On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Hope you enjoy your party today @Amdone123 , get that packing done on Sunday and have a great holiday!

Yeah, that has definitely been my thinking too @YouknoweverythingJonSnow - it is a tough one to change! There is no point starting because...fill in the blanks.

I poured my first glass of wine on the dot of 18:00 last night. I'm boring myself with this now. Back to work and getting up at 6.30 am on Monday I would very much like to start an AF streak now. Tonight I have to drive to collect DH at about 7 pm so I've got that as a delay at least. I'm not going to say I won't drink tonight (after I get back) - as clearly my word on here cannot be relied upon anyway. I think what I can do though is come back here when I get back from collecting DH...

@Coppergate3 , 🤣, I wouldn't worry too much about your word. I commit to alsorts on here then one mood change, and I'm back on it.
Talking of mood changes, I was very happy when I was af and eating pproperly. And back at zumba. I felt great.
It's the wine witch - always rearing her ugly head.
I'm not looking forward to today. I'd rather stay in but it's at my sister in law's, and she's one of the nicest people I know ; I wouldn't let her down.
Anyway, wish me luck. I'm hoping to just have beer but atm, who knows ?!!
Let us know how you get on later.

Yay ! Got to the gathering, had lemonade, then a small beer. Lunch was lovely - I wouldn't have eaten had I been drinking wine. Had dessert, too. Practically unheard of. 1 more beer, now a cup of tea at home.
I feel good. No hangover for me tomorrow.

That's great news @Amdone123 !

I'm just back now from collecting DH (train he was supposed to get was cancelled). I would now have wine if I'm honest but...there was only one glass left and DH has just had that. He's not overly impressed that I didn't buy more wine whilst at the supermarket today (he did NOT put it on the list!) - which just shows how dependent we both are (there is red wine though and a lot of other types of booze but they don't hold the same appeal as white wine to me).

I've had a productive day pottering about getting jobs done so pleased about that. I would really love a glass of white wine now though - thankfully I think I am too lazy to get in the car and drive to the shop for some though!

@Coppergate3 , thanks and 🤣, I'm the same. I often think I can't be that bad if I can't be bothered going out for it !

Hi all!!!!

Have been seeking comfort in catching up on all the posts, as I know my involvement on the group has been a bit sporadic over the past few weeks (mainly since my dad got taken ill)!

it was great catching up on the usual suspects journeys, @Amdone123 @Determineddoris @Bigbus @EnoughEnoughnow @Manyrivers sorry if I’ve missed anyone, but I’m a bit out the loop with my lack of posting! I do feel everyone is doing well though, making progress even if there are some bumps along the way! @Swannyb your posts really resonate with me, I can relate to a lot of what your saying!

so…. It’s 1.45am and I’m lay here reevaluating everything and feeling awful having drank more than usual! The brief background…. I’d had 7 drinks since January, spaced over a couple of occasions and really felt happy with that!!!
over Easter weekend I opened a bottle of wine and have enjoyed one or two glasses over a five day period. This felt fine, I felt I was moderating well. I opened a new bottle of wine Thursday, enjoyed a large glass, another large glass Friday (Diddnt enjoy v.much), used some in a risotto, and then tonight finished the bottle (two glasses?) before opening another bottle and having one large glass!!!!! tonight is the most I’ve drank in a long time!!!!!

I had a crap night tbh. Felt tipsy, over ate, was sleepy by 10! Woke up at midnight hot and thirsty…. With an headache and low grade anxiety for being moody with dh!!! And have lay here since realising that I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to drink! The past week has shown me that just small regular amounts of alchol put me at risk of those occasions where I do drink more than planned and it just doesn’t suit me. Not even 3 glasses which I know really isn’t a lot but for me it’s too much! My mental health hasn’t been great all week (obv there’s alot going on with my poorly dad) but I know the wine exaggerates all of this!

I’ve been so much happier this year when pretty much booze free…. I’ve lost 9pounds, found mental clarity, and just felt like the best version of me, so as of now I’m holding myself accountable! Noticing the signs that I’m slowly building up to drinking more than suits and making a pledge to go sober again! I think at the start of the year I did 30 or 40 days and I’m planning on doing something similar again. Perhaps on very special ocassions I’ll have one or two but for now I’m sober!

sorry for the ramble guys, but I know this group is fundamental in me achieving this so I’ll be back with the regular posts now, and ty all for being here, for sharing and for being so honest and open. This really does feel a safe space where we can all try our best to achieve our goals!

