our job. I never risked it. Friday night wine was my thing.
When I moved to the country I met other bored women, lots were heavy drinkers. We all needed to go back to work really. Alcohol is so addictive and it got me.
I did manage to give it up again until six years ago when my father died. His care was all on my shoulders and family feuds resurfaced. My dear friends said have a drink, I did, but it didn't take long to be falling over, unable to get of the sofa and Covid made it even worse along with an obsessed ex landlord.
I felt strong whilst I was drinking, no one could scare me but underneath I am still the skinny unwanted third child.
One day I woke up and said I can't run anymore. Drink is all around us. I am disgusted to see advertisers move from 'mums drinks' to cool young adults. It makes me angry when people poo poo how addictive booze is 'just cut down' really gets my goat.
I am not a perfect AF bunny but if I can be of help to anyone please ask. Good luck to you all today.

@WendyWagon thanks for your post - it was moving to read and I agree with so much of what you say, and so much resonates.
@Determineddoris I'm great thanks. So proud of you still going strong. It's amazing.

I'm on day 4 as I didn't drink at weekend and I'm feeling good. I've slept really well and just been up and out walking this morning.
This is a quick one as I've got to see to the dog, but I'll check in later.

Good morning all! Wendywagon your post really moved me and I have SO many issues to solve within myself, a lot resonated for me. And yes, sleep means a lot to me too, I was seriously sleep deprived for years.

Thank you for the encouragements Determineddoris. I'm trying to stick in here.
Last night was not a good night, but things like that do happen. I didn't reach ou to the Wine Witch, in fact didn't even really think about it. My brain just wouldn't switch itself off. Wish there was an on/off switch. Would be so handy. But I am feeling good. Might have a day off the swimming pool today as I can't be there at opening time and after that it gets SO busy.

Sorry if I'm missing people to say thank you to for the support. I'm slowly getting used to daily, or nearly, participation in this thread, instead of just reading.
Hope you are all well and doing well. Have a great day.

@Nowstrong great to hear you're still going strong. I hear you regarding the brain not being able to switch off. In fact, I'm pretty certain that's why I used to drink. I always enjoyed my teaching job but I was always thinking about it, ways to be more organised, more creative, etc, so I know I drank to escape. And of course, reward, tiredness - so many factors really.

Now, I'm not as busy so it's better but when my mind is working overtime, I have to journal. I've always been a writer and when I could feel myself panicking about something the other day, I instinctively reached for my journal. It calms me down. Better than reaching for Mr Pinot.

I'm on day 5 and feeling good. Already lighter on the scales, I've slept so much better and generally feel happier. I've got 3 weeks to myself before I start my new job, and know I'm very lucky to have this time to myself. I was saying to my sister yesterday that I can either 1) drink, eat, not exercise, not get any jobs done etc or 2) eat properly, not drink, exercise and get ready mentally for September.
I know which option is best for me.
Have a great day, folks. The weather is improving here, so I can get my washing out - it's definitely The Little Things ❤️

Good afternoon all.
@Amdone123 I'm a writer too. I do dear diary before breakfast!
I cancelled my lunch today, felt guilty. Walked the dog and feel better. I just couldn't do the twenty questions with someone drinking lots. I spoke to my friend later and she's given up the grog atm!

@WendyWagon you sound so like me ! And I immediately feel better after walking the dog, too.
I was so bored today.....I knew it was coming. I cleaned the house from top to bottom, washed the bedding.....Still restless. Dh brought me a bottle of wine ( at my request).
Good news - he's had 1 glass so the most I can have is 2 glasses. Which is better than 2 bottles. I've also had tea and I haven't smoked.
Gotta take those positives 🙃

Really refreshing to have you here @WendyWagon ! You have been through so much! And doing so well!
I hope everyone is ok but I've noticed I am always online these days so I'm going to log off everything just for a while but I know you guys will still be here when I'm back !

Morning, folks !
Hope we're all OK - it's a challenging time, school holidays, routine out of the window. Maybe we could start a new thread for September, new beginnings !
I expected to wake up through the night regretting my 2 glasses, or annoyed with myself, but I'm all good. I'm trying and that's all we can do.
Got a house full today - children galore, so wish me luck !

Morning all. Been really busy, which is just as well. Still AF. Was invited yesterday evening to an aperitif and drank watered down apple juice (beurk) and then water. No one batted an eye lid. So now I am a lot more confident in saying no to any wine (get back Wine Witch!).
Determineddoris enjoy your few days off line. Got to keep those hands (and mind) in good health.
Amdone123 well done and hope your full house went well.
WendyWagon you sound like a very strong and determined person. Also very motivating.
Here the weather is a bit too glorious, we have a heat wave and drought, but I'm becoming a swimming pool addict. For once a healthy addiction.
Wishing you all a lovely day

@Nowstrong well done on still being af. I'm loving the healthy addiction. I need one ! I used to love zumba but my knees have become sore recently and I don't want to risk it. I need to find another form of exercise. I enjoy walking though. I can walk for miles.
Yesterday was day 6, but I caved. The children were lovely and we had such a laugh. I find I want to drink when I'm happiest. This is a real problem since I'm very happy most of the time. Very strong craving though. 1 bottle of wine and a few rum n cokes ( I don't even like rum) and I smoked.
Not feeling great today. I know I'll eat a load of rubbish.
I'm going to keep trying.

Haven’t been on here for a while so thought I’d check in. Had a bit of a mental health crisis 7 weeks ago - seems like yesterday - and it toughened my resolve. Been pissed a couple of times since but it’s not part of everyday life at the moment.

one of the big things for me has been cycling into work every morning. Used to work from home a lot but forced myself in the office every day for a month, cycling in each day and the thought of even attempting it with a hangover is easily enough to stop me.

My gf has also stopped and has gone off booze as well which helps a lot. So all good for now, just need to be careful.

hope everyone else is doing ok