On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

@Bigbus , that's a great result. I love days like that because it's so great all round. You still went out, you enjoyed and you're back in one piece. @YouknoweverythingJonSnow , hope you're feeling better - you're doing really well. I love that pleased feeling.
Well, home tomorrow. I've had a great time. Not one hangover - I've drank but definitely moderated and just not gone overboard. Had lots of water in-between drinks ( it's 33 degrees so necessary !) , walked lots and just relaxed.
I'll be glad to get home though 🤣

@Amdone123 sounds like you had a great holiday, but I know what you mean to be glad to be home! Nothing beats your own comforts and a bit of routine.

So, I went for my drinks yesterday afternoon. We ended up having two bottles of wine between two (myself and my DH). I instigated the second. Fortunately, I was home by 4pm and as I haven't drunk much for a while I was feeling pretty sick so quite gladly did all I could to reverse it with lots of water. I feel fine today, not 100% like I have been, but not far off it. Had I just not gone for the second bottle of wine and ate a share bag of crisps to myself when I got home (lol) I would've been really, really happy with it - those two choices meant an extra 1,000 (approx.) unnecessary calories. No regrets, just got to keep working on it.

I am off on a short city trip tomorrow. There will be eating and drinking daily and I hope to follow @Amdone123 lead. I feel good about going and confident I can moderate myself.

Morning, glad the meeting went well @Swannyb and I'm glad you have no regrets! I know what you mean about the instigation if another bottle I did the same thing yesterday but I couldn't even finish the glass! But I am feeling not great as I haven't had my AF day streak thing only 1 day out of the possibly 5 I was supposed to do ah well I can keep trying as you say it's a work in progress! And also don't worry about the calories I also ate very badly yesterday it's like one day I eat well next it goes to pot!
Sorry to hear you are not well @YouknoweverythingJonSnow but well done on the AF days!!!!
@Coppergate3 hi let me know when you start your AF streak as I would want an accomplice!
Wow @Bigbus sounds like a brilliant accomplishment you must be so proud! Sounds a bit like me tbh in the past too so yeah we are all getting there slowly!
@Amdone123 I hear you about the home comforts too! Glad you had some time away though! Amazing you had no hangover was that the first time on holiday?
Enjoy your few days away @Swannyb I can't wait to get away only UK but in may half term hoping I will moderate there!
Have a good weekend everyone !

Good Morning Everyone ,

A quick check in from me. No AF free streaks yet but I have cut my intake compared to a few months ago. Still drinking a bottle of wine a week at home which is the one habit I really want rid of. (At one point it was a bottle per night).

I was out last night with friends, drank beer and didn't over do it, feel good today. Tonight I have friends coming round and that will involve wine, see how that goes!.

@Amdone123 I'm due to go on holiday next week, it's so great to hear you managed to moderate, I will try to take a leaf out of your book when I'm away.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Hi all, just checking in on Day 7. I have got this far before but always with a drink around the corner as I hadn't made a decision to stop for a while. So this is very new. It has been mostly fine, I had a big craving last night but poured myself a glass of fancy tonic water and had a phone call with my best friend. We quite often have virtual wine chats on a Friday and last night was lovely but we were definitely in very different places after the third glass. I'm trying not to pitch my drinking against anyone else's though, positively or negatively as I don't think it's helpful. We all have different problems with drinking and some (lucky!) people have no problem at all. The positives this week have been a 1.5lb weight loss and a really productive week at work. My sleep has been crap though, with unbelievably vivid dreams and my sister (who died 17 years ago) seems to be in all of them 🤔. It probably sounds weird but it's lovely to see her again. Anyway, on to Saturday, I have a house full of teenagers tonight so won't be tempted to drink, either that or I will be tempted to drink loads! I hope that everyone's doing ok @Amdone123 @Swannyb @Bigbus @Coppergate3 @Arrrrrrragghhh @Determineddoris @Manyrivers @YouknoweverythingJonSnow Have a Happy Saturday, all!

@Nomorethanthree73 , well done on Day 7. You're doing well - losing weight and being productive are definitely big motivators for me. I hear you about the dreams - ❤️.