Hi @Mj20 , sorry to hear about your dad - and that you're feeling under par, but great to hear that you know the reason.
It doesn't matter if your posting has been sporadic, you found your way, that was brilliant and you've now hit a bump in the road. Though not surprising, given your dad being ill ?
As per usual, everything you said hit home with me. I am so much happier without it. These past few weeks, I've had a lot - Easter, dh off, various parties and surprise, surprise, these last few weeks have been the worst for me, in a long time.
I feel good today, despite this early hour. I didn't drink at the gathering = no hangover, no anxiety.
I know, though, the lure is strong so when I'm away, I'm going to be thinking about other ways to combat it.

Morning @Amdone123 still wide awake here, so nice to see you pop up for a chat! ty for your kind words!!!!
your right…. It’s not surprising really and this journey was never going to be plain sailing!!! So I just start again, and that’s ok (recovering perfectionist- so hard for me to accept “mistakes”)
Despite everything ( the hour included) I’m feeling really positive, with a renewed sense of motivation!!! And actually not hungover and anxious thank god (although I may feel a bit crap later as I’m not use to it anymore)!

well done on your alcohol free gathering! One of the hardest hurdles. When are you going away @Amdone123 ! Something that always strikes me on your posts is you’re very good at looking ahead, and planning and focusing, it’s a really good tool with the moderating!

lovely to be chatting again and ty for the support xxx

@Mj20 , I'm glad you're feeling positive, that's great. I am, too. I think you have to be really. I am good at planning and focusing, ty for reminding me - I forget sometimes how far I've come.
I go away tomorrow morning - if I can wake at 4am tomorrow I'll be happy ! Flight 10am.
I need a plan ! 🤣

@Amdone123 united in our positivity!!!! How exciting that you’re going away! Where are you off!? And how long for!!?
defo worth having a plan, but also finding that balance as you are away.
what are you thinking?? Xxx

Nice to hear about how your doing @mj20 by all accounts sounds like your doing really well. I've began to visualise wine bottles with labels like "anxiety", "self loathing", rather than Shiraz or Merlot! Wonder why we don't get the stark warnings on booze like we do cigs?

Anyways after my low point this week I'm back feeling positive. Here's goes another week! @Amdone123 have a great holiday!

@Mj20 , hi, yes off to Tenerife for 6 days. I'm thinking exactly what you said - a balance ! I'm wanting to drink some wine, but also lots of sparkling water. We'll walk at least 15k most days so water is vital. I'm thinking of diluting the wine - I can do that, I've done it before.
I'm more looking for a rest, a suntan and a change of scenery. And to escape this flatness I've been feeling.
I went through a stage of looking at wine and thinking of all the associated, negative feelings - I should do that again !
After my holiday, I'm definitely looking at an af stint. I think we can do it. ❤️

Sorry, @Mj20 , above post was in response to @Manyrivers !
Tired 😴

Hello! Hope you have a brilliant holiday@Amdone123 Tenerife was my first ever trip abroad and I loved it.

@Coppergate3 Well done on your gig. I think we just have to celebrate all our successes and accept that there may be occasions of one step forward…..

Welcome aboard@YouknoweverythingJonSnow and nice to see @Mj20 back.

Glad you’re feeling more positive @Manyrivers We can do this!

I did my AF Wednesday and Thursday, and am now facing my first AF Sunday night in quite a while. I’ve decided my new rules are to just not drink when Ive got work in the morning. Some of you have the Wine Witch. I have the Vodka Villain! It whispers “Well Sunday is still technically the weekend. You could just start afresh on Monday….” and so on. The justifications and excuses for drinking (hard day/tired/lovely day so would be nice to finish it off with a drink etc)

I really want to lose weight and the scales are just not shifting so I’m doing 4 AF nights this week. It’s so hard when my partner still drinks every night.

Good luck everyone :)

Hi All! How is everyone and the weekend going? Another weekend, another wine bar for me! I had two glasses of champagne with our late lunch yesterday then when we got home I went through the decision of whether to carry on - I chose not to. I wouldn't have gotten anything from it other than feeling sorry for myself for all the calories and dehydrated on the couch by 8pm.

That is all the alcohol I have had this week and I must admit, I am feeling happy and healthy at the moment. Work has been quieter which makes it much easier to eat better, exercise, sleep etc. I am also off for another city break next week which I think is helping to keep me motivated. I am under no illusion when work ramps up again I am going to be challenged!

