On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Hi all you lovely people. Sorry I haven't been able to catch up but wanted to check in to say I hope everyone is feeling ok and it's a sunny day here in UK and its lifted my spirits. I've been in a bad way 😭 I promised myself I wouldn't go to a birthday shindig but my really amazing friend who's like a rock was begging and I know I'm my own person and my choices but I felt bad so went and got drunk and stupid and fell over and hurt myself and bought cigarettes for the first time in years !!! I had such anxiety so I feel for you pps who also have this the next day yesterday and I had to work and I had a really bad encounter with someone which upset me so much I came home and drank! Today I'm not drinking. I can't do this to myself anymore. I know you guys necer judge and I really appreciate everyone on this board I'm not always here and don't always name tag but thank you so much. I know you won't judge so I am smoking today so I won't drink...I just can't do it today! Wish me luck....

Yay I did it. Went through an entire day not drinking....I'm proud of myself even if it's just one day!

I daren't think of the cost @Nomorethanthree73, my wine is so expensive now.

I stuck to no drink after tea last night and haven't had a drink yet so 🤞 for tonight.

Hope everyone is feeling ok tonight.

Just wanted to report after a couple of weeks of being able to drink after 48 days of Lent.
So…I am drinking again. All my rules have gone to pot. But. I do feel drunk after half a bottle and I stop. I don’t like feeling drunk whereas I couldn’t have cared before. Progress.
Hoping to go longer without drinking but happy a couple of glasses are doing the same as a bottle and a half. Realise it can creep up but ready to go AF for a bit if it does.

Well done @YouknoweverythingJonSnow for not succumbing! I would have been through a bottle if not more by now so super proud of us!
@Arrrrrrragghhh that's amazing after half a bottle you can now stop! Glad you are in that mind set of how you feel emotionally and thinking about what you are doing ...most of the time recently I've had the couldn't care less attitude!
I've managed to read some snippets hope you are having a great holiday in Tenerife @Amdone123 sounds like bliss! @Mj20 sorry you have had stress with your dad but you are doing absolutely fantastic!
I'm hoping to go through until Saturday and I've decided I've got to be strong enough to say no to things I don't want to go to but it'll be tough! I'm up late as I don't have the booze to wipe me out early....

Hi everyone, especially @Determineddoris!!! great to read everyone’s posts, but especially great to hear from you!!!
Love the motivation!
day 2 here… but after a particularly challenging day with my dads illness it’s been a battle not to have a glass of the open bottle of wine in the fridge… going to turn it into ice cubes tomorrow for cooking! Resist the temptation!!!!
hope everyone else is ok! @Amdone123 @Coppergate3 @EnoughEnoughnow @Manyrivers @Orlakeepsmiling @Nomorethanthree73 @Swannyb @YouknoweverythingJonSnow @Arrrrrrragghhh

And @Swannyb i get the exact same… I can even get hangziety off two-three drinks! I hate it! The blind panic following a big night out is the stuff of nightmares for me! Nice to know I’m in good company here xx ty for sharing xx

Aw @Mj20 you are amazing! Remember you did dry Jan and beyond when I (and others) couldn't! Ice cubes great idea! If I had an open bottle in the fridge I would have had it too! Be kind to yourself especially everything you are going through xxx

@Determineddoris , well done for getting through the day. It's funny you say it's only one day - it is, time wise, but strength wise, it's a lot. One day at a time now if you're trying til Saturday. ❤️

Well, yesterday spent travelling. Shattered on arrival. Went for tea where I had equivalent of 1 bottle. Supermarket after - I fully intended to buy wine and a lighter and thought I'd do what I'd normally do, sit on my balcony, and drink n smoke.
Played it forward and couldn't bear the thought of being hungover so bought water.
This is a first for me and even though I'm awake now, I'm not hungover. No headache, no feeling sick. I ate a 3 course meal, too - again, unheard of previously !
Today, I'll walk and yes, probably will drink but I'm definitely not having too much.