Well, I'm back from my holiday. Had a great time and yes, @Determineddoris , it was the least hungover I've ever been !
Well, I didn't have any hangovers so all good. Felt a bit tired one morning but that's all. I think because I don't sleep well anyway, I knew deep down that to drink lots would just exacerbate it, and I couldn't bear the thought of being awake at 2am, stuck in a hotel room, headache, feeling sick - I'd just be so fed up, then I'd start missing the dog, etc, etc. It would have been awful.
I didn't purposely tell my fellow travellers that I was cutting down, but 1 of them commented when we were leaving that my intake has reduced massively and that I'd 'changed' ( for the better ! Result ! ).
I'm going to abstain now, rather than moderate. In 20 days I've got my brother's birthday and we're all on a UK weekend break so that'll do me. I think I'm happier abstaining than moderating.
Hope everyone is OK - for those of you going away, I highly recommend moderating. Next time maybe, I'll even abstain, who knows ?!

Hello everyone!
I'm going to start my AF streak today @Determineddoris !
I've not had a great week really...culminated in throwing up at 2 am on Saturday morning (I think a combination of eating very little during the day, drinking too much wine and then junk food in the evening - rather than being really drunk. I went to be about 9 pm as I didn't feel great). I had one glass of wine last night and didn't really enjoy it.
I'll come back this evening and read and reply more thoroughly. Just wanted to get this declaration down right now!

@Coppergate3 , day 1 for me and you today !
The Declaration is Declared 💯

Good luck all those planning to go AF.

@Nomorethanthree73 its really interesting what you said about talking with your friend and going in different directions because they were drinking and you were not. I really worry about how I will relate to people if I’m not drinking. It has been so ingrained in our ways of life for so long. I feel like I’ll be boring! Although I didn’t drink through three pregnancies and when I was young I was often the designated driver. I think it’s a real psychological block to abstaining or moderating - the fear that things/you won’t be as much fun!

@Bigbus , it's definitely a thing. When I look back at all the times I would have a bottle of wine before going out, I realise now it was some kind of social anxiety. It's so strange though because if you met me sober, I'm relatively confident, not shy though I am an introvert.
And, over the past few years, when with the help of this thread, I've gone out sober and stayed sober, I've had better times - more invested in friends, not needing to pop outside for a cigarette, etc.
And, of course, no hangover the next day.

Argh I had written out a long post but I didn't finish it and got distracted with working today but I think I was saying @Nomorethanthree73 that's amazing you have achieved 7 days in a row!!! Really good way better than what I could achieve! And don't beat yourself up when/if you drink because you have not had any for a whole week! The dreams are for real though ...drinking blocks mine out...
@Coppergate3 we've all been there with the sickness and sleeping early ! Good you only had one glass yesterday tho? I went a bit over board as usual...we were in a bar and my friend was like what do you want I said nothing and then my DH said how about a soft drink and I said that just sounds like you are my dad so then I rebelled and said fine I'll have a G and T I didn't even want it...woke up not great this morning and had to work...anyway at least I'm acknowledging all this stuff! @Bigbus you hit the nail on the head about the ingrained in us same but the worst thing is I've done it before and gone out and gone to weddings without drinking so not sure what's changed ???? I feel I have to these days to have fun...it's silly really! @Amdone123 glad you are back safe and sound and 20 days sounds amazing!!!! @Mj20 how are you pet? X

So pleased to hear you've had a great holiday @Amdone123 ! Sounds perfect!

So here I am distracting myself at wine o'clock. Just finished doing some basic tidying/housework it is the bit after that I get stuck at - which is where the wine comes in. An escape. I'm not entirely sure what from - doing stuff? Like I say I want to and when I actually do it I enjoy it and have no regrets?

Delayed gratification springs to mind. As does self sabotage, wallowing, stagnation and procrastination.

I'm going to make myself do 10+ minutes of a task I could easily put off until tomorrow but I won't thank myself for that tomorrow before posting more.

Hello! Glad you enjoyed your holiday @Amdone123

Hello @Arrrrrrragghhh @Bigbus @Coppergate3 @Determineddoris @Manyrivers @Mj20 and everyone. Sorry if I’ve missed anyone. Am not quite awake yet!

Sorry I’ve been so intermittent on here. I’ve been reading on the run this week and your posts have stoped me from reaching for a drink more than once, so thank you. Partner is away so I’ve been doing a massive declutter and re-organise and embarked on a REAL boot camp which involves exercising twice a day if I haven’t reached my 10000 steps by 5.30 when I get home from work.

Anyway, I stuck to plan last week of not drinking when I had work in the morning so had four alcohol free nights. I exceeded my limit on Friday. Not enough to feel really hungover, just more than I should have done. However on Saturday I ended up pouring half of my second drink down the sink and took my mini DVD player to bed and watched a movie there. I drank last night when I shouldn’t but I’d done another massive bit of decluttering and just felt like it. I didn’t go over my daily limit. So…two steps forward…..