I have had a bit of a mindset shift recently. My main issue with over drinking (aside from the anxiety and hangover) is that I end up over eating too. I am really trying hard to either not drink at all, but really enjoy the food and not restrict myself, or if I am going to have some drinks, the food and drink has to be in moderation and I have to make 'better food choices'. I can't have it all! Not sure if this makes sense? But thought I would share in case it helps someone else!

@Amdone123 enjoy your holiday! Please enjoy yourself and do not stress/overthink in advance about the drinking. Just take things slow and lots and lots of water.

@Mj20 welcome back. Please come and go whenever you feel it is right for you. Don't worry about your bad night. These things happen - think of it as the reminder you needed as to why you had been AF for so long. Focus on self care and mental clarity whilst you're dealing with your dad being ill. I have been in your shoes. Sending love.❤

Managed to doze off for a couple of hours!!! Thank goodness, I prob wouldn’t have functioned very well on 2 hours sleep!

Thanks all for your kind messages and updates.
@Amdone123 your holiday and your plan sound perfect! Funny about the wine, my friend has half wine, half soda and tops with lots of ice and swears by it as it becomes more like a long drink and weaker!!!!! And @Manyrivers your msg made me chuckle! Thinking of bottles with horrible labels on (insomnia, paranoia etc)! And true true it should have the warnings!!!! @EnoughEnoughnow its sounds like your finding some balance and @Swannyb i totally relate to the good thing, it’s exactly how I felt about everything and until recently it was working very well!!!!!

one interesting thing… I thought I was really unique with the anxiety after drinking, as not many people I know admit to it, but seen as so many of us here can openly say we get it do we think others in real life are kidding themselves??? It’s just not something people talk about is it??

xxx

Morning everyone, I'm posting for accountability, whilst also dying of shame and hangover! I very much exceeded my username limit last night, for the fifth time this year and have recognised the gradual creep back to where I don't want to be. I also really upset my daughter by having four (also drunk) friends over for a couple of hours. They were gone by 11pm, (which was my justification last night) but that's really not the point. I'm so in the wrong. I feel devastated about upsetting her and arguing with her when drunk. It's so weird, I find it so easy to moderate when at home alone and most weeks easily stay under 14 units. I just cannot drink socially without drinking to excess. I've decided to stop completely for a bit - I also want to lose 10lbs so it will help with that. I have a spa weekend in 6 weeks time so am aiming to be af until then. Then I'll reassess. I grew up with alcoholic parents and although last night was only one night, it's a massive red flag for me. Months ago, I promised my daughter that I wouldn't do this again. I'm trying not to hate myself this morning but failing. I'm going to check into this thread every couple of days because it will help me to keep focused. Thank you everyone, for inspiring me and keeping me sane!

Morning everyone.

Well done @Amdone123 for yesterday, restricting myself socially is beyond me, so I am really impressed - I hope you feel great this morning. And enjoy Tenerife, I am very jealous of the sunshine 😊

I am back to work tomorrow too @Coppergate3 after a couple of weeks off, it always helps me moderate, but I also want to try to be AF. Did you manage to avoid wine all night in the end?

Sorry you have had a bad night @Mj20 and very sorry your dad is poorly. Glad you have woken up feeling positive.

Hi @EnoughEnoughnow I am aiming for AF this week too. I am wine witch though. My problem is I genuinely enjoy the taste, sat in front of the TV at night when the kids are in bed, anything else seems like a poor substitute. I am going to have to work hard at that this week.

Well done @Swannyb it's really inspiring hearing that you can have a couple and then make the decision to stop. I bet you feel great about it.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad this morning @Nomorethanthree73. If you can stay AF for the six weeks that will be a real
Achievement. Can I ask how old your daughter is?

I didn't do so well last night. I had that worm in my head wriggling about telling me it was the last night of my holiday. Feel ok today though. My plan is a glass or two with the roast and then nothing until Friday. I am already fretting about not being able to sleep tonight without a drink!

Morning, folks. Gawd, awake all night then fell asleep about 8am. I give up !

@Nomorethanthree73 , awh, please be kind to yourself. I mean, it's ok to reflect and accept what's happened, but it's done now. All you can do is apologise ( if necessary) and have a good try at changing. And I think last night will be a great springboard for you. 10lb in 6 weeks is doable - you're going to feel so good. We all make mistakes - I've been where you are a few times. It's awful. I'm not minimising it - but you'll be ok. Keep checking in, like you say. ❤

I've laughed out loud at the Vodka Villain. Made me think of the Whisky W*r, the Tequila T*t and the Lager Lout - lots of them on my estate 🤣

Thanks all for your tips regarding holiday. I'm going to take it one day at a time and will dilute when I can. I will admit I don't like diluting, but I know I have to !
My dsis always laughs when a waiter asks if I want ice in my glass of wine. She says my mortally - offended face is a picture 🤨

I did manage to stay AF last night yes @YouknoweverythingJonSnow ! Surprisingly considering I had exactly the same worm in my head telling me it was the last day of the holidays. I was saved by the circumstance of needing to drive at 7.45 pm and having no wine in the house. I think there is a LOT to be said for having no wine in the house (same with junk food). I I remembered there would be some dregs in a box of wine after I posted last night so went to the fridge for it ...thankfully DH had just helped himself to that too though.