Ty for kind words @Determineddoris and as I said earlier well done on your strength and resolve! It’s all brilliant progress!
and @Amdone123 wow, what a triumph and testament to how well you are doing, to be able to insightfully moderate despite the holiday. As I’ve always said for me moderation is harder than abstaining!!! Go you!!!!

im up at this hour as too much on my mind 🙄

@Mj20 , ty. Awh, you've got a lot on atm. It's hard when you can't sleep with it all - just try to rest. I find writing it all down helps.

@Mj20 hope you got some shut eye or at least sleeping right now. It takes it out of you...as @Amdone123 said writing it out hells a hell out a lot. I know it's time but it helps you kinda thrash it all out in keyboard or paper and that part of your mind is emptied slightly if that makes sense. My friend who travelled over last week said even if it's one line just journal Doris!
Hope things improve for you 🙏
@Amdone123 I am lost for words the fact that you had that seed planted as we used to talk about a lot from the start ...the routine of going away stocking up at supermarket and you didn't bloody do it on your first day there !!!! Amazing !!! You should be so so proud of yourself trust me that resolve is amazing on holidays. I'm the free for all for holidays too. Anything goes. Especially the booze. There was a thread on here what's the one thing that changed tour life /skin/3etc for the better a few said no booze lol same as @Mj20
I find moderation harder than AF completely. All or nothing for me but I'm trying my best that's all we can do. Hope everyone else had a nice evening I'm on day 2>>> bring it on!

@Mj20 and @Determineddoris well done for your day AF. I managed a day AF yesterday too for the first time since Easter. As @Amdone123 says, take it one day at a time, maybe count total AF days rather than days in a row because if you count days in a row then one blip takes you back to zero which feels demoralising but it sounds better to say I’ve been AF for 5/7 days this week.

My friend who has cirrhosis of the liver now has brain damage and won’t get better. This is really sad. It’s made me determined to get more healthy to be around for my kids.

@Amdone123 buying water is amazing, especially first night away I usually think f* it I’m on holiday then feel like rubbish day two! This holiday might be a revelation!

I’m going to the theatre tonight which is a trigger but I have work tomorrow and I’m exhausted so will limit myself to one drink. Also rejoined Slimming World. This is all going to be a challenge. Does anyone else ever just feel angry that other people seem to be able to moderate food and drink without having to think about it all the time?

@bigbus I totally get the anger, not so much with drink moderation, but with my body/food. I look at slimmer people and wonder why I can’t maintain a smaller size with ease, but… I’ve learnt that feeling angry was a reflection of how I felt about myself rather than the other person and that it wouldn’t matter what size I am because I had a poor relationship with my self image.

good luck with slimming world! I lost 3 stone with slimming world…. 7 years ago now, and have most kept it off. I fluctuated by a stone over the past year but 8 pounds of that is back off now, but it’s hard work! It was then and it is now, but you sound so positive so im sure you can do it xxx

Well done @Bigbus ! Also first AF day for me since Easter and I think you are right I'm always demoralised when I think why can't I get a solid streak. My friend rang earlier and i was telling her about my drunken antics from weekend and the anxiety and she said once in a while why not let your hair down but she doesn't know I tuck at least a bottle a day recently. So as you say I get really upset when I look around thinking why can other people just leave it or take it it doesn't bother them at all! And oh don't get me started on all the slim things I see especially in the gym( I pay but don't go because my motivation isn't there and time and I look at my self in the mirrors and see this short fat arse with a wine belly!) I think the long and short of it is as @Mj20 says about the bad relationship we have with our own minds and body image. It sucks I know but it's us and it takes years to actually modify that behaviour. Good luck with SW I know that not drinking the extra calories of wine will definitely help so I really need to remember this but ATM my substitute for drinking is food so there it goes the circle. Really sad about your friend it makes you count your blessings doesn't it and I too feel we need to be healthy for our kiddos! My child actually asked me why don't you do a challenger of not drinking for a year I laughed but deep down I'm like you are right and I felt a bit sad about it all! Anyway on and up. Determined today I'm not drinking but I will Saturday as it's DH birthday. I just sometimes think too much about things and it then makes me want to drink...hope everyone else is ok!

