On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Ah, I think I have done good! We went to a cocktail bar after work tonight as were checking out a venue for my DH's birthday. I had 3 vodka and sodas which I think was a much better choice than delving into cocktails. There is no denying it was feeling great, but I have pushed hard and I am home, cooked a stir fry to pack in the vegetables and drinking water.

It will be interesting to see if having a mid week drink and tasty snacks (not the stir fry) will pay off come the weekend as opposed to hanging in as long as I can then giving up and going nuts.

@Swannyb , you did do good ! 3 long drinks like that is perfect and you didn't carry on, so well done.
Yeah, I know what you mean about going nuts 🤣. I'll have a drink Saturday - if I can hold on - I'll probably go a little bit mad, but I will have done 10 days af - seems to be a bit of a pattern at the moment for me.
I had a craving at work today, but played it forward and another day ✅ . Sat here drinking coffee.

Just popping in as morning here as have to get ready for work. This weeks been okay. I was going to be alcohol free Sunday to Thursday but on Sunday evening I had to take my cat to the emergency vet. She had to be kept in overnight on an IV drip = she had a bladder infection. I had 2-3 drinks that night. And the next when I received a vets bill that would make your eyes water! My beautiful girl is okay though she’ll be on a special diet from here on in, and will have to keep an eye in her as this is the second time this has happened.

I thought about having a drink on Tuesday but had a re-read of this thread and was inspired to do AF Tuesday and Wednesday. Not sure what the weekend will bring. I’ve got social things on so will am for Sunday, Tues = Thurs again

Just checking in, I am doing ridiculously bad at the moment trying to stay AF! I don't recommend it! I'd love to go at least 3 days but can't seem to get there! You're all doing so well x I'm going to keep trying though , I have a night out in 10 days, if I could just ho till then I'd be happy . 🤞

@EnoughEnoughnow glad your cat is doing okay x hope he/she is on the mend .

Good Morning Everyone, @stoppingnow I understand! I drank 2 nights this week after a pledge to be AF all week.

@Amdone123 how are you today? @Swannyb that sounds like a healthy and balanced evening, the type we are all striving for, well done you. @EnoughEnoughnow 2 nights AF is a good result and I'm glad your stressful situation is over with your cat.

I've been reading some social media and started a book about kicking your wine habit. The general opinion seems to be you must give up completely or your fooling yourself. I stopped reading the book as it actually said, if your not ready to give up completely then stop reading!! For the first time in 20yrs I can imagine my life AF however I'm not there yet. Does anyone else feel this pressure from society?

I was AF last night. Same wine talk in my head on the way home from work, perhaps that will never leave me. I love the feeling of waking up fresh for work and feeling energised because I'm not hungover.

Have a great day everyone and remember to recognise your victories not just your slip ups.

@EnoughEnoughnow , hope cat is on the mend ❤️. I can imagine the stress of that leading to drinks. When / if something happens to my little dog, I'll need more than a few drinks. Nice to hear that you didn't cave Tuesday and found inspiration here. @stoppingnow , keep trying. It really is 1 day / hour, at a time. Is today day 1 ? Try not to think of the 10 days stint.
@Manyrivers , I'm good, ta. Day 9 and I've definitely lost weight, feel fitter and slept better. Interesting that about 'fooling oneself' because I have actually been thinking about this a lot.
I don't think I can drink wine. Full stop. I'm out Saturday and know I'll drink both with my meal and after and I'm already dreading Sunday and the hangover. I don't want it.
I think I am going to say here, right now, that I cannot drink wine ever again. I've been doing it wrong. I've been counting AF days, I should be counting NW (no wine days).
I'm on day 9 NW and it's going to stay like that.
You read it here first.
I'm going to have to drink beer 🍻 on Saturday - it will be hard, but I'll try.

I had my first wine dream last night. I was in the pub with friends and for some people Lent finishes today ( Thursday) which it was in my dream, So I was going to get a wine but I was chatting and never made it to the bar. When I woke up I was so relived as I am keeping going until Easter Sunday lunch.

The trouble is I now know I could keep going AF. In the last few weeks I’ve done the holiday, stressful job, out with friends and it’s all fine. It wouldn’t be completely terrible but I would have to be battling the wanting a nice glass of wine everyday.

But I have been looking forward to a nice glass of red on Sunday. Although I already know, whilst “a” glass is what I really want now, a bottle is what I’ll end up drinking. I can already hear myself justifying it ; 47 days AF, you deserve it, why not it’s open, it’s Easter ….