DH will buy wine today. I'm not going to ask him not to or make any comment. I know from experience there will be little point - in fact it will probably be counterproductive. He may not buy it today (if I asked him not to) but he will in a few days and...then I'll feel unsupported. However, as I've not broken my drinking streak I'm in a much better place to continue with my AF streak I don't even think I need that. I would like to remain AF now until the Coronation weekend (which also has a family celebration for us).

Sorry about your dad @Mj20 - you post is very reflective and definitely feels familiar to how I feel at times. Yes to a link between over-drinking and over-eating @Swannyb - it takes a few days back on the booze for it to set in but...yep, it's just excess calories all round.

@Nomorethanthree73 Sounds like you've got two very strong motivators to keep you where you want to be with your drinking now. Try not to beat yourself up - I hope you feel better once you've had chance to speak to your DD.

Thank you @EnoughEnoughnow . Yes, it is definitely hard when your partner continues to drink every night - in many different ways. Do they drink Vodka too?

Hope the packing goes smoothly today @Amdone123 !

oops
as I've not broken my drinking streak = as I've now broken my drinking streak

Thank you everyone for your kind messages. My daughter is 13 and it's just the two of us, we're generally really close. She's been brilliant about last night, I apologised and told her that I was entirely in the wrong. I've told her about my six week plan, because I think that an apology with no plan would be a bit pointless. She's also trying to negotiate tickets to see Hamilton the musical, on the back of my apology, which I quite admire! Anyway, we're fine and I might not be the worst mother in the world after all. I've had some carbs so starting to feel a bit more human and I'm about to go for a long walk. I've also totted up the cost of the 4 bottles of wine that we drank after coming back here last night (already drunk) and it was £40! Another really good motivator for quitting for a bit. Have a great sunny Sunday, all.

Hello everyone I wrote a really long post this morning that got lost so I went off in a huff! I hope everyone is doing ok.

@Nomorethanthree73 i know that feeling of waking up full of regret feeling mortified by my drunkenness- I had a few evenings in the last six months that really made me pull myself up and this has been the main motivator for me to moderate (one incident I might be able to write about one day but not just yet). I’ll look at it this way - if I hadn’t had those incidents I might have carried on drinking for more years and done more damage. It sounds like you’ve got a really good plan.

imagine is someone gave us back all the money we’d spent on alcohol in our lives! I think I’d have enough to buy a house! Seems like a waste in some ways.

@Amdone123 i have just come back from holiday and apart from Easter Sunday I managed to moderate. I did drink everyday but not too much. I think what really motivates me is how much better I feel and how much better I am as a mum and a friend when I haven’t been drinking.

@Swannyb i know we’re supposed to not be drinking, but I do like the sound of where you live with all these wine bars! Probably I good thing for me and my wine monster that I don’t live where you live!

I really need to lose some weight so I’m off back to SW tomorrow - so it will be G&Ts, cauliflower pizza and frozen muller lights for me until I can shift this 3 stone.

I have a week in Devon in August and about 7 years ago when I was at my best I bought a dress there and now I can’t get anywhere near it. I’m going to aim to get back into it in time for this holiday this year. I remember how I felt the day I bought it - a healthy weight, not drinking much, feeling so well. I want to capture that feeling again.

if only wine wasn’t so nice!!!

@Bigbus , 🤣🤣. I know ! Someone upthread said they genuinely like the taste of it. I do ! I could live on wine, French bread and cheese.
I shall take inspiration from you as I want my holiday to look like that. It's a feeling 'thing' with me, too. Definitely.

@Mj20 you are not the only one who suffers from anxiety when hungover. I saw the term 'hangxiety' the other day. I know a lot of people who openly admit to getting it. It is horrendous for me. When I was a young drinker and very poorly behaved drunk I used to wake up in such a state. Now I just wake up from the early hours of the morning feeling sick and worried with not much to actually worry about, but the feeling doesn't go away!