@Amdone123 enjoy your holiday and well done for abstaining last night 😊

@bigbus I'm sorry about your friend. It's the health issues that are really worrying me, I have to stop drinking so much, but it's very hard. Sunny day today and I just want to sit out the back and have a few drinks. My brain says why are you bothering as you might go this week without drinking, but by the summer you'll be out there every night.

I didn't drink yesterday, not sure how many weeks it's been since I did that, but I could not get to sleep. Not looking forward to trying again tonight!

Morning, all. Off out walking shortly. Really pleased with yesterday's intake. I drank cava, but lots of sparkling water. I also ate and stopped about 6pm. Feel fresh today.
I won't drink today. Sparkling water, all the way.
Hope you're all doing OK.

@Amdone123 sounds like you are having a lovely, balanced holiday. So pleased for you.

@Determineddoris I understand getting demoralised when you can't get a solid streak. It can be like that when you're trying to eat healthy. Can you count your days AF in a week/fortnight/month as opposed to consecutive days?

I have a horrific work meeting tomorrow morning. One of our younger staff members had a meltdown two weeks ago, has been signed off work by the Doctor with anxiety, and uses her parents to contact us. So, guess who I am meeting with tomorrow? Her and her mum... Obviously her mum can only be there for support, but I have no doubt she is going to try and run the meeting on her daughters behalf. How is this real life?! Anyways, point of my story is I WILL be having a few well deserved reward drinks on Friday afternoon for doing this!

@Swannyb , thanks, good luck in your meeting and I don't blame you for having a few after!

I'm very jealous of your holiday @Amdone123, sounds perfect!

@Swannyb work is making me want to drink tonight so badly! I have people who work with me who aren't up to scratch, so I have so much extra work to do and sometimes I get really wound up by it. I've come home and opened a non-alcoholic beer!

Well done @Amdone123 brilliant you are on the sparkling water ! You go girl and you didn't snack after 6?! I was eating cheese and onion crisps last night around 10pm. @YouknoweverythingJonSnow I also didn't sleep well the other night so I did have a wine yesterday but only one! As opposed to whole bottle. The trick for me is to start later and later so then I go up with my little one early so then don't drink after. Well not overly drink is what I mean the bottle was not finished ! Impromptu birthday visitors after work meant a glass of two right now...sorry but I'm not doing days I'm doing what I can ! @Swannyb I hear you completely about your well deserved drinks come Friday and I hope the meeting goes well for you and the outcome is what is what you all want ! I have my fair share of over bearing parents and talking for the person who I'm supposed to be talking to directly ! Hope all goes. Well x

Meeting was a success (the staff member resigned). The parent joining us ended up being a bit of a blessing as she kept them more balanced and controlled. She could also see first hand that her daughter was simply not ready to be in an adult environment. We did get accused of 'gas lighting' though - it was the ultimate millennial meeting. I still am going to treat myself to some celebration drinks tomorrow and enjoy the beautiful Autumn weather we're having whilst it is here.

Just a quick post before I head off to work - it has been too long since I posted! Going back to work has messed with my sleep so I've been so tired early evening. Don't need to get in so early today so I got up 1.5 hours later...hoping that helps. I haven't started my AF streak yet...

Glad it went well @Swannyb 😊

Stayed dry again last night. Tonight is usually the point in the week that I ramp up drinking so I was dreading it, but I've come on with a cold and sore throat so feeling rubbish and going to have an early night. So that will be no drink since Sunday tea time which will make it five days if I drink tomorrow night, I'm so pleased.

Today was a good day. I went out for the day with an old friend and our outings usually end with us being drunk and deciding it’s a good idea to stay out and generally be idiots and let people down. Today we walked 15km and we had two drinks and I was home when I told the kids I would be and was perfectly capable of doing everything I needed today and I’m going to feel great tomorrow!

Well done to all who are managing to moderate and to all those who aren’t yet but are hanging in on here until they are ready - it’s all part of the process.

@Amdone123 I hope you are enjoying your holiday and if a few drinks have been had, don’t feel bad. We’ve got to let our hair down sometimes!