The worst one will be “ if your next glass of wine is weeks away you might as well drink as much as you want now”. I’ll be back to square one in terms of moderating. I just can’t do it I think.
I don’t drink spirits at all and can limit beer. It’s defiantly wine that’s tricky.

@Arrrrrrragghhh , well done on Day 47, that's brilliant.
I'm exactly the same. If I drink on Saturday, I'll no doubt have 2 bottles, I'll smoke like a chimney, I'll possibly fall, etc - Sunday, I'll be fed up, hungover, grandaughter is visiting, I'll be a mess, etc etc.
And....yes....I'll be back to square 1.
I know it's not going to be easy giving up wine, and although I have been out before and only drank beer ( I haven't really enjoyed it, its ok , just not the same buzz), I can't see any alternative.

@Amdone123 Thanks. I don’t know how the Europeans do it. What is the mindset that stops you necking all the wine? Maybe they would be the same with Pimms or something ( which I can’t stand).

I really think we need to invent something wine like that isn’t wine. We could retire as multi millionaires AND enjoy the fruits of our labour 🙂

@EnoughEnoughnow Glad to hear you cat is okay, how stressful. My worst nightmare (with my little dog).

@stoppingnow can you try counting the AF free days for an entire week as opposed to how many consecutive days you can do? I saw @Amdone123 talk about this and I think it is a much kinder and fairer way of looking at it.

I am going to take other comments on board this weekend. I am going to be in two social situations where a lot of alcohol will be consumed around me so I am going to bring my own vodka instead so I don't join in on the wine. Instead of setting myself up for failure by attempting to go AF, I am going to meet half way and hope to keep some level of moderation.

Continuing to find I don't want to drink, which is making things (well being AF) easy at the moment. I know it will come back though! Like my appetite has...

Yeah, I've never wanted more than a pint of lager (and then only occasionally) but wine...now there is a problem. Good luck on Saturday with the beer @Amdone123 - it sounds like a good curbing idea. I might try something similar next Thursday (going to a gig - will almost certainly want at least a drink).

I wonder where I am trying to get to with this...at the moment I think it is not drinking at home (unless we have guests) and moderating my drinking when out/socialising so that I don't get a hangover and also stand a chance of losing weight and keeping it off.

@Manyrivers - well maybe not from society but predictably the books I read/podcasts etc I listen to about being sober. I did start off the year in the alcohol free in 2023 thread but mid Feb realised my heart wasn't in it [yet]. I think I would like to get to the point where I don't feel any need or desire to drink alcohol at all but I'm just not there yet and forcing myself to be was starting to feel a bit counter-productive I guess?

@Coppergate3 , yes, interesting thinking about where you want to go / what you want your relationship with it to look like.
I do this a lot - I know what I want but just like @Arrrrrrragghhh posted earlier, I do great af and I get what I want - better sleep, lose weight etc), but then I have wine, and I'm back to square 1 !
So that's why I'm now thinking what I don't want. And I don't want anymore hangxiety, feeling rubbish / depressed, lying in bed all day, etc. I am not a pretty sight when hungover.
I'm best going NC , not LC with Mr Pinot.
I'm dreading it in the same way I used to dread going af, but I know I can go af, so why not.
Yikes ! 😩

@Coppergate3 sounds like you can manage a long stint AF. Maybe that’s the best we can hope for until we get really old and priorities change. My dad hardly drinks now and my mum just has a glass of red some evenings. They both just sort of stopped as they got older.
I’m not sure how long I go AF without a good reason to say no. After Sunday I’m going to only drink when out or Fridays with DH. No other days. No wine over 11% either ( which rules out most reds). Mindful consumption. Mmm
@Amdone123 Its amazing how quickly we forget the hangovers/ poor sleep etc and battle on until the next bottle. The one thing I have noticed is that a shop full of wine makes me feel a bit queasy. Hopefully my brain has worked out that it’s the bottles not the odd glass that’s caused the problems.

Very used to that cycle - stop drinking, lose weight, feel much better...then bring moderated drinking. It is amazing how quickly that turns into unmoderated drinking and weight gain and feeling shit!

I've lost another couple of pounds in the last few days - just by not drinking, not snacking and making sensible food choices. I'm really pleased with that - I just can't face another rigid diet or regime only to gain it all back. Got to be a permanent lifestyle change this time and the change around alcohol is key to that. Definitely trying to ditch my all or nothing thinking in practically every area of my life! I'm applying it to weighing in too - just going to do it when I fancy it...every few days/few weeks. Try not to get obsessed!