This weeks a bit of an odd one. Partner will be back on Tuesday so I will probably have a drink and a chat, but will definitely be AF on Wed and Thursday and then back to my full regime next week.

And I’ve lost a pound in weight :)

Hi all, thanks for checking in @EnoughEnoughnow and @Determineddoris! I’m not great, hence my lack of messages! I feel really overwhelmed with life (juggling my dads ongoing illness with general life)!
despite knowing alchol doesn’t help, I drank the best part of a bottle of Prosecco last night (minus one glass which hubby had)! Anyway, we had a nice night but my ability to be resilient and cope today has been limited. Hoping to feel brighter tomorrow.

sending love to all @Amdone123 @Determineddoris @EnoughEnoughnow @Manyrivers @Swannyb @stoppingnow @JustMoved123 @Coppergate3 did I miss anyone! Sorry if I did xxxx

Hi all, a very scared newbie here, can I join please? My drinking has been terrible for a long time but is recently getting worse.
I can feel my health declining and I'm scared. I'd prefer to moderate than abstain but I'm not sure I'm capable, does anybody have any advice around this.
Thank you

Hi @graystoon82 , hi there and welcome. Sorry to hear you're in a bad place.
May I ask how old you are and what your drinking is like presently? I'm no expert but someone on here, or me, may have been where you are now.
I know what you're saying regarding moderating rather than abstaining. It's so scary saying never again.
I'd just make a plan, either abstain for now and see how each day, even hour, goes, or say you'll moderate and give yourself a plan to drink a couple of days a week?
Let us know what you want and we'll definitely help you.

Reading the posts on here, I noticed that reward is a big thing. I'm definitely in that category. A day at work, stress with family, cleaning the house....all have lead to reaching for it.
I've recently been trying to reward myself without it. I don't just mean having a bath, self care, etc, but rewarding myself mentally. Changing my mindset - I reward myself by playing it forward and knowing that tomorrow I'll feel fresher by not drinking. I'll have slept better etc and therein lies the reward.

@Coppergate3 , did you ✅ day 1 ? I saw you were maybe struggling around 6pm ish ? I was going to have a baileys I'd brought home from holiday ( for dh ! ), but resisted. I couldn't be bothered really. Feeling motivated really to get 20 days done. I don't think weekend will be a problem - I like af weekends. I really need to sort a few areas of the house out, so I'm going to do that.

Thank you so much. I'm 40, I have 3 children and last year I left my H of 18 years. I have had a drinking problem pretty much all of my life but it has ramped up hugely in the last year. 1.5 bottles of wine per night almost every night plus big binges at the weekend during which I can rarely remember what happened.
I'm aware that it's a big problem and abstinence is probably right for me but what I'd really like to do is be able to rule drinking on my own/weekday drinking out completely. Is this possible? Where do I start?
I've been terrified all weekend due to pains in my abdomen so last night was day 1 AF. I intend to spend the rest of this week AF too.
My DM has more or less said she will disown me if I don't abstain completely. Any advice is greatly appreciated

Welcome @graystoon82 - sorry to hear you’re struggling. This is a really nice, non-judgemental realistic thread. Sometimes people are managing well and sometime they are not and everyone is really supportive. I’ve had times in my life when my drinking has crept up and what is most disappointing is when I wake up and tell myself I’ll be AF then when evening comes I have all sorts of reasons why it’s ok to have a drink and end up three glasses of wine down by bedtime! One of my main motivations is to improve my health and also to avoid that feeling in the morning of not really being completely sure what you did/said/texted. I’m currently doing ok with the moderation but I’ve been here before and ended up back on at least 7 bottles of wine a week! I’ve had some really alarming/embarrassing experiences drunk in the last year and it’s enough now. I think the fear of repeating that and the fear of not being around for my kids is keeping me going. I started by just cutting back a bit - leaving some wine in the bottle at the end of the night (even if just a bit, it feels like a win!) for example. Also some nights I would just go to bed at 9pm to avoid the wine! Things are a bit more balanced now but I think I’m always going to have to keep an eye on it, it’s early days.

@Mj20 sorry things are so tough at the moment. It all sounds very stressful and very hard to be trying to deal with moderating at the same time. Could you buy half bottles or give DH two glasses? Like you I’m always inclined to finish the bottle once opened!

best wishes for a good week to everyone

Morning all!!!
that’s good advice @Bigbus annoyingly hubby doesn’t drink wine, hence why I went Prosecco… but then I enjoyed it so much I was only willing to give him one glass! Lol!

im back to moderating! Over this year I’ve only drank 10 times…..so that’s over 100 days alchol free!!!!! I’m going to try not to beat myself up….as I have been doing well And now go back to abstaining for a while (famous last years)

hope your ok today @graystoon82 , I think you have been very brave to reach out and be so honest. As @Amdone123 said you’ll get lots of friendly support and practical advice- this really is a wonderful group.
I was going to suggest have you thought about speaking to your GP? I only ask as it sounds like you have some health anxiety and a visit could be helpful for that reason but also for some support? I do understand though that the GP can seem daunting etc but I do think with sustained drinking it can be dangerous to completely stop (this happened with my dad after his stroke), so seeking some advice around it may be useful! And remember to be proud of yourself for taking this first step.

Have a great Monday all xxx.

Hi @graystoon82 warm welcome we are a non judgemental friendly bunch of wanting to be moderaters/abstainers/whatever goes! As @Bigbus some of us do well some not so well. Im excatly the same mindset of wake up like yeah baby not going to drink today whoopwhooooo and come 5pm ANY EXCUSE and I mean any...my nail breaking could be one ! We are all on some kind of journey and at least you are reaching out like we all are...I think if you can go to bed at 9pm is a really really good idea I can't do that when I abstain as my mind is in over drive and I end up not sleeping much so then I drink and I sleep and it's vicious circle but if you can combat the first few days of that your sleep long term will be better. I too drink alone , my DH drinks only at weekends...that doesn't stop me ! Another good idea was pouring water into a wine glass for the habit etc I'm similar age to you too @graystoon82 and have the two kids you are obviously going through a lot with leaving your DH etc so turning to wine etc you aren't alone! @Mj20 so sorry to hear of the struggles and I hope your father is ok and you and family. Must be tough but bloody hell 100 days!!!! I think I managed 5 !!! That's one hell of an achievement well done hi @EnoughEnoughnow how are you doing ? Well done for losing weight and decluttering I also did some over the Easter holidays but the house still looks like a mess!!!!

Hi @Amdone123 - yes I did! 😀Glad you did too! Day one ✅

I'm not sure about tonight. I definitely not out of danger now at 6.28 pm anyway. I won't drink until gone 7 pm (need to drive), maybe by then I will feel more motivated towards ticking off day two! Had a long dentist appointment this afternoon (crown prep x 2 and one fitted - sorting out my teeth this year!) and feeling like a glass of wine to...errr...what is my excuse here? I also have a mild headache - maybe dehydration maybe due to being woken up twice when I was almost/just asleep last night, so slightly sleep deprived. Again though (talking to myself)...what is my excuse here? 😱

@Coppergate3 , well done on Day 1.
Well, it's just habit isn't it really.
I'm catching up on Masterchef and funnily enough, just thought I'd have a glass of caramel vodka I brought home from hols ( I don't even drink vodka !).
I'm ticking day 2 off ✅, then there's no going back. I have a tick list on my wall - yes, I'm that sad 🤣😩
@graystoon82 , how are you doing ?

Thank you so much everyone, for the warm welcome. I'm ok, still some abdominal discomfort but it's fading. I've been out for a meal with the kids and it was lovely but I could feel the crave a little bit.
I'm really hoping I can make moderation work for me. I've been looking at things that are planned for across the year, and as much as I'd like to be the person who can still enjoy those things without a drink, I'm not that person. I plan to stay AF all week until Saturday when we are supposed to be celebrating my dads bday. If I still have abdominal discomfort then I won't have a drink.

I'm so glad other people do the making excuses thing too, I thought it was just me!

Well done @Amdone123 on Day two ✅. Day two was a ❌for me. I had one glass of wine. Didn't really enjoy it and unsurprisingly it didn't make my headache, slightly sore gums or tiredness go away! Time did that though - I'm in better shape today!

I'm thinking I'm being unrealistic going for a steak before the coronation weekend. I won't drink on Wed as I'm out doing an activity where drinking would not be an option so...it may be better to say I'm going to do a mix of AF days and moderation days instead...

Hello @graystoon82 - glad you abdominal pains are easing.

Good evening, folks, how are we all ?
A beautiful day here. It occurred to me this morning that it could be a trigger....but I haven't caved. I don't really want to drink actually, day 3 of 20. I'm on my way !
My dh did the garden when I was on holiday, it looks lovely - I love sitting in the garden, reading and, usually, drinking. I'm going to have to rethink that this summer, though I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
Wimbledon is another hurdle.
I'm definitely best taking one day at a time.