Woke up with a cold today (thought one was coming...) but hopefully now I'm looking after myself better that will go quickly...maybe!

@Coppergate3 , awh, hope your cold goes away soon. I was supposed to be on a 2.5 hour hike with my dsis this morning but she's the same !
I'm like you with this all or nothing approach - it appears to be a common trait among us.
That's good losing a couple of pounds. I'm not too rigid with my eating either. I eat healthily really - til I'm hungover - but if I want chocolate, I'll have it.
Very quiet day here. Dh brought me breakfast in bed - traditional Jamaican fayre. He then popped to the shops and it felt good not asking for wine, etc.
Day 10 - woo !!

Not having a drop of wine worked well for me last night. I took a big bottle of soda water to our friends house and other than having a shot of vodka practically forced into one of my glasses, I stayed AF. We ate a lot of delicious food, so I am glad I didn't have the added calories from wine and all the other benefits too.

Also, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for this thread. I was thinking this morning it is genuinely helping me on my 'journey'. It gives me ideas on how to tackle things and it is nice having somewhere to celebrate the wins and mourn the losses too. Thanks All :-)

@Swannyb , that's brilliant, well done. I know how much willpower it takes to not press that button. It's great to know you moderated, didn't drink wine and you had a lovely evening. That's what I want.
So, thanks to you for that inspiration as today is the day I know I'll be 'tested'. We're going out for the day ( thank god, I've got cabin fever), and I usually order a bottle of wine in the restaurant then drink when we get home.
Today's plan - drink beer ( I've looked at the menu and they do a lovely Turkish one), gin n tonic if I'm not enjoying it. And if I don't like the gin, by then the meal will be over !
Day 11 today and I've lost 3.5lb this week. My skin is so clear, too and although yesterday was painfully longggg - sunny outside and I was so tempted to go and buy wine, I'm glad I didn't as I'd be feeling pretty rough today.

Well done @Amdone123 on losing weight! I think that’s a great plan for today. When you get home you could try busying yourself with a long skin care routine, bath, herbal tea etc.

@Swannyb , yeah, that's a great idea, thanks. I'll buy some nice bathstuff. I enjoy refurbishing myself, as my dh calls it 🤣

Good Morning Everyone,

@Swannyb huge shout out to you for your success! Well done and keep going.

Tonight is my girls night. Well I say night. We get together at lunchtime and the party ends at 1am. Yeah I know, sirens, red flags and alarm bells are all presenting to me in my mind right now. I need a plan! I'm not sure how best to tackle it but I know I need to steer clear of wine and really limit my intake. It's times like this where I'm really struggling with the anxiety of drinking that I think I'd be better off AF. Any helpful hints or handholding much appreciated today! Will keep you posted.

@Manyrivers , I'm the same. As much as I'm looking forward to going out today, I still feel anxious.
So, you need to steer clear of wine OR do what @Swannyb did and take a large bottle of soda water / lemonade and dilute. See it as a challenge to not only do it surreptitiously but to empty the soda bottle.
Eat.
What other drinks can you take? Beer, spirits?
Play it forward. If you drink wine, tomorrow will be a write off.
Enjoy yourself !
( Can you treat yourself if you get through it without wine ? I've got my eye on a tankini for my hols).

@Manyrivers I hope you have a lovely day out. I find that the problem with starting at lunchtime is that if I don’t keep drinking I run out of steam mid afternoon so I just plough on! Could you start AF and say to yourself I’ll have my first drink at 6 and then see how you feel then?

I am on a rail replacement bus so very pleased for moderation! DH bought a nice bottle of red last night which we shared. There was a little bit left at 11.30pm and I was tempted - I actually had it in my hand! But then wiser counsels prevailed and I went to bed! Feeling very grateful today!

Thanks @Bigbus @Amdone123 I have packed a big bottle of water and 3 AF beers. I'm thinking I could drink them in the afternoon/early evening before we go out. The others will be drinking wine and I can have a glass or 2 to blend in!! But yes going to challenge myself to drink all the AF stuf which will leave less room for anything else. Once out I will drink beer only and probably some more soda water. I'm hoping there will be lots of dancing at the event so less time for drinking.

As always I will give a full report tomorrow. Wish me luck!! Thanks for the support I feel like I have a plan now and can breathe!

Good Morning Everyone and Happy Easter!

The report on last night is positive. I stuck to my plan and didn't drink too much. We danced the night away and I've woke up fresh and hangover free this morning. It feels good not to have shown myself up and being able to do the breakfast meet today without embarrassment or shame.

Thanks to everyone for the support to get me through this.

Have